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Shameful Dad Walks in on His Daughter Masturbating and Does Nothing to Help Her! – Stop Masturbation Now

Shameful Dad Walks in on His Daughter Masturbating and Does Nothing to Help Her!

By Nigel J. Covington III

Sex Expert

October 17, 2018

Dear Nigel,

I walked in on my daughter when she was masturbating the other day. I was shocked, but I said nothing — I simply left the room. I have not discussed this with her or with my wife since. I don’t want to overreact, but I feel it’s also wrong to pretend like nothing happened. What should I do?

By the way I’ve been a fan of your work for the last 10 years. I faithfully read your daily columns and have followed your work dating back to your days as editor-in-chief of the prestigious National Report. I generally agree with your views and know you’ll give me the straight scoop on how I should handle my daughter.

Rick J.

Miami, Fla.

Dear Dick in Miami,

I generally don’t reply to people who seek out my advice since I don’t write a fucking advice column!  You’ll do well to keep that in mind.  However on rare occasions I have published a few letters that I thought were so incredibly stupid that they merited being published just for laughs.  Your email qualifies as one of the most stupidest I’ve read in awhile.

I don’t know the age of your precious little peach but if she’s masturbating you can bet she’s already having sex with lots of her school aged peers, perhaps even homo-sex?  It wouldn’t surprise me to learn she’s spreading her legs for older men who have an abundance of cash.

Female masturbation promotes sexual promiscuity, unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases and dumpster babies no one wants.  So let’s consider your inability as a father to do the right thing when you walked in on her.

PAID ADVERTISEMENT

You claim to have walked into your daughter’s bedroom during her hot, sizzling fisting session.  You admit being “shocked” by the vile and vulgar display of Satan committing unspeakable acts on your once pure and innocent little girl’s sparsely covered love muffin!

As her father, you had the responsibility to immediately act to protect your little girl.  But you were unprepared, and you walked out in shame.  I’m shocked you did nothing with all the facts we know today about female masturbation.

And now you write me expecting me to tell you how to fix the problem.  Dick, when you walked out you missed an opportunity to teach your little girl about the evils and dangers of female masturbation.  You simply failed her as her father.

If it were my daughter; I’d kick her out of the family home to protect my family’s good Christian name.  I might send her off to a distant nunnery and tell friends and neighbors that she was killed in some freak accident.  Perhaps the good nuns might save her from a life on the street and keep her from blowing homeless guys just for a hit off their bottle on cold nights while she’s sleeping under a bridge somewhere.

Mother Explains The Evils of Masturbation to Her Daughter After She was Caught Masturbating!

I’m sure if you’re a fan that you already know I’m a big celebrity in the No Fap Movement.  If I discovered my little girl touching herself inappropriately, I would take my belt to her behind and quote scripture to her from the King Lonald Bible while smacking the evil out of her.

Next I’d ship her butt out to Safford, Arizona and enroll her in the Stop Masturbation Now Program for Wayward Sluts located on the BLUFF University campus.

Stop Masturbation Now is a highly rated and very successful program that transforms young troubled girls into proper Christian women who no longer have any urge to violate themselves.

Good luck loser,

Respectfully,

Nigel Covington,

Publisher of The Covington Report

For more information visit the Stop Masturbation Now website at www.stopmasturbationnow.org

62 Comments on Shameful Dad Walks in on His Daughter Masturbating and Does Nothing to Help Her!

  1. “Of all the tyrannies that affect mankind, tyranny in religion is the worst; every other species of tyranny is limited to the world we live in; but this attempts to stride beyond the grave, and seeks to pursue us into eternity.”

    • This website is so fake, My computer and phone both agree with me,It is a scam to make people stop masturbating and is annoying, people should have the right to freely touch themselves in any way they would like.

    • This whole shitshow of a website is satire dumbasses.. all you lames against masturbation are weird asf idk anyone who hasnt jacked off/fingered themselves. theres nothing scientifically wrong with fucking urself. and how tf does one self rape? when i beat my meat i give consent. or when me and my FWB fuck we give consent. christian “science” makes no fucking sense. lmaoo

  2. None of this is true, to say that masturbation promotes promiscuity and unwanted pregnancy is wrong and potentially damaging to the human psyche. Masturbation is a normal part of life and promotes self understanding, sexual maturity, and curiousity. Not to mention to imply that having this man’s daughter have sex with older men is disgusting and unwarranted. This was someone who, as they said, has been reading your articles for awhile. I don’t understand your hostility to him, he did nothing wrong. Had he attempted to stop her he wouldvew caused an uncomfortable situation to become potentially scarring. I will however admit that if this is satire, it could potentially be really funny. So there’s that I guess. So uh yeah that’s all she’s wrote.

    Sincerest regards,
    This biggest fucking loser on the face of this God damned cesspool we call a planet

    • Masturbation is the cheapest form of contraception to (hu)man !

      Saves a fortune on condoms, Dutch caps on girls who have to have a doctor’s fingers up her vagina as far as her cervix to fit the cap. These are expensive and each girl’s vulva is different in effect bespoke Dutch Cap needs to be made. As she grows she will need a new cap each year.

      Condoms are known to slip off and leak the sperm and semen to make the girl have babies against her will; mutual masturbation will stop this risk of pregnancy so what’s the problem.

      A small girls vagina is closed until about the age of 8 so no cap needed and only daddy knows when the cap blows how much her body swells. Pray she never tells that is was daddy who made her a swell girl.

      In most cases where a Jesus abiding couple who are married want to start a God loving family and children with no sin; are not realising that the vagina and penis are mutual masturbation by proxy. So throw away the condom and the Dutch cap, ejaculate to your hearts content by mutual masturbation and orgasm.

      Allow children to masturbate in private; let them learn their body and why they cum and go; how else is my child going to learn about making babies so pray that my son and daughter practise before they do the real thing to make babies.

      Let them kiss, let them cuddle, let them touch their private parts and each others just grant them the restraint if they are brother sister’ mother son father daughter they do not masturbate or penetrate with their own family. Touch but not do; God will tell you when and how to make a baby without the need to rub.

      O come; oh Cum Emmanuel, don’t let you child with hold, fight the good fight with all thy might and let me cum and go.

  3. I really, truly hope that the father didn’t follow any of your absurd advice. You say she is sick, and yet you claim you would beat your own child raw if you ever caught them masturbating. This is why Christianity is being rejected by youth; sick, twisted, violent pieces of shit such as yourself, Nigel. You are part of the reason all three Abrahamic beliefs are quickly being hated by Generation Z, and left quite a sour taste in the mouths of Millennials.

  4. Keep working –and preaching– in God’s name. Our children need more people like you, Mr. Covington.
    If we ever want to make America great again, we need to make it return to the Christian values of our Founding Fathers. Or we will become a nation of sodomites, soyboys, boipussies, ready to be sodomized by any infidel that walks in our beloved country.
    Amen.

  5. Atheist, bisexual, masturbating english person who fucked all the mothers of the crazy christens from texas on this fucking website (fuck you)

    Most sexual offences are committed by priests, BTFW (thats by the fucking way BTW) motherfuckerrrrs

  6. Like everything else on this site. This story is a LIE. I’ll bet Nigel Covington w***s himself off, 3 times daily

  7. damn its almost like masturbating is good for your health, yknow, not having prostate cancer is good for men, but I bet you people didn’t know that 🙂

  8. “I don’t know the age of your precious little peach but if she’s masturbating you can bet she’s already having sex with lots of her school aged peers, perhaps even homo-sex? It wouldn’t surprise me to learn she’s spreading her legs for older men who have an abundance of cash.”

    How the fuck did you reach that conclusion? That is something a mentally ill elementary student would say.

    “If your son is skateboarding i bet he’s already griding on cocks, and drag racing through orphanages”

    I can tell you right now that masturbation doesn’t promote sex, if that was the case YOU WOULDN’T HAVE TO MASTURBATE, WOULD YOU? You mong.

    Religious people should all jump out a window and rid the world of their immense stupidity.

  9. Guys, it’s a satire page, just a joke poking fun at Christians who think masturbation and premarital sex is a sin.
    Which is hilarious because back when I was a junkie prostitute, my main client was an older Catholic man who sang in the choir and worked with the youth in the church. He paid me $100 an hour plus a 2mg Dilaudid and a pack of smokes.
    Worth it at the time. Now I just do it myself. 😂
    But seriously, no one is this fucking retarded to write these articles for anything but humor. But with everything going on in the US here it makes me wonder. 🤔

    • This is the best joke I’ve ever seen. Keep it up guys! One day everyone will be jacking it daily thanks to your hilarious and satirical posts, and we will finally disregard the futility of religion! Thank you for your AMAZING work! Have a lovely day 🙂

  10. Carmen Sandiego is the hottest shit I’ve ever seen smh. I fap all day and all night with my buds abt it so we have a fap fest over this bitch sksksksksksks 🤪🤪🤪🤪

  11. to whomever wrote this article- i wonder how it feels to be a violent, sexist man. u cant deny it because you literally talked about how u would beat ur daughter if u walked in on her touching herself! you’re probably a rapist or smtng lmao

    if this is satire its rlly funny but maybe make jt a little more obvious

    im a gay jew, does that make me a sinner?

  12. How the hell is masturbation in and of itself a sin? Sure, pornography is, but masturbation without pornography? I don’t understand.

  13. Nós não fornecemos caixa personalizada, caixa de correio são gerados aleatoriamente, caixa de correio já utilizado não será usado novamente. Outros não são capazes de ler seus e-mails.

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