Evil Masturbation Terrorists Caught at Border

B.L.U.F.F. Sends Volunteers to Hopefully Stem Tide of Illegal Self Rapists from Mexico

Yo Quiero, TX — Security agents from Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.) have been sent to patrol the border and deal with a dangerous faction of illegal immigrants.

The announcement comes at a time when US Border Patrol Agents report an increase in masturbation terrorists crossing into the United States from Mexico. These particular cells are under orders to infiltrate American Society and promote a masturbatory lifestyle, polluting the minds and backsides of normal skin-toned children.

The specific group, Latino Self-Rapists Dedicated to the Destruction of Goodness, or LSDDOG, has grown in prevalence throughout the non-normal areas of world. Their La Raza view opposing American normalcy is a clear and present threat to law-abiding folk.

Having thrown up their collective hands at the failures of the US Border Patrol to stop this insurgency, the Eldership of B.L.U.F.F. has ordered security deployed to the border. Their task will be discovering illegal entrants to the US and holding suspects in custody until they can be turned over to proper deportation authorities.

“B.L.U.F.F. is dedicated to fighting the influence of Big Masturbation on society,” said Tom Downey, spokesperson for B.L.U.F.F. “We must make a dent in the plague of Big Masturbation because normal American culture is at high risk.”

About Cassidy Pen 80 Articles
Cornelius Bartholomew “Cassidy” Pen, a retired US Marine, Actor, and Security Head-Receiver at B.L.U.F.F. Female Intake, now writes for a number of nationally respected news agencies. A winner of the prestigious Bill O'Reily "No-Spin" Award, Cassidy also runs a daytime street ministry to save souls from the sin of self rape. An avid hunter and manufacturer of distilled spirits, Cassidy would probably be found deep in the woods during his free time.
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9 Comments on Evil Masturbation Terrorists Caught at Border

  1. It is well known Mexicans are self rapers,it is time a Berlin type wall was built to stop masturbaters going to the good ole U.S of A.

  2. Posts like these I wonder if you people are even serious. Not only is this entire post based off unsourced lies on factions that don’t even EXIST but it is extremely racist towards Mexico and Latinos. At this point there are literally only two possibilities of what this website and it’s serious visitors are, teenagers who are playing a overcomplicated joke OR bigoted Christians with nothing to do but bash people for something they do behind closed doors or people of a different country by calling them all “self-rapists” which in itself is extremely triggering/angering to the people who actually know what rape IS and know it’s not a word you people should be throwing around. This is an extremely sad website if the latter is correct and I hope it ends soon so you can stop giving Christians an even WORSE reputation on the internet.

  3. These filthy masturbationist terrorists need to be unarmed and stamped out. The sooner the better! Even the IRA were courteous enough to give 30 minute pre-warnings of impending disaster.

  4. So what exactly are masturbation terrorists?
    Do the kill people who masturbate? Or do the masturbate to kill people? Or do they kill people because the masturbate? Or do the kill people while masturbating?

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