The Top 5 Things You Need To Tell Your Child About Masturbation

-Safford, AZ

Masturbation is a terrible disease and a depraved, sinful act. The below are critical “tips” for parents of any age. As we know, children may begin to explore their sin zones and masturbating at any age- watch them. Watch them closely. You never know when Satan enters your household and whenever a child masturbates, they do it under the influence of the dark lord- it is not a natural, godly act. In these moments, Lucifer himself is using your child’s hand on him or her self.

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The 5 points below have been submitted to the American Psychological Association (APA)  for inclusion in all child anti-masturbation education. Please read them immediately to your children:

  1. Masturbation is a top ten cause of disease. Studies have demonstrated that it causes cancer, the AIDs, and even forms of paralysis
  1. Masturbation is an act of incest. When you masturbate, you are having sex with your own self, your own family and flesh and blood. This is sinful and wrong.
  1. Your body is not your playground. Raping it and forcing it to orgasm is an act of violence that leads to other violence. Many studies demonstrate that self-rape leads to other, serious crime.
  1. Masturbation is an act of Homosexuality, as you are having sex with yourself, a member of your own gender.
  1. Masturbation is a sin. Lonnie Childs has taught us that the Lord does not want us to masturbate and will know if we do. We must abstain and only have procreational relations with our same-race wives.

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Masturbation is no joke. Parents, talk to your children about masturbation and educate them about the dangers of this sinful and demoralizing practice.

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Leonard Chimball, Jr.
About Leonard Chimball, Jr.
Leonard Chimball, Jr., PhD is a licensed Psychologist and works as faculty on the BLUFF Arizona staff. Dr. Chimball divides his time directing the transportation and importing of new students to BLUFF, teaching classes in behavioral FaithFacts, and as a practicing psychotherapist.

148 Comments on The Top 5 Things You Need To Tell Your Child About Masturbation

  1. To elaborate on point 2: masturbation is the worst form of incest. Having sex with a relative is bad because you have similar DNA; however, having sex with yourself means having sex with someone who has the exact same DNA.

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    • Darkblitzfrenzy // July 18, 2014 at 9:11 am // Reply

      So you're saying that I can detach my own dick from my own body and have anal intercourse with myself? I had no bloody idea that was possible.

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      • Leonard Chimball, Jr. Leonard Chimball, Jr. // July 18, 2014 at 11:16 am // Reply

        No, you rape yourself with your hand

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        • Darkblitzfrenzy // July 18, 2014 at 12:55 pm // Reply

          The hand is not a sexual organ, thought it may be used to preform sexual acts upon another person it most certainly cannot be used the preform sexual intercourse with one's self or another person.

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          • Your ass is not a sexual organ either. It's part of your digestive system, the last part. Yet, it obviously does not stop you from treating it as a sex organ now does it?

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          • Darkblitzfrenzy // July 18, 2014 at 3:12 pm //

            Well Liam, just because one masturbates does not mean that they are having intercourse with themselves. Using the hand to please your partner is one of the things often done before sex. Therefor, it does not count as sexual intercourse.

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        • How is it raping yourself? Rape involves sexual penetration against an individual initiated without their consent. Where is the penetration in masturbation? Besides, when you masturbate you are fully consent of achieving an orgasm. Saying "self-rape" is just completely illogical.

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          • Consensual sex requires two or more people to consent. Rape only requires one person (the rapist) to consent.
            By masturbating, you are the only one consenting, hence, you are a rapist and you are raping yourself.

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    • godlovesporn // July 20, 2014 at 9:24 am // Reply

      Do you even know who is on that picture of yours? Lemmy,the motherfucking ROCK N ROLL legend of the band MOTORHEAD,HE'S FUCKED more girls than the pope fucked little boys,and he also jerks off i presume and loves to drink smoke and do cocaine,ROCK N ROLL

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    • you lot are full off it, racist, disgusting pigs who make a ridicule out of your self, nothing wrong with masterbation it is scientifically proven to have extreme benefits towards your health and your stress levels, if you chose not to do it, fair enough but to tell children it is wrong is a controlling, power hungry way to approach the situation. Free world, do as we please for a bettter quality of life for ourselves!! makes me sick to my stomach.

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    • I am against masturbation, but this is rediculous! What does DNA or consent have to do with the basic reason to not masturbate? Don't you know its wrong because your body starts craving more production of reproductive chemicals as it emits them wastefully?
      Are you just ignoring the fact that "drives" get perverted as masturbation increases?
      Wake up, and talk sensible! Your own DNA and self rape etc. is stretching for logic. Come on, Liam, you must be smarter than that, and I respect the fact that you quit, I hope.
      Jay Norman

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      • Dude you got punked. This website is designed specifically to mock people like you. Congratulations. smh

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    • this site is full of dumbasses

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    • DNA is science, science is against god. You just admitted you hate god!

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  2. The only thing I need to know about child masturbation is that it is a SIN. That is why I encourage all masturbaters to the of the children when they masturbate.
    God Bless,
    TheRev

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    • Darkblitzfrenzy // July 18, 2014 at 4:16 pm // Reply

      Why would I think of children when I'm masturbating? That is something that only a sick and perverted pedophile would do.

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  3. 'The AIDS'? Show me a single study that says masturbation causes AIDS. Lol. It's religion or science here folks, you can't make up facts just because the real ones dont line up to your message.

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    • Leonard Chimball, Jr. Leonard Chimball, Jr. // July 18, 2014 at 11:48 am // Reply

      No, it is fact. A more advanced form of fact called "FaithFacts". They are far more "factual" than sLIEnce. The Foundation for a Better Tomorrow has done extensive research on the dangers of masturbation and has proven that it causes the bad AIDs.

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      • How is it "fact"? What studies are you referring to? Is it possible to at least know what so-called "studies" are you referring to?

        It is your right not to masturbate, and if you believe that masturbation is a sin then so be it. But by carelessly spouting false information and "studies" that don't exist, you are only hurting your own cause. What will happen once your child finds out that he's been lied to about masturbation?

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      • First off, "bad AIDS"??? Totally BS. Second off, "FaithFacts"??? Please. There is either fact, you know, science, or fiction, the Bible.

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      • You do realise that adding 'faith' to something doesn't make it true? And creating a ridiculous portmanteau out of 'science' and 'lie' doesn't make something false. Please post a scientific paper from an organisation that doesn't sound like it's been dreamt up by someone who still believes in unicorns. Please also describe what 'the bad AIDS' is and, for reference, what 'the good AIDS' is.

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        • I feel sorry for you. You are being naive about what this site really ks

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      • What you believe sir, is called pseudoscience. It's obvious that you haven't picked up any book other than that fictional book you enjoy called the bible. Why don't you go into a book-store or library, and actually read something. In actuality, read something that wasn't written nearly 2000 years ago, and based off of primitive applications of life. Go fuck yourself, oh wait... lol

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  4. I thought this site was a fraud, like some trolls wet dream. But alas, its a real site. Thanks duncan :) I am laughing.... because thats all I can really do. Self rape .... hahahahahaha ... hahahahahaha. .. I can't believe you people ahaahahahahana

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    • Leonard Chimball, Jr. Leonard Chimball, Jr. // July 18, 2014 at 11:49 am // Reply

      Well, Steve I hope you like catching a disease and raping yourself. Because thats what you are doing. I pray at you.

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      • Please, it turns me on when you sit there and watch me fuck my own pussy. Don't come on here and act like you're a saint.

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      • what does pray "at" you mean?

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    • Are you sure? Pretty sure it's a massive troll. Hilarious anyway, thanks for the laugh

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    • I'lltouchit. Bishop Smith // July 21, 2014 at 7:25 pm // Reply

      Steve, I pray AT you.

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  5. It causes the bad AIDS? I'm sorry I didnt know there was more than one kind. Do you understand how HIV/AIDS works? Doesn't sound like it. Jeez next you'll try to tell me women get pregnant by wishing reeeeally hard and stubbing my toe is assault on myself haha

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    • There are two types of AIDS. The bad AIDS will kill you. The good AIDS, like what Magic Johnson has, are harmless.

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      • No, there is HIV which progressed to AIDS over time. And most people don't die of the disease itself, but rather a complication or infection that is fatal only because of the weakened immune system. And Magic Johnson is a celebrity. He can pay for enough antivirals and treatments to live to 100. His HIV isn't 'better' than anyone elses.

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      • ridiculous // July 21, 2014 at 6:20 am // Reply

        So you saying the virus is dormant on my hand.... yes AIDS is a virus, and every time I rub one off it gets transmitted through my genitals.............baaaa haha hahaha you joking right? Can you post the references, just so I can get my head around with what you are trying to say and share it at the AIDS convention in Melbourne, they'll be interested in this or it would make a good comic sketch.

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      • Good aids? Are you serious? Majic Johnson has good aids? Really? Is that why he said to "put a cap on your johnson" when you commit adultery and fornication? So you can go on The Tonight Show and admit you have "good" aids? Hello?

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  6. Also, you expect us to believe that an organization with only 280 likes on Facebook and no real website to speak of can afford a multi-million dollar study on anything? PLEASE.

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    • Leonard Chimball, Jr. Leonard Chimball, Jr. // July 18, 2014 at 3:21 pm // Reply

      We have funding for our HomoGay conversion activities through the NIH. Please see one of our affiliates here: http://www.peoplecanchange.com/jim/

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      • It all makes sense now! You're of the "eww, icky, get it away from me!" school of bigots. Obviously if something doesn't appeal to you it's abhorrent and the person performing the act needs to be told they're going to hell because how else are you going to control the private lives of people you've never met without looking like a ridiculous busybody?!

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      • kill yourself please.

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  7. This site has to be a joke. A little self love is actually healthy for humans. Many species have been known to have similar practices. I just cant believe this website is real. I don't think it is. Maybe I dont want to believe people can be this dumb.

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    • Leonard Chimball, Jr. Leonard Chimball, Jr. // July 18, 2014 at 3:22 pm // Reply

      The only joke is why anyone would want to masturbate. It is incredibly harmful to your body. And once the chemicals are released such as cortisol are released during masturbation, the body needs a bigger "high" that can only be achieved through homosexual intercourse and violence. Most domestic violence begins with a masturbator who is out of control.

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      • Patriarch Jasper Centaur Jasper Centaur // July 19, 2014 at 6:36 pm // Reply

        Brother Leonard, your preaching brings a tear to my eye! Way to put that lonely self-raper in her place! Praise!

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      • Cortisol is released during times of low blood sugar to increase glucose levels in your body, and has nothing to do with sexual actiivities.

        Do you fricking research every once in a while before you lie to more people.

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      • Fact: most domestic violence begins with an air breather who is out of control.

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  8. One thing that was left out of this article, which we must teach our children, is to report all people (children and adults) who the child suspects of masturbation.

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    • Noxoulilidoudadidadadou // July 21, 2014 at 10:18 am // Reply

      Like you want your children to become some special dick agent ? Seriously leave the kids alone with this ! 0_o I'm sure you will also want the NSA to use webcam and find the cock-sinners. X)

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      • That is a very good idea, but, unfortunately, illegal in most countries. If we did not have that pro-homo nigger as our president, maybe we might have made some progress into stopping children and adults alike from self-juicing.

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  9. hahahaha every part of this website is the most fucked thing i have ever seen. let me guess, southern bible belt racist piece of shit americans? ya that sounds about right. Liam Mckey, go kill yourself man you are the worst type of person this world has and will ever see u racist, bigot, homophobic less than human waste of life. God isn't real if you haven't noticed and this garbage smut you procure from the less than 95 IQ brain that you most definitely encapsulate in that head of yours... o man, i pity your kind. btw read a fucking SCIENCE book for once in your pathetic existence and get actual facts you dumb fucking neanderthal.

    having sex with other mental patients like yourself is what causes AIDS, and cancer isn't caused by jerking off you fucking lying dipshit.
    Again i pity and feel sorry for how fucking stupid you actually are. Peace

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    • Leonard Chimball, Jr. Leonard Chimball, Jr. // July 18, 2014 at 3:25 pm // Reply

      You are a depraved young man and I am troubled by why you would want to come on this family-friendly website and spew your hate and pornographic language. God is very real and he has prophets alive and well. There is one in Arizona and we follow his teachings his name is Lonnie Childs. Additionally, science is really sLIEnce, lies perpetuated by "Big Masturbation" to get children to masturbate. I pray at you that you find peace in your soul and stop masturbating. You need faith-based therapy immediately.

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      • Agustin Arias // July 21, 2014 at 8:59 am // Reply

        Are you actually calling science a lie ? When your whole belief is founded in a dogma ? When you actually believe in a God , who is a cosmic jew who was conceived by no one , and he actually is his own father ?

        Man , you've just gave the hipocresy a degree
        I think we all should pray for you

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  10. btw, i just jerked off to some big titted blondes licking each others pussy's and it was great ;)

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  11. sorry each others pussy* that was grammatically incorrect, my bad

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  12. o shit i just read leonards point about how masturbation causes the "bad AIDS" hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha excuse me. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

    wow there's stupid liars and then there's you. There's one type of AIDS you fucking retard and it kills. Magic Johnson doesn't have "good AIDS" he has money you dumbass

    and the advanced form of faithfacts? as opposed to science which has a little thing i like to called evidence, you know real facts, not some stupid fucking made up word

    wow ignorance must be bliss Liam and Leonard, hmmmm that sounds like a good couples name, u guys should hook up and spread ur love ;)

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    • Leonard Chimball, Jr. Leonard Chimball, Jr. // July 18, 2014 at 3:27 pm // Reply

      I pray at you. You are an angry young man filled with the rage of a chronic masturbator. Would you like help? Please let us. How many times a day do you currently self-rape?

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      • Patriarch Jasper Centaur Jasper Centaur // July 19, 2014 at 6:40 pm // Reply

        Mr. Nanne has "Nanne" chance in hell to make it to heaven! I'm confident he is a self-raper!

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  13. Hey, you told Blythe that "The Foundation for a Better Tomorrow has done extensive research on the dangers of masturbation, and there is a more advanced form of fact called "FaithFacts".
    Now, I am not attacking you, I really just want to understand, seriously. If we accept that a fact by definition is 100% true, are you implying that you can add objective truth to a statement by having a strong enough belief? Doesn't rape imply that non-consensual sexual acts, while jerking off is typically a self-administered act? Does the APA have anti-masturbatory literature, and where do I find their pamphlet specifically?

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  14. ok leonard, first, masturbation is not a sin, where in the bible (and yes, i've read the bible) does it specifically say that masturbation is a sin? if you're following your beloved ten commandments then i'm pretty sure, nay, positive that it does not.

    Btw "confused" there is no APA literature on anti-masturbation, these two assholes you read before you are lying pathetic people that are afraid of their own NATURAL human desires. an orgasm is a pleasure filled beautiful feeling that (if there is a god) wouldn't give us this elated sensation if he/she didn't want us to enjoy it us as much as possible. It is literally the best feeling in the world and to deprive yourself of this is just stupid.

    btw Leonard I just fucked my gf on a public bridge in a recreational park. ;) the fact that u think pleasure is a sin, when u deprive it of so many ignorant followers of your ridiculous beliefs is the ultimate sin to me. ANY and all deprivation of humans or animals natural instincts is blasphemous and wrong u small person.

    btw the only fucking commandment we need is the original Golden Rule which i learned in Catholic school(if you can believe it) "Do unto others as you have them do unto you". live your life in THAT way and the pearly gates are wide open for you. St. Peter will be there giving you a high five on a job well done, and a life well lived

    also, sLIEnce? really? hahaha. one book against millions, do the math if you can, retard

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  15. I love to self rape myself. I try to do it at least once a day (:

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  16. cheers Maggie!!!!

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  17. There are so many things wrong with this article. Honestly, have you made ANY research about masturbation before writing this joke for an article?

    1.Masturbation is a top ten cause of disease. Studies have demonstrated that it causes cancer, the AIDs, and even forms of paralysis

    No. Masurbation does NOT cause ANY of these diseases. How would it cause "the AIDS"? How would it cause cancer? And paralysis??? What is wrong with you? It's one thing to be against masturbation and another to just outright LIE about it. I'd like to know where you get these evidences from. The myth that masturbation i bad for yourhealth dates back to 1712 as a way to sell a bogus “tonic” that was supposed to stop the disease of “self-pollution”. There have been many claims that masturbation is unealthy, but all claims have been refuted by science. Today virtually all physicians and scholars agree that masturbation is harmless. You are obviously not a man of science, Leonard, so I'd suggest you refrain from talking about it.

    2.Masturbation is an act of incest. When you masturbate, you are having sex with your own self, your own family and flesh and blood. This is sinful and wrong.

    This doesn't make any sense. Having sex includes a form of penetation. What exactly are you penetrating when you masturbate? Incest includes a form of intercourse with a member of your family. Masturbation is NOT incest.

    3.Your body is not your playground. Raping it and forcing it to orgasm is an act of violence that leads to other violence. Many studies demonstrate that self-rape leads to other, serious crime.

    Again, masturbating is NOT rape. Rape is an act of sexual intercours against an individual without his or her consent. When you masturbate, not only is there absolutely NO penetration, but there is consent from your body to achieve orgasm.

    4.Masturbation is an act of Homosexuality, as you are having sex with yourself, a member of your own gender.

    I'd argue that homosexuality is not wrong, but that's another debate. The same argumen as 3. can be made here.

    5.Masturbation is a sin. Lonnie Childs has taught us that the Lord does not want us to masturbate and will know if we do. We must abstain and only have procreational relations with our same-race wives.

    Masturbation is a sin, I don't care I'm not a Christian so you do what you want. However, "same-race wives"???? Not only are you completely irrational and illogical despite your PhD, but you are also a racist. I'm absolutely shocked that people like you exist in this world.

    You might view yourself as a "good" Christian but all I see is frailness and a closed mind.

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  18. There is not a single verse in the bible defaming or condemning masturbation. Beat that.

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  19. btw dolphins do it, so get the fuck over thinking it's just a human act ya dumb cunts. THAT'S fuckin "sLIEnce" you dumb fuck, Leonard

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  20. Bono Reznor Bono Reznor // July 18, 2014 at 9:16 pm // Reply

    Don't let all of these masturhaters get you down, Dr. Chimball. Masturbation Disease Denial (MDD syndrome) can sometimes be the first psychological change that happens to a masturhater in their long path to salvation. Praise on high, brother!

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  21. holy fuck the fact that u guys try to blend scientific terms with religion is appalling. there is no actual acronym for MDD that is made up by, i'm sorry, laugh out fucking loud, "Bono Reznor". why do all of u try to make up things that aren't actually real? it's pathetic and juvenile, and it actually makes me laugh. as a university and masters graduate its just humorous that u try so hard to believe in something that just isn't true. no it's just sad :(

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    • augustweisz augustweisz // July 18, 2014 at 10:59 pm // Reply

      you suck

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    • Bono Reznor Bono Reznor // July 19, 2014 at 12:24 am // Reply

      Thanks for your random masturhate Jim Nanny. When Lonnie comes around and collects all of the chosen ones after the great reckoning, your "SciLIEnce" degrees will mean nothing to Him. At least I take comfort knowing that while I must suffer your intolerance to my beliefs while here on Earth, that Lonnie would never select you for the eternal masturbation free paradise that awaits all of us doing His work down here.

      Also, *you. Several times.

      I'd imagine someone claiming to be so educated would be able to spell the word "you" correctly.

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      • If you are going to correct him for using the vowel "u" instead of spelling the word, you might want to correct who your are addressing. His name is Jim Nanne. Not, Jim Nanny. Furthermore, I see plenty of flaws in both of your comments. Do not try to correct someone else, if your own imperfections in typing are showing. It does not make you stupid, but I do find it rather amusing that the two of your were arguing over grammar and spelling when you both were making mistakes.

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        • See, even I made mistakes, but at least I correct it. *you are not your are

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      • Who the fuck is Lonnie? I wouldnt go with him anywhere, my parents always taught me never to follow strangers... and "Eternal masturbation free Paradise" No Fucking Thank You...

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    • Sir Barnaby Reznor // July 19, 2014 at 12:28 am // Reply

      Do you have a problem with my son? It sounds like you have a problem with my son.

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    • Jesus of California // July 28, 2014 at 11:39 pm // Reply

      Okay. You are a university and masters graduate that is unable to figure out he is being trolled? Also, it's "you" not u.

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  22. augustweisz augustweisz // July 18, 2014 at 10:58 pm // Reply

    The number one thing parents need to teach their kids about masturbation is that it is wrong!

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    • No, what parents need to teach their children is that masturbation is NOT wrong but it is also healthy according to a large number of pediatricians. Also, you are an idiot and fake.

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  23. no i know how to write you, i just like to see if you brain dead dumb fucks notice my grammatical incorrections.ahahahahaha keep up the good work ;)

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    • Bono Reznor Bono Reznor // July 19, 2014 at 2:16 am // Reply

      I almost didn't notice this comment since you failed to respond within the thread. Bravo, Netsite Navigator.

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  24. I have no offspring of my own due to Foetal Masturbation Syndrome, so I have to think of other folks children to prevent myself from self-rape.

    Praise!

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    • No, you have no offspring of your own because you molest children in the church... Also, that made up disease does not exist and neither do you

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      • You're very confused, heathen. That's the first sign of masturbation palsy #FaithFact

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  25. thanks bono reznor, u did'nt even spell my name right. my actual last name is Nanne lol when will "Lonnie" come around and deliver me from evil???? lol also saying "u" is shorthand, at least u inbred, whitetrash, racist, bigot, biblefucking "humans" realize that.. don't try to knock me on my grammar.

    actually ya try to cuz thats all ya gots ;)

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    • Please come and visit our campus in Safford, AZ. I will personally fill your sin holes with the love of Christ! Praise!

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      • Phil McRutch // July 19, 2014 at 8:31 pm // Reply

        It doesn't matter how many sLIEnce degrees a self rapist has, the only truth are FaithFacts from our leader Lonnie. Mr. Nanny shows us that he spends too much time self-raping and has never learned respect for other human beings showing his true foulmouthed nature towards his fellow men, especially if they don't partake in self-incenstious rape. I pray at him that he will only get the good aids. Praise!

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      • "Fill your sin holes with the love of Christ"? Dear god, do you have any idea how sexual and perverted that sounded? You are no prophet, you are a pedophilic individual that needs to be avoided...

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  26. Your god isn't real // July 19, 2014 at 10:26 am // Reply

    You people who post these articles are 1 of 2 things either you are literally mentally retarded or you are the most successful internet trolls of knowing how to get a rise out of people I'm not quite sure because everything you say is just extremely comical I don't even know if it could be real just like how your religion isn't real it's all just one big made up story all hail ancient aliens!

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  27. saintmichael21 // July 19, 2014 at 10:47 am // Reply

    This is why I like stupid people, they know how to make you laugh because of how stupid they really are.

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    • Agreed, even though most of the masturbators are ignorant and foolish, sometimes it's fun to laugh out loud online at their stupidity!

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      • Seriously? // July 23, 2014 at 8:52 pm // Reply

        You are one of two things.

        1. The best troll on the Internet. Hats off to you, then.
        2. The biggest lunatic this planet has ever seen

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  28. Is this real life? // July 19, 2014 at 11:25 am // Reply

    I love having some five finger fuck fests with myself.

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  29. It is hilarious how you people think you're doing so much good in the world, when in reality your hatred and abuse towards those around you is the pure evil that you're bigoted enough to thing you're overruling. Not to mention your "facts" are disturbingly moronic. Do you really think your "all loving God" has this much hate? I pity you.

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    • Park your lies! We do not abuse ourselves, let alone other people. Fact is, masturbation is not only a form of rape, but it encourages the other sorts of rape that even masturbators fear. This includes: violent rape, gang rape, homogay rape, date rape, financial rape, and rape-cod.

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  30. I masturbate while Jesus holds my hand ... And I like it

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    • Can I join? Let's sing, dance around a campfire, and have a masterbating party ;)

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  31. What's all the hoopla about? This page is obviously a joke. "Self Rape"? And AIDS from masturbation? Just how is it that someone is going to contract AIDS as a direct result of Masturbation? This site is clearly a hoax and the people who think this site is serious are very naïve.

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    • Phil McRutch // July 19, 2014 at 8:41 pm // Reply

      I'm glad that your innocence and naivety does not allow you to see the true danger that self-incest represents to our society. Keeping a child from touching his or her bad parts is of utmost importance for a healthy child development.
      Check your FaithFacts, I know a lot of people are visiting this site for laughs, but that is only because their mind is clouded by the diseases described in Lonnie's scriptures. Use those hands to pray! Hallelujer!

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      • May i remind you that you were born because your mother was penetrated in those bad parts... What exactly does it make a "bad part"? It gives nothing but pleasure so its a good part. Also FaithFacts are nothing but huge stupid lies with absolutelly no physical evidence to back them up, making you and all other idiots who think touching yourself is a bad thing... A really bad thing is trying to convince other people of your stupidity. Also, im a Christian and i believe in God... and i know that God does not use people to prevent masturbation... If He didnt want us to touch ourselves, he wouldn't have given the means to do so.

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  32. Just read this article which is based on actual true fact http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-info/sexuality/masturbation

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    • You just burned yourself... here is something taken from that website's front page:

      Masturbation is commonly defined as touching one’s own body, including sex organs, for sexual pleasure.
      Masturbation is a common and safe kind of sex play.
      Masturbation has many health benefits.
      For many of us, masturbation is a taboo topic. There are many harmful myths about masturbation that may cause us to feel uncomfortable about it. These myths can cause guilt, shame, and fear.
      Let’s get the facts straight. Masturbation is a natural and common activity for both women and men.
      - See more at: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-info/sexuality/masturbation#sthash.lvaC0UVh.dpuf

      Not only is your stupidity bigger than the university itself, but you are also a retard that couldnt even read the website... You just gave proof that this article is total bullshit.

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    • People may start masturbating at any time in their lives. Many children begin masturbating as they grow and explore their changing bodies. They often discover early that it feels good to touch their genitals. Children usually begin masturbating long before puberty. Young children do not have sexual fantasies while masturbating, but during adolescence it becomes much more sexual.
      It’s important for children to learn that masturbating is normal, is not harmful, and will not hurt their bodies. They should also know to seek privacy when masturbating.
      If you have children, reading about how to talk with your children about sex may help you have comfortable conversations with them about masturbation.
      - See more at: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-info/sexuality/masturbation#sthash.lvaC0UVh.dpuf

      Masturbation is very common. Studies show that about 7 out of 10 adult men and more than 5 out of 10 adult women masturbate. It’s also common for children and teens to masturbate. - See more at: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-info/sexuality/masturbation#sthash.lvaC0UVh.dpuf

      The most common reasons adults give for masturbating are to
      relieve sexual tension
      achieve sexual pleasure
      have sex when partners are unavailable
      relax
      Many people think that others masturbate only when they do not have a sex partner. But that is not true. In fact, people who have regular sex partners are more likely to masturbate than people without sex partners.
      - See more at: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-info/sexuality/masturbation#sthash.lvaC0UVh.dpuf

      Masturbation can be good for mental and physical health. People who feel good about their bodies, sex, and masturbation are more likely to protect themselves from sexually transmitted diseases and unintended pregnancy.
      Masturbation is also one of the best ways we can learn about our sexuality. It can help us explore the types of touch we like the most and help us learn how to get excited and how to reach orgasm.
      Learning about what feels good to you can increase your chance of feeling sexual pleasure with sex partners. When you know what you like when it comes to sex, your comfort with sex increases. And when your confidence and comfort level are high, it is easier to let your partner know what you like.
      Masturbation can enhance our physical, mental, and sexual health and the health of our sexual relationships. Masturbation may
      create a sense of well-being
      enhance sex with partners, physically and emotionally
      help people learn how they like to be touched and stimulated sexually
      increase the ability to have orgasms
      improve relationship and sexual satisfaction
      improve sleep
      increase self-esteem and improve body image
      provide sexual pleasure for people without partners, including the elderly
      provide sexual pleasure for people who choose to abstain from sex play with another person
      provide treatment for sexual dysfunction
      reduce stress
      release sexual tension
      relieve menstrual cramps and muscle tension
      strengthen muscle tone in the pelvic and anal areas, reducing women’s chances of involuntary urine leakage and uterine prolapse
      Mutual Masturbation
      Masturbation is often thought of as a solo act. However, many people also enjoy mutual masturbation. Mutual masturbation is two or more people masturbating in one another’s presence. In addition to the potential benefits of masturbation listed above, mutual masturbation may
      be a safe way to explore sexual activity with another person with no risk for pregnancy or STDs (Because partners are not touching each other, there is no risk of infection — and no risk of pregnancy unless semen gets on the vulva.)
      provide sexual pleasure and intimacy before partners are ready for sex
      teach people what kind of touch their sex partners like
      - See more at: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-info/sexuality/masturbation#sthash.lvaC0UVh.dpuf

      There are no health risks with masturbation. Skin irritation is possible, but using plenty of lubrication will keep that from happening.
      If you worry that you masturbate too much, ask yourself this question: Does masturbation interfere with my daily functioning? If it interrupts or gets in the way of your job, your responsibilities, or your social life, you may want to talk with a therapist.
      Masturbation and Shame
      Many people feel shame or guilt about masturbating. People who receive negative messages about masturbation when they are young often carry feelings of shame into adulthood. Approximately 50 percent of women and 50 percent of men who masturbate feel guilty about it.
      Negative feelings about masturbation can threaten our health and well-being. Only you can decide what is healthy and right for you. But if you feel ashamed or guilty about masturbating, talking with a trusted friend, sexuality educator, counselor, and/or clergy member may help.
      - See more at: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-info/sexuality/masturbation#sthash.lvaC0UVh.dpuf

      There are many myths about masturbation. You might have heard it is harmful or leads to strange behavior. The myths are just not true. Here are the facts:
      Masturbation
      does NOT cause hair to grow on the palms of hands or other strange places
      does NOT lead to blindness
      does NOT make sex organs shrink or grow or change color, texture, or appearance
      does NOT stunt growth
      does NOT cause infertility — men and boys will not run out of sperm
      is NOT addictive
      does NOT cause injury or harm
      does NOT lead to mental illness or instability
      does NOT make you gay
      - See more at: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-info/sexuality/masturbation#sthash.lvaC0UVh.dpuf

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  33. There are no health risks with masturbation. Sometimes Masturbation can cause skin irritation but wearing shoes also can cause skin irritation and people still wear shoes

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  34. Lord I prey for the people who run this website and the people they preaching to and the poor children who have to be miss informed! They don't know what they do! I prey with all my heart that after seeing this preyer that they will pick up an encyclopedia and study the facts of aids and masturbation! Lord I also prey that they realise the only sin here is their preaching! On a personal note, you guys should look outside your cult and look how other people in the world teach about god, also masturbation is something we all do even yourselves it's perfectly natural, also you can only get aids from having sexuall intercorse with another person it's called a std (sexually transmitted disease) from a christian in the UK

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  35. Come on, no one getting here that this a PARODY? Well done the people at Brother Lonnie's university of faith facts aka "B.L.U.F.F . You get it now?

    What is interesting though is to see the reaction of people like Jim Nanne who because he is so sure to be on the side of the good guys, the reason guys, the science guys, answers with a first message full of hate, aggression, racism (anti-Americanism at least...) violence etc... But finishes his message with "Peace" because ya know, he's cool.

    My first (and second and third ) reaction was like wtf, who can be that stupid, who dares to use blatant lies to make a point that does not exist, this day and age,etc...

    but the real point here is very simple imo : Anyone can be that stupid. As soon as you think that you know better.

    Peace, (yeah you know,because I'm cool)

    """"hahahaha every part of this website is the most fucked thing i have ever seen. let me guess, southern bible belt racist piece of shit americans? ya that sounds about right. Liam Mckey, go kill yourself man you are the worst type of person this world has and will ever see u racist, bigot, homophobic less than human waste of life. God isn't real if you haven't noticed and this garbage smut you procure from the less than 95 IQ brain that you most definitely encapsulate in that head of yours... o man, i pity your kind. btw read a fucking SCIENCE book for once in your pathetic existence and get actual facts you dumb fucking neanderthal.

    having sex with other mental patients like yourself is what causes AIDS, and cancer isn't caused by jerking off you fucking lying dipshit.
    Again i pity and feel sorry for how fucking stupid you actually are. Peace""""

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  36. I am openly gay man does that mean I'm going to aids oh no you site is a joke and watching you sit there and defend your stuff is funny I thought aids was through sex and I'm having sec with "myself" and I don't have aids then oh would I get it through the air I mean you guys don't make any sence and you think your kids aren't going to masterbate they will see something when they are 12 and be like boing and then do there own thing it's perfectly natural and great for them to release it cause that's what makes people kranky maybe if you guys got layed more you guys wouldn't think it was bad to orgasim I mean I think you only have sex to have baby's thank you for letting me rant oh and satan rules you bitch

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  37. I wil let my father visite you because the bible say that you may not lie!! Liers are sinners, so actually you bought yourselfes a one way ticket to hel... We welcome you....

    yours cain

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  38. David Boylan // July 20, 2014 at 9:47 am // Reply

    Please! Stop! Just stop all of you! I can't stop laughing! My chest hurts so bad from laughing! I found this site by accident and I've been on it for over an hour now. Every time you "masturbate" or "self-raping kid" I just lose it! I can't stop the laughing! HELP!!!!

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  39. Pieter de Jong // July 20, 2014 at 12:33 pm // Reply

    i mastribated onze but it was on aksident wil i go to saten now iam scared cuz it was not my intention can i be saved? srry for bad english i am dutsh

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  40. Okay. I'm not going to come at an angle of hate here because that's pointless. But I have a few questions. Where in the bible does it say masturbation is a sin? How can aids be caused by masturbation when it is a viral disease? And don't you think this is going to cause conflict and distress to children who want to explore themselves in a completely normal way? There is no definite proof that masturbation causes cancer or turns people into criminals as there are so many other influential factors, a cause and effect relationship cannot be proven.

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  41. Looool surely this shit is a joke ? "Your body is not your playground. Raping it and forcing it to orgasm is an act of violence that leads to other violence. Many studies demonstrate that self-rape leads to other, serious crime." This is so funny it actually has to be a joke , I feel stupid for even thinking that people could actually believe in this stuff. And you claim it causes aids? Lol so you can contract a deadly sexually transmitted disease by masturbating? But surely following that logic you would need to have aids in the first place to masturbate and give yourself aids no? Please if someone can explain how you can catch aids from masturbating without speaking of a made up syndrome or disease and actually showing some proof and not some anti masturbating propaganda then I'll shut the fuck up. I hope when you all die there is time for you to realise there is no god , and your life was wasted following medieval rules and following people who claim to speak for god.

    Good day

    And may "god" bless you

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  42. Oh my fucking god, I am seriously crying while laughing at how idiotic you people are. I can't wait to share this with my other atheist/agnostic/non-crazy christian friends. Hahah.

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  43. brokebackjesus // July 21, 2014 at 6:31 am // Reply

    Do you know, Adam was a transgender when I created "shim", he didnt have the adam's apple. I artificially put it into "shim"

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  44. Nucky Goldberg // July 21, 2014 at 6:43 am // Reply

    This is a joke site, correct? You cannot be serious. This is some of the funniest stuff I have ever read. You guys should write for Family Guy. Keep up the good work. Viva la masturbation.

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  45. Christy Jan // July 21, 2014 at 7:06 am // Reply

    As a devout Christian, I would like to apologize to everyone who read this and come to despise religion for it. Religion is a beautiful thing and brings hope, love and care with it. However, much like all the other religions (of your choosing, if our lord would come to us in this modern age I am sure that he would love all regardless of their choosing. The lord accepts everyone, he makes no difference in the end) we all have the bad apples in them.

    Most Christians are modern (like me) so please don't judge us by the moronic cover that people like this give us, which abuse the holy book of our lord by misusing scripture and using it to spread their hate, which goes against everything good that our lord has to offer.

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  46. May God forgive the creators of this diabolic website.

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  47. This is disgusting.
    Telling children lies in order to stop them doing something that is natural is wrong.
    Masturbation in men helps to prevent prostate cancer - http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3072021.stm

    Therefore, by asking people to stop masturbating, you are actually raising their risk of cancer.

    There is no link between masturbation and HIV (what you refer to as good AIDS - dear Lord above please educate these total imbeciles) or AIDs.

    I won't even start on how wrong you are that masturbation is incest or how it makes you homosexual - a homosexual is someone who loves a member of the same sex. The bible teaches us to love ourselves - so does that mean that by loving ourselves we are gay? No - clearly not.

    I have never read such a poorly written article in my life and the answers you are giving to these questions are equally as diabolical.

    Please check your facts and pay for actual, proven, SCIENTIFIC, research. Scaremongering is the lowest thing you can do.

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  48. I fucking hate this bitch ass cunt organization // July 21, 2014 at 10:17 am // Reply

    What the actual fuck is this shit?

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  49. I homestly did not know you christians would go this far, but I was wrong. This has to be one of the funniest websites I've been to.

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  50. Really? I believe the joke is on you my friend, if you think this site is real. This page is obviously a parody of right-wing Christian faith based organizations. And it's freaking hilarious. "Faithfacts" lol

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  51. yohohoho :D // July 21, 2014 at 1:07 pm // Reply

    now i understand :D this is a trolling site XD

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  52. Hahaha, is this real? This can't be real, I'm having difficulty believing someone wrote this down in a serious manner. Fuck me this is funny haha

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  53. Matthew Kelliher // July 21, 2014 at 2:42 pm // Reply

    I believe the opinions of this site to be incorrect. Masturbation does not cause AID's. Studies suggest masturbation reduces the risk of cancer. Other benefits include reduced stress, good for the heart, blood pressure is improved as is the reproductive system, brain chemistry is more stable equals more happiness. Prostate cancer risks are reduced by 33.3%. In a man regular flushing keeps semen healthy. Immune system is more effective. In a national study 95% of men masturbate and 89% of woman masturbate. So this is a very normal practice. This information came from a Men's Health article and the information sourced by professional academic's. A clinical sexologist being one of them. So I am not sure what the American Psychological Association is going on about.

    Masturbation is good God made us the way we are in His image. Your information is very misleading indeed and in my heart I feel you are wrong in what you say. Masturbation is not violence no one is being hurt or killed. I believe masturbation is a right a core part of our inner being. Masturbation has restorative power it heals the body.

    My advice to anyone 'do your research before taking this information seriously' I believe you will find how absurd all this information is.

    I am a Christian and I believe we are loved by Jesus despite the fact we are sinners. No one on this planet is perfect anyway. The church can at times give out the wrong message to try and change people in their own beliefs which is not done in a Godly way. Times are changing and we now live in a modern world science helps us to have better understanding so that now we can make more balanced judgements.

    In my opinion masturbation is not a sin. A birth given right.

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    • I hope when you take a step back and realize this is not a true site, you will feel silly.

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  54. Wait, masturbation, leads to AIDS...? Do you people know what AIDS is? Acquired ImmunoDeficiency Syndrome (A.I.D.S) is a virus contracted EXCLUSIVELY through either the transfer of blood, or, the insertion of an affected penis into a healthy vagina, or vise-versa. there is NO way that masturbation could lead to the contraction of AIDS. And one of you people better actually respond to this instead of ignoring it and focusing on the comments you can actually argue a point against, because I would actually like to see the response you come up with.

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  55. LizannGrey // July 21, 2014 at 4:20 pm // Reply

    This can't be real lmao, this is too funny though so thanks for the good laugh I needed it! Just in case it isn't (after all the internet is a very strange place) I would just like to mention the following:
    1. Masturbation is a totally safe and HEALTHY way for many people to relax with many physical and mental health benefits.The fact that people are being shamed for doing this natural act is disgusting. As humans we have sexual desires and feeling the need to suppress them shows an extremely unhealthy view on sex.
    2. 'Thinking of children whilst masturbating' actually suggests that you are attracted to children. When a normal young child touches themselves it is not sexual and they simply do it because it feels good, when an older member of the community who does not have that innocence it is much more sexual and the thoughts you have are of what arouses you. Therefore if that is what you do then I would suggest getting some psychiatric help before the fantasies turn into something more.
    3. Telling children that it is wrong to touch their 'bad parts' is totally wrong. You are conditioning the child to believe that their bodies are 'dirty' and 'wrong' and 'sinful' this will quite possibly lead to some mental problems later on. The least of these being a low self esteem, but in some cases is can lead to poor sexual relationships in the future and in the worst cases some children who have been conditioned in this way can feel a strong sense of hatred and rage because they feel disgusted by their natural sexual desires. In fact some rapists have expressed these feelings.
    I won't even begin to argue against the rest of the ridiculous claims on this website because I am honestly astounded by the ignorance behind the claims.
    Whilst I am sure this is a fake site for the simple fact it is truly astonishing in its insanity, I just had to share those views just in case because if it isn't it is truly sick. But seriously, thank you so much for the laughs.
    P.S.
    To Mr Leonard Chimball Jr. (please accept my apologies if I have misspelled your name) you may pray AT us all you like, but we are not God and thus cannot answer your prays. Furthermore I thought Christians were not allowed to pray to any but God, part of the 10 commandments am I right? Then again what do I know, I grew out of imaginary friends a long time ago.

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    • Dexter Battygarten iii // July 23, 2014 at 4:13 pm // Reply

      who are you talking too then? you don't have no friends around here, you goshdarned communist!

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  56. What a load of utter nonsense!

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  57. Personally, I encourage masturbation.
    It helps you understand your body, and all of it's fuctions.
    Plus, it is compelelty natural that as kids grow and gain more testostrone they will masturbate as a form of release.
    Your body is literally desgined for sexual reproduction; as a side effect of this, Masturbation has various good effects.
    In fact, there are eastern meditation arts called Tantra; these arts use the orgasm as a way to increase your well being; and form closer connections with God.
    Also; the diffrence between rape and sex is LITERALLY consent; you have the right to purity of your own body, rape is when your body is violated without your consent.
    If you are fapping BY YOURSELF, you have cleary shown consent towards this act.

    Anybody who views masturbation as immoral and sinful; or who says that there are serious illnesses coming from it; Quite frankly have theiur heads up their own ass.

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  58. Lonniesupportsbeastialty // July 21, 2014 at 10:25 pm // Reply

    Lonnie childs uses somebodys hep C infected needle to shoot puppy smack into the corners of his anus and he smiles the whole time then he sucks off goats

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  59. this discripes exactly why you americans are so fucking stupid!
    if you brainwash your children that way, i hope for the entire world you punch of bricks got steriliesed. lol fucking idiots

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  60. I'm a consenting adult! How can it be rape?

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  61. You people are SICK!!!! What is wrong with you. Masturbation is a very natural act, didn't your so called "god" give everyone these natural feelings. Now he doesn't like you acting on the natural feelings that he gave you. What a bastard!!!! Follow nature, not some make believe crap that was made up thousands of years ago!! ie "god". There is no god, use your so called brains for once in you lives, and stop trying to control this planet with your made up fairy tales. If you don't want to masturbate, then don't!, but you have no right to dictate to anyone else regarding something so personal. HOW DARE YOU!!!! MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS!!!

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  62. None your damn business // July 23, 2014 at 8:25 am // Reply

    What's dang ours is misinformation conserning Medical conditions such as AIDS. And that's AIDS folks, not the AIDS. MASTERBATION IS NATURAL and you know what it leads to, nothing at all. Perhaps a mess, and that's about it. Perhaps if we where discussing cronic MASTERBATION that could be a problem, but your arguments are flawed.

    Let's start with god, if he or she, or perhaps it exists, they have an entire universe to deal with, along with who knows how many parallel universe alongside. But they take the time to dictate to the people of this planet. Seems a bit far fetched. If I'm growing a selection of cultures I'm not going to take one set and dictate how they live there lives.

    But this god charicter aside I would like you to show me the reaserch that has been done. It would be into resting to see how MASTERBATION has led to cancer, I would also like to see the peer reviews of these papers you are hinting at.

    After that I would like to see the sick logical study's that have linked rapists behaviour to MASTERBATION, as your argument seems to be that rapists started masterbating before they moved on to rape. Well they also breathed oxygen before hand as well, so I can firmly state that respiration is a gate way to rape. Wait no I can not because it's a false correlation. There is no supporting evidence to show a link between the two.

    So what next. Shall we look at homosexuality. This has to be my fav, and I will tell you why. Many has been the time that some religious nut case has spouted of about how only humans have gay sex, and it is an abomination. And yet I would be a lier if I where to say I have never seen two male dogs going at it. I would be misleading you if I did not mention the study's in sheep that have proven they can be same sex oriented. And let's not even get started on the noble dolphins, who engage in group games, such as the football like game involving kelp. Oh yes, that's right they also engage in group sex, MASTERBATION and of course gay relationships.

    How is it god has gone so wrong on so many different creatures. MASTERBATION is normal, and in this day and age it is Spaulding that you are aloud to continue teaching such stupidity.

    If it where up to me your children would be taken from you, and given to a nice loving gay mixed race couple. At least they might understand prejudice enough to teach your children a better way of living.

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  63. Rev. Adams // July 23, 2014 at 2:21 pm // Reply

    You need to instill a fear of the Lord so great in your child that it will overcome the overwhelming temptation to feel lustful pleasures. Let them know that God is watching them every time they engage in masturbation and that God abhors masturbation more than anything. He will punish them from the inside and their lives will be nothing but misery and shame to their family. Then when they die their wretched death they will be cast into Hell and tortured for eternity in ways that defy the human imagination. With enough guilt and fear instilled in them they will eventually derive no pleasure or satisfaction from this demonic practice and be sickened by any sexual feelings. This is how you achieve chastity. There are no masturbators in heaven.

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  64. Dexter Battygarten iii // July 23, 2014 at 4:08 pm // Reply

    Reverend, im afraid this one is so far gone that it is beyond even your abilities to bring him to the golden shower of love. He cant even spell MASTURBATE. Man, I hate rednecks.

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  65. I masturbated to this article.

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  66. Hahahahahahahaha // July 23, 2014 at 9:07 pm // Reply

    Well done. *clap clap clap*

    Lonnie Childs' Internet troll level: 1000000000

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  67. Fucking dumb lol beat your meat and be happy

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  68. Maniac! And By the way, there is no god. Sorry! Just life your life and be happy!

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  69. Please a fucking joke.

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  70. ..... this is downright hilarious.

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  71. Jesus your lord and fucking saviour // July 26, 2014 at 8:30 am // Reply

    You all are absolute fucking idiots.

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  72. No no no.... It's selfcest then, not incest XD

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