Faces of Masturbation

Fetal Masturbation Syndrome: The Silent Epidemic

(STOP MASTURBATION NOW NEWS) — Perhaps you’ve heard of it. A woman in your family or close circle of friends is pregnant and ecstatic to share the news. You watch in awe as her belly grows. Yet, months later, there is no baby.
For years doctors have simply used the term miscarriage to describe this event. However, what really occured is something more dark more sinister. Fetal Masturbation Syndrome, or FMS, is a condition in which the embryo, too unintelligent and without a strong faith, masturbates its self into a frenzy and subsequently dies of a massive heart attack.

Is Your Embryo Masturbating?
Is Your Embryo Masturbating?

You’ve seen the faces. The 3D ultrasound pictures that women so garishly post on social media of the inside of their wombs. Babies, in their most simple state. But wait! Is that a smile or an expression of pure ecstasy?
These fetuses are all considered high risk pregnancies, as they have found their sin sticks and caves and must be monitored regularly using a process called Fetal Stress Tests. Ultrasound technicians monitor and track the rate of masturbation also known as Masterbations Per Hour MPH.
Faith workers are developing an intrauterine anti-masturbation devices to combat this issue. We at Stop Masturbation NOW will keep you posted on the latest developments.

About Christina Mcierncock Rubright 9 Articles

Christina McIerncock Rubright is a beautiful 99.678% normal Asian woman who plays a pivotal role in the Stop Free Will NOW Children’s Summer Camp featuring Carman Liciardello. She is also a Femmespirational Speaker and hopes to someday find love with a same race assigned spouse.

22 Comments on Faces of Masturbation

  1. source is cited as “brother lonnie’s UNIVERISTY of faith facts”. It must be real.
    UNIVERISTY UNIVERISTY UNIVERISTY UNIVERISTY UNIVERISTY UNIVERISTY UNIVERISTY UNIVERISTY UNIVERISTY UNIVERISTY UNIVERISTY UNIVERISTY

    an UNIVERISTY must be like a university, except everything is real and factual, because university + veracity = UNIVERISTY, specially brother lonnie’s UNIVERISTY of faith facts

  2. Brother Nikita, removed my uterus with his bare hands as I was deemed at being high risk of this discusting syndrome.Praise that man!

  3. So basically… fetuses start masturbating before sexual organs are developed. Am I right?

    God fucking damn… And I thought my life was useless before reading this article, Unless this website was made by trolls, in that case you guys are doing a wonderful fucking job.

  4. Simple facts propbably overlooked by your Fonny university:

    1. Physics: baby’s arms are too short to even reach their belly…how in Heaven are they going to reach their genitals?

    2. Mechanics: As you people probably have never masturbated (yeah right) in your life you wouldn’t know that it takes some level of coordination and precision to masturbate (for both sexes and even more for women). Baby’s don’t have coordination to carry this acts.

    So you show 3D pictures of baby’s in the womb smiling, yawining and/or opening their mouth and you think they are having an orgasm?

    Seriously?

    • Tania we are discussing human embryos not T-rex embryos. So your arguement about arm length is invalid.

      • No, I don’t think you understand, dear. A baby, even after being born, does not have arms long enough to reach their “sin zones”. It is not only stupid, but literally impossible that a baby would be masturbating inside the womb.

  5. I want to believe ths is a troll site. I dearly want to believe that this is a troll site. Please let this be a troll site. Please

  6. This is the most retarded thing on the internet. Actually no, the website in general is just a shit ton of ignorance and stupidity and overly religious, stuck up, bible thumping prick who think God is everything.

    1. God doesn’t exist. Theoretical physics and particle physics analysis both suggest this, yet no evidence is available. I suppose the people who want to believe in His existence get off to throwing themselves off of a cliff blindly.

    2. There is 100% certain FACTS about fetuses in the womb. They have arm and leg movements in the late stages yes (your mother probably felt aforementioned movements too), but the coordination that masturbation takes ON TOP OF developing stem cells, white blood cells, and organs to live have a higher priority than movement coordination.

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