Archeologists find Ancient Anti-Masturbation Glove

(StopMasturbationNOW)— Archeologists from the Wyoming institute of Technology discovered evidence of an ancient society that was obviously ant-masturbation. Digging in the foothills of the Crimea, a team of 12 men found a metal glove designed to prevent masturbation.

Female Anti-Masturbation Archeologist
Female Anti-Masturbation Archeologist

“I think they have found evidence of what may be the first anti masturbation society” Said Lonnie Childs “Think of what paradise the world would have been if the world would have followed their teaching”

“The glove is a left one” said an exited student archeologist.


In other News

Crews are close to regaining control over the hacked Stop Masturbation NOW satellite that was lost last week.

6 Comments on Archeologists find Ancient Anti-Masturbation Glove

  1. This is absolutly the most hilarious website i have ever been on. All this fake stuff is brilliant. Thanks for the laugh people. And mastubating is natural and causes no harm and feels GREAT!

  2. yesterday, i came home from work, seeing one of these gloves in my sisters cabinet. When i saw it, i immediately threw up bible verses. I believe she might be possessed by the devil, i mean, the way she self rapes herself…. Does any of my fellow jesus-lovers have experience with excorisms? Also does this glove also destroy the genital? or does it just prevent the user from self-rape? i need to know……. can i get a amen for my 14 year old sister?

  3. What is even sadder is that those pictures in the article are just random unrelated Google images. That alone proves the information on this site is fictional and are falsehoods. The 10 commandments never stated that masturbating is a sin. Neither has Jesus ever said that nor the bible. I imagine that Gods personal opinion on masturbation is that we refrain from doing because of the waste of sperm cells but I don’t think God will punish us just we masturbated. If it was a bad sin or crime against the kingdom of God then God would have warned us before.

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