“We will see a new species of human, or sub-human rather, by 2050 if things progress at current rates.” That’s a pretty shocking claim from Faith Scientist Dr. Ian Norton, but Dr. Norton backs up this claim with decades of evidence he and other faith researchers have compiled to prove masturbation is changing humanity at its core. Norton’s research claims that the life span of the normal, non-masturbating male will increase significantly over the next 35 years, while the life span of humans of either gender (race non-specific) will see dramatic drops in the same time frame. Dr. Norton also cites the brain function of the non-masturbating male to increase significantly as it will be able to rely more on technology to handle more automatic tasks, leaving the brain to worry about such important topics as religion, American politics, American global expansion and other similar topics that will cause mankind to flourish. “The masturbator’s brain function will continue to shrink to even lower levels that it currently resides at. We jokingly refer to masturbators as ‘brainless zombies’ now, but in just a few decades that might be the actual case,” added Dr. Norton.
Dr. Norton’s team speculates by the time the 2040s arrive the average masturbator will have “devolved to a similar state as the comical ‘caveman’ character portrayed in children’s cartoons”. Dr. Norton’s research assistant, Betty Woods, cleared to speak to us by Dr. Norton, added, “the men will not be attractive at all. We anticipate nearly 100% of their life will revolve around masturbating. They will no longer take even cursory steps to groom themselves and will have long unkempt beards and greasy, tangled hair. Their only attempts at procreation will be with the equally grotesque female masturbators of this new sub-human species. Thankfully, our research expects the average male masturbator to be nearly sterile from the constant spilling of semen and thus this species is not expected to survive to see the 22nd century.”
Expectations are that by 2050, the masturbator sub-species will be entirely brain-dead and just react to stimuli around them. Once they have devolved to that state it, “will not be long before this sub-human species is eradicated from the Earth,” according to Dr. Norton.
Predicting the downfall of a large chunk of the human race by way of a species division is not new. Faith author, Michael Day, wrote a very similar postulation back in the late 1960s called “The Masturbator” that paints a similar picture to what Dr. Norton and his team has found.