YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK/ PORTAL TO HELL (SMNNN)
The Yellowstone super volcano is due for the largest eruption ever seen in the 8,000 year history of the Earth, and masturbation is definitely the causes, say leading Faithvolcanologists.
Masturbation, long conclusively proven to be causing Global Warmings, is now known to be hydraulically super-heating the Yellowstone magma and turbo-charging it’s hot-spot plume.
Masturbation residue film particles (MRFP) have been proven to insulate the Earth from loss of heat, by clogging and polluting the atmosphere. The MRFP’s heat retaining properties have created a new form of super-heated explosive masturbation fueled kill magma (or kill lava, if it is on the surface), in a similar, as of yet, totally not understood method.
Though masturbation is surely to blame, Faithscientists cannot rule out the possibility that the Yellowstone super volcano’s eruption could be a compassionate cleansing of humanity brought on by God’s rage at self-rape.
The fact remains that the eruption is surely caused by masturbation, either way you look at it.
Normals are urged to begin hoarding and prepping as soon as possible, as the terrible pyroclasm will create a 20 year volcanic winter, making most civilized societal tasks completely impossible.