Prayer Leaderboard

How do I get prayers?

Signing up = Ten Prayers
Daily Login = One Prayer
Having a Post Published = Fifty Prayers
One Comment = One Prayer

What can I get with Prayerpoints?*
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Position Name Prayers
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96 Comments on Prayer Leaderboard

  1. Dear Lonnie,
    Thank you for your many blessings you have bestowed upon me. Thank you for the birds that sing in the magnolia trees. And thank you for the frogs that croak in the Piccadilly River. And thank you for the strength you have given me to crush Tom Downey on the prayer leaderboard, because eff you Tom Downey, I’m Blythe Danner!
    Yours eternally,
    Blythe Danner.

    • this is the funniest shit i’ve ever seen. if there is a god, he would be ashamed. you people are making children feel bad about their feelings and their bodies. you fuckers need jesus. ima masturbate all the way to heaven and i know that i wont see you there, you’ll be in hell for being disrespectful assholes.

      • yes my 13 yr old son just showed me this and I’m disgusted, who are you to tell people what they can and can not do with there own body parts and to make young boys feel ashamed of them self is appalling, ffs wake up to your self and I will pray for you lot…

        • “I will pray for you.” Lmao. You religious nuts and the exact people this site makes fun of. It’s obvious satire.

  2. Our Lonnie on Earth,
    Hallowed be thy name,
    Your campound come,
    Your will be done,
    On this flat Earth, as it is in heaven,
    Give us this day our daily cat milk,
    And forgive us for masturbating,
    As we must try to forgive those that masturbate against us,
    And lead us not into temptation,
    But deliver us from triple-hell,
    Forever and ever,

  3. This website gave me the best laugh I’ve had in a while. now I think I’ll masturbate. smoke meth, hail Satan.

  4. You sick twisted mindet preaks…you are no different than islamic terrorist…except you have little different way of promoting stuff…SHAME ON YOU! you sure are brainwashed…Crazy really..

  5. This has to be a joke, right? If not, I hope you guys have done some expectation management before you started your crusade against your ‘sinful enemies’. My well-meant advice to you would be to find another planet, beam yourselves up there, and leave us Earthlings masturbate like there’s no tomorrow! Seeing what kind of lunatics nature is able to produce just made my day. Thanks for that, and may common sense eventually find its way to you!

  6. Oh dear bretheren sisteren mongolian lonnie,

    Today I was searching through the woods looking for a good place to masturbate, when out of the corner of my eye I see a nest of wild dead kittens. I slowly turned my head in each direction to make sure no one was around, then I started vigorously masturbating on the dead kittens. My goal in the end was to actually cum so much that I could just cook and eat them in it. It was a tasty meal indeed, but I feel like I should have done things a little differently. Please pray for me, that the almighty sun god may lead me in the correct direction.

    Forever yours,

  7. Brother Lonnie,
    Praise be! I have stopped pulling my plunger for almost 5 solid hours. Hallelujah! Hosana on High brethren! I know all y’all will be joining me in my holy celibacy. I now only receive the POWER! POW! But, as the brethren say “The handjob is Satan’s gateway into the jaws of pussy abyss to those fallen children” PRAISE!

  8. yesterday i masturbated 2x then I smoked some weed and the drank 2 beers I went to the strip club where a stripper masturbated me then I went home on my motorcycle after drinking alcoholic beverages and I called a girl to come over and have sexual relations with me and then i fell asleep when I woke up I masturbated 2x more

  9. *Rolls her eyes* Masturbation is for us to release pleasure, and a flow of good energy threw our body. It helps us sleep better, feels good, and also burns calories. So plz explain why it is bad?

  10. Yeah, I often fantasize about masturbating onto the nativity scene. My hot man jizzum dripping off of the virgin Mary’s face and Seeing that surprised and dissapointed look on Josephs face when I continue to masturbate….. never breaking eye contact…… not once

  11. seriously guys. this is when religion is taken too far. a cross restraint for your kids to stop them from masturbating? you are literally strapping your child down for something completely natural. you guys are absolutely ridiculous and should not be allowed to have the right to much of anything being that your religion is causing you to basically become a cult. crazies on this sight fer sure.

  12. im actually touching myself right now. PRAY AGAINST IF YOU LOVE MASTURBATION!

    • ohhh 32 love masturbation right off the bat 😉 hmu on fb if you want some more sexy talk

  13. I am appalled that there is a “pray against” option on this website, one that I would expect to at least attempt to adhere to the teachings of Jesus Christ. To “pray against”, under any circumstance, is blasphemous and degrading to the Christian faith. You all should be ashamed of yourselves. I pray that you come to understand the teachings and example set forth by Jesus, and that you realize the damage you do to your own faith by interacting with a web forum that betrays its own savior. God Bless

  14. haha wow this is a sick site, religion is its own enemy, you guys need to fricken loosen up, everyone is going to hell anyway, if it even fricken exists. i think im gonna go masturbate now, make myself feel amazing, AND GUESS WHAT! IT WONT HARM ANYONE!!!!!!!! oh and maybe ill kiss someone whos the same sex as me too! BECAUSE IT DOSNT EFFECT YOU IN ANY WAY. and soon gay marriage will be legal everywhere. Christians are dieing off by the second, and religion wont last much longer, it might be after im dead but its gonna happen, and the world will be a much better place.

  15. Religion is just a bunch of crap. why put a belief in a god that doesnt even show any signs on existing. all of these miracles you say ohh thank you lord doesn’t mean crap. virgin births and talking snakes? yeah totally believe able to me. you are all such sheep following anything anyone tells you and believe it because your “god” said to. how is masterbation even bad at all. its your damn self your doing it to why the hell does it matter i bet most people on this site have done it anyways that or your just really bland people that sit in a white room and read the bible non stop. following something that is just said to you is the upmost discrace. your in america take some damn freedom. dumbasses

  16. What if someone jerks me off. Does that count? Not that I’m gonna stop jerking it myself

  17. Nonononono
    What the fuck I just read, seriously you sinners of satan, stop hurt Jesus, remember, he is always besides you, always, don’t look back, he could be there right now…
    With the celestial dildo of the punishment waiting for you.

  18. praying at you all my holy bretheren and sisteren! I have bathed in Lonnies golden shower of truth and redemption and I am saved….three days without a self rape now. Praise!!!

  19. Praying AT all the masturhaters. I hope they see the light soon enough and come to their senses.


  20. This website has made me laugh so much! If it’s not a parody or piss take, then I am genuinely concerned for your non masturbators out there! lol

  21. A short synopsis of religion in the US.

    There are 3,217 types of Christians. They each say, “My God is the true God, your god is a false god, you are going to Hell!”

    There is one kind of atheist. They say, “There is no god, there is no hell.”

    There are two kinds of agnostics:
    The passive agnostic says, “I don’t know, but believe whatever you like.”
    The militant agnostic says, “I don’t know, and neither do you!”

    There are too many types of foreigners to count, and besides, we can’t understand what they’re saying, so they must be going to Hell.

  22. I Pray that you disappear off the face of the earth you are all a bunch of sick radicals that hide behind prayers and church. All the sickos are religious radicals like you, perverts, child molesters rapists and murderers. You are a bunch of fanatic idiots…This website should not exsist!

  23. lol. alright this website shouldnt exist! masturbation and sex is a natural thing! all christians/religious people do is shame other people becuase they dont do the same things they do!

  24. I want to have an orgy with lonnie childs, dexter battygarteniii, and carlos danger. We could all touch each other’s sin sticks and keep ourselves from raping ourselves. If only I could stop touching my own sin stick whenever I think about carlos danger’s eyepatch or lonnie childs’ sin stick and dexter’s brilliant insights, perhaps then I could keep my composure long enough to contact the three of them for my dream date!

  25. Oh well until then I need to get some tissues to clean up the mess I’ve daydreaming about lonnie dexter and carlos and touching my sin stick. 🙁

  26. Dear Lonnie Childs,
    Saviour and protector of all Lonvidians,
    I ask that we pray in Jimmys general direction,
    In the hope he will soon see the light,
    And end his tirade of filth and savagery against our holy flock.

    Forever and ever


  27. Don’t worry truffle I never forget to include Lonnie Childs or Carlos Danger or Milton Grits when I mentally rape ALL of the people on this site. And you are part of my daily mental rape fantasy too truffle! You and Cathy Redmond are my fluffer and clean up bitch, respectively m. So get back to work fluffer I’m starting to lose my erection! And show us your tits!

  28. I want to see Truffle’s breasts so badly that I’d be willing to take the pledge if I could get a peek. What do you say Truffle are you willing to take one for the team?

  29. I used to have 80 plus prayers but for some reason I got knocked back to 20. Oh well I’ll just have to keep posting in order to claw my back into the top twenty!

    Fap fap fap


  30. Cathy likes it on top… knew she was into abit of kink… picture that bitch in leathers riding me like sea biscuit. … ill be fapping all night long fap fap fap fap fap fap fap

  31. this is seriously like a cult or something i maturbate to stay chaste because i dont want to have sex till i am married this is ridiculous obviously some of those signs were fake as they were typed onto i dont know who the fuck you are lonnie but you need to stop what you are doing is not healthy if you really believe in not maturbating this is not the way to go about it people are praying to you in the comments i think you need to rethink your life

  32. I am using my left hand to type this. U crazy sons of bitches think Jesus would hate you to do something natural and healthy? Dumb shits are almost as retarded as extremist Muslim camel jockeys.

  33. Dear lonnie,

    I am a chronic masturbator, your site has given me the strength to stop this tormenting addiction. I have replaced masturbating with another healthier alternative… black tar heroin.

    Thank you and God bless.

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