2015 “El Niño” Prediction Revised; Reduction In Masturbation Rates Likely Source

The work done by Lonnie Childs and his outreach workers have actually significantly reduced masturbation levels in Island Mexico

El Niño (Representational Picture)

The Bureau of Meteorology has revised their “El Niño” prediction for 2015 down to a 50 per cent chance yesterday. This comes after their earlier issued prediction of a 70 per cent or greater chance of “El Niño” impacting Americans next year. Faith Scientists have also been warning of extreme weather coming to American shores in 2015.

“El Niño”, Mexican for small male non-normal child, occurs when instead of the usual semen deposits in the water off the shores of Mexico and Mexico Majora flowing through the Ocean towards Island Mexico, this is reversed and all of the Island Mexico semen flows directly at Mexico Majora. The intense build up of semen off the coast of both Mexico and Mexico Majora eventually flows upwards and threatens America. The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow created this helpful infographic that explains how “El Niño” works:

El Niño Faith Map
How “El Niño” works.

Dr. Andrew Watkins, with the Bureau of Meteorology explains that “we’re definitely not in the clear as yet. There is still a 50 per cent chance. In a normal year there’s about a 25 per cent chance, so we’re about double the normal risk of an El Niño.” While faith scientists also agree that 2015 still looks very bleak as far as masturbation affected weather goes; some have a more optimistic outlook.

Dr. Gregory Miller, PhD and Faith Scientist says “Our earliest projections showed a 100% chance of ‘El Niño’ in 2015 due to the insane levels of masturbation residue found in the waters off the shore of Island Mexico. However, we’re now more in line with what mainstream sciLIEnce is saying. We feel that the work done by Lonnie Childs and his outreach workers have actually significantly reduced masturbation levels in Island Mexico to levels where if “El Niño” happens it will be God’s will and not something caused by mankind.”

Dr. Miller added, “We’ve still got a long way to go. However, when masturbation is banned and halted on Island Mexico, it will go a long way towards making every year a ‘Normal Year’. Also, don’t believe sciLIEntists who try to tell you this has anything to do with ‘warming of water in the ocean’. It’s Faith Science 101 that all disruptive weather patterns are created by chemicals dispersed into the sea and air by masturbators. Anything else you read or hear is disinformation from Big Masturbation.”

About Cathy Redmond 107 Articles
Cathy Redmond is a graduate of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, earning degrees in English and Political Science. She likes long walks in the desert, strong Conservative leadership and America.

5 Comments on 2015 “El Niño” Prediction Revised; Reduction In Masturbation Rates Likely Source

  1. I feel somewhat responsible for this mess. I went on a solo vacation to Island Mexico last month. As a result of all of the free internets and the free porn netsites, I jacked my sinstick somethin’ fierce for days on end. Having complimentary bottles of baby oil in my hotel room did not help. At the time, I thought the carpal tunnel problem I developed was the worst that could happen, but now I realize that all my puddin’ pullin’ has messed up the world. I’m sorry. I blame non-normal Obama for forcing Congress to provide the free food stamps and the free Homogay porn.

  2. youve perhaps heard the parble that If a butterfly flaps its wings in America, a great storm blows across China.
    Now imagine how much worse the effect is when a billion chinesers “Fap” back at us.
    THEMS the masturbators we really have to blame for all the climate gay.
    great research!!! 😉

  3. I am a very religious person, a strong believer in G-d’s word, don’t deny it, and I agree in the message of anti-masturbation, but how does this article make sense? These weather patterns are not alike such thoughts.

    Firstly, the language predicament. Niño is just a normal Spanish term for “Little Boy”, in other words, a boy who cannot produce semen. Not a masturbator, but a male schoolchild regardless of how he acts.

    Secondly, there is the weather predicament. See, let’s go back to the first century. The Otomi, Totonac, Zapotec, Maya, Xibe, and Aztec peoples did not waste seed, yet they had normal cycles. 1800’s. El Niño was just slightly more tame. 1900’s had what we know as “Normal Cycles”, yet people still would only “do so” with one who they were married to. Then the Sixties happened. BOOM! Massive increases in wasted gametes. And, lo!, nothing happened then. We now have a more tame number of such things, yet it keeps going up now. Howcome?

    Thirdly, why Mexico?

    Fourthly, what of the wondrous ocean cycles The Holy One Blessed Be He set for us?! El Niño is a testimony to his great wisdom, for cycles alike so happen all over the earth to bring coolness and warmth to the world. Does it not say in Psalms 24:2, “For he founded it on the seas…”? If not for them, whole systems based on weather, like agriculture, meteorology, and urbanity, would be ruined!

    Fifthly, I don’t know of your proofs against it, but climate change is happening. I live on the west coast, and I have seen rivers dry up, the rainy-lands be sunny, and forest wiped out by bugs. I don’t care how much you try to convince me, but climate change is real on the west coast. We are the masters of this world. If we were to destroy it, we would not get another chance, and we would be wasting resources, which is a sin. If we make problems for ourselves by messing with the stable balances the Our Father made for us, we will be in deep trouble, because our wisdom is nothing alike his.

    I agree with the concerns with the rising masturbation statistics, but the are discrepancies in this article.

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