Masturbator Marries Herself

Houston TX (SMNN)

A great offense against Our Lords took place in Houston, Texas, when a non-Normal-lesser-gendered married her own self, most likely, having caused the baby Jesus to weep on the cross out of rage and shame.

Non-Normal-Lesser-Gendered Yasmin Eleby, proudly married herself, in a direct affront to decency at the Houston non-Normals ‘Cultural’ center, in a ceremony containing many non-Normals, and most likely, Satan The Devil himself.

Eleby has promised to “Love herself” as a result of this marriage.

SMN spokesperson Dr Skippy Enis warns: ” Self marriage is self-gay, and I reckon it’s masturbatory. So this is sinnin’, and we don’t abide by sinnin’, and neither should you. I don’t care how non-Normal you are, this is just plain disgusting. This is what the masturbators are doin’ to our great land. Sickening. ”

Brother Lonnie Childs was unable to be contacted regarding this tragic event, as he is on location in Darkest Africa on the set of the film “The Goonies II: Rise of Sloth”. Reports tell us he retired to his mobile heli-carrier to contemplate this abomination, and commune with God and Jesus directly.

About Thomas Kelly 62 Articles
Thomas Kelly, SMN Faithscience Editor, is the Dean of several B.L.U.F.F's, as well as the preeminent authority on Faithscience. In addition these lofty titles, he is also a powerful wizard, and holds over fifty non-secular PHDs.

7 Comments on Masturbator Marries Herself

  1. I always cry at weddings, and it stops up my nose. I quite going to weddings since I turned nosegay. Sniff sniff. Nah.

  2. So, like me in high school? As in “love yourself”. Just kidding. I was loved. But that film you mentioned is fake

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