Joe Ferno, of Naples Florida, has filed suit in State Superior Court, claiming that his right to marry himself is being infringed upon by Florida’s antiquated laws that state marriage is between two people.
The plaintiff, an admitted ten-times a day masturbator, says he is doing what all same-self marriage advocates should be doing.
“It aint like I’m coming out of the closet or nothin” said Mr. Ferno. “Hell, I aint even prying myself away from the Spice Channel. I just wants what’s a commin’ to me.”
Lead council for the city of Naples disagrees with Ferno’s claim saying,
“There is no need for a single individual to enter into a union with one’s self. This man’s entire argument is ludicrous and a waste of taxpayer dollars.”
When asked why Ferno wanted to marry himself he replied,
“I’m less than a year away from 30 and I don’t want to end up being one of them life-long bachelors. Plus, I might want to have some kids one day and I wasn’t raised to be no single Dad.”
You may remember Joe Ferno from two years ago when he was arrested on the campus of The University of Central Florida, for interrupting the annual “Coming out Day” event put on by the Gay and Lesbian Student Coalition. He was charged with disturbing the peace, trespassing and lewd conduct, for what he called: Bringing masturbation out of the shadows and into the light.