Unprotected Masturbation: Know The Risks!!!

a latex glove can help prevent the spread of STDs from every day objects that masturbators touch


Unprotected masturbation is the leading cause of STDs, and here is why:

Take the number of men and women that engage in unprotected masturbation and multiply that by the number of: door knobs, toilet flushing handles, crosswalk signal buttons, drinking fountains, handshakes, etc. What you end up with is an STD pandemic!

The only way to truly protect yourself is through self-abstinence. That means not touching your sin zone, with the same hands that makes contact with the secular masturbating world. Going about your business in public with your hands joined in prayer is an excellent way to protect your palms.

The following suggestions are other ways to avoid hand-to-genital transition of STDs, but keep in mind that they are not 100% effective:

  • Do not touch money. Money changes hands frequently and with no known method of tracing its former whereabouts. Also, handling money makes you look Jewish.
  • Do not eat with your hands, or with flatware provided to you by a restaurant. Your average dishwasher at a restaurant is an obvious masturbator. Keeping a stash of previously wrapped sporks is a good idea. Keeping your own Swiss Army Knife on your person is the preferred method of prevention. It worked for the Vikings and it will work for you.
  • Wear rubber gloves. This should not require an explanation.
  • Carry your own toilet paper with you at all times, or a suitable substitute. In more civilized times, when men wore formal suits in public, they always displayed their preferred method of wiping, in the upper left hand pocket of their suit jacket, blazer or sport coat. A silk handkerchief was a sign of status in those days, as these gentlemen took care of their business in style and comfort. Likewise, women in those days also kept lace doilies around at all times. Keep in mind, that the bad AIDS and the Gay didn’t exist until after America went casual.
  • Do not pet your dog with your hands. Dogs carry many diseases including, but not limited to: Dandruff. You can tell if your dog’s fur is infected by STDs, if the dog’s own immune system rejects its own hair. This is called “Shedding.” Feel free to pet your dog with a baseball bat or a rolled-up newspaper if you notice shedding.
With proper care, you can keep your own utensils in your pocket and away from masturbating dishwashers.
With proper care, you can keep your own utensils in your pocket and away from masturbating dishwashers.


Protecting yourself from masturbation related STDs is a personal responsibility and it’s up to each of us to protect ourselves. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them in the comments section of this article and a trained member of SMN Ministries will gladly assist you, free of charge.

About Liam McKey 44 Articles
Liam McKey is a former combat veteran and owner of the only Vegan-Certified ranch in the United States. He has two normal teenage children with his same-race wife. Liam is active in the community of Safford, Arizona where he lives. Mr. McKey is an expert on teenage masturbation addiction and has many degrees from various non-accredited faith-based colleges.
Contact: Website

21 Comments on Unprotected Masturbation: Know The Risks!!!

  1. I have a question. How do you like a little dandruff with your bad AIDS masturbators? Will you people ever learn?!

  2. Ok, I’ve searched this ENTIRE article… And have found zero intelligence. Are you sure you’re a combat veteran? Because they only accept men there. Not pussy Mormons who have to pet dogs with newspapers. If you were in the army, I am worried for our country’s safety. Just kidding. I like freedom. Stop trying to tell me my doings are wrong.

  3. All praise Jimmy. For he is bringing light to this wesite of satanists! I hope you all come to your senses and listen to jimmy. Praise. (Fap fap fap)

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