Politics

Ted Cruz Trying to Sway the Anti-Masturbation Vote Away From Trump

Ever since SMN Ministries founder and overall spiritual leader Lonnie Childs declared his endorsement for GOP frontrunner Donald Trump, Texas senator Ted Cruz has been lobbying the Anti-Masturbation community for their support, directly.

Senator Cruz has repeatedly brought-up his 2004 efforts as Solicitor General of Texas to ban the sale of sex toys in Texas as his way of gaining ground on the Trump campaign’s stranglehold on this key Republican demographic.  The Texas Senator’s rhetoric has intensified after Trump’s famous public appearance where he challenged the Republican anti-masturbation establishment, and especially Ted Cruz.  “Look at those hands. Are they small hands?  And [Ted Cruz] referred to my hands, if they’re small, something else must be small.  I guarantee you there’s no problem.”

While the Cruz campaign may be gathering a few votes here and there, SMN’s own Lonnie Childs does not believe Cruz will win over the hearts, minds and hands of the anti-masturbation movement.  As Mr. Childs wisely said, “Look at Trump’s wife and look at Cruz’s wife.  That will tell you which one has sex and which one masturbates.  I’m sticking with Trump.”

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Huoy Zeus
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Huoy Zeus

Prayse Jesus, 5 he is Lorde on Erth. I praye 4 te spiratural guidence o Lonnie Childs’ Goldn Showr o Redeeminism, tat e my shw meh teh pat 3 redeming. Amn.

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2 rite bro