Masturbation Causes Ocean Holes

Yep, that's right, now in the ocean too.

The Ocean-(SMNN)

We here at Stop Masturbation Now are, as always, on top of all environmental damages caused by masturbation’s deadly residue, masturbation residue film particles. MFRPs have been proven to cause all manner of terrible holes in the ground, but now, they have taken to causing holes all up in the ocean!

Faithscientists have already warned us that masturbation in the ocean leads to attacks by deadly sharks that will eat you, but now the ocean itself is in danger by MFRPs in the atmosphere from non-Normal Main Mexican nations, found in Actual Mexico and Greater Mexico.

Here we see a submarine wanker ruining the sea for everyone.
Here we see a submarine wanker ruining the sea for everyone.

The MFRPs make their way into the ocean, and destroy it, causing huge blue holes. But as if giant holes in the ocean weren’t bad enough, diving masturbators have begun to shape rocks within the blue hole into limestone dinguses, compounding the problem exponentially!

I guess everything is a dingus when you're a hell-bound aquatic masturbator. Sickening!
I guess everything is a dingus when you’re a hell-bound aquatic masturbator. Sickening!

The huge thermal difference can violate the very laws of physics, sucking passing by aircraft straight into the ocean.

WHOOSH! Right into the ocean, like it forgot how to airplane.
WHOOSH! Right into the ocean, like it forgot how to airplane.

SMN Ministries contacted the offending countries, but they were unable to comment because they all speak Foreign.

About Thomas Kelly 62 Articles
Thomas Kelly, SMN Faithscience Editor, is the Dean of several B.L.U.F.F's, as well as the preeminent authority on Faithscience. In addition these lofty titles, he is also a powerful wizard, and holds over fifty non-secular PHDs.

6 Comments on Masturbation Causes Ocean Holes

  1. Are you seriously that dumb to realize that masturbation has nothing to do with any of these natural events that happened millions of years ago before we were even around? You guys seem like you’re living in some cult that has already brainwashed you?

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