Have you ever been afflicted by an Inappropriate Office Boner (I.O.B.) at work? It’s an embarrassing condition that can be caused by one of the following three things: too-tight slacks, the tawdry new intern and her suggestive clothing, or thoughts of carpet bombing a foreign nation such as Canada.
The most effective way to rid yourself of the I.O.B. is to discreetly slip off into the men’s room and place a cold spoon on the offending organ. I know it sounds crazy but it works! It’s advisable that you keep a collection of spoons in the office freezer for such occasions.
**CAUTION — UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU SUBSTITUTE A SPORK**
Remember that self-rape in the broom closet is NEVER an option. Bless!