The act of masturbation is illegal in all 50 states and US territories. It is classified as a “lewd and lascivious” act. Police departments are actively seeking out masturbators, as they present a danger to society and the fines associated with this crime generate a lot of revenue for the municipalities.
You may be asking yourself, why don’t I hear more about masturbators being arrested? The answer is simple: lack of evidence. The police need proof that someone is a masturbator before they can arrest them. Typically, masturbators do their sinful act in private because of the enormous amount of shame that they feel. This also makes it tough for the masturbator to get caught.
Fortunately, there are ways to protect society from these savages and keep your community masturbator free. Below are proven methods to get your local masturbator locked-up and off the streets.
Audio and Video Recording:
If you suspect someone of masturbating, try to get it on tape. You can do this by recording the person in the bathroom stall next to you, or by placing a recording device on the window seal of their house. Taking a few snapshots in the locker room of your local gym is also recommended. If you think the guy in the shower is washing his genitals more than he should, get it on tape and send it to the police.
Get an Eyewitnesses:
Having another person corroborate your story is vital in getting a masturbation conviction. Make sure your witness is trustworthy, innocent and does not have any previous convictions. Children make the best witnesses. When I had my neighbor locked up for masturbating, having my kids lie to the police about him masturbating next to his window while they played, was crucial in getting the judge to find him guilty.
The ever-changing world of technology can be helpful in putting masturbators where they belong. When someone admits to masturbating, make sure to get a “Screen Shot” of their admission and send it to the police. If you have trouble getting their confession, simply change the name and profile photo of your own account to match theirs and screenshot your own fake admission.
Fabricating evidence is one of the best ways to put a masturbator behind bars. Today’s photo-manipulation software is easy to use and gets awesome results. When I got my ex-girlfriend sent away, it was because I was able to show the police a photo of her masturbating in a school playground during recess. I would not have been able to get that photo, without the fine folks at Adobe Software. Make sure to only use software that you have lawfully paid for. Otherwise, you are using illegal software, which is not only wrong, it is illegal.