Brother Lonnie Childs Declares The Ten Commandments Now The Eleven Commandments

B.L.U.F.F CAMPOUND, SAFFORD AZ (SMNNN)

Brother Lonnie Childs revealed today, that God himself, in all his Godly splendor and wisdom, decreed unto Brother Lonnie the command to augment the traditional Ten Commandments, and replace them throughout the Christian world with the New Eleven Commandments.

The Eleven Commandments remain largely unchanged save for the new First Commandment: Thou Shall Not Masturbate.

Brother Lonnie also calls for unanimous acceptance of this new Eleven Commandments in public and educational systems throughout the world.

” There’s no ifs, ands or buts about it, from God’s mouth, to my ear, from my mouth to your ears. God’s will stands. Praise! “- Brother Lonnie Childs.

Lonvidians and Lonnistians, though long divided by cultural abhorrence, have at last reunited, siting this miraculous vision of God had by His Resplendence as proof of Prophet Level.

When asked if Lonnie Childs is a Moses now, Father Tom Downey stated, ” Yeah. Yeah that sounds good. ” Father Downey refused further comments, but did sell SMNNN a fine selection of pelts.

We at STOP masturbation NOW Ministries encourage all who don’t want the Double or even Triple Hell to adopt the Eleven Commandments immediately.

Praise!

About Thomas Kelly 62 Articles
Thomas Kelly, SMN Faithscience Editor, is the Dean of several B.L.U.F.F's, as well as the preeminent authority on Faithscience. In addition these lofty titles, he is also a powerful wizard, and holds over fifty non-secular PHDs.

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