World’s Oldest Man Dies After Masturbating For First Time

Only a matter of minutes into his sinning, he dropped to the ground, his body convulsing and his mouth seizing into a horrible rictus.

Oldest Man Dies After Masturbating

Morris Browder had seen a lot in his 115 years on God’s Earth. He lived through the first World War. He lived through the liberal created Great Depression. He lived through the non-normals attacking Hawaii in the 1940s. He even lived through the wars of non-normal aggression in Korea, Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan and Iraq. As he got older, Morris was often asked what his secret to longevity was and he had a simple answer. “I always smoke one pack of cigarettes a day, have since I was 11 years old, and I never, ever masturbated once.” Morris, at an early age, had responsible values instilled in him by his devout father and mother who taught him a code of morality that seems to be lost on the youth of today. As the world kept evolving and changing, Morris did not waver and his endurance spoke volumes for the Faith Sciences that have proven that masturbation is the leading cause of death.

Masturbator Lifespan
Masturbation kills. Confirmed Faith Fact™.

Morris Browder’s case was unique as he was a confirmed non-masturbator since birth and despite his advancing years and being the oldest man alive in the world, was found to be in nearly perfect health. The Faith Scientists at the Foundation For A Better Tomorrow contacted Browder in April of 2014 and made him an interesting proposition. The FFABT was interested in using Browder’s body for Faith Science, specifically, they wanted to use him to show empirical proof that masturbation does cause death. Browder thought on this for a while, he’d been through a lot in his life but this was his big chance to help the Stop Masturbation Now movement and give his life to a Godly cause. After giving it a few months time and praying on it for many days and nights, Browder agreed to donate his body to the cause. Browder had seen the studies and he knew in his heart that not masturbating, not even once, was the way to live a pious and immortal life. But, he also knew the importance of making a sacrifice so that others may learn and prosper in his stead.

Non-Masturbator Deaths
Not masturbating does not lead to death. Confirmed Faith Fact™.

 

After six weeks of testing at one of several FFABT proving grounds, the Faith Scientists were ready to begin testing. The first few days, they simply kept Browder in a room alone with many photos of Jesus and leaving religious pamphlets and the King Lonald Holy Bible available for him to read. At the end of each day, his vitals were taken and he was given a full physical. During this ‘control phase’, Browder showed no signs of illness or decay. It was now time to ramp things up a bit and they began by mixing in a few catalogs from the 1930s in with the religious tracts. The researchers noticed a few times that Browder’s eyes seemed to linger on the undergarments advertisements. His pulse and blood pressure were noticeably higher and the tensile strength of his muscles decreased at a rate of 3% a day. Browder also started to complain of constant headaches, irritability and being unable to attain a full night’s sleep. Things were gradually stepped up to what was referred of as “Phase 3” and the photos of Jesus were replaced with photos of hippy teens from the 1970s doing immoral acts. Browder’s health continued to worsen and the physiological changes were beginning to be noticeable to the naked eye. Browder began to lose weight and the headaches he had previously complained about had increased in intensity.

TRIGGER WARNING – CLICK AT OWN RISK – LINK TO ONE OF THE ‘PHASE 3’ PHOTOS USED IN THIS STUDY. WE HAVE CENSORED IT BUT YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. LONNIE CHILDS, SMN.ORG AND OUR ADVERTISERS ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS DURING OR AFTER VIEWING.

For the final phase, all religious pamphlets were replaced with photos of women in bathing suits and a television was brought in that showed a loop of scenes of women dancing in dresses that exposed their calves and ankles. It proved too much for even Browder as he, for the first time in his entire life, did the Devil’s Deed. Due to his advanced age it was only a matter of minutes into his sinning that he dropped to the ground, his body convulsing and his mouth seizing into a horrible rictus. Within 20 minutes his body had completely withered away to almost nothing. Luckily the Faith Scientists were able to document this all via film and plan to present their findings at the 2015 Florida Academy of Physicians (FAP) forum. As for Morris Browder? He’s now in Heaven spending time playing checkers with Jesus as his reward for giving his life to Faith Science.

Morris Browder
Morris Browder, Faith Science pioneer. May he rest in peace. (Josiah Staples, PhD. / Foundation For A Better Tomorrow)

 

About Cathy Redmond 104 Articles

Cathy Redmond is a graduate of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, earning degrees in English and Political Science. She likes long walks in the desert, strong Conservative leadership and America.

71 Comments on World’s Oldest Man Dies After Masturbating For First Time

  1. He gave into temptation and the Lord won. The heathen learned his lesson. As all non believers should. Abusing your Sin Stick is grounds for the Lord’s mighty justice.

    Amen.

    • True, but thanks to his sacrifice we will soon have definitive proof beyond the previously known Faith Facts™, that even the most jaded non-normal masturbator cannot ignore.

      Praise.

      • I believe you are correct. For I view his sacrifice like that of the Lord Jesus Christ. It washes away his Sin. May he be given the light of glory in heaven. Thank you Cathy, my son. You are doing the Lord’s work.

        Amen.

        • We can all hope that he is redeemed and gains entry to the Kingdom of Heaven as he was truly doing The Lords work!

          • My brother. You and I know he is hand in hand with God. Looking down upon us. He knows he did the right thing. Our brother, Cathy has shown me my wrong thoughts. As I saw him as a Self Rapeing heathen. Until she allowed Jesus to enter my body and show me the glory he achieved. I had a vision. A vision that soon oneday. God himself will ccall upon me for self-sacrifice, and I too shall be hand in hand with God.

            Peace be with you, my son.

            Amen.

    • Matthew 26:41: Watch and pray, that you enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.

      This just proves how weak the flesh really is, my son. We must constantly strive to make our immortal souls stronger or the same fate shall befall us.

      • Hallelujah my brother Ephesians, Hallelujah!

        The word of God get my blood pumping and excited for spreading the word of God and the message of our Prophet Lonnie.

        Amen.

        • I would go to California to listen to the word direct from Lonnie and our brother Cathy were the entire state not filled with soulless fabricators and masturbator liberals. I fear for my physical and spiritual safety travelling to Satan’s playground.

          • Our Brothers tread on seriously dangerous grounds. California is the breeding ground for liberal pro masturbatory, heathenism. Simply choosing to visit such a horrible place takes the spiritual power of God. God left California a long time ago. They are almost completely lost to super Lust.

            Hallelujah, my brother.

            Amen.

          • It is better than Florida, where I lived before moving here. Trust me on that one. Brother Lonnie has not ordained that I be with Him and His flock in Arizona just yet. Perhaps, someday.

            Praise.

  2. By giving into ScLIENce, he lost all praise he earned in this life. Giving into in just once is grounds for the Lord’s mighty will.

    • No doubt, my son. The steel bird was full of Self Rapeing sinners. Our Lord laid his hand of salvation upon the sinners.

      Amen.

        • Possibly, but being that he gave himself to the cause. A righteous pure cause. And only for that. He may be with the Lord as we speak. Self sacrifice even though Sin, is admirable. Only when done for the greater good. Our Lord Jesus did just that. I can only pray for him, and for this to be so. Be still with God, my son.

          Amen.

        • John 5:21-23 

          For as the Father raises the dead and gives them life, so also the Son gives life to whom he will. The Father judges no one, but has given all judgment to the Son, that all may honor the Son, just as they honor the Father. Whoever does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent him.

          He gave his life for a Godly cause and asked Jesus for guidance, my son. In that selfless act was his salvation.

  3. Isn’t that the mummy of Ramses? You know the one that’s is 3000 years old, not 115 years old, that aged by air and natural parasites not by masturbating one time. How can a body shrivel that fast in a matter of minutes after the person has just died? This is the link and the credited owner of that photo : (LINK REMOVED DUE TO TRIGGER WARNING COMPLAINTS)

    • I don’t see any resemblance – Mr. Browder’s corpse isn’t even facing the same direction as the one in this “magazine” you’re talking about. Unfortunately, many dead masturbators look alike.

      As for your alleged “natural parasites and air” and 3000 years “theory”… none of that is possible as the world is only 2014 years old. Seriously, it’s not even possible for something to have aged 3000 years. Maybe in 986 years from now something that died instantly after the creation of Earth could age 3000 years but not yet. Quite frankly, your lack of faith in Faith Science disturbs me.

      However, thank you for reminding the editor here that the photo credit for Mr. Browder’s death image was missing. The editor is outsourced from some foreign country and sometimes he misses these things. It’s correct now and I’m sure Dr. Staples is pleased.

      • If it is Faith Science, yes. Real scLIEnce doesn’t exist. As a man of God, I can not be an evil hearted man. But Ramses is never once mentioned in any of the books of God. Which therefore makes you a heathen liar.

        May the Lord have mercy on your soul. Well, what’s left of it.

        Amen.

          • (translated by Google Translate™)

            As women and men McCourt, who subscribe to the Internet at great deals on Computer Solutions in the Philippines. We surpassed suggestions for you about the new Apple Ipad Mini for $ 353.44 only for the network 4G AT & T and WiFi. Act fast as the supply limits. Exclusive Offers Just for You McCourt and other subscribers. No, you will help me in the evening or afternoon, ladies and gentlemen? Thank you.

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            “All it takes is faith and trust. – Peter Pan”

  4. As you have removed my link for “trigger warning complaints” the picture is indeed the exact same photo in this “magazine” as it is in the photo in this article. If you remove my link then you much find them offensive and as only two people have replied I see no reason to. They may look at their risk as it was not forced upon them. I do not appreciate the editing of my comment and I find this offensive and would ask you not do this again. I simply wish to express my opinion as you do yours. This is the link again and I would ask out of the kindness in your heart if you do have any would be to let people at their own satisfaction look at it and form thier own opinions:
    (LINK REMOVED DUE TO TRIGGER WARNING COMPLAINTS)

    • Links are not allowed in the comments here due to the increasing amount of people who have complained about the pornography that gets posted in the comments. This is something that will automatically happen on a schedule after the site detects someone has tried to post a link in the comments section. Also, just because “only two people replied” doesn’t mean that thousands may have seen the link and potentially have been offended by what you shared.

      As I said before, I went to a secure computer and looked at the link and while I didn’t personally find it any more offensive than the standard carcass of a dead masturbator, this netsite has rules. I suppose you won’t appreciate it when the next sweep removes your link and replaces with the same text within the next 20 minutes. You can blame the vile deviants who constantly post links to pornography for how offended you feel.

  5. Again as I have said before I have not forced anyone to look at this link, by simply staring at a number of letters and digits how can these “thousands” who have seen the link become offended? I do believe if they find this to be offensive as it is the exact same picture as above only flipped then they may not need to look at this article at all if they so do feel this way. If this netsite has rules I do believe that they need to be posted where the comments are made.

    • As I’ve stated, we are a growing netsite and a lot of our computer services are outsourced and we’re working on replacing these vendors as funds allow.

      Due to complaints about heathens trying to share pornography on the comments, linking and posting of pictures and moving pictures has been disabled. You may have noticed that your attempts to post a link resulted in just text and not something that could be clicked. Even after implementing that we still received many complaints from concerned parents that their children were able to “cut n’ paste” the text into Internet Explorers and view horrid things. Because of that we had our tech company put on the link replacement program to look for text that looks like a Worldwide Web address and replace it with other text. It’s not perfect, but hopefully the funding we are set to receive for 2015 will allow us a better method in the future.

      Again, I do not run this netsite, it is run by Brother Lonnie Childs so any user complaints need to be taken up with him and his Council. I am merely a vessel to share his Faith Facts™ with the world.

  6. I copied McCourt’s link and pasted it on the computer in the library and now Windows is showing that bad news blue screen thing. I’m telling Lonnie.

  7. I would enjoy seeing these complaints and reading the as this child would have to scroll passed the picture at the top to get to my link at the bottom giving them a chance to look at the picture your website has posted. Basically if you are willing to look and paste that photo then I see no harm in a link to the actual source of the picture. And also if children are able to “cut n’ paste” and look at these thing then I think their parents should be monitoring their children as there is something wrong with their parents. Shame on them.

    • As this netsite is based around Faith and Family Values, we do hope that parents view this netsite with their children and make it an active part of their upbringing. However, as responsible citizens of the Worldwide Web it is our duty to make this netsite as “child safe” as possible. If that means sometimes legitimate things get caught up in the quagmire of pornography that deviants try to post here, then as of now that is acceptable collateral damage for Brother Lonnie and his Council.

      As I’ve said several times, we are a growing netsite and are still working at making it better.

  8. HEY EVERYBODY! McCourt thinks the photo at the bottom is some mummy that probably never existed because it’s older than the Earth.

    Go to Bing® and use the words Ramses and Time and prepare to not care.

    There.

    Now will both of you please shut up? I’m trying to rest.

    • As I have been using Bing to search the same thing comes up, if you are resting, I ams certainly not bothering you, I didn’t not force you to post that comment and I don’t not appreciate it since you are accusing me if you put me on blast. Go back to bed.

          • I am not menstating in fact I do believe that to the point you are assuming that I am shows that you are a male that has no regards for how women think. Be use with out a strong women you would not be here and I would ask you to respect them . And Bono “shut up” is bad language at its lowest form, as I have not used any such language with you or anyone has responded to me, I feel attacked by the supposed “supporters” of The Lord that taunt me with language that is not acceptable.

  9. I do hope you make this website as everyone is able express their views and that the deleting of links is thinned out because some have nothing that is wrong with them. Child safe as possible should mean a password and user account because many children are being exposed to the pictures on this website that are considered unacceptable by you but are still posited on this website. Adults will have to take more action to protect their from things on this website. Shame for the children to be exposed to things such as this article, I do hope you effectively make it better because this is unacceptable.

    • Well, no lessons learned here, McCourt. I got my weekly rations anyway, because this Brotherhood (and Sisterhood) looks out for their own. And the eagle arrived on time and it’s going to be bear jerky party all weekend here now.

  10. Well, I hope you’re happy, McCourt. Your constant complaints bothered my supervisor to the point he came in from the fields and contacted our vendor and got the image censored.

    Because he had to stop working on his plot of land, I’m being punished and won’t get rations again until Tuesday. It’s going to be a long weekend for me now. Great.

  11. McCourt. I was upset at both you and Sister Cathy for talking about something that I don’t care about. I have this netsite hooked into a bunch of amplifiers and speakers and every time someone posts or comments, the computer’s voice speaks the words out loud. I was trying to take a nap before I had nightwatch duty and the stuff about the mummy and lies about the age of the Earth kept going up.

    Jesus never told me that “shut up” was a bad word and sorry, while you too only have one name, I’m more inclined to believe the things Jesus tells me since I’ve spoken to him in other places besides the comments section of a netsite.

    And, Sister Cathy, don’t worry. I think Brother David will be able to sneak you some bear meat fresh off the grill on Saturday. We’ll make you sure don’t starve. I know Overseer Samuel gets overly upset when his plowing gets interrupted for any reason. The punishment is excessive in this case. We won’t tell anyone if you don’t tell anyone.

    • I appreciate the generosity, Brother Bono, but I’m not on the campound right now. I’m at home in California. Because Brother Samuel’s daily work was interrupted I am not getting my scheduled delivery of rations this weekend as planned.

      Praise.

    • The speakers are a great idea for all the people faint of heart to hear the words commented by some people and if the idea does not come to your head for maybe some ear plagues then you should embrace the words of others and learn from them. I have talked to The Lord as well and not just in the comment section but because he listens to everyone and he does not appreciate the use of language. But the lying is so much more of a sin than ever to go against the will of some one else. The shame of it, let that person deal with it and maybe they will learn, in this case what is offensive and what is not.

      • (translated by Bing®)

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  12. I do appreciate you getting it censored also that my name is on there is a great touch, do you do that for every one who complains of an image? I believe that you are issuing me for you not getting rations when you are following the word of god and you should be happy about that. Think of it as a learning lesson, some one must pay for what has been done and you are doing your part. I do hope you have a wonderful time with your no rations weekend and censored image..

    • (translated by Bing®)

      Hello, “masturbation STOP NOW” dot org users ‘McCourt’. I Evarish my badge and ID 731. I have been working on this case and following Computer Solutions Philippines protocol attached to your proper name to refer complaints are satisfied with our web censoring your satisfaction. If you want to order satellite television or internet service I can put you in touch with a customer service representative in the sale to be able to help you. I hope you have a great day and or night.

      Complaints received Brother Samuel Holloway. Client ID 1298754298745 United States: Arizona

    • (translated by Bing®)

      Hello, I Evarish badge and ID 731 again. Please ‘McCourt’ users to rate services on a scale of one (poor) to ten (ignition).

      Thanks to the time and place.

      For just $ 89.99 a month you get 87 channels and provides up to 15Mbps internets fastest downloads. Contact if interested.

  13. So why are you offering me a tv? I will thank you for the offer but no thank you just a good job on the name covering the photo.

    • (translated by Bing®)

      Hello, I Evarish badge and ID 731 again. Please ‘McCourt’ users to rate services on a scale of one (poor) to ten (ignition).

      Thanks to the time and place.

    • Hello ladies and gentlemen ‘McCourt’, congratulations joining Computer Solutions Philippines mailing list of discount electronics. You will receive hourly pay attention updated deals which can be ship to your area of the United States. Current deals Sony Play Station gaming platforms for $ 385.43 only for the direct plus postage.

      Contact if interested in special offers. Check your email for more deals.

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    • (translated by Google Translate™)

      Hello Sir or Madam ‘McCourt. Great deals on the upcoming season of Christmas toys for children. Frozen including Disney Blu-Ray and DVD Combo Pack. Confirmed mailing list register. Be around for good deals in the future. Welcome.

      —–
      Yanna -_- Badge ID: 112

      “All it takes is faith and trust. – Peter Pan”

  14. Holy shit is this for fucking real? Are you guys honestly that retarded to believe this? If he truly did die because he masturbated then its because his body couldn’t deal with it anymore as he was too old his heart probably gave out. Crazy bible bashers…

  15. Rev. Richard Tuggins, your holy book is a pile of lies and it speaks shit… Read a science book where it actually explains how the world came to be… It certainly didn’t happen in 7 days you child molesting bible basher. Also go to like any museum and look at evolution, im sorry but there was no god or entity involved in making this world. I have no problem with religion or religious people but stop calling people liars and shit just because you are ignorant and oblivious to the truth. You suck, you claim you dont masturbate but probably do it like 5 times a day like me. And there’s nothing wrong with that because it feels fucking awesome

    • So much hate and anger with you masturbators. Is truly bizarre why you act this way. Did i drag you here to this site to read my comments. I’m pretty sure I’m not David Blaine, or Criss Angel. I didn’t magic you here.

      1. Big museums are controlled by state and Federal governments. Take the Smithsonian Institute for example. They blatantly withhold findings in order to perpetuate “Your” History books with false facts.

      2. With that in mind, would it be so hard to believe that the same “Scientists” don’t misconstrue the “Books” you read into making you believe what they want you to believe? I would bet you never contemplated about that one. Just like Old man Columbus discovered America. Yeah, keep believing that one.

      3. How old are your science books? Its OK. Ill wait. Ill take a guess as a I wait. Not as old as the Holy Bible or the other holy writings. You can believe the newly created information. Ill stick with what has been passed down for centuries.

      4. How is preventing a child from abusing himself child molestation? While you are looking up your science books age. Look for a dictionary, and find the word imbecile.

      5. We never call people liars. Just heavily, super heavily misinformed. That is a big difference.

      6. “Bible Basher”? You do understand what that means, correct? The complete opposite of what we stand for. Again, use that dictionary some more.

      7. Explain to me how one “Looks” at evolution. Am I to assume you are 2014 years old and have watched a certain species actually evolve. And they have this on display at museums? That is fascinating .

      Here is what I suggest. Pick up the bible. Stop injecting the Marijuana’s and stop melting brain cells via Self Rape.

      Maybe then and only then, will you realize how you are completely and utterly wrong.

      Praying for your death.

      Amen.

  16. You don’t really believe that he died from masturbating do you? If you do that is ignorance at its finest.

  17. You people spend too much time backbiting each other instead of calling for God’s wholesome hellfire to rain down on masturbators. Have you considered joining a Penitente community in New Mexico where you can perform numerous acts of self -mortification in God’s name?. You may even be selected to be a Christo, and get crucified at year’ s end. Glory to God in the highest!

  18. This is hilarious. You really think masturbating kills you? Now I’m a Christian but even I think this is taking it too far. I bet you anything that the picture no link was never there it just was there to make it look like it was there before. Is also not a “sin stick”. If it weren’t for those then YOU wouldn’t have been born.

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