Morals

The Catholic Church Masturbation Conspiracy….

 

It is a well-known fact that the Catholic Church does not allow for its servants to engage in same-race procreation. Both male and female servants of the church must remain celibate. This gives rise to none other than…. Masturbation!!!

You may think this is harmless, but think again! What is masturbation? It is a same sex, sex act that one performs on themselves. By touching the sex organ of your own gender and becoming so aroused that you climax, you are in-fact becoming a gay and having gay sex with yourself.

Now, suppose one of these priests or nuns masturbated as a child. As much as they look back fondly upon their childhood, eventually, their fondness will come full-circle to their memories of youthful masturbation. And what is a masturbatory priest to do, when he longs for the genitals of his youth that are now those of an adult? He will TAKE the genitals of a child by force!

How can you protect yourself and your son from a masturbating priest? Look for the signs.

  • Black suit with white color.
  • Latino or Irish decent.
  • Smiling…. Lots of smiling, from a man who can’t have sex.
  • Tries to act like a regular person.
  • Doesn’t watch football on Sunday

Lastly, if you believe you may have been the victim of a masturbating priest, or even if you just need a little extra money, go to the police immediately. They will make sure you get the cash you deserve. 911 operators are standing by.

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Howard DeMarcoNikita ShalavinIam Von JerkinofJaceyDarkblitzfrenzy Recent comment authors
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Nikita Shalavin
Guest

Finally a reasonable explanation of child molestation by catholic priests. Sharing now.

Tywin Lannister
Guest
Tywin Lannister

Thank heavens im an indian, i dont go to churches.
And the priest takes the genitals by force?
Bitch, he aint no priest, he’s a jedi.

Dr Pandit Mahatma, Hyderabad
Guest
Dr Pandit Mahatma, Hyderabad

Dearest Tywin, I too am not a Christian but that dos not mean I cannot benefit from the teachings of Mr Childs. Perhaps you might benefit from attending one of my seminars on self rape awareness for shaivas when I come to America next month? india is currently drowning in a tsunami of shamefull kundalini expression caused by self rape and if we are not very carefull this could lead to an utter degredation of our entire nation. Are you aware that 85% of Indians find it impossible to meditate whilst masturbating? not only does this unabaited sexlust lead to… Read more »

Tywin Lannister
Guest
Tywin Lannister

Hahaha bitch.
You aint no Indian,
Translate this, “Teri maa ki chut mein barah inch ka hathoda”.

Dr Pandit Mahatma
Guest
Dr Pandit Mahatma

that’s not a very nice thing to say about my mother young man.

I majak kar rha tha. vyangya.
yaha kharaba na.

shanti.

Howard DeMarco
Guest
Howard DeMarco

Dr. Mahatma: your degradation started when you achieved independence from Great Britain, the nation which gave you gasoline engines, electricity, the printing press, and toilet paper, amongst many other gifts. Thanks to the British, your people have the confidence to throw away their old diapers instead of frugally converting them into hats. you are unduly prideful in inviting brother Tywin to a seminar for shaivas. He already probably has a fine Norelco or Remington. Learn to spell, damn it! Free yourself from pagan concepts such as “karma” and all other forms of HIndu, Urdu. Pushtu and other du. Keep your… Read more »

Jacey
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Jacey

I do agree that this has explained a reasonable explaination for the possibility of why some priests touch the younger generations, but there is some flaws to this article that I would like to address. In this article, you stated that servants of the church must remain celibate. Part of being celibate is NO MASTURBATION. You are basically bashing a religion that is close to yours, on doing something you guys both believe in which is BEING CELIBATE. The Catholic Church BELIEVES that masturbation is bad just like your faith. So, I find it a but hypocritical to sit their… Read more »

Liam McKey
Guest

I’m sure that the Catholic Church compensates you well for your disinformation, but your lies have no place here. The fact is, priests rape little boys because they are no longer able rape the little boy that they used to be. And as for your assertion that we are all the same, wrong again! If god wanted us all to be equal, he would stop making: brown, yellow and black people. If you believe in karma and reincarnation, you will understand why god has cursed the non-normals at birth, while blessing others with clean skin. Only through the absence of… Read more »

Jacey
Guest
Jacey

Mister McKey, are you a member of the Catholic Church? No? Then please do not act like you know what you are talking about. Unless you are a member, keep your lies about my Faith and church away from this website. Stick to what you know from first hand account. On the second note, you are wrong. You are taking my words and twisting them in order to appeal to your standpoint on this topic. We are all HUMAN. Meaning, we are all the same Genus. As for the color of the skin, it does not make them “not human”… Read more »

henricus
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henricus

I hope you understand that jesus was born in the middle east so he is technically is not caucasian but much closer to arab descent. I can see where you are going with your point about masturbation and child molesting priest, but there are many things that is not proper correct facts about this topic. “Not watching sunday football”? It is a narrow view of an arrogant american mind. In my mind christianity involves spreading a message of love and hope but i do not find any of those here.

Jacey
Guest
Jacey

^Agreed.

Liam McKey
Guest

While I appreciate your feedback, I should point out that people in Isreal are a lot whiter than the neighboring Arabs. If you don’t believe me, turn on the evening news. There are always Jews on their shooting up Arabs.
So we know that Jesus’s mother was pretty white because she was Jewish. His father, being God, was obviously white. So technically, Jesus was white.

augustweisz
Admin

Catholics worship a mexi-pope.

Jacey
Guest
Jacey

We do not “worship” our pope. We respect him as being the “representation” of Christ on earth; trying to lead the way for us, and let me tell you, this Pope is doing ten times better than the last. If you are going to say something about someone else’s faith, please get the facts straight. We worship one God, Son, and Holy Spirit. I am not trying to say stuff about your faith, simply because if I cannot teach it correctly with the facts, then there is no point. Please stick to what you know, because I am not feeding… Read more »

Liam McKey
Guest

I saw someone kiss the pope’s hand. That’s worship.

Darkblitzfrenzy
Guest
Darkblitzfrenzy

Actually, Kissing a persons hand is a sign of respect.

Jacey
Guest
Jacey

Exactly, thank you, Dark.

Nikita Shalavin
Member

Actually it’s a sign of a Gay

Kaleb Sakamoto
Guest

All this talk about not touching myself really makes me want to touch myself.

Dexter Battygarten iii
Guest
Dexter Battygarten iii

if your hand offends you, cut it off, brother. praying at you now.

Iam Von Jerkinof
Guest
Iam Von Jerkinof

Good troll