SIBERIA- COMMUNIST U.S.S.R C.C.C.P (SMNNN)
An entire village in Siberia has been swallowed into a huge crater, and masturbation is definitely the cause, leading Faithscientists say.
Leading Faithclimatetologist, Dr Skippy Enis, recently involved in an atomic meltdown explosion at B.L.U.F.F Graphcenter , and fresh from life saving surgery, explains the situation in a phone interview from the recovery room of St. Lonald Hospital: ” Huh? Y’all here again? Y’all have homes? Seriously, do y’all ever go home? ” Said Dr Enis. ” Oh yeah, that big ol’ snow-hole. yeah. Masturbation. Yes. Can I go to sleep now? ”
Faithscientists at B.L.U.F.F. and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow have sent drones to the hole and found it to be composed of mostly ice and mud, ruling out a meteor, or incendiary Communist Death-Ray. Leading researchers at both institutions agree the village of Ygmahiltusk simply melted into the ground, killing an entire tribe of savage primitives. It appears, that a mere two degree increase in the area’s annual temperature, caused the permafrost the backwards savages built their settlement upon, to simply melt, and become swallowed by the Earth.
B.L.U.F.F researchers have concluded this is 89% likely to have been caused by increases in Pacific Ocean temperature, caused by the over 9000 billion gallons of semen dumped annually into the ocean, by the country of Japan.
The government of Japan has refused all attempts at interviews, and refuses to give a statement, leading to the only rational conclusion: It is their fault because they are a nation of Earth-hating Masturbators.