Stop Masturbation Satellite Hacked: Now Distributing Gay Porn

(StopMasturbationNOW)—Last week was a feel good moment for us here at StopMasturbationNOW. We had just launched our first satellite the Childs1 into space. Unfortunately, less than one week into service hackers have taken over the satellite and are now using it to distribute interracial gay porn.

The satellite… childs1 was sent up into space to broadcast our anti masturbation message to the masses as well as do experiments, unfortunately the pro masturbation hacker known as Obamalover69 has commandeered the satellite and is now using it to broadcast interracial porn on all frequencies.

Stealing online information

Satellite expert Darin Watkins from Washington had his own theories as to how the satellite was hacked. “It Appears like they used the default password of “password” on the satellite enabling obamalover69 to easily log in and change the password to one of his own.

Lonnie Childs from Stop Masturbation NOW issued the following warning to his followers. “Our satellite is currently broadcasting pornographic materials and we ask all our followers to not use electronics until we regain control. We will send out an email when all is clear. “

StopMasturbationNOW has asked for government funds to regain control of the now rouge satellite.

8 Comments on Stop Masturbation Satellite Hacked: Now Distributing Gay Porn

  1. I just wanted to express my concerns. I had been trying very hard not to touch myself, as I am desperately afraid that anything I do down near my hoo hoo will cause something terrible to happen, but that interracial gay porn didn’t help anything! Upon seeing said nasty material, I found me touching myself. Next thing I know, I’m having an orgasm. Now some child somewhere is going to die, and it’s your fault! I hope you are happy. =(

  2. As a certified penetration tester I can say several things:
    1. A satellite cannot distribute anything- that would have to be done with a server.
    2. You cannot simply “hack” a satellite. You must hijack the command system, which would always have a good password. If you spent all that money on a satellite then you’d have a good password.
    3. You can’t afford a satellite.

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