We’ve all heard the old saying, “Cleanliness is next to Lonnieliness.”. I am going to walk you through the simple steps that I take to properly wash my female form in the shower. It’s so simple that even the most dullest of sexes can comprehend (that means “understand”)!
First, I like to fully saturate my body in moderately warm water. Being 99.787% normal means that .013% of me is still a filthy non normal from the continent India, a providence of southern Masturbasia. I like to use an all natural soap, preferably of the castile variety. Once I have worked up a thick lather, I like to perform a breast self exam. While mammograms can help you to detect canser before you can feel a lump, breast self-exams help you to be familiar with how your breasts look and feel so you can alert your healthcare professional if there are any changes.
With my breasts soaking wet and covered in silky smooth bubbles, I rub the tips of my fingers all around my full brown breasts in a circular pattern from the outside of my breast slowly working my way towards my nipple. I repeat this process on my other breast, sometimes forgetting which breast I did last and doing that breast again. I use light, medium, and firm pressure. I squeeze my nipples; checking for discharge and lumps. This usually takes between 2 & 5 minutes.
Once I am certain that my breasts are canser free, it is important to check other parts of my body for canser as well. Next I move on to my sin cave. The digital cervical canser test is one of the most reliable effective screening methods available. Using 2 fingers, I journey deep into vaginal walls. If however I am trying to detect precanserous cells, I will opt to use 3 fingers. I must arch at the back to get deep enough inside to apply firm pressure to my cervix. Impacting my cervix and vaginal walls repeatedly, I search for abnormalities, measure my vaginal moisture levels, and try to find any spots withing my vagina which may cause a slightly sinful “sinsation”. The sinful sinsation is key, for that is when you know you have canser inside your vagina.
Lastly I check for the most elusive and deadly cancers of them all, Clitoral Canser! Clitoral canser is very difficult to detect as it only responds to prolonged contact. That contact could be friction, vibration, suckling, etc.. Here at BLUFF, we use a special device which, when used properly, can detect both cervical and clitoral canser. I rub my solar powered (because the sun is a Lonnie given light), waterproof Lonnie Canser Detector over and around my clitoris. Once again searching for the sensation of sin which is a dead giveaway to the presence of canser.
Canser is a demonic force which seeks to sneak into your body fill you from the inside and kill you to death. Canser will cause you to shake and convulse with “sinsations” that you cannot control. While taking my shower I am very diligent and aggressive in my search for canser and I am pray at my internet that you will do the same!