Houston TX (SMNN)
A great offense against Our Lords took place in Houston, Texas, when a non-Normal-lesser-gendered married her own self, most likely, having caused the baby Jesus to weep on the cross out of rage and shame.
Non-Normal-Lesser-Gendered Yasmin Eleby, proudly married herself, in a direct affront to decency at the Houston non-Normals ‘Cultural’ center, in a ceremony containing many non-Normals, and most likely, Satan The Devil himself.
Eleby has promised to “Love herself” as a result of this marriage.
SMN spokesperson Dr Skippy Enis warns: ” Self marriage is self-gay, and I reckon it’s masturbatory. So this is sinnin’, and we don’t abide by sinnin’, and neither should you. I don’t care how non-Normal you are, this is just plain disgusting. This is what the masturbators are doin’ to our great land. Sickening. ”
Brother Lonnie Childs was unable to be contacted regarding this tragic event, as he is on location in Darkest Africa on the set of the film “The Goonies II: Rise of Sloth”. Reports tell us he retired to his mobile heli-carrier to contemplate this abomination, and commune with God and Jesus directly.