(StopMasturbationNOW)— Stop Masturbation NOW, a division of SMN Heavy Industries and Chemical, today proudly launched their first satellite into orbit. Named Childs1, the geostationary satellite is capable of broadcasting anti masturbation related materials as well as do experiments.
“Childs1 hopes to be the first of many devices planned for this decade and the next” Said Lonnie Childs, Leader and Founder of Stop Masturbation NOW. “We are reaching an era where Masturbation has had increasing effects on infrastructure and the planet. From Sinkholes to Hurricanes masturbation is the number one threat.”
The satellite is 3 feet long and weighs about 800 pounds, making it the size of an Oil Barrel, said Ken Carlson, SMN space project manager based at Childs Space Flight Center in Safford AZ. Childs1 size is relatively normal for an Earth-orbiting satellite, Carlson said.
The data the satellite collects will be free to any faithfact scientist and used for a variety of purposes. It will help monitor semen and vibrations.
The broadcasting relieves SMN of many legal liabilities when it comes to broadcasting. “The federal government has deemed many of our anti masturbation youth educational videos as illegal unfortunately” Childs said, “however we can do whatever we want in space, free from the grips of big masturbation”