Introducing the Anti-Masturbation Cross: Safely Train Your Children To Keep Their Hands Off Their Dangerous Sin-Zones

Parents, have you ever imagined your child masturbating? Do you worry what they do when your back is turned? Do you fear that they will fall into the grip of Satan?

Worry no more! Introducing the Anti-Masturbation Cross®! Designed by STOP Masturbation NOW engineers, this wondrous restraining device allows you to go about your day without the nagging suspicion that your offspring are treating their bodies like some kind of perverted amusement park.

Now discounted at $199.99, this miracle of modern Christian science is available at www.stopmasturbationnow.org
One size fits all, appropriate for children ages 5-16.

Praise!

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607 Comments on Introducing the Anti-Masturbation Cross: Safely Train Your Children To Keep Their Hands Off Their Dangerous Sin-Zones

  1. Horny Mctouchmyslef // June 30, 2014 at 4:57 pm // Reply

    THIS IS THE DUMBEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN, AND I WATCHED THE FIRST EPISODE OF JERSEY SHORE.

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    • Black Lip Nigga // June 30, 2014 at 5:01 pm // Reply

      Amen nigga

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    • Erich Sean Erich Sean // June 30, 2014 at 5:06 pm // Reply

      You have masturbation rage! Praying at you now!

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      • Masturbation rage? I for one feel relaxed after.

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        • Erich Sean Erich Sean // June 30, 2014 at 5:44 pm // Reply

          You can lie to yourself but you can't lie to us. Why don't you go and selfrape in front of some cops? Bet you'll feel reeeeaaalll relaxed then. You sicken me.

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          • How am I lying? And why on earth why would I rub one out in front of the police? I'm not an animal. Just a human being with an IQ above 75 (unlike yourself unfortunately).I think, you sir need to get laid. Give a shot. Marijuana too.

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          • Erich Sean Erich Sean // June 30, 2014 at 6:52 pm //

            "Marijuana too." No shock that you're a hemp bonger. Self rape and marijuanas abuse go hand-in-hand. Appalling.

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          • Yeah. Damdest thing, huh? Who would have guessed a pot smoking masturbator could ever be so successful?

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          • Zachary // July 1, 2014 at 7:44 am //

            Hahahaha, guys just look at Erich, he is as dumb as it gets, seems like he is devoid of any form of critical thinking, yet he is still clueless about the fact that it doesnt stop him from talking through his ass.

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          • I masturbate, and I've smoked pot, and I'm also a high flying estate agent with a lovely family and more money than you could dream of. Oh, and god is about as real as the Easter Bunny :)

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          • Why don't you fuck your wife in front of some cops?

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          • SatanJudasDevilLucifer // July 21, 2014 at 6:46 pm //

            Uuuuuhh, I'm pretty sure masturbation is consensual, as it is between one person and him(or her)self. Therefore, "selfrape" isn't even close to a valid description. Also, the dude isn't lying. Masturbation feels good and doesn't make you angry. Deal with it. If you think otherwise, then nobody with any sliver of intelligence or the ability to think for themselves has any reason to listen to anything you say.

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          • daft cunt.

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          • You can't self rape the willing.

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          • Erich, are you, like, actually for real? I mean, I know you could be, but I'm really hoping somebody couldn't be as stupid as you. I'm a Christian, but you give us a bad name. This whole website gives Christians a bad name, and the only reason I'm on here is to ridicule it. It's like a Westboro Baptist Church homepage. Anyway, if you're serious, your stupidity is really funny, to me. Keep up the laughs, my friends think you're funny, too. P.S.: I self-love constantly.

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          • I hope you burn in hell you sick demented bitch, go fuck your self with a parsnip

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        • Dude he's trolling you. This is obviously a satire site.

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      • I'm jacking off to your pic right now as we speak. You look like one of those little bitch boys who enjoys having his sinful entrance stretched and welcomes the warn hard glory into his glory hole.

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      • Tafranklin // July 21, 2014 at 6:45 pm // Reply

        What you've been saying is one of the most insanely idiotic things I've ever heard. Everyone on this site is now dumber for having read it. May He call down a plague of pornography and flying penises upon you, and may He have mercy on your child abusing soul.

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      • Umm your just dumb, masterbation is like kissing a god!

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    • This is freakin' hillarious. In my country we call it child abuse

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      • Ivan Strogenov // July 4, 2014 at 9:50 am // Reply

        In my country, joke doesn't get YOU

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      • You must be from Mexico then where the worst type of people on this planet come from. Only a Mexican would laugh about child abuse. May Saint Lonnie bless you with his Golden Shower of Enlightenment and turn you into a more normal person. Praise!

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        • I'm from Mexico and we don't laugh about child abuse, you're really misinformed. I'm sad for your judgmental attitude. We don't even think of using this "blessed" thing.

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        • I'm Mexican and I don't laugh about it. So many people, mainly caucasians, come up with all these dumb things about what Mexicans do & what not & it's so stupid. I've gotten bullied many times before & called all these names for being Mexican. So you're irrelevant. Have a great day :)

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          • Marta, I'm from California, and I'm white, and I for one love Mexicans... love their culture, their dedication to family, and their hard work. And I love a nice latina accent... damn sexy...

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        • goldenshowerpower // July 28, 2014 at 4:17 pm // Reply

          Um, first that's racist and "god" is suppose to "love all his children" that includes the WHOLE WORLD and second you don't ever feel enlightened after a golden shower...probably more sticky :/

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        • Arianna Grande // August 2, 2014 at 5:53 pm // Reply

          A golden shower....? Does he pee on you...?

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        • Gracie, I can't tell if you're being serious or not. If you are, you're one of the stupidest people I've ever met, and on par with your buddies, on this website. They're not laughing about child abuse, you fucking racist(by the way, how is THAT not some great sin?), they're pointing out that this fucking immobilization torture device IS child abuse.

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        • Paul Rosales // August 7, 2014 at 8:37 pm // Reply

          I think you guys are so set against masturbation because lame asses such as yourselves would probably never get the chance to reproduce. You know in the back of your head, though not willing to admit even to yourselves, that's all you'd be doing and you and your dimwitted kind would eventually fade away from existence from lack of effort on trying to get laid. Oh and now your racist God fearing people as well, huh? I am willing to bet not a single person involved with website are half the person I am. I am of Mexican descent and I can only imagine the the fucking inbreeding that your ancestors were up to. You see Mexican people have no history of inbreeding. No matter where you come from originally you can't say the same. So fuck you with that worst type of people on the planet shit. I am tattooed, educated, and Mexican-American. My family on both sides have been here for generations. Before California was annexed to the U.S. in some cases. You and your kind are like dogshit on the sole of my shoe, something repulsive and foul.

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          • Milton Grits Milton Grits // August 7, 2014 at 9:52 pm //

            I guess you schooled us then. Laughing out loud on the Internet!

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        • Somebody is racist!

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        • I'm jacking off while looking at your pics.

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        • no surprise you are a racist given the fact that you are fucking retarded

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        • Iloveto"selfrape" // September 11, 2014 at 11:57 pm // Reply

          I for one love to Self love to some latina pornography.

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        • masturbationisfun // October 9, 2014 at 7:32 pm // Reply

          lol you're an idiot

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        • In my country(US) I called the cops on my neighbor when she used this and I heard the kid screaming, now you have 3 guesses to see who's facing child abuse charges

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        • haha, you said golden shower //snicker//

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      • Jackie Treehorn // July 28, 2014 at 1:38 pm // Reply

        you're obviously a chronic masturbator

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    • Common sense // July 9, 2014 at 1:20 am // Reply

      I don't understand the Pray For and Pray Against buttons they both sound like they are disproving no matter what. When people say I'll pray for you something horrible is happening and praying against you sounds like you want something horrible to happen to them so you can pray for them instead. Plus masturbation improves mental and immune functions. So people who are against it keep doing what your doing you'll die before the rest of us and give us sane people some peace and quiet.

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    • This is child abuse

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    • this site is a fucking joke // July 20, 2014 at 1:05 am // Reply

      shit like this is why we have school shootings and shit, all you motherfuckers are fucked im the head, lmfao

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    • joe fireman // July 20, 2014 at 2:45 pm // Reply

      amen

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    • Not Erich Sean // July 23, 2014 at 12:29 pm // Reply

      'ERICH SEAN' lol

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    • Limp Dicked Jesus // July 25, 2014 at 5:04 am // Reply

      Everyone calm down! I'm pretty sure this site is a joke...It is right? I almost lost my mind when I read this shit. The fact that I'm not 100% sure it's a joke is almost more infuriating. Fuck it I'm burning down a church and beating off in the ashes. Watch me beat my meat God, Strike me in my lightning rod, and if you don't like what I do, I'll shoot my sticky load at you!

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      • You do sound like a chronic self-rapist. Most masturbators are highly violent people, and your threats to burn down a church are not surprising in the least. I hope that someday you will see the light, and realize self-rape doesn't just hurt you, it's hurts your family, too. I'll be praying at you.

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        • bridgetbrown // October 6, 2014 at 6:19 pm // Reply

          Never will understand ur dumb ass sayings wtf how tf is it self rape do u even know the definition of rape -__- rape is unwilling wtf is unwilling n shit about masterbaiteing when it's normal u guys are basically saying anything tht is not, hat. U like is unnatural and wrong and we will go to hell for our "sins" if there really I's a God he would probably send u dumb asses to he'll Cuz I'm pretty sure he'd be embarrassed of u hell even the devil would be wtf all of this shit better be a joke or smh this world is doomed beyond compare

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    • Notbrandon // July 27, 2014 at 7:41 am // Reply

      Does this come in adult sizes? And is there a way to lock in yourself?

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    • FUCK HER RIGHT IN THE PUSSY

      AFTER I TOUCH MY SINZONE

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    • Fuck Erich, you're a gay cunt, listen to yourself! Find a bridge and jump off please, you worthless piece of shit, seriously you're depriving oxygen from people that could benefit from it unlike yourself and your zealous little buddies. As a religious person myself I find this whole website a fucking joke, what sane person would use this on their child? I wouldn't wish this on "normal" people but none of you are, so I hope (fingers crossed) that maybe you can all actually be raped, so you can see what rape really is. I would spit on you, you're trash, so do everyone a favour, just kill yourself and take your views with you.

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      • No man. Even if this site is a complete joke; you don't wish rape on anybody. If you knew a victim you would know it's not funny. Self rape, sure thats hilarious... it doesn't exist. You're religious huh? What would your god say to you if he heard that? Way to kill the vibe with your profane hate. Jackass.

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    • Masturbation // August 10, 2014 at 1:53 am // Reply

      I know why they wanna forbid masturbation!
      YOU SHALL NOT WASTE TIME TO HAVE SEX WITH OTHERS AND BECOME PARENTS AT VERY YOUNG AGE!
      Let them become more and more...

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    • Devout Worshipper of Jesus Christ. Amen // August 23, 2014 at 9:56 am // Reply

      As a happily married man of 15 years, my wife and I felt an overwhelming desire to express their gratitude of the creation of this God-sent product. However, since I only allow myself and my male children access the internet ( since women are too vulnerable left alone without male supervision ) , my wife will not be commenting on this video and instead my views will also express her views.
      As I was saying, since the production of this decency device my wife and I no longer fear the the lustful grip of Satan perverting the innocent thoughts of our beautiful four children.I am therefore able to happily recommend this anti-self rape cross to any good self-respecting Christian who worries about homosexually rapacious thoughts ravaging the developing minds of God's future Flock.
      I recommend that you immediately purchase this Satan-banisher and quickly twist the limbs of your precious offspring into the likeliness of the One True God Jesus Christ to protect them from the insatiable desires of sex and Homosexuality.
      For my children, each day I would force them into the Holy Cross position for upwards of 10 hours without food or water to make sure those perverse thoughts suffer and are subsequently purged from the minds of my precious children.
      One day I found my oldest son of 8 years, Jacob, intently starring at the Sin Spot of another honourable Christian boy, and I can happily tell you, after a week of being strapped into this Holy Homo- Hater (and with routine beatings and exorcisms), that his unholy desires are now dispelled of.
      So I urge you all to purvey of this Anti- Masturbation Cross made by God's Knights ( The builder's and engineers of this Holy Haven) as I and my wife are able to report happily that the mind's of my babies are now purged from sinful thought.

      I hope you found this enlightening.
      Christopher.

      P.S. I wish for all of you to pray for this Godly parable and I hope that all of you fellow Christians share in my success story by praying against the heathens who are without doubt going to curse my wife for curing our children.

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      • You keep proclaiming your children no longer have sinful thoughts due to this device...no device can take away those thoughts, only physical actions.
        Your thinking is delusional & perverse.

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        • Devout Worshipper of Jesus Christ. Amen // September 12, 2014 at 5:10 am // Reply

          After praying long and hard on your comment, I have found your advice enlightening. I will no longer just strap my beautiful children to this holy device, I will also commence the expulsion of Satan from the innocent bodies of my offspring through the "physical actions" that you have suggested. I hope that you are proud of me O Dear Commenter as I now employ routine beatings and burnings to aid in my childrens absolvation in God's eyes. I especially enjoy employing the burning method as I find it really scares my children from falling from God's favour and into the Infernal Pits of Hell.
          So once again I thank you dear sheep of the One True Shepherd for aiding my in the discovery of an even more effective way of staving off the insatiable desires of Homosexuality and sex.

          Bless you dear Son,
          Christopher.

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      • bridgetbrown // October 6, 2014 at 6:28 pm // Reply

        O.K ur extremely sick and should have ur kids taken away from u God damn how the fuck are u even allowed to have custody of your kids and wife when u obviously abuse ur wife saying that all women are to weak minded for the. internet and also abuse ur kids God they must hateeeeee you same with your wife unless she is completely brainwashed to thing ur more powerful then her smh sad sad human being

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        • Devout Worshipper of Jesus Christ. Amen // October 9, 2014 at 12:34 pm // Reply

          Dear Commenter,
          You assault my eyes with such Satan Speak ! I furthermore do not appreciate the insults given to me when, each day, I toil and trouble to ensure my beautiful children follow the Path to God's Palace. You seek to belittle my actions through your Stinging Slander but need I remind you I am merely God's Vessel for which his Sacred Sentience is being channeled through.
          And in relation to my " brainwashed" wife, I am happy to say she is grateful for my recommendation that she give up her job in favour of devoting every single waking moment of her entire life to the Parish's Preachings.
          Finally, I wish to correct a one of your many false posturings. My wife and my children love me. I strive to ensure they say it to me each day lest they forfeit my Kingly Kindness given unto them by my Holy Hands.
          In closing I bless you O Lost Sheep that you may be absolved in Jesus's Jubilant eyes. But until then, I take great pleasure in knowing the torture your life must be to warp your mind so.

          Christopher.

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      • Hey my neighbor did that too, I heard her kid yelling something about not wanting to be locked up, being beat up by his father and being starved by the mother. Now guess who's facing child abuse charges?

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    • http://i.4cdn.org/b/1411111637682.jpg

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    • I will buy it for my 50th anniversary of my masturbatory CV.

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    • stopmemalkuth // November 6, 2014 at 2:27 pm // Reply

      *Side efects: A small portion of the teenagers that used this product developed a Bondage Fetish when they grow up

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  2. 1. Rape is non-consensual sex. If the kid choose to do it to himself then it's not rape. This trivializes true rape.
    2. Putting a kid in this thing is child abuse.

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    • Nikita Shalavin Nikita Shalavin // June 30, 2014 at 5:23 pm // Reply

      Consensual sex requires two or more people to consent. Rape only requires one person (the rapist) to consent. By masturbating, you are the only one consenting, hence, you are raping yourself.

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      • Masturbating is not sex. It's masturbating.

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        • Christina Mcierncock Rubright Christina Mcierncock Rubright // June 30, 2014 at 6:07 pm // Reply

          If there is a sexual organ involved, its sex. And If its only one person involved, and that person is yourself, its incest. And unless your genitals have vocal cords and can give consent, its RAPE!

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          • Well by that rock solid logic, sex of any kind would be rape too because my Penis didn't vocally approve this. No. That is easily the dumbest thing I've read all day. My (and everyone else s intelligence has been decreased by reading what you have posted. Congratulations.

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          • I urinate using my penis, a sexual organ. Are you implying I can get laid just by pissing? Wow...I've been doing it wrong this whole time.

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          • Old sophist // July 1, 2014 at 9:03 am //

            "If there is a sexual organ involved, its sex." Can't disagree.

            "If its only one person involved, and that person is yourself, its incest."
            Not at all. Please review the definition of incest.

            "And unless your genitals have vocal cords and can give consent, its RAPE!"

            In fact, it's the other way round: my genitals demand and I consent or don't consent.

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          • So when you procreate with someone you got married to its still rape since your genitals don't have a voice. And here I thought the Westboro Baptist Church was bad.

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          • michelle d // July 1, 2014 at 2:18 pm //

            did i...am i....is this real life???

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          • Ok so by that logic washing your sexual organs is raping them and you wouldn't want to do that right?

            remind me not to stand too close to you !!!

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          • Gabe Athouse // July 4, 2014 at 9:49 am //

            LOL @ Jimmy.
            The Joke
            -------------------
            Your head
            Do you guys get angry when the Onion hits too close to home also?

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          • ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL

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          • Whilst washing my genitals I realise I may have just water boarded them by your logic and they didn't even make a sound.

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          • darnel slapcock // July 19, 2014 at 8:07 am //

            Mrs rubright. My name is darnel slapcock. We should pray together all night.

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          • OMG, you are so right! I never thought about it in that way. And what about the innocent hands? Aren't they victims of this evil ploy as well? Come to think of it, is that what they mean by idle hands?

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          • im self raping myself all over your face right now.

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          • So by your logic all sex is rape, your can't and never will be able to consent to anything so by your logic every human, every time they fuck, it's rape.

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          • Christina, first off, you're an idiot, and second off, you look more like a rapist, than anybody I've ever seen.

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        • Er, I'd say: masturbation IS sex, but I don't see how sex with yourself could be wrong!

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        • Bo_strangles // July 24, 2014 at 11:59 am // Reply

          Do they make these in adult sizes? I love bondage.

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      • That was so stupid. You people are the ones that make religion seem a massive contagion of ignorance.... GOSH
        Did you check what psychologist say? This is simply basic. Goddammit! Always fomenting intolerance and hatred among human beings

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      • No rape requires one or more person(s) to NOT consent

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      • David Hartley // July 2, 2014 at 7:40 pm // Reply

        With twisted logic like this, it is useless trying to point out your abuse of the English language

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      • Nikita you seem to be a very intelligent person. How you look, what you write... I might rape myself later thinking of you....

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      • Free Thinker. // August 30, 2014 at 10:21 am // Reply

        Good thing I don't choose to press charges on this dashingly good looking rapist of mine, I'm not sure if this site is pure satire or you're all a bunch of bible-thumping numskulls. I'm praying to my lord and savior Lucifer to wipe your deadhead mind from this earth so that one day everyone may "self-rape",be married to the same sex, or follow whatever path in life they may choose without a false deity following cult to tell them otherwise.

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  3. Hahhaa this is the dumbest thing I've ever seen, fucking stupid ass Christians. LOL sex is fantastic.

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    • Christina Mcierncock Rubright Christina Mcierncock Rubright // June 30, 2014 at 6:08 pm // Reply

      This is not about sex. It is about child rape molestation. Which is illegal in all 48 states!

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      • 48 states? Might I ask the name of your Geography teacher so I can pray her soul never has to know of your ignorance.

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      • Wow. Did we LOSE two states when I wasn't looking? Was it like when scientists decided that Pluto was no longer a planet? Pluto probably shrunk because of Galactic Warming due to all the friction generated by all the masturbating going on!

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      • Would you agree that 'child molestation' is stopping and frustrating the normal course of the sexual discovery of a child? Or would you call stopping the normal course in name of goddamn prejuices, which will later cause REAL sexual deviations?'

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      • laughing at stupid people // July 1, 2014 at 9:37 am // Reply

        Wow. You are a true troll, teach me in your arts

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      • Katie Redelinghuys // July 1, 2014 at 10:57 am // Reply

        You are so ignorant; you need to go back to school because clearly you have no idea of what sex is.Crawl back under the rock you came from, you'd do us all a huge favour.

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      • Yes, this makes sense. Let's immobilize our children to "prevent" rape. Ever seen silence of the lambs? This is how the red dragon is born. You people are sick, twisted fucks.

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      • Dear Christina, I'm jacking off to your pic right now as we speak.
        Kind regards

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      • Christina rub me, right?

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      • Wow... im an European and even i know that the United States of America has 50 states... you are freaking pathetic.

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      • Im finding very hard to keep my hands of my sin stick while looking at your profile pic Christina.... I need help

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      • Korean Jesus // September 6, 2014 at 1:34 pm // Reply

        Jacking off to your pic right now!

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    • All this thing needs is a gag across the mouth and those good Christians can use this device to molest children. Are they marketing it to priests for the alter boys?

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  4. wow, you are a special kind of stupid, aren’t you?....

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  5. I'm masturbating to this website right now. True story. I'm gonna blow my load all over a pic of the Virgin Mary too. Give her the ole Divine Money shot.

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    • That's how I made you Jesus! I could not taint marys little virgin pussy with my massive, throbbing god cock; so I did the right thing and just fucked her titties while I watched Mohammed fuck her ass; and than blew the cum into her dirty middle-world hair canyon to save everyone.

      Come to think of it, after you left she turned into a total whore. I would materialize into a new animal every weekend; and she would fuck me like the rapture just ended. Even took a barbed lion shaft for forty five minutes once.

      That woman was... one stretchy little whore.

      Sorry bro I know that's your mom and shit... but you're supposed to be all enlightened and whatever, it shouldn't bother you that much.

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  6. clearly smarter than you fools. // June 30, 2014 at 6:19 pm // Reply

    The fact that this exists is appalling. The fact that people actually support the use of this is so mind boggling, I think I am now dumber for having visited a website that people like this frequent. I'm horrified. Any parent who puts a child in a restraint like this deserves to have their children removed by CPS.

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  7. This going to be this year's "Tickle Me Elmo" at Christmas time. You may think this is "appalling" or "dumb" but you won't think it's very dumb when your children are literally begging for one this November and Brother Lonnie is sold out until 2015. Way to ruin Christmas for your kids.

    Praise.

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  8. SIXOFHEARTS22 // June 30, 2014 at 6:37 pm // Reply

    I am currently masturbating and worshipping my dark lord; satan while also listening to black death metal. Also, this weed is strong, man.

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    • Erich Sean Erich Sean // June 30, 2014 at 6:56 pm // Reply

      Enjoy being sodomized by Satan.

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      • Sorry, Erich, but Satan BOTTOMS to me. And he LOVES being sodomized by me!

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      • http://www.minutodigital.com/imagenes2/imagen6.jpg brother look at this photo of our savior jesus Christ and pray with me

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      • Oh ok your a christan yet you wish hell to people ok. Where the fuck does it say you cant masturbate

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      • I'm going to enjoy it so hard that even you will feel it

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      • Gregzinoo // July 2, 2014 at 8:22 am // Reply

        Your actually a Skank... You Useless Cunt Go Rape a Cat You Fucking Weird Jahova Slag, Go Out and Have a Laugh And Have Fun with your life instead of pretending Your the one making the rules here and Telling people they are raping themselves, Go and Actually Get some Friends...

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        • derpyrabbit // July 11, 2014 at 7:55 am // Reply

          I aM a FaGgOt WhO cApItAlLiZeS lEtTeRs RaNdOmLy FoR nO oThEr ReAsOn ThAn BeCaUsE i Am A sKaNkY wHoRe WhO wAnTs To WaTcH sOmE sKaNkY cLoSeT hOmOsExUaL fUnDiE rAeP a CaT iN tHe AsS aNd CuM iN iTs BuTtHoLe LiKe In SoMe ShItTy YiFf MoViE tHaT i FaP tO rEgUlArLy WhIlE ShOvInG a ViBrAtInG BuTtPlUg Up My AsS aNd I aLsO wRiTe FuCkInG bOrInG rUn On SeNtAnCeS tHe SiZe Of LoNg MaThEmAtIcAl PrOoFs AnD cOuLdNt ReCoGnIsE a GaY tRoLl On A sAtIrE WeBsItE tO sAvE mY oWn MaNgY aSs AnD aLsO cAnT uSe ThE pUnCtUaTiOn

          Erich probably has fundie parents and faps, and trolls people who masturbate online to handle the guilt. He also looks like a 15-year old closet homosexual ready to burst into tears.

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      • Jdjsbusjsbsjsm // July 2, 2014 at 9:44 am // Reply

        I guess you're the reason why bin laden bombs peoble

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        • the President // August 5, 2014 at 9:36 am // Reply

          Im the president and I take blame for that, but he is the reason I gave the orders!

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      • YOU, and all the other extreme religious people on this forum are the reason people turn from, or hate religion!
        God had two absolute rules "LOVE people, LOVE God". If you want to live in good morals, and really want to change the world for the better, perhaps you should knock off the high-&-mighty, holy-art-thou, I'm-better-then-every-person-who-isn't-me attitude, and try being more accepting of people, not to say you have to accept their choices. Jesus was friendly to EVERYONE, He loved EVERYONE!!!! No matter what people's choices are YOU have NO right to judge or condem people to Hell!! Leave that task up to God!! I'm sure everyone in this world will be a lot happier if we all stopped tormenting each other, "you leave them alone and they'll leave you alone!!!"
        Anger and hate for other people is only causing you harm, cause as you notice nobody you hate gives a crap what you think!!!

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    • Julian Taylor // July 1, 2014 at 5:12 am // Reply

      You sure showed us by coming here to confess your current ungodly pursuits - that's a very original sentiment btw, your masturbating while reading our holy netsite. I sure wouldn't have thought to type that! :)

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  9. I'm getting one for my non same race wife. Who knows what tomfoolery she's up to while I'm at work. I don't trust anyone with darker skin than me.

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    • Erich Sean Erich Sean // June 30, 2014 at 6:56 pm // Reply

      Bless you, Brother!

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      • pouhaha this website is the funniest thing I have ever read! You guys should show this in a comedy club you would make millions!!! Especially this retarded Erich Sean guy!!! Wow really I just cant stop laughing when reading this idiot! Keep on the retarded comments you are just proving the world that you sir are one hell of an idiot!

        On a side note by looking at his ugly ass face I can imagine that he must really need this shit if I where as ugly as him I sure as hell would be masturbating all the time and could not focus on anything else. I would be addicted to my own dick cause no one else will ever want it! Amen to that we would not want this moron to put children on this world.

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      • this has to be a fucking joke right?..pls tell me this is satire

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    • Katie Redelinghuys // July 1, 2014 at 11:00 am // Reply

      Hahaha you're being sarcastic, right??

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    • Bahahabababab

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    • You racist. How can you not trust them just becaues the complexion is different. Really your not a good person. And if you cant trust your one wif we than why are you mareied and why does it matter there color

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      • Mikkel Jürs // July 1, 2014 at 4:32 pm // Reply

        Clearly, you didn't get it Darren. LOL

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      • David Hartley // July 2, 2014 at 7:44 pm // Reply

        I've got nothing against black people. Every white family should be permitted to own two

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  10. clearly smarter than you fools. // June 30, 2014 at 6:52 pm // Reply

    I can't tell if Cathy is joking and making fun of this, or if she's drinking the kool-aid and likes it, but I'm going to go with joking, because that's the only way I can seriously take any comparison of this contraption to Elmo, LOL! So, cheers, Cathy. well played. :)

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  11. Damn Christians are fucking stupid.

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    • Ifsatanhadamistress // June 30, 2014 at 7:50 pm // Reply

      But the guy that thinks this website is real is really intelligent

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      • WankingWithKids // June 30, 2014 at 10:57 pm // Reply

        For real... The only thing that continues to surprise me about this website is the number of absolute full retards getting their panties all in a bunch because they don't realize it's a joke.

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        • Prostate cancer and other masturbation related STDs are hardly a joking matter.

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          • Cancer is an STD? Really? And how exactly can a disease be transmitted through masturbation? Transmittion can only happen when two or more people are involved.. You are not even trying to think are you

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          • Chronic masturbators often resort to drug use in order to cope with guilt and shame associated with trauma of repeated self-rape cycles. It won't take long before you catch the AIDS from sharing dirty condoms with your roommates under the bridge.

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          • Julian Taylor // July 1, 2014 at 5:27 am //

            Masturbation is the gateway drug to homosexuality, and brother Nikita has had heartbreaking first hand experience in attempting to nurse homogay masturbaters back to spiritual health. When the soul is unhealthy it is not long before the body becomes equally unhealthy, and this is most frequently evident with the big C and the AIDS penance.

            Bless.

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          • HolyMotherOfStupidness // July 1, 2014 at 9:04 am //

            Ejaculating frequently actually helps preventing prostate cancer, There's a REAL research on the matter, look for it.

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          • Wrong, pervert. Once the masturbation has made you a gay, you will be spending most of your free time having rough unprotected anal with complete strangers. It's only a matter of time before you catch prostate cancer in a dirty bathroom stall.

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          • Pretty sure masturbation is the only true way to be sure not to get an STD. Thank you your ignorance knows no bounds

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          • Chronic masturbators often resort to drug use in order to cope with guilt and shame associated with trauma of repeated self-rape cycles. It won't take long before you catch the AIDS from sharing dirty condoms with your roommates under the bridge.

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          • Says the man with a nude picture of him on his profile

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          • David, I can't help it if I look great because I eat smart and never masturbate. Maybe you can stop player hating, let go of your penis, and get a gym membership.

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          • AikoNight // July 3, 2014 at 1:53 pm //

            STD= Sexually Transmitted Disease.. 0.o How do you get an STD from masturbating? Oh right YOU CAN'T!! lol

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          • Chronic masturbators often resort to drug use in order to cope with guilt and shame associated with trauma of repeated self-rape cycles. It won't take long before you catch the AIDS from sharing dirty condoms with your roommates under the bridge.

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          • McVitas // July 4, 2014 at 2:46 am //

            No, people just stop masturbating or do it much less when they mature. Simply because it stops being that good as it was before! There is no reason to be ashamed, because everybody does it or have been.

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          • AikoNight // July 3, 2014 at 5:13 pm //

            No no no, you got it all wrong. Would you like me to draw a picture, so you understand? Anyone have any markers, this little boy Nikita needs to learn the basic 101 of sex, and masturbation.

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          • Will this picture involve a penis? You strike me as someone who likes to draw penis. And look at penis. Penis.

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          • The chronic masturbator // July 19, 2014 at 6:29 pm //

            Are you fucking retarded? Cancer isn't an std you fucktard,you can't get cancer from having sex you moronic assplunger.And how can masturbation turn you gay you moronic dipshit? I'm straight and i have a girlfriend, and i've masturbated before,where is your cold hard evidence ranger dick.

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          • the President // August 5, 2014 at 9:46 am //

            The only thing nikita be shalavin is dick down his throat. He hates when u masterbate because that takes from the cum loads he gets to guzzle.
            Im the president and he sucked my slong ryin to get me to stop masterbating. Just sayin, my hand works so much better. Trim the goatee. We dont like bush

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        • I wish it were a joke, but I don't have the feeling it is! Did you read the comments of this Nikita-fucker and this Erich-moron?

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          • How do I get 40 "pray against" within the 5 sex... sorry: secs I posted it?

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          • McVitas // July 6, 2014 at 3:40 pm //

            this counter is somehow fucked up. You get exactly 32 pray against immediately. Is there a contact directly to webmaster so he can fix it?

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          • Mr. Bates // July 28, 2014 at 2:07 pm //

            I know! And his name: Eric Sean? Sounds like "Erection"! What a self-raper. Hail Satan.

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    • Katie Redelinghuys // July 1, 2014 at 11:05 am // Reply

      Not all of us :( I think this is the biggest load of bull I have ever seen, too, and I'm Christian. But this... It's just ridiculous. It's no wonder we are constantly viewed as idiots. I'm still trying to decide if this website is a joke or if they are being serious. If it's the latter, I feel very, very sorry for them. Honestly. To live with such hate and prejudice... I have no words haha

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  12. Grell Sutcliff // June 30, 2014 at 7:16 pm // Reply

    Ok, that thing is basically restraining a child and therefore it is child abuse. Masturbation is NOT rape. Rape is if your are forced to do it against your will! Why would someone even make this. Yes, I respect your religion but this is going way far. Masturbation is actually considered healthy and natural, especially for teenagers. Here's some links proving my point. Educate your self!

    http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/masturbation-facts
    http://www.menshealth.com/health/health-and-sexual-benefits-masturbation
    http://teenadvice.about.com/library/bl10thingsmasturbation.htm

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    • Ifsatanhadamistress // June 30, 2014 at 7:48 pm // Reply

      Calm down you idiot the whole website is a joke.

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      • Considering some of the billboard signs actually payed for by Christian interest groups...

        Still not sure how many of the commenters are trolling... and how many are serious...

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        • Let us know once you get to the bottom of this mystery. Let's not take any chances.

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          • if you are serious then miss you need real help!!!
            Try holding you breath for a few minutes and letting some of your brain matter die you may become smarter that way... You are clearly not on the right path at this moment. Masturbation leads to std and drug use wow...
            What leads to drug use and masturbation is idiots like you that dont have a real clue of how things work in life! Use this on one of your kids and your sure to bring a serial rapist or murder with huge drug abuse problems. Masturbation is normal as is sex and anyone who says different are just plane stupid or mentally unsound!

            also blowing off you load has been proven to help reduce the risk of prostate cancer in men. So to all men on here continue on wanking and spraying your load on a daily basis your prostate will be glad you did when you are 80 years old and can still have a boner to fuck your old lady!

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          • Dear Masturbator,

            You're not making ANY sense, which is typical of a chronic self-rapist. Please try to calm down and explain what is it that you are really trying to say.

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          • the President // August 5, 2014 at 9:52 am //

            Dear niki. And yes I remember u loved when I called u niki when u tried to show me masterbation wasnt right, u know exactly what hes talking about.
            Im the president and I approve my message

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      • This comment is usefull for all those who take it seriously although the website is a joke ;)

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        • It's not a joke, I'm afraid, though I'd wish it were! Read their stupid comments, you'll see!

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      • areyoufaqin'serious? // July 22, 2014 at 7:05 am // Reply

        Nikita, are you serious? If you are, I am sorry for your ignorance. Raping requires two people. If all of the people involved agree to have sex it is not rape. Masturbarion involves 1 person.

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    • Masturbation

      Masturbation is not evil, dirty or harmful - it will not make you go blind, drive you insane, turn you in to a pervert, stunt your growth, give you an STD, make you sterile or get you pregnant.
      Both guys and girls masturbate, it is a normal and healthy part of sexual development.
      Masturbation is a very personal thing and should not be done in public places or around people who are not willing partners (think safer sex activity).
      You are normal if you masturbate, normal if you wonder about it but don't do it, and normal if you never give it a second thought and don't do it - it is one of the few things in life that is "normal if you do and normal if you don't".
      Masturbation may make sexual intercourse more enjoyable because you will already know what it takes to "please you".
      Masturbation alleviates stress and releases endorphens (the pleasure hormones) in to your system making you more relaxed.
      Masturbation as exploration of the body is common in children between the ages of 3 and 6, in teens masturbation becomes more sophisticated and sexually motivated.
      Surveys have shown that 80% of males and 59% of females have masturbated by age 18.
      Many experts believe that masturbation is more prevalent in the teen years due to a strong fluctuation of hormones; masturbation alleviates the strain of this build up and is a necessary part of development.
      The only real problems that come with masturbation are psychological and are the result of unhealthy or weary attitudes toward doing it (if you do it but are ashamed) or abnormal practices (for example, public masturbation).

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  13. Dear sweet me this has to be some kind of joke. You do realize that if you don't let your kid whack it at night, he's just going to find other, less safe places to spank his little monkey. Hell, I rub on out in the bathroom stall at work on occasion.

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  14. Wait. This is a joke, right? Come on, it's gotta be.... That's fuckin' child abuse! Let a fucking kid be a kid, for fucks sake. All this Christianity bullshit is what is what drives children to kill kids and go insane!

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    • Masturbating children is funny to you? What are you? Some kind of pedophile comedian?

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      • funny or not. Disallowing children to explore their body only leads to sexual dysfunctions and traumas in maturity and THAT is not funny!

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        • Masturbation is the biggest sexual dysfunction of all. If we can stop masturbation, we will stop prostate cancer, AIDS and Homogayness!

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          • you offend me // July 2, 2014 at 8:45 am //

            Oh dear, you're a special kind of Stupid aren't you. You think AIDS is a result of masturbation? Really? You're the same kind of idiot who back in the 80's thought it was something that only affected the homosexual community. Not that i've checked the facts (though obviously, niether have you), but if anything, masturbation, and therefore a regular release of semen can possibly avert prostate cancer - not cause it.

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          • https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1493967844165991&set=a.1473142926248483.1073741828.1473085312920911&type=1&theater

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          • McVitas // July 3, 2014 at 2:06 am //

            It is Nikita's life story! There is no other way he could know this all that well.

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          • It's true. I used to live a lie. I was a leader of a Russian Prison Homogang and have once put a 12 gauge shotgun inside of myself on a dare. Brother Lonnie has saved my soul and shown me a new way to live.

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          • The chronic masturbator // July 19, 2014 at 6:33 pm //

            I think evolution missed you christian fucktards lmao

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      • Ihavea B. Igcock // July 21, 2014 at 10:32 am // Reply

        How can 6 year olds cum?
        I am sure you can cum from age of ~13-50+

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  15. Mr. Beator // June 30, 2014 at 7:38 pm // Reply

    This website has to be a joke there is no way this is real.

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  16. Ifsatanhadamistress // June 30, 2014 at 7:44 pm // Reply

    This is hilarious

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  17. this is child abuse any way you look at it! i believe its called unlawful imprisonment! if you are one of those people who believe that masturbation is a sin and that's what you want to teach your kids i feel bad for them but they are not my children so i cannot say anything unless you are hurting them or are putting them in this awful traumatizing contraption! there are much better ways to teach your children that they shouldn't masturbate than locking them up like dogs! i have no suggestions on how to teach kids not to touch them selves considering i'm "pro-masturbation" may your god help all those poor children that have and will be tortured in this awful device!

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    • Letting your children masturbate is the real child abuse. You're turning your child into a child molester! Great parenting pervert!

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      • just see my comment above...

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      • They are not going to turn into child molesters because they masturbate you fucking idiot.

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        • By masturbating, they are having sex with children. This makes them child molesters. Who's the idiot now, idiot?

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          • Masturbatimus Prime // July 3, 2014 at 3:27 pm //

            Masturbating is no sex, it's masturbation. This is not just your average stupid, this is advanced stupid.

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          • You stimulate your sex organ. You climax. It's sex.

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          • You do realize that sex must involve at least 2 people, right?

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          • Nikita Shalavin Nikita Shalavin // July 26, 2014 at 12:56 pm //

            I know everything there is to know about sex. I'm a Cultural Attache for crying out loud.

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          • the President // August 5, 2014 at 10:02 am //

            Niki isnt lying, sure knows alot about blowing coxks. Maybe learned it from brother lonnie. I abandoned the program becsuse they wouldnt let me masterbate. Kept lockin me in a dungeon where they would suck my dick for hours... freaky shit! I think thier views are twisted. Btw, I still masterbate. Ur tortures didnt work!

            -president

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  18. Sure you don't want to pound a few nails in to be safe, you people are some kind of freaks. Does it say in the bible thou shalt not pleasure thyself???

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  19. Lmao whatever kid was put thru that will end up shooting a high school or something. And if they don't I give them some serious props lol

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  20. lol.. way to misinterpret there Erich. that was actually directed towards Nikita, but from the looks of things, you must be a special kind of stupid too. I'd like to stick around, but I got some fapping to do. while I'm at it, I'm going to fuck the shit out of this blow up fuck-doll while thinking about your Mama...

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  21. Guys....I think this isn't a joke.

    I get you people think masterbating is bad and all but why restrain your entire kid? What just cause he's on the computer he's looking at porn? There's a thing called a chastity belt. (Not that I reccomend it) but if you must it's there for a reson

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  22. wow, i'm touching myself right now watching some hot sexy lesbian porn while gluttonously eating tootsie rolls, pray for me, motherfuckers!

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    • Dear Lord above why can't even one masturbater be original or at least mildly amusing? Why Lord??

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      • yolo butt swaggington // July 1, 2014 at 6:33 pm // Reply

        Because satans trident is so deep in my ass I can flick the vibrate button the my dick

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      • Because self-rape kills brain cells. Plus, when you add in all the marijuana abuse I'm sure is taking place, it's a wonder they can even understand basic human language. It's sad, really.

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  23. Might I mention to yas, that in most states this device would be considered unlawful restraint, which would result in the removal of your children from your home by Child Protection Services (or whatever your state happens to call their branch of government dealing with child safety)... permanently

    While I can understand the reasons behind the religious view, and respect that you have a right to your own views, I also feel that substituting one form of abuse for another is not acceptable.

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    • They would have to find our compound first. ATF keeps missing it so we're not too concerned about other government agencies. Praise!

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  24. ChasteForever // June 30, 2014 at 10:17 pm // Reply

    I'm so happy that this product is now becoming mainstream. I made a similar device for my daughter when she was 9 years old and I caught her self-molesting at night, while looking at pictures of other girls! Now she's 14, and I've found a much older husband for her. Her husband-to-be still insists she sleep in her cross, and now she's pregnant! Either the shape inspired immaculate conception, or she's pregnant from having sex with a man as God intended! She's not too happy about my choice of her husband or the pregnancy, but, I couldn't be more proud of my daughter! None of this would be possible if I let her self-rape herself into being a HomoGay!.

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    • Julian Taylor // July 1, 2014 at 5:38 am // Reply

      I am very happy to hear that your daughter has received the Lord's blessing! ^_^

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    • Let her find her own husband and let her do whatever the fuck she wants with her life..... sure most people find it more normal for guys to masturabate but let her be.

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      • Katie Redelinghuys // July 1, 2014 at 11:13 am // Reply

        I think this is all a joke dear. Everyone is trolling x

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        • So, you are happy about your daughter being unhappy twice? YOU ARE A FUCKING BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD FATHER!!!!!!

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    • you are happy right? having an unhappy child with your choices and one much older hushband than her?!!! you are pervent did you know that? hope you will die soon so that child will be free. AND HOW THE FUCK CAN WE FIND WHO IS THAT PERSON BEHIND THAT ACCOUNT TO CALL THE POLICE? DOES ANYONE KNOW ???

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    • Ur a horrible person homogay is okay . Homogay is okay HOMOGAY IS OKAY CHASTEFOREVER

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    • So you would rather have a unhappy daughter who doesn't get to make her own decisions than a happy and free one? I'm glad you've got your priorities straight you fucking idiot

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    • The chronic masturbator // July 19, 2014 at 6:38 pm // Reply

      i just cant even

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  25. Are people really that gullible? I'm guessing in America they are! Get a grip and see it for the joke it is. At least Christians can laugh at it. If it were ridiculing Allah, you'd get you head chopped off my some fanatical cunt!

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  26. Are people really that gullible? I'm guessing in America they are! Get a grip and see it for the joke it is. At least Christians can laugh at it. If it were ridiculing Allah, you'd get you head chopped off by some fanatical cunt!

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  27. This website is fantastic! Thanks for the lulz. Time to go beat my dick like it owes me money.

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  28. El Masturbator // June 30, 2014 at 11:51 pm // Reply

    Well, good laugh. Time to go rub one out, smoke a bowl, pop a couple oxy and blast some Metallica

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  29. I purchased fifteen of these wonderful devices for my various children and they work wonderfully~

    Thank you so much for this wonderful device!! ^3^

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    • Julian Taylor // July 1, 2014 at 5:42 am // Reply

      I am very happy that you are satisfied with your purchase. Praise on high! :)

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  30. And this is the exact reason why I'm not a Christian.

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  31. Man, after reading the article, and browsing the website, and reading the comments section, I STILL cannot decide if this site is real (and run by COMPLETE IDIOTS), or fake (and run by TOTAL GENIUSES). If the goal is to make Christianity look terrible, you are succeeding in the best possible way. IF the goal is to promote Christian ideals is a positive manner, you are FAILING in the worst possible way imaginable. Good luck either way, you'll need it.

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  32. Since when you need consent from your own body to do something with it? Personaly I can't recall an occasion in which my stomach gave me consent to eat..So I guess I have been force-feeding myself for the past 20 years..
    Your body gives you consent -or not- for everything you do through your mind. It tells you to stop eating when your stomach aches or to stop running when you are out of breath. So masturbation is not self-rape.

    And I don't really get the point of christianity being the religion of love towards other people when you are so proud of your so called invention that locks people up, especially children

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  33. To all of you pedophile comedians that think that masturbating children are "a joke".

    Why don't you visit your local children's cancer AIDS ward, and tell the child rape victims how "funny" you think their situation is.

    There will be a special place in triple-hell for heartless human waste like you.

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    • You are the heartless human waste, you are the one blinded by your "religion of love" ready to tie up your child on a cross and make it feel bad for its body and sexuality. You are such a hypocrite. Why don't you start a stop-rape campaing and try to help with a real problem rather than torturing physicaly and psychologicaly children?
      Maybe you should try imagining someone locking you up in a machine that forced you to masturbate against your will just because his religion said it was a sin to not masturbate

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      • Julian Taylor // July 1, 2014 at 5:46 am // Reply

        I would very much like to hear precisely how Nikita is "such a hypocrite". :)

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      • Um... a machine that forces me to masturbate? Sir, can you please put the nurse in charge of you on the line?

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        • You'd love it, you moron!

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        • Serj the Selftoucher // July 28, 2014 at 7:40 am // Reply

          What I find so fucking hilarious is that there are people out there actually taking Nikita seriously...I'm in tears lmfao @ this....

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    • There's a special place in hell for haters bruhdah why u hatin on masturbation and homosexuals bruhdah

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      • Because fuck you Jimmy Rustler, that's why.

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        • Ian Bertolini // July 3, 2014 at 11:27 am // Reply

          Ohh fantastic answer! Way to back up your meaningless argument! Really hard to argue with THAT logic! :D *starts slow clap*

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          • And fuck you as well Ian Bertolini. (are you still clapping?) Tell your mom I said hello when you're done. She'll know what I mean.

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          • the President // August 5, 2014 at 10:16 am //

            -Continues the slow clap-
            Niki means tell ur dad hi, by the way, he will know what u mean

            im the president and I approve this message

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        • Ian Bertolini // July 13, 2014 at 6:06 pm // Reply

          Your stupidity burns much hotter than any hellfire you speak of, my good sir. The autism is strong with this one.

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  34. Phil Mc Rackin // July 1, 2014 at 4:36 am // Reply

    man everyone is retarted XD look at peoples names befor taking shit as real XD Eric Sean,Christina Mcierncock Rubrigh LOL good joke anyways got alot of people pissed off XD so linking this to my facebook p.s god is fake and so is this webpage its made to get you to add an email for them to sell to spam sites :) hints why i registerd a fake :)

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    • What's wrong with their names? I don't see any indication of their site being fake in it! I'm afraid this is fucking real. Some people really "think" like this!

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  35. The Unclean One // July 1, 2014 at 4:54 am // Reply

    I AM THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS, THE DARK LORD, THE DECEIVER, THE SERPENT OF OLD.
    I AM MASTURBATING TO THE PHOTO OF THE BOUND CHILD.

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  36. SmokeWeedEveryday // July 1, 2014 at 5:00 am // Reply

    I am 15 years old, I smoke weed and masturbate everyday so my dad bought me one of these last week... unfortunately it has not worked. I grind on the top surface till I cum, and then fall asleep while my clothes are covered in cum, please pray for me :(

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  37. It is a known fact that masturbation is developed in communist labs for purpose of draining the americans out of their precious bodily fluids.

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    • Whoohahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

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    • It's a known fact that even animals masturbate... the communists... right! :-D

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  38. This is the type of shit that begins the chain of events that leads to school shootings in the kid's future.

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    • 100% of school shooters masturbated. #themoreyouknow #Faithfacts #notevenonce

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      • Ian Bertolini // July 3, 2014 at 11:35 am // Reply

        Yes and 100% of people who drink water die! Doing something natural won't change you like that and that statistic is completely irrelevant. Idiot.

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      • Carlos Danger; good name, coz that's what you are: a danger to humanity! As I said before: of course they masturbated, at least they were normal at that point!

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      • GodHimself // July 25, 2014 at 7:14 pm // Reply

        Every school shooter ate bread, so you are against bread too?

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  39. sebz parz // July 1, 2014 at 5:53 am // Reply

    I taught my dog to un strap the middle part and with his rough tounge he lick it for me and does the job and all this time my hands are free...wierd right?

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  40. Puber T. holmes // July 1, 2014 at 6:08 am // Reply

    Religious fanaticism in its purest form. Next they'll start stoning masturbators and nailing gays to crosses. I thought the human race had evolved beyond the dark ages. Oh oops these people don't believe in evolution. Guess they'll do like dinosaurs and eventually become extinct

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    • Fingers crossed on the stonings brother!

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      • Seymour Dicks // July 1, 2014 at 8:32 am // Reply

        Amen brother! All these liberal fanatics on here think that masturbation is SOOO great. Well ITS NOT. Anyway if a cross was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for my children.

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    • It's blasphemous to put a HomoGay on a cross in the image of our savior Jesus. I am praying at you for suggesting it.

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  41. David Hartley // July 1, 2014 at 6:22 am // Reply

    There are so many Christian f&%#wit morons in the US, nothing would surprise me, but I must think positive, realising that many American boys will no longer lose their eyesight.

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  42. true jesus // July 1, 2014 at 6:32 am // Reply

    This tickles my beam "bone"

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  43. Your fanatical shit ... How about a treatment for schizoid?
    Crazy with you is that construct the woes in the "land of freedom"!
    After the call Brazil and the countries of South America underdeveloped?
    Jesus Christ ... You guys are crazy bastards bitten by some crazy worm!
    Fuck you idiots!

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    • Seymour Dicks // July 1, 2014 at 8:29 am // Reply

      Fuck you you liberal cocksucking cunt. I know for a fact the only reason you are against this device is because you want kids to explore their sexuality so they can be lured to the rape dens you run all across this country and underdeveloped countries. You're just a sick old fuck who likes to cum on my 10 sons buttholes. Those are my buttholes! #Godloveseveryone #furryfuckdate #JesusisLord

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  44. Fucking bastards...
    You and you fellows make this world a great shit to live!
    Self rape? Are you sick?
    I guess you were raped by a priest in your church!
    Friend look for a treating!

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  45. http://www.minutodigital.com/imagenes2/imagen6.jpg
    even the Lord do it!
    AMEN!

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  46. U know a device like that is child abuse. Dont EVEN try to try me its not i was in ece. A device like this is forced restraint. U should be locked up at least in a looney bin. First a minister against gays which i personally gave a piece of my mind now u people agajnst masturbation. GET A LIFE

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    • Seymour Dicks // July 1, 2014 at 8:23 am // Reply

      You're the one that abuses children. You obviously want them out of this device so they can explore their sexuality with you. How many 12 year old boys have you touched this week. You even admitted you were in the ECE (Exploiting Children Everyday) so stop trying to act like you're saving my children when I know they're much better off in this device.

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      • Why do you morons keep on confusing children masturbating with adults touching children?

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  47. You Christians fanatics are just freaks. People like you should not live in the 21st century, no wonder you guys stick around the suburbs cutting yourself away from normal people.

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    • Seymour Dicks // July 1, 2014 at 8:19 am // Reply

      You're the freak that loves to let children masturbate #Godisgood #Jesusislove #bronypower

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  48. Yeah, I'm pretty sure this device would be considered child abuse. You really need to get your values straight folks. Strapping a child into a crucifix to make sure they don't masturbate.... that is truly evil.

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    • Seymour Dicks // July 1, 2014 at 8:17 am // Reply

      Child abuse? Malarkey, if God didn't want us strapping our children to anti-masturbation crosses, why did He make this device?

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      • you offend me // July 2, 2014 at 8:56 am // Reply

        Well, since there is no such thing, or entity, as God, he/she/it didn't make it - you did, child abusers!

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      • Oh, god made it??? That changes everything!!! So he made it an just dropped it from heaven??? Well, than, in that case, it's just great! Praise the lord! Hale-gerkin'-luya!!!

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  49. This device is a pedophile's wet dream!! Restrain a child so they can't struggle as they are molested. All these stupid bible thumpers are so worried about "self rape"(which is complete BS BTW), but they don't seem to understand that it would totally leave an innocent child at the mercy of potentially harmful adults. Sickening!!! I REALLY hope this is all a joke. But either way, how scary that anybody would be willing to even entertain the thought of using it!!

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    • Seymour Dicks // July 1, 2014 at 8:15 am // Reply

      Why would anyone joke about something so righteous and godly? Jesus died on the cross so that we could put our children on anti-masturbation crosses.

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      • YOU MAKE ME PUKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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      • eh...i dont really think..thats true though. Thinking about it its kinda ridiculous dont y think?

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  50. Seymour Dicks // July 1, 2014 at 8:13 am // Reply

    Jesus came to me in a dream and told me to buy one for my 12 year old son son and my 3 daughters (they're 7, 11, and 14). They work wonders to make them stop masturbating. The only problem now is they can't get out of this contraption to fuck each other. How am I ever going to get a child that'll keep my bloodline pure if my kids can't fuck?

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  51. NormalityReignsHere // July 1, 2014 at 8:20 am // Reply

    FHM did a poll once to find out how many of their readership self-pleasured. They published the results.

    99% of respondents admitted to having the odd five knuckle shuffle, the remaining 1% were called lying b******s

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  52. Mike Hunt // July 1, 2014 at 8:30 am // Reply

    This is bullshit. A kid can masturbate. Okay, it's against the bible, what the fuck. We get it. I'm catholic, and even I understand this. We all make mistakes. WE'RE FUCKING HUMAN. But, as long as Christians go to confession, and basically say we're sorry, then we're fine. This is child abuse, from any angle. You tell your kid to stop, or take away his phone or something. You don't fucking tie him up. This is why I, A FUCKING CATHOLIC, hate Christians like this. Complete and utter bullshit. Why don't you realize that god gave us free will? And if, you really WANT to go throughout this bible shit, go ahead and take a look at the story called the PRODICAL SON you dumbasses. And, furthermore, this isn't rape. It's masturbation. That's why it's called, there's nos at an intervening or anything bullshit like that, it's just your choice. It's also your choice to go to confession, he'll it's your choice to believe in god. This isn't child molestation either. In fact, using this could promote molestation, considering kids have no way to protect themselves against pedos. Molestation is where a person over 18 touches a child under 18 in a sexual way, or other sexual activities. If both kids are under/over 18, it's sex. Plain and simple. I like the one guys answer up top: Why don't Yusuf fix REAL RAPE instead of tieing kids up to a fucking crucifix and stopping them from doing what they want? This is EXACTLY why I'm moving to the UK, to get away from fucking Christian idiots like you. (If this site was made to make fun of Christians, might I say, congradulations to you, mate. Fantastic work. If not, then 1. Buy a dictionary. 2. Go fucking to fucking vacation bible school, you dumbfuck. 3. Take this bullshit site down.)

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    • Virgin Hand Forever // July 19, 2014 at 10:54 pm // Reply

      So we're just supposed to encourage our children to masturbate in front of the virgin Mary while God watches in horror? What a twisted reality you live in. God impregnated Mary so she could give birth to the Lord Jesus Christ our savior. What if he had just committed self-rape instead? Then we'd all end in hell with the non-Christians. It's an abomination and shameful act bad sinful perverts.

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  53. Such Crap // July 1, 2014 at 8:37 am // Reply

    Holy shit. In Europe we sometimes forget that lunatics like you exist over there - thanks for the reminder, I'm sorry for your country and your children that have to suffer from your existence. Over here, strapping your child up in a thing like that is called child abuse, and thankfully it puts you in jail for many years.

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    • Such Crap // July 1, 2014 at 8:45 am // Reply

      And P.S I'm guessing it's called child abuse in most of your 50 (or 48 as you say) states too. I suggest you call the police and ask, you sick idiots.

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    • Seymour Dicks // July 1, 2014 at 8:47 am // Reply

      Europe is just a bed of heathens. Anyone who doesn't believe this is best for their children hates their children and hates God. #Godisgood #AIDSwascreatedbythegovernment #Jesusloveseveryone

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      • David Hartley // July 2, 2014 at 8:07 pm // Reply

        If England hadn't been glad to kick out and see the last of the religious nutcases that became your Pilgrim Fathers, England today would be a land of gun-toting, shoot-first-ask-questions-later, mentally-deranged people with homicidal tendencies. If you think this is exaggeration, why then does the "Land of the Free" have the highest murder rate in the civilised world? Canada has the same rate of gun ownership but without the murder rate. Go figure!

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        • David Hartley // July 8, 2014 at 4:57 am // Reply

          If 'pray against' equates to 'dislike', I note that not one of you have put any argument to refute what I state..... because you know IT IS IRREFUTABLE. Just look at what happened in Chicago on your national day- at least 50 shootings and nine fatalities. What other country does that on its national day? Over to you.

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          • David, it has been statistically proven that we have more masturbation here than anywhere in the world. Big Porn and Big Masturbation, which have worked to control our lives are the reason. Studies have shown that there is a direct link between masturbation and gun violence, and that masturbation is a gateway drug to other types of crimes like rape.

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      • Unless you mixed up with natives or blacks, you folks ARE Europeans!!! READ YOUR HISTORY!!!

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  54. Seymour Dicks // July 1, 2014 at 8:43 am // Reply

    God only gave us free will so we could build machines like this to take away others' free will. If you were a REAL Christian you'd know this. And what are you saying about crucifixes? Jesus was on a cross, but you're too good to put you're children on a cross? Are you too good for Jesus? Weekend Christians like you disgust me. #Godiseverywhere #jesusislight #tupacandelvislive #Godistheonlyway

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  55. Jebaćwastoprawdziwepolskieimie // July 1, 2014 at 9:14 am // Reply

    Polska nie aprobuje takich rzeczy!
    PS. Pierdolcie się

    ANG
    Poland does not approve of such things!
    PS. Fuck you

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  56. christian are really group of asshole // July 1, 2014 at 11:08 am // Reply

    degenerate !

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  57. So... where can I buy one?

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  58. Yourwarhero // July 1, 2014 at 11:51 am // Reply

    I'm going to pray for the person that thought of this, he really needs guidance to God's way. We have is free will for a reason. He made us the way we are for a reason. I also pray for the person who said they bought one of these. Not because it's wrong and that they got one of these and are about to ruin part of a natural developing stage from boy to man, but because he or she is probably lying.aboutt getting one.

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  59. Child Advocate // July 1, 2014 at 11:56 am // Reply

    This is abuse....masturbation aside...restraining a child like this is straight abuse. Restraining anyone without a court order or a medically issued order preventing legal self harm is abuse. If I ever saw someone restraining their child this way, I would immediately call the police and children's services. If a parent can't talk to their child about religious concerns and chooses to resort to this sort of "religiously-sanctioned" torture, that parent deserves to be in prison with other abusers of innocent children.

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  60. i bet jesus jerk off a lot when he was a teenager and jerking off IS THE BEST THING EVER TO DO!!!!!

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  61. This shit is great! Upon looking at one of these dudes Facebook pages, the acronym for his group is BLUFF. So very clever, because I was had at first reading of this as well as many others. Now you guys are my favorite people, ever. #foundMyReligionFinally

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  62. I bought one of these for my 6 year-old and it is working wonders. However, he is complaining loudly about having breathing difficulty when wearing it. Is there an adjustment strap I am missing? I do like the product, it seems to be working effectively. I had caught my child exploring himself in the bathtub and he didn't seem to respond to the beating we gave him. With this I haven't seen him touch himself at all. Please give some guidance on how to adjust around the chest and neck area. Bless

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  63. This is the most fucked up thing I've seen in a longtime. Your taking a religious symbol (the cross) that humans in all their infinite wisdom made to murderJesus. And your twisting that same artifact into something that prevents children from masturbating. The sick irony of that is so demented I don't even know where to begin. Also the definition of rape according to Merrian Websters dictionary is as quote, "to force (someone) to have sex with you by using violence or the threat of violence." Last time I masturbated no one forced me to do it, that's free will. Yet forcing someone to NOT masturbate is in itself rape by definition. You are literally raping masturbation and free will. Whoever believes in this bullshit is completely fucked in the head and it's people like you why today's important news is complete garbage rather than something actually meaningful. Thank you for reinforcing my complete lack of hope for humanity.

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    • By your twisted logic, if you have sex with someone who is asleep or drugged that is not your wife, it's not rape because there was no "violence." The truth is that when you masturbated, Satan was raping you through yourself. You were raping yourself because you could not control your own behavior. Lucifer had taken over at that point. I am praying that you see the light in Lonnie's wisdom and stop dispelling the twisted logic we have seen from you here. Bless

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      • Dark Lord // July 4, 2014 at 6:32 am // Reply

        ur delusional retarded view is stupid u fucking cunt theres no satan when u masturbate its ur leader who told u its satan! in actuality theres nobody else involved when u masturbate, but ur tiny brain is to stupid to comprehend dis simple fact... if ur leader said 2+2=5 or triangle has 4 sides ur gonna believe straight away without even think!

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        • Satan has enveloped your mind, your penis and your grammar. The truth hurts you because Satan is hurting inside of you. The truth is like scalding Holy Water on the devil's skin. I am praying at you. Bless.

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  64. Pray For (0)
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    • Pretty sure the dictionary definition isn't twisted logic it's what the word rape means. Plus I think it's hilarious you had to say drugged or asleep cause that's prolly the only pussy you'd ever receive. And either way I'm still going with free will on this one, I'd call it endorphins in my brain that tell me masturbation is great

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  65. Master Bait // July 1, 2014 at 2:22 pm // Reply

    I think the people who made this site should be locked away forever. They have serious issues

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  66. Cannot be truth (or only in U.S.) Insane & Crazy.

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  67. Master Debater // July 1, 2014 at 4:28 pm // Reply

    9gag brought me here.....

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  68. Praying at all of you filthy masturbators and child molesters!

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  69. OMG!!!, These is Child abuse, Jesus died to died to forgive our sins, not to tie our childs to these medieval torture.

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  70. ITT: people who wouldn't recognize satire if it started jerking them off

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  71. Christopher Eccleston // July 1, 2014 at 9:25 pm // Reply

    I'm 21, 6'4, 160lbs. I would like to use this device for my own personal use. I still suffer from self rape and my parents have never helped me. I now have my own independence and want to be saved by The Lord, and it starts with the anti-masturbation cross. Can this be ordered for my size, or just for children?

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    • Christopher, seriously, I don't know if you're trolling or not, but, first of all there is no such thing as a god, second: if there was, it would have created all universe and all that stuff, just to be preoccupied about what we do with our little pricks? Cum on! (Pun intended!) Keep on snocking and enjoy! Life is great, sex is great, masturbating is just marvellous! Keep on jerking off and stop worrying!

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  72. Faps McGee // July 1, 2014 at 10:17 pm // Reply

    The thing that I find most ridiculous about this is that they're trying to sell this piece of shit for $200! And discounted XD

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  73. Prepare to hear the rustling of jimmies
    http://imgur.com/gallery/jmnZeRS

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  74. You know what I find quite interesting? The fact that all the people who say masturbation is rape know more about it than they should right? If you are against it and good ole mom and dad bought one of these contraptions and used it on you maybe you all wouldn't know so much about self rape hmnnn

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  75. Child of Jehovah // July 2, 2014 at 5:05 am // Reply

    This is one of the most anti-christian websites I have every seen. You are Satan's servants in disguise. These devices are being sold to people that molest and abuse children. May you all burn in hell you sick freaks.

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  76. This is the most disturbing thing I have ever seen in my life!!!! If I ever find someone tying their kid up in one of those things I will report them to the police for child abuse!!!! I am a mother of 3 sons and God gave my children freewill and grace, I can only teach them Christian ways but they have freewill and must answer to God for their choices and ask forgiveness for their transgressions in life, because we have all and will all transgress in one way or another. But to do this to a child not only takes away their freewill but is cruel and demoralising and humiliating!!!! You might as well start hitting them physically with your bible when they make a mistake in life! You are sick! This is not what God wants! God wants our children to choose to love Him and not sin because of that love of God. Not to be forced and beaten or tied down in His name! Shame on you people for creating and condoning something like this! God is watching you!!!!

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    • you did not realize this website is a joke, but otherwise very well said ;)

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      • I'm sure it's not, McVitas, or are you one of them? I guess you hope it's fake, just as I did (do) but the more I read, the more I'm convinced it's not!

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        • OMG people, I think we are really doomed, if you are not even able to check the rest of the content of this site to realize this is just a very clever way of stirring discussion about this controversial topic. Nothing dead serious. Please just click here if you still don't get it ;)
          http://stopmasturbationnow.org/morals/profile-of-a-masturbation-disease-hypertrichosis-mhb/

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          • Still not convinced, McVitas... :-/

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          • McVitas // July 7, 2014 at 6:53 am //

            so you think the article I linked to is meant seriously do you?

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  77. When my son found about the fact that his mother is also his sister, his masturbating just got out of control. He is a strong lad so we use two crosses to restrain him, one on his back and one on his belly.

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  78. If the child is locked in this what is he supposed to do with himself?

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  79. Anonymous // July 2, 2014 at 6:01 am // Reply

    Oh my god, I feel dumber already for reading this! Erich Sean, you need to be sterilized as you must me the most ignorant and stupid person I have ever had the misfortune of knowing and MUST not reproduce for the fear of damaging a child that you bring in to this world! If you’re not a troll and you are serious about this please do the world a favour rip your modem out of the wall, so you can spare us all your ignorant garbage! Masturbating is rap? It’s your body you tool, sex is between two people and wanking is self-pleasure! I would expect this sort comment or site from a rape victim or a paedophile!

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  80. This website a joke right? Like theonion.com? I hope this is like... extreeeeme satire

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  81. Can I have the name and address of the company that makes this

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    • You can't even get them on the secondary markets at this point, unfortunately. They are running so far behind trying to keep up with the demand, which through God's grace has been overwhelming. I'll pray that through God's love you get one soon. I got one early when they were announced but when I went to order another for my niece, (whose parents are suspicious that she may be "exploring" herself), they were out of stock and on back order. I got her a pair of steel mitts instead, but we are still worried that she can rub her offending area up against something soft, like a stuffed animal or the arm of a couch. They may help you, though. You can find steel mitts here: http://www.communityblacksmith.com/catalog/rigidrestraints/steelmitts/steelmitts.asp

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      • Not why I want to know. I afraid that some paedophile is going to use this in their rape kit

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      • I feared as much can you tell me the address anyway so I can place an order. I getting the mitts as a temporary solution. Thanks andGod bless

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  82. Sandy Eggo // July 2, 2014 at 9:26 am // Reply

    This site is a joke as are all religions. Source: I was a tongue speaking bible thumping Christian foe over 15 years

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  83. "Self Raper" // July 2, 2014 at 9:36 am // Reply

    You guys disgust me. Anybody willing to put their child in this disgusting device, restricting their movement, should get their child taken away from them. You fucking christians are idiots and are making a disgrace out of the religion. Masturbation and sex are essential parts of life and shouldnt be treated as "sins". I dont see your bible say that anywhere. You guys must be so miserable, and your nuts are backed up worse than a dam

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    • The Holy Bible is clear on the issue of masturbation and the divine remedy for it. See Mathew 5:30, from the Sermon on the Mount, no less. The preventative measures we espouse are far more gentle than what God's wrath demands:

      "And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell."

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      • Self raper // July 2, 2014 at 10:06 am // Reply

        You really need to go smoke a joint and masturbate

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      • Enlightened // July 2, 2014 at 10:44 am // Reply

        "And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell." Simple solution: masturbate with your left hand! The Bible is clearly not against it

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    • If I can get the manufacture a dress I can report this to the better business bureau.

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  84. Tobias S. Sindre // July 2, 2014 at 10:05 am // Reply

    It is ridiculous that people don't understand that this site is for the lols and is only a joke. If you find the page on this site: "faces of mastubating", you'll se that the author of the page is: Christina Mcierncock Rubright (MciernCOCK RUBRIGTH). And at photo testemonials both guys have the same sheet of paper, and the one guy said he was fapping to star wars (which no one do!). This site is just to troll people, and that people even hate on this site is just an evidance that people are less intelegent ;)

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  85. I like when god watches me fap ;)

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  86. that's child abuse, and you are only people with a big trauma, god it's love and this is only violence. You need to teach the children in love. the people who support this kind of trash is only sick and unholy people.

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  87. The only way to get children on the right path is to teach them the horrors of the addiction that is masturbation! We must pray for these sinners! We need parents that care about how their kids act! The clear solution and first step to teaching kids not to masturbate is anytime they feel the urge, we MUST draw a line of cocaine out for them and then have them read over and over again 2nd Corinthians 2:13 ( the ambiguous sexual purity passage- you know the one Paul writes to the church of Corinth). This is the only way to cure this terrible masturbation epidemic! Masturbationcross+cocaine= stellar citizen! Bless you!

    f*cking ridiculous

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  88. Wow, you fuckers are cracking me up!!!

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  89. DaRealPreist // July 2, 2014 at 2:08 pm // Reply

    As a man of the cloth I only do God's divine work and right not God is making me stroke my holy scepter to the image of that beautiful, helpless young boy.

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  90. This web is really stupid // July 2, 2014 at 6:16 pm // Reply

    OMFG hahahaha I laughed so f-ing hard at the comments hahahaha
    this ppl is the epitome of stupidity that religion could've brought.
    you guys are some really twisted fks, how can u do that to a child? - feeling bad for the poor kid on the pic-

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  91. I am trying to get this reported for possible child abuse. Any help would be appreciated. If you know who I could contact for this to happen please let me know

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    • The only abuse going on is the self abuse and self rape. I don't think you understand that this is a useful tool for parents to end that, not the other way around.

      Have you tried the mitts as a temporary solution? The crosses are on backorder at the moment. They literally can't keep up with the demand, praise God.

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      • even cps (yes I called) said all needed to be able to report this is proof that a child is forced to use one. So yes it is abuse. Plus even my Christian parents and grandparents say this is a paedophiles dream come true

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        • My child uses one, and other than a few minor complaints about difficulty breathing, there are no problems at all. He has remained masturbation free since we put him in it. He even sleeps in it. Certainly isn't anything to call Child Protective Services over. Most of those people are neo-LIEberals, atheists and non-normals, anyway. They will be of no help in preventing self-rape.

          Also, if you have that many pedophiles in your family, (both parents *and* grandparents?), I would not recommend that you allow them around your child anyway. Even though they call themselves "Christian", having children around them seems to put both them and the child at risk for possible sin. Bless.

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          • That is why most child rape case happen in the church because the atheist are doing it right....look if you are going to help don't comment

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          • Dark Lord // July 4, 2014 at 6:54 am //

            agreed.

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          • What if the house burns and you can't get to him in time

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  92. Please, please, tell me that this website is a wind-up. I can't believe that anybody could be stupid enough to even contemplate putting their child in one of these contraptions. That is child abuse of the highest order.
    As for stopping masturbation, why would you want to stop a perfectly natural desire?

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  93. Marvin Barnard // July 3, 2014 at 3:13 am // Reply

    Julle is almal dom konte!

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  94. Dark Witch // July 3, 2014 at 4:46 am // Reply

    What it the child starts enjoying being bound like this ;)

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  95. The only thing that is more stupid than this product are the people who buy this. Wacko-christians never cease to amaze me with their stupidity.

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  96. Name (required) // July 3, 2014 at 5:26 am // Reply

    This is stupid and retarded. You are selling an abusive device for innocent children and giving the idea for child molesters! It's horrible, harmful and very dangerous. I demand the sale for this torturous device be stopped immediately and stop being a dick. This is why we need a federal regulation to put people like you under constant supervision to the fullest extent of the law.

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    • Zheltyy Titosky // July 3, 2014 at 9:14 am // Reply

      Why there are always people don't get this is a joke site?

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  97. Dr Pandit Mahatma, hyderabad // July 3, 2014 at 5:48 am // Reply

    Please, in the interests of inter-cultural understanding and compassion, can you produce one of these that may lock a child into lotus position whilst avoiding any of their roaming members counter Karmically interacting with their base chakra and causing unwarranted expulsion of their kundalini energy? It would be very helpful for their spiritual development.
    Namaste.

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  98. As a Christian, I PRAY for your twisted, sickened souls. Because one day you'll have to answer to God how COULD you TRAP and ABUSE your children in this ridiculous thing. How could you humiliate them and DARE (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) to call it a true faith. People like you shouldn't have children at all. All Christians in the world should pray for you. And above all for your children whom I pity with all my heart. AMEN.
    P.S.: Masturbation is NATURAL and given to us by God. It is only our choice, choice of our grown-up minds, not to do it. Certainly not to put a small child on a cross. Let them grow up and decide. If you tie them up like this, they will become deviants, low-esteem people, drug addicts and life long psychiatry clinic clients. And all thanks to you, 'loving' twisted parents. Shame on you.

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    • Only a sick masturbaton would declare such filth. It disgusts my true Christian heart to read that you think God game man such a foul act. For shame! For shame! #burnyoumasterbators #godislovenotmasturbation #palin2015

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  99. Youra Retard // July 3, 2014 at 7:23 am // Reply

    I was wondering if there was a thorn hat ring option? My kids would really like that. Also, can I hang them on the wall? It would be cool to hang my kid on a cross in the living room with a ring of thorns on her head for parties and get togethers.

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  100. Ian Bertolini // July 3, 2014 at 8:21 am // Reply

    Please tell me this isn't a real thing.......fuckin' Catholics, giving Christians a bad name -_-

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  101. Donna, statistics show that there are more children being raped through self-rape than so called "child rape" you talk about in the churches. We need to put our energy into the bigger picture here and end masturbation NOW. Once we rid our society of the plague of masturbation we can focus on some of the lesser issues you mention.

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    • Name (required) // July 3, 2014 at 9:38 am // Reply

      "Lesser" issue? Are you retarded? In no way child molestation is a lesser issue than what you called self-rape. Open your eyes. Child rape is REAL. Self-rape is a poorly drawn concept which has next to no solid grounds. God you are deeply brainswashed.

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      • If being a good christian, following the teachings of Lonnie Childs and devoting my life to the word of the King Lonald Holy Bible instead of flogging myself uncontrollably in the den of Satan is what you call being "brainwashed," then I'll take the so-called brainwashing any day. I know the Kingdom of Heaven awaits me and I am praying at you and other chronic masturbators.

        Yes, child rape IS real. Children are raping themselves all over the world because they're not following the teachings of Lonnie Childs. If you had not gone blind already from masturbation you would see that. Self-rape is hundreds of thousands of times more common than other so-called rapes. Yet it's NEVER reported on by the non-christian, non-normals in the LIEberal Media.

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        • Jessica Lynn Albright // July 3, 2014 at 3:29 pm // Reply

          Rape is forced unwanted sexual contact ...I'm having a hard time grasping the "self" rape deal. If I'm doing it to myself then it's evidently wanted o.0

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        • I tell you what your pastor Loonie Childs apparently has a sick mind. Look I suggest you get away from him as soon as possible and bring him to the authorities for questioning. He cannot lure people to condone child abuse. High security prison is a better place for him.

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      • Restaurant vols retardes // July 3, 2014 at 10:13 am // Reply

        Actually, although I agree with you child rape is a much much bigger issue, let me tell you that self-rape is also real either. Yet, self-rape is never fully caused by oneself I'm telling you good sir. It doesn't even help that the obscure term "self-rape" is actually an umbrella term which covers more than one topics which are remotely related to each other. It's better for us to use term "addiction" (self-rape due to lack of self-control, syndrome, under drugs, what have you), or "bullying" (self-rape due to external voyeuristic threat) instead.

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  102. Hello, im 14 and have been masturbating since i was 12 :D it makes my stress go away and i enjoy it too. The best part is my family is christian! My family respects me and my friends do too. And can i say too i "self-raping" right now. I love it too!

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  103. You have this on your site. But how do I buy one,

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  104. Doc Memory // July 3, 2014 at 3:03 pm // Reply

    Bunch of jagg-off's!

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  105. Doc Memory // July 3, 2014 at 3:08 pm // Reply

    One note -- if Dad is really keen to have Junior strapped down to an Anti-Masturbation Cross -- Mom show lock some sort of chastity belt on Junior too. 'Nuff said.

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  106. The masturbator // July 3, 2014 at 3:22 pm // Reply

    Are u kidding me?!?
    GOD SAVE THE MASTURBATION.......

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  107. This is abusive! // July 3, 2014 at 4:00 pm // Reply

    This should be considered child abuse. And what if the kid has to pee in the middle of the night? What is he/she is an asthmatic and has an attack in the middle of the night (happened to me many times) and can't get to their inhaler? What if your house catches on fire and they can't get away because your stupid ass was so petrified of human sexuality that you strapped your kid down like a mental patient? If you don't want your kid to touch themselves that's your business, but have a got damn talk with them about why you think it's wrong rather than treating them like a neurotic zoo animal!

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    • what if you never figure out that this is all clever satire? clever enough to get saps to believe that it, and this website, are real things ...

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  108. Great device to restrain a kid while they get raped. Works well.

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  109. LOL, this is really great. I think the only thing better than the Masturbation Cross are some of these comments. Maybe it's because I have a refined sensibility for it,, but some people need to really study sarcastic and absurdist humor a bit.

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  110. Congratulations // July 3, 2014 at 9:16 pm // Reply

    You satyric trolls manage to draw many attentions here by bringing child abuse issue.
    Congratulations.

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  111. Ian Bertolini // July 3, 2014 at 11:18 pm // Reply

    I don't think I've ever seen so much bullshit concentrated into such a small area. I don't know whether to me amazed or appalled....

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  112. joke or not, good or bad it brings awareness into selfpleasuring, how vital it is for a healthy sexlife and how much stored potential many beings have in releasing shame and guild around it...

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  113. David of Here and now // July 4, 2014 at 11:01 am // Reply

    Dear readers,
    My Name is David and I am a Priest in south east England. This site has given me a whole new insight into the ignorance of humanity and the way our hearts are led towards hate. I am not going to go in to how this is wrong in so many ways which have been touched on by a few people in the comments but i will say shame on you who call yourselves christian and spread hate you will be judged as evil in the eyes of our lord god. For as the bible says 'Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness.' john 2:9. I'm guessing here but homogay is a negative way of speaking about a homosexuals. That is not the way of our lord god i pray for your eternal soul, you must accept your brother, your neighbor and those that you meet with in his world for it is not your place to judge but his. Nikita Shalavin, i pity your outlook as i believe you have been mislead somewhere down the line and your views have been warped because of this. The only reason i am on this site is because my daughter brought it to my attention, i do not know how she got to this page but my life is more problematic because of it. your ignorance affects those not even close to you (Though she helped me with this term "trolling"). And who prays at people, your prayers are for god and not a device to be aimed around like a weapon. One last thing yes i have heard the one about religion being a weapon and i believe it can be but shouldn't + that device is inhumane why not just tie your children up.
    Even if you don't believe god bless you all and may his mercy shine on your hate-mongering

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  114. Jeffryanrobinson316@yahoo.com // July 4, 2014 at 4:59 pm // Reply

    This might be the dumbest thing I've ever seen.

    "Parents, have you ever imagined your child masturbating? Do you worry what they do when your back is turned? Do you fear that they will fall into the grip of Satan?"

    First, what kind of parents imagine their children masturbating?

    Second, this reads like something that atheists would write to make fun of religious zealots. Actually, this whole product is something atheists would make up to make fun of religious zealots, like mormon underwear.

    This site, and this product, is an embarrassment to the christian religion.

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  115. Peter Ndlovu // July 5, 2014 at 4:15 am // Reply

    Masterbation is a terrible thing. Then again I piss in my own mouth so what do I know

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  116. Emre Akkanat // July 5, 2014 at 4:34 am // Reply

    Are you kidding ? What kind of sickness do you have ? Masturbation is a normal thing that is also done by animals. It is the human nature you cannot prevent your child playing with his or her genital zone .

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    • Nikita Shalavin Nikita Shalavin // July 11, 2014 at 9:46 pm // Reply

      You know what else is done by animals? Cannibalism, child molestation, Homogayness, and in case of penguins necrophilia. You want to act like an animal? Be my guess. But keep your feces throwing ass off this holy netsite.

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  117. Weilungede abide // July 5, 2014 at 8:36 am // Reply

    The best and most satiric (not Satyr, the Greek) website ever seen. And so many funny comments, really amazing. I as a stupid German only with less or nearly no education was fearing I couldn't get and understand this kind of humor. Australia was populated with English murderer and robbers, a real healthy population today. America, Du hast es besser! God save your brain resp. The little remaining

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  118. Hahahaha this is the best ive ever read on my whole life. You are against """"""self raping" but you support that mechanism to keep a child tight, known in the whole world as child abuse. You are so ridiculous like all the lies you hear every sunday at the curch. Please, dont believe in someone you dont know of its existence, believe in yourself, because you are concerned that you really exist. Nobody but yourself would be thankful of that. Peace out!

    Ps masturbation is as normal as breath. Since a very long time, the human being has been doing that. And its scientfically comprobed that masturbation doesng cause any disease, like you said on some posts before. Stop lying to the people who really want to learn, and stop lying to the future generations.

    Ps im 18 yo, and ive been masturbating since i was 3, and nothing is wrong with me, neither with my body. Fucking lyers.

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  119. Che gentaglia....
    è venuto meglio pinocchio con una sega che che questi imbecilli con una trombata !!!
    W le pugnette XDDD

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  120. Melvin Mc Carthy, PhD, ThD. // July 7, 2014 at 1:08 pm // Reply

    This is interesting, however when I was young and could not stay away from my sisters tights, and my mothers nylons and doing the naughty, my mother broke me of it using a switch from the willow tree soap in my mouth I was 12, and I thank G-d for the whipping, and having to chewing soap...that day I became normal and like mom use to say there will be no sissy boys in my house... I raise my children the same way. The holy switch when used on the bare bottom works...

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  121. I Ate God For Breakfast // July 7, 2014 at 1:38 pm // Reply

    This is the best thing I've ever seen. Lol's for days... Silly fake Christians.

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  122. I Ate God For Breakfast // July 7, 2014 at 1:50 pm // Reply

    Oh, and the automatic 32 'pray against' is interesting.

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  123. Nikita Shalavin Nikita Shalavin // July 7, 2014 at 7:24 pm // Reply

    Praying at all of you sinners and player haters.

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  124. This is child abuse!

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  125. Gabrielc. // July 9, 2014 at 1:32 am // Reply

    Okay. I'm actually going to use some Brain cells here.

    If such a Device actually exists, technically this would be Child Abuse in a Court of Law.
    Secondly, (and mind you, this goes directly to the Moderators and Administrators)
    If it was God's word, why would he even told us of the forbidden Fruit?
    It is in the nature of Humanity to preserve our species. It is programed into the Genome.

    I would expect better, rather than this. If humanity truly desires the "better half" Well, I expect my Episcopalian Confirmed self to a fate I never Imagined.

    But I believe. God forgives all sins. And if God gave us the Sin of Self-Gratification, God will forgive us of this. Perhaps, God, had it intended for some people to not breed.

    Then again, I'm 27, hold three Masters degrees and working on my fourth.
    Oh, one of them is Religion. Just so you know.

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  126. David Hairypalms // July 9, 2014 at 6:11 am // Reply

    When will they come out with an adult sized version? I am week and seized by satan's grip, I need help.

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  127. SANE Christian // July 9, 2014 at 6:21 pm // Reply

    These Bozos are not really Christians, they only pretend to follow Jesus. They apparently don't understand His message. Please don't judge real Christians by these @assholes, or the Westboro Baptist Church lunatics either. Jesus was all about love, don't see any love here, only hatred and stupidity!!!

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    • Dexter Battygarten iii // July 19, 2014 at 4:05 pm // Reply

      well Jesus was a minor prophet and we should bear him in mind from time to time, but truly he was a bit of a hippy redneck. that's why the lord has seen fit to send Lonnie childs unto us, to restore the true anti-masturbation message of the bible. he is the state wrestling champ to Jesuses tofo eating peacenik and while we love them both we both know who would win that fight. praise!

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  128. Dontworry bout' it // July 9, 2014 at 11:00 pm // Reply

    This whole website is a cult. I for one love God and Jesus and am not going to be sacrilegious, but this is awful. This is horrible I really hope this website isn't serious..

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  129. Lmao PLEASE view the other tabs so you can see that this whole thing is fake!

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  130. Self rape? .... Masturbation is something natural.. RAPE however is something that is not wanted. .....why would you masturbate if you didnt want it. If that was the case.. You wouldn't do it right? It's their body, they can do what they want with it. The bible does not specifically say that it is a sin.. And you can't assume what is a sin and what isn't. It's all natural in the world of sex and getting to know your body and what gets you aroused.. The AGE is something different and can be settled in the household.. And STILL it's their body lol. Wow. Lol I've been going to church all my life and I have never seen anything like this. This has got to be fake.

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    • Natural? Are you in the habit of doing things just because they are "natural" and feel good? Here is a small list of things that are "natural" that I'm sure you condone:

      Picking nose and eating
      Defecating in your pants
      Masturbating at an elementary school
      Raping a girl you are attracted to (do you really think the cave men brought flowers and pretended to listen to cave women in order to "seduce" them?)
      Worshiping a pagan God.

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  131. eric francis // July 10, 2014 at 10:52 pm // Reply

    masturbation is so sinful that for centuries the majority of priests actually raped and abuse children in their care instead. All with the knowledge and protection of the church of course.
    Their conscience is clear, they followed the word of the lord.
    And you bigots have the audacity to judge and presume to tell us what to do!!!!!

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  132. "miracle of modern Christian science" ???

    You mean @instrument of torture that should get a parent arrested for child abuse!" And suggested by preachers who regularly play with themselves and children's "sin zones".

    You religious maniacs are as crazy and dangerous as any AK-47 toting muslim fundamentalist.

    So my prayer is that you start applying God's love in your preachings and turn your back on your medieval ways of thinking.

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  133. guys you are sick

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  134. Roman Catholic // July 12, 2014 at 9:19 pm // Reply

    Testing to see if the system automatically downvotes every comment (instant) by 32, or if it's just 32 religious maniacs (with a delay)

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    • Roman Catholic // July 12, 2014 at 9:20 pm // Reply

      Wow, it's automatic. Nice WordPress plugin, LOL.

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      • Roman Catholic // July 12, 2014 at 9:23 pm // Reply

        Funny that it downvotes the people in your commune-thing the same as the trolls. If you're all together in the "campound" or whatever, don't you have a single IP address or something you could use to filter with?

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    • Bono Reznor Bono Reznor // July 13, 2014 at 5:02 am // Reply

      Lonnie's team in the Far East got it fixed. Calm down.

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  135. pasta pasteur // July 13, 2014 at 7:14 am // Reply

    fap fap fap fap fap fap

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  136. Use it and don't reproduce retarded cum eaters

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  137. Dominic Owens ( Masters in Criminal behsvipural analysis/Criminal and slcial Psychology // July 14, 2014 at 1:28 am // Reply

    This is exactly why Christians today are frowned upon. This is sickening, it's sin itself. All you Christians say that everything is not allowed. I'm just going to point out a couple things to you complete nutcases. Man kind has been scientifically proven to have started before Jesus, which mean that he was not the only psychotic idiot around at the time. When man kind was formed wether it was by what you believe or what has been scientifically proven it was at that time that humans had smaller developed mental capacity. This meaning that they were only conditioned to the way of life that they portrayed.

    Mankind didn't just wake up and realise where the genitalia was to come in handy. They experimented, and made conclusions based on those experimentations. So masturbation is older than you think even before god.

    Now on to the medical aspect. It is medically proven to a meet 100% that Masturbation is not harmful. Any sexual arousal releases endorphines in the brain which help with pain management and other forms of discomfort. It is psychologically proven to relieve stress, as well as burn calories.

    Now since we are talking about children here let's do a little child psychology. Children lack the ability to understand and grasp complex concepts at early ages a lot of the time even until the age of 11-12. This means they do not understand the concept of sexual pleasure and masturbation. They also are less prone to the forms of stimuli that adults and older teens are so even if the were to touch themselves it is not masturbation.

    Being a kid is tough enough without having mebtaly abusive parents in the mix. Believe what you want but when a child touches themselves it's not masturbation. Like early mankind they are experimenting figuring out what is what on their body. Trying to make sense and understand who they are as a person and what their role is. You may find this aggressive but you font know everything and you don't know what they are thinking every second.

    Children are meant to be free, care.free, looked after yet guided. They grow their own views and choose the path that is right for them. Christians such as the people that support this are the same as parents pushing arranged marriages. It affects a child's state of mind. Children who are exposed to such behaviour ussusly grow up to encounter problems such as anti-social behaviour disorder, negative sexual impulses. Problems controlling anger and aggression. Studies also show that this behaviour can also lead to sexual incompetency, sexual offender behaviour, as well as many more hurdles.

    To sum it all up your not parents your groomers. Grooming you kids to be exactly like you and not allowing them to be who they are meant to be. Be who your so called god wants them to be. I am going to take a guess that most who posted here are from either the USA, Canada, or Europe. Well guess what legally as soon as you purchase this product it's considered unlawful confinement of a child, assault, and in most places it's considered a precurser to a sexual related charge this you are out on the sex offender registry for up to 25 years.

    Be a parent and let them be who they are. stop being cmjesuses bitch and learn that you can think for yourself. The man is dead and isn't coming back so leave your kids to be who they are. I know many Christians who would hate this product and agree with most of what I have said. Those who believe in this product are sickening disgraced to the human race and need to back the fuck up and take a breath before they soil their vomit on all the other people who prove them wrong.

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    • pasta pasteur // July 14, 2014 at 3:15 am // Reply

      in my country,you do it to your children,you go to jail few mounth.I never fully understand american's society,you're too soft with this kind of extremist people.

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    • Virgin Hand Forever // July 19, 2014 at 11:26 pm // Reply

      It looks like you need to go back and read the Bible. You don't make any sense at all. And FYI, science is a man-made tool of Satan. I'll pass on your libertine philosophy because I have found the TRUTH, which God gave to us in the Holy Bible, his living word and the final word on everything. I put my trust in the Lord, NOT in pro-masturbation homogay scientific socialist propaganda. Praise Jesus and Lonnie Childs!

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  138. Unbelievable...God gave you a penis for pissing and fucking. If you refuse this gift to fuck, than you refuse the gift of your LORD to get sacrifice trough sexuality. And for having good sexuality, it is neccessary to exercise = masturbate.

    If you forbid such a natural God-given thing, you´ll open the door for satans lies, because you´ll set the bad thinking in the brain of an innocent child. A childs brain is like in Garden Eden, if they play with their penises and pussys, the explore themselves in an innocent way. You, with you satanic ideas, you will set the bad grain in their brains, you are the snake!

    If you would give children a safe environment without anti-sexual pressure they will raise up to independent children with a strong character. With this anti - masturbation cross you are encroaching to a childs soul, make them weak and you will open the doors to Satan !

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  139. My goodness the amount of masturbators and homogays in these comments makes me feel we need this device more than I thought. I have ordered 500 to donate to needy poors and children born of deviant users of marijuanas. I can only hope all true Christians do the same. #helpthepoors #endselfrape #jeb2015

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  140. Leonard Chimball, Jr. Leonard Chimball, Jr. // July 14, 2014 at 9:43 pm // Reply

    Praise! I have been using this device over and over and my children are beginning to enjoy it, I think.

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  141. masturbates all day // July 15, 2014 at 7:56 am // Reply

    I masturbate every day. Smoke. And I'm completely normal. I'm married without kids yet being newly wed. Masturbating helps release fluids in the brain helping relax the person. So fuck the prior who say not to masturbate. If I'm going to geek then hurrah

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  142. How is it that all comments against automatically get 32 dislikes

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  143. U see I posted a negative comment and got 32 almost automatically

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  144. I just can't wait for some kid to go to school and the teacher ask what are those ligature mask on ur hand and the kid to say, O daddy tied me up too hard last night or is this supossed to be their little secret

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    • Dexter Battygarten iii // July 19, 2014 at 4:30 pm // Reply

      well that's one way to get our message past big masturbations control of the education system and into schools isn't it? I can only praise that it happens soon enough or sooner.

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  145. Where can I order this onehttp://vodagodesviar.homestead.com/1_big_red_and_black_cross_chair_c_Erin_2278_sml_op_571x663.jpg , as I'm to small for the one on here

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  146. If my parents had the foresight to buy me one of these, i wouldn't even think about spanking the monkey (who lives in my closet.)

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  147. Well done for taking the automatic negative 32 dislikes.

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  148. I could imagine a guy with a huge BDSM fetish buying this thing.......

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    • EXACTLY, THATS WHAT I THOUGHT.

      'Wanna have BDSM Jesus crucifying style? Then this here is perfect for you!'

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      • Dexter Battygarten iii // July 19, 2014 at 4:10 pm // Reply

        the depravity of you masterbaters never ceases to amaze me. how in lonnies name could a thought like that appear in your mind when you look at a child getting ready for bed? oh lord this world has become a self rape brothel and these are the very whores of baby land!

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  149. Ok. I'm convinced that some serious God-loving christians got on crack, and decided to come up with this.

    Look, there's nothing wrong with being a CHRISTIAN. However, i'm also not against masturbation. If you are, i can understand why, and ill gladly listen to your views and give you my reasoning too.

    But still, really? Let's face it, Jesus would be devastated in this website. Ok, so he might be against masturbation, but he'd obviously take things in a less calmer way, instead of rubbing the whole MASTURBATION IS SIN YOU'RE GOING TO HELL NO ONE WILL LOVE YOU YOUR PARENTS WILL HATE YOU FOREVER IF YOU PLAY WITH YOURSELF. He isn't like that, and would simply (and calmly) tell you why it's wrong, but he wouldn't come up with this bullshit, but he'd still love you anyways.

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  150. These people r crazy as Charles Manson!...really?..restraining your kid like they r on a cross?..There has already been someone restrained on a cross & he died for all of r sins!..solo why do u think God would want u 2 bond your kid up on this cross,after his son died for u?..what cult r u in?..really?..last time I checked 5 yr olds don't masturbate!..so why the he'll does it say ages 5 & up?..I think this Shit is worse then hitting your kid!..what's next,a do at home self water boring kit?..to teach your kids not to tell u everything?..people that would buy this thing shouldn't breed!

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  151. Christian666 // July 17, 2014 at 11:40 am // Reply

    I just faped and it feels so good :)

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  152. It's extremist qualities like the ones you harbor on this website that make me think Christianity is a joke. Masturbation is not self rape, even if only one person is consenting, because masturbation only requires your own consent, since no other living thing is involved.
    I guess you're also the same people who will tell me "God loves all his children" but still tell me "God hates fags" 5 minutes later. Do you not see how fucked up all of you are? Your "faith" is driving all of you insane to the point where you're contradicting yourselves without even realizing it.
    "Anti Masturbation Cross"? More like unlawful confinement. Check yourselves before you wreck yourselves, you crazy sons of bitches.

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    • THERE ARE ALWAYS STUPID PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO NEVER UNDERSTAND THIS WEBSITE IS A SICK PRANK AND STUPID PEOPLE LIKE YOU ALWAYS TAKE THE BAIT

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  153. I'll just leave this here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-PX2Z4r-e4

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  154. This is awful and whoever invented this should be ashamed of themselves. Has anyone else noticed that their advertising Camel cigarettes on this page to. Yay - protect children, smoke Camels.

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    • Dexter Battygarten iii // July 19, 2014 at 4:24 pm // Reply

      Kamals are gods cigarettes. harmless. my two daughters have been smoking a small one after dinner since the age of ten and they've grown up just as pretty as a picture.

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  155. Let your sexually frustrated kids rub one out before they get someone pregnant. It's you idiots who don't talk to your children about safe-sex because they can't tell a condom from a trash bag. These are human, animalistic needs that have been around for thousands of years. Your kids are going to kill themselves because your wack-ass unrealistic standards are mental. An YOU people are the problem. Your children are normal.

    This is why I'm not getting married in a church you psychotics.

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    • Dexter Battygarten iii // July 19, 2014 at 4:36 pm // Reply

      no sex is safe Maam, least of all that "sex" you have with yourself. don't let your children slut for satan.

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      • Sex with myself is the safest sex-no STD risk, no risk of youtube getting footage, no risk of being abused, no risk of idiots, no risk of dicks... Wait, I'm a lesbian. Some of these have never even BEEN issues.

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  156. Aryan Brother // July 19, 2014 at 8:26 am // Reply

    I stopped masturbating. Instead i have consensual sex with all my female Asian interns a few times a day. Come on people. STOP MASTURBATING!!! HIRE CUTE ASIAN GIRLS AND HAVE SEX ALL DAY!!!!
    Just don't get them pregnant. You don't want to be like those black guys

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  157. LOL It is hilarious how you people think you're doing so much good in the world, when in reality your hatred and abuse towards those around you is the pure evil that you're bigoted enough to think you're overruling. Not to mention your "facts" are disturbingly moronic. Do you really think your "all loving God" has this much hate? It must be a very depressing and unpleasant life to live. I pity you.

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    • Dexter Battygarten iii // July 19, 2014 at 4:17 pm // Reply

      and I cry when I think that you people think your doing so much good in the world when all your doing is pulling your sin sticks on filthy couches in your motor homes, ignorant of the fact that you are bringing the lords wrath against us with your trans-homo behaviour. do you not see the storms around us? the war? the rains? you filthy little palm rapists are bringing the end of days upon us with the seed and the horror of your onanaism. repent brother and we shall all be praying at you! join us, brother, join us and you too can enjoy the fragrant glory of an assigned same race wife and a holy life filled with joyul procreation.

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  158. Virgin Hand Forever // July 19, 2014 at 10:25 pm // Reply

    Self-rape is a homosexual act. This leads to homosexual marriages. Then what will we do when the human race goes extinct? Masturbation is Murder and must be stopped. God is watching you when you masturbate.

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  159. You imbecils are scarring children for life. Doing this to your child is a much bigger sin than mastrubating. All your illiterate and un-Christian propaganda is only going to lead to children with some serios psychological problems. God is not on your side, God is appaled by people like you. You have been mislead by the Devil. Repent or burn in Hell! You have been warned and you will have no excuse on Judgement Day.

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    • Dexter Battygarten iii // July 20, 2014 at 3:56 pm // Reply

      if you will not keep watch over your children while they masturabte then we will have to do it for you. prayer strike coming at you now!!! better duck satan!

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      • You come near my child or any child and masturbation will be the least of your worries you sick fuck

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        • Dexter Battygarten iii // July 20, 2014 at 4:39 pm // Reply

          Lonnie will creep into their bedrooms and touch your child in spirit. he will bathe them in jesus love. and we shall praise! there is nothing you can do to stop us sinner!
          triple hell awaits for you but we can touch them if not you deep inside.
          lest it be...
          could it be...
          be repentance from your mindless homogay behaviour and a purchase one of these for each child and an extra cross for each of your closest neighbours at a very reasonable rate from SMN ministries?
          do I hear the angels singing and a cash register a-ringing?

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  160. This is the most absurd and frankly dehumanising thing I have ever seen. Despite the purpose of this contraption, in any sense this is child abuse and to think that people actually see this as a way to stop a child to do something that is completely natural and safe is truly insane. I have lost so much faith in humanity.

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  161. joe fireman // July 20, 2014 at 2:43 pm // Reply

    WTF!! who would do that to their kid!?!? masturbation isnt a sin, its a normal behavior. i would be ok knowing that they masturbate. this torture device is against the constitution!

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  162. Why would you "imagine your child mastubating" this is even more fucked up than the title suggests

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    • Dexter Battygarten iii // July 20, 2014 at 4:46 pm // Reply

      sure, sure like its better to turn a blind eye and pretend its not happening, like all the other LIEbrals on the interweb. well not me mister. I know my enemy, ive pictured it long and hard. not on my watch! I do not negotiate with self harm! praise Lonnie and viva la USA!

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  163. Does it also come in black leather?

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  164. Adrian Fahrenheit // July 21, 2014 at 10:18 am // Reply

    Let me crush your hopes and ideals.

    FIRST THINGS FIRST-
    This is the most satanic thing I've seen so far on the internet.
    Not that I believe in a good god (If he exists,he's a careless fucktard)
    but Jesus was nailed to the cross.
    That was a barbaric act of brutality and to be honest, that "anti masturbation cross" is pretty much referring to that.
    Why not just nail your children at a real cross? And before you say something,think about what I just said.

    Second-
    JESUS WAS NOT WHITE.
    Get over with it.
    He was more or less a cappuchino-baby.
    I mean, did you ever see a full blooded Israeli who's WHITE?
    Knowing where jesus comes from, he was hardly a white guy.

    NOW TO MY LAST AND MOST IMPORTANT POINT-
    Jesus was a bastard.
    That "God" dude didn't marry Maria before impregnating her.
    Now don't you fucking dare saying that there's an exception for god.
    That fucker broke his own rules.
    How can you believe in a dude that doesn't even believe in his own rules?
    Seriously WHAT THE FUCK?!

    I could list even more points to prove that the Bible is a fairytale, but I think I devastated your look at our world enough for today.

    In Nomine Dei Nostri Satanas Luciferi Excelsi, Ave Voluptartis Carnis

    Cheers~ (^-^)/

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  165. As a writer and a Christian, I pray that your organization collapses under the weight of such ridiculousness.

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  166. Aline Ferfurth // July 21, 2014 at 11:23 am // Reply

    Please, please, tell me that this is just a joke, that things like this only exist in
    the imagination of a sick mind!!!
    Your sin-zones may be ok, but your brain isn't !!!!

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  167. The owners and admins of this site should visit a psychiatrist asap. You guys need help.

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  168. You guys sure are a legit company if your whois registrant info is covered by DomainsByProxy.com LMFAO

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  169. There is no need to touch yourself !
    Go to a confession booth, chances are the priest will do it for you if your not too old.
    FREAKS !
    This is a joke. You are all pathetic.
    It's my cock and I will wash it as fast as I want to.

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  170. Matthew Kelliher // July 21, 2014 at 3:10 pm // Reply

    Some glorified straight jacket. Don't buy this product get the kid a teddy instead. Give the kid a bit of sex education and most importantly don't let the kid feel bad about having natural feelings. I thinks it is best to be understanding to a child at this developmental stage. Our bodies have been made for us which we can share, hugs, kisses and later very intimate relationships. I believe there is nothing wrong in having intimate moments with ourselves. In times like these God knows what we are doing but lets us be. It is good to discover ourselves and to feel no shame in doing so. This builds openness and trust. Jesus died on the cross so we don't have too. If the Son sets you free you are free indeed. 'John 8.36'. So this makes the straight jacket cross unnecessary. I am not a Christian expert but am a Christian. Church should be about building people, supporting them showing love and understanding.

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  171. john signor // July 21, 2014 at 3:45 pm // Reply

    Masturbate? i'd suck my own dick if i could. Idiot boy probably had a bad experience fapping. Probably messed it up. Even failed to become a wanker. Sad. But hilarious.

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  172. LizannGrey // July 21, 2014 at 5:28 pm // Reply

    This is absolutely disgusting, at first I thought this sight was funny but this? This is just wrong. Do you people think it is funny to trivialize rape? Would you like to go and experience rape and then say that it is possible to put yourself through that trauma? You people are truly sick, for your information (and trust me you lot could use all the information you can get) rape requires a victim!! The victim being the one who isn't giving consent, you are all saying that rape requires only the rapist to give consent but that isn't true at all because during that situation there must be a victim who does not want the act to be carried out. A victim who is absent in masturbation and therefore masturbation is not rape. If ignorance is bliss then you lot must be ecstatic. Huh, no wonder you lot don't need to masturbate, your all spaced out on the pleasure of your own ignorance......well have fun with that

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  173. Now for the low low price of only £199.99 introduce your toddler to the joys and excitement of bondage! Whole hearted christian fun for all the family. Catholic priest? Good news buy one get one free! One for each and every alter boy.

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  174. Omg stupid fucking people that think this site is genuine!

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  175. You may advert customers that if the police finds a parent applying this stuff on a child, the child will be INSTANTLY removed from the family and given to another NOT FUCKING MAD family... thats crazy...

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  176. Wtf is this...lmao this is child abuse I can't believe this actually exists. I saw it on tumblr and thought it was fake...what religion is this

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  177. How can a child consider this a toy? How can a child go crazy over this like the next tickle me Elmo? It's child abuse your restraining your child as a way to keep his hands off his "sin zones" ? So at what point is okay to sit and talk to your child about sex and beauty of sharing it with one they love? Or are you going to teach your child sex in general is a sin? Nowadays unless you're living in a different planet? Child predators are what's creeping at every corner including churches.,. Just saying let a child have a childhood exploration is part of growing up YOU CAN'T protect your child or force your way of being on your children. Unless your going to put him in a bubble how is he suppose to be allowed to live with ppl in society of your child is strap in this thing all day just so your mind can be at ease that your child's not as you so blanetty put it "self rape" ? So all you so called Christians never felt this urge? Is it safe to say ya'l have a healthy sex life? Is your marriage sexually pleasing? I'm not looking for any kind of praise on this. Don't really care what ya'l thnk just hoping this reaches parents to help them consider this before purchasing it just please I beg
    DON'T PUT YOU'RE CHILD THOUGH THIS HELL!!!!

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  178. And this is why I hate theists and humans. Masturbation is a normal thing just like sex. Except there is no middle-man. It is release and pleasure for the human body.

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  179. do you do the same for priest ?

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  180. I was gay and trans before I masturbated.

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  181. I look at these...comments, and the first thing I think of? Supporters of this back-wash crap need to have a reality check. Look, I'm all for being a Christian. I'm all for being a part of God's life as he is mine. But this defecation of wordplay and wasted internet space in no way resembles what Jesus would want. Look for yourself in the bible, and tell every single one of us that in ONE passage or even a single sentence that Masturbation is a sin. Please. By all means. Unless you can find it, I see no reason to support your claim. And besides, as a lot of the peers here have said, that device is Child Abuse, which by the way, is against not just the law, but by the Bible itself. Thus! Your hypocrisy exposed, tell me, why do you persist to defecate over God's word?

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    • Milton Grits Milton Grits // August 2, 2014 at 10:47 am // Reply

      Bro do u evn Bible? The Sin of Onan. How many times do we have to point this out??? Shake my head out loud.

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  182. Reading this makes me dislike Christian even more. please get your head together. Those poor children. Dear children; I'm sorry for those idiot Christians that had to put you through , God please help them and show them the right path. They are being brainwash.

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  183. If God didn't want you to touch your penis he would have put it between your shoulders or given us shorter arms. But a bunch of garbage!!!

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  184. Everybody has demons inside him. I know how to get rid of mine....

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  185. Don't fall for it // July 25, 2014 at 9:51 am // Reply

    This is not a serious website!

    Maybe everyone who fell for this, actually needs the device because your "chain is being pulled"

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  186. Gr8 b8 m8, r8 8/8

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  187. YOU SHOULD BE ARRESTED BY POLICE FOR DOING SUCH A THING. YOU HAVE NOTHING IN YOUR BRAINS. THIS IS THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS THING I EVER SAW IN MY LIFE. THEY ARE CHILDREN!!!! ARE YOU MAAAAAD!!!!!!

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    • Milton Grits Milton Grits // August 2, 2014 at 10:48 am // Reply

      Your writing style reveals that you may be the one who is ready for the booby hatch.

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  188. StingrayMM20 // July 26, 2014 at 7:45 am // Reply

    You people realize that over time, immobilizing your child like this for hours (like when you put them in bed) causes contractures and decubitus due to continuous pressure on single bodyparts. And without the ability to change one's position, these become inevitable, eventually. Besides, you all know that - scientifically - Jesus died on the cross suffocating because of the position of his arms, right?
    This device here is a horrifying instrument of child abuse which puts your kids in great, great danger!
    Don't get me even started about the topic of imprisonment and the right of freedom.

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  189. This has to be some kind of joke, right. I'd pray for anyone who'd actually try to sell something as horrible as this. I don't think it's funny... might give people some very unhealthy ideas about raising their kids...

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  190. Abdulla the Masturbator // July 26, 2014 at 10:32 am // Reply

    I'm masturbating right now guys! God bless America.

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  191. Można to uznać, za co najmniej pojebane.
    Spokojnej nocy życzę.

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  192. This is child abuse, we are no amused
    fuck yer family values, dude, fuck yer faith blues
    It's nothing then a vicious madman's rues

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    • Milton Grits Milton Grits // August 2, 2014 at 10:45 am // Reply

      Please do not post the Ozzy Osbourne lyrics here. They are Satanist and you have been reportilized.

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  193. David the faithless // July 26, 2014 at 4:25 pm // Reply

    This is absolutely ridiculous. If you're so afraid of your so-called 'sin' that you strap your children onto a cross to keep them from TOUCHING THEMSELVES, you shouldn't have kids. This is the epitome of shame to the Christian religion. So glad I'm agnostic, and even if I was Christian I wouldn't believe this crap.

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  194. You guys sicken me God is not really and masturbating is natural and a healthy release me and my gay boyfriend masturbate together all the time and nothing happens so why don't you pull your heads out of each other's asses and live a lil smoke some weed something

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  195. Anyone who actually believes this to be real: please do the world a favor and kill yourself. You are so fucking stupid. This is called satire. You probably have no clue what that is anyways, though. Just kill yourself before you make the mistake of having children. If that's already happened, though, go ahead and kill your children first so they don't continue your tradition of stupidity. But then, after you kill them, make sure you kill yourself. That part is crucial.

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  196. Now i wonder why jesus was nailed on the cross...

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  197. Please tell me this is a joke? How can you bound your child to a cross?anyone with a picture next to their name who suports this is sick. Usually people who are homophobic and other sexual deviations struggle with being homosexual themselves. This is disgusting? how does this even work? how long do you keep a child in this? if its not 24/7 they still can masturbate... this is disgusting. THe pope would not support this in any manner. Sickening that you could place your child in a contraption such as this. and you cant catch prostate cancer or any STD from masturbating. Infact you can get prostate cancer or other complications from not masturbating or having sex. YOu should all get girlfriends and fucking drain your cum in her sweet little pussy or asshole and when she crys out shove your cock down her throat.

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  198. i'm pretty sure this is called child abuse in the U.S, and christians wonder why everyone is turning away from their religion...

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  199. This is a joke right? lol

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  200. Gavin Sykes // July 27, 2014 at 11:47 pm // Reply

    I self-rape daily, and abuse marijuana while I do it. But I know deep down that the big man still wants to put his dick in my ass.

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  201. Gavin Sykes // July 27, 2014 at 11:50 pm // Reply

    now feller, you listen here. ive been masturbating for god damn 17 years now feller and let me tell you what, nothing has ever made me feel any better than i feel now feller. oh and by the way fuck jews, white power

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  202. The irony is...I came upon this site while I was browsing bondage porn.

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  203. Pope John Paul XXXII // July 28, 2014 at 5:06 am // Reply

    It looks more like a rape and sexual abuse board to me. And most likely illegal in all 50 states !!

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  204. christian slaughter // July 28, 2014 at 6:38 am // Reply

    well, i guess you can never start too early to train your kids how to lie correctly on an execution bench...

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  205. This is joke // July 28, 2014 at 6:49 am // Reply

    This has to be joke. I cant believe that someone can be so dumb.

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  206. Why don t you just nail your child to a real cross so they get the full Jesus experience ? You can make one up at home and it would probably cost less than $199 !!! A bargain !!! :P

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  207. Imapreacher // July 29, 2014 at 1:50 am // Reply

    Ladies and gentlemen. On behalf of my GOD I want to apologize for the ignorance of these people the cross device is not only NOT supported by the church but is a slat in the face of followers of GOD. The ladies and gentlemen that are supporting this are, well to put it bluntly complete idiots. Anti-masterbation is the sin. Children will and do touch themselves in a manner of discovery. This is a form of masterbation.

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  208. I masturbated so fucking hard while reading this. Suck my dick morons. This is so retarded.

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    • Milton Grits Milton Grits // August 2, 2014 at 10:43 am // Reply

      And your post I see is a paragon of wisdom and illumination. Laughing out loud!

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  209. Masturbation is natural. Religion is not. The is no god but man.

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  210. Pascal Jansen // July 29, 2014 at 9:04 am // Reply

    I wonder: could someone tell me what is the norm? Often I think there are people outthere who think believing in 'a supreme something' is the norm. This must be people who have this one braincel switched on that makes a person a believer or not (mine isn't). It is a fact you do believe or you don't, and nobody tells me that believers set the norm and declare no-believers to paria's, a kind of outcasts in society. Believers and atheists, both oke. Once i got asked if as an atheist wasn't missing in life. I said no, even, as a not believer I don't live by rules that are forced on to me and I can use all my braincapacity for more realistic human things. You can still be a good person without any kind of religion. So, I say, keep a religion in the middle, think and live for your self. P.s., as a car needs an oilchange now and then, male seed needs to be refreshed frequently to. Avoids biological handicapted humans......

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  211. Forgive me if this has been covered already, but does this come in adult sizes? Asking for a friend. Thanks!

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  212. Like wtf??
    Is this a serious thing?? For real??
    FREAKING STUPID/DUMB BLIND AMERICAN SHEEP!!
    just follow some bastard who says he know best..
    THINK PEOPLE!!
    dumb much?!

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  213. laughing forever // July 29, 2014 at 7:26 pm // Reply

    I thought this was made up because it's so ludicrous but its not. This is surreal.

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  214. ThisIsWhy INeedFeminism // July 30, 2014 at 7:40 pm // Reply

    I'm currently masterbating with a cross.

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  215. I feel bad for "level headed" Christians. This shit has got to be embarrassing for them. Just like the Republican Tea Party.

    As a former christian (now agnostic), I sometimes miss the days I could just put all my faith into the idea of a god, and be free of personal responsibility. If anything, this is a reminder on what the cost could have been if I didn't have the courage to question the faith I was indoctrinated to believe.

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  216. Kwiat Paproci // August 1, 2014 at 8:34 am // Reply

    Serious???

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  217. Chris, this IS embarrassing for the REAL Christians. This is Westboro-ness. Honestly, this is how serial killers are created. The person or people that run this site are likely closet homosexuals and child molesters. And what in the heck is selfrape? Is it when I tell my hand "no hand, I don't want it!" And my hand moves by itself and rapes me? Because that happens..... Never! Can only my hand be charged, convicted and sentenced to jail time for raping me? This is dumb. Please someone report this to the police, I'm almost sure this guy has dead bodies under his bed.

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    • Milton Grits Milton Grits // August 1, 2014 at 9:51 am // Reply

      Are you on drugs, Randy? Praying at you now.

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      • No.... BUT I can tell you might be giving your inability to read correctly. My name is Brandy. With a B. You people are exactly what Jesus taught us not to be. Jesus spoke of love and grace, not strapping your child down into a crucifix like he was by the Romans and Jews. He spoke of educating children of right and wrong. He spoke of guiding them, not forcing them. Your reply and insinuation that I am on drugs or am a drug addict only proves that you have no religious basis to stand on as a valid argument or debate. This is a form of child snide and anyone who uses it should be further investigated. I'm also reporting this site to the federal government, given it's content. I hope your followers will do the right thing and stop torturing their children. Pray FOR me not AT me. That's what JESUS CHRIST says in the good book. I'll be praying for you and all of your followers. And remember to not drink the Koolaid.

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        • Milton Grits Milton Grits // August 1, 2014 at 11:42 am // Reply

          I suspect you are on the drugs on account of your discusting and slanderous accusations against our organization. No sane person in their right mind would say such a thing about an upstanding community group like ours. Frantic exclamations of suspicion, talking about the FBI etc is a typical characteristic of drug-induced paranoia, usually from the psychotropic prescription medications. Please contact your local abuse hotline.

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  218. I find it highly ironic that your sponsors are muscle supplements showing half naked men (vanity) fast food ads (gluttony) and pictures of people kissing in bed and an ad for testosterone, but your whole purpose is to stop sexually related things. You guys are posers. Fake, sick, child abusing posers. I've already reported you to the FBI (family friend) and she's all over all of you who have admitted to using this device. Screenshots have been taken, evidence is clear you are promoting child abuse in the name of religion.

    One more point, unless you keep your kid wrapped up like this 24/7, you won't stop anything. Kids or adults don't masterbate only at night, you idiots.

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    • Milton Grits Milton Grits // August 2, 2014 at 11:38 am // Reply

      Supplements and testosterone are not prohibited by the Bible (KLV), so I don't see any conflict in running those ads. Please leave theological matters to the experts - us.

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  219. J.D. Hunter // August 1, 2014 at 8:22 pm // Reply

    I find it ironic that people who equate sodomy with sin and evil, so often have their heads so far entrenched up their asses.

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    • Milton Grits Milton Grits // August 2, 2014 at 11:50 am // Reply

      We never equated the sodomy with sin and evil, only masturbation. Either you are confusing us with someone else or your reading comprehension is effectively nil. Who's the one with their head up their rear end now?

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  220. I am very interested in purchasing this item, for myself and my Hispanic boyfriend! This seems like the perfect item for use after a night of heavy drinking. The straps for the hands are perfect, for when he's kissing every inch of my body. Can this item possibly be mounted?

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  221. To all the religious extremists,

    YOU, and all the other extreme religious people on this forum are the reason people turn from, or hate religion!
    God had two absolute rules "LOVE people, LOVE God". If you want to live in good morals, and really want to change the world for the better, perhaps you should knock off the high-&-mighty, holy-art-thou, I'm-better-then-every-person-who-isn't-me attitude, and try being more accepting of people, not to say you have to accept their choices. Jesus was friendly to EVERYONE, He loved EVERYONE!!!! No matter what people's choices are YOU have NO right to judge or condem people to Hell!! Leave that task up to God!! I'm sure everyone in this world will be a lot happier if we all stopped tormenting each other, "you leave them alone and they'll leave you alone!!!"
    Anger and hate for other people is only causing you harm, cause as you notice nobody you hate gives a crap what you think!!!

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    • Milton Grits Milton Grits // August 2, 2014 at 10:41 am // Reply

      That's some pretty shaky theology there, D051327D. You may wish to leave the subject to the experts. Furthermore, the only ones expressing anger and hate are the yahoos of the pro-masturbation crowd, as is obvious from the comments.

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  222. mmm, this is kinky

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  223. Self-rape ??? When I masturbate, I'm agree to do it ! ;) Anyone binds a child in this object should have social services on the back! Can you imagine how a child must feel, tied, unable to move, trapped in his own bed? Can you imagine the anguish this causes? Psychological disorders that can create? Insomnia, anxiety, agoraphobia, panic disorder, sexual perversion (to prevent too much masturbation or anything related to sexuality, it leaves psychological marks) and even psychosis! Want to make your child rapists or killers to treat them like this ?! Look, we're not in 1820!

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  224. One time I let the goat luck my penis. Felt good. Am I going with satan??? Plz help

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  225. I'll pray for you all... Cause I promise you that you are not living up to the expectations of Chrissy so please don't be upset we rapture comes and your all burning in hell. This is sick to treat a child like this. Your all sick pedophiles

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  226. Logan Broliath // August 6, 2014 at 9:37 am // Reply

    First of, just gotta say, I love how it says "pray here." That kinda highly manipulative garbage certainly fits right in here. The only appalling things here are what these people are trying to force down everyone else's throats. Incest and self rape? Restraining your child during sleep? Contradicting hundreds of years of proven science, with baseless opinions, then stating them as facts? I have better words. Psychoses and Darwinism. You psychotics never last, because you don't have the strength too. By definition this is the behavior of weak minds.

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  227. I bought this cause it so sexy, need mastubate on it every hour, gallons and gallons of cum, feel so gooooooooood :D

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  228. Fuck You All // August 7, 2014 at 2:45 pm // Reply

    This is definitely child abuse. I hope all you people who believe in this stupid site kill yourselves in some mass suicide attempt.

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    • Milton Grits Milton Grits // August 7, 2014 at 3:16 pm // Reply

      You have been reportilized for posting your sick wishes of autoerotic homicide on our blessed net site. Demon, begone!

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  229. someone who can masturbate when he want, without fear of god, and surprise, I'm not burning in hell ... // August 8, 2014 at 4:33 am // Reply

    u are really stupids... it's deplorable

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  230. Pretty sure this is how the hardest of the hardcore bondage fetishes start. Masturbation is the least of your worries.

    //BRB after some post-masturbation violence.

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  231. You're a fucking asshole, guys like you deserve to die, and actually this website might be just troll. I love how people didn't realise yet that "god" is a thing to manipulate mass of people.

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  232. LickMe,LickMe! // August 9, 2014 at 2:12 pm // Reply

    OMG, this is probably the most funniest fucking things I've seen in a long time. Pray for me- I'm going to bust a nut to it now1

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  233. Ironically, if this were made for adults it could be used for some really kinky shit

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  234. Please tell me this is a prank, if it is real, then I'm more inclined to call it a form of child abuse rather than something supposed to be good. Probably one of the most insane products I've come across.

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  235. This is hilarious!

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  236. love is my religion // August 16, 2014 at 4:15 pm // Reply

    Multiple species of animals "self love" its not a sin, not un natural not rape, not disgusting, not wrong. Dont like it dont do it, no one has the right to dictate to another what they may or may not do with their own body

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  237. Is this website for real.....

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  238. A disgusted Christian // August 20, 2014 at 8:47 am // Reply

    This is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen and read! Anyone buying this to be used on their child should be charged with child abuse...you are a bunch of sick ppl to even support this nonsense and have taken a twisted view on the bible and gods love for his children. Obvious you have low mentality and can't think for yourselves and allow someone to twist your head to the point of doing something like this to your children. No wonder there are so many kids growing up with problems. I thought this type of thinking has been eradicated from North America, your no better than the Muslims that kill and torture for their religious beliefs.. I will make sure this is stopped from being sold to anyone..I am going to make it my personal goal to make sure not one If these stupid device is never used on any child ! You are sick ppl and need help!

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  239. none of you business // August 23, 2014 at 7:17 am // Reply

    Whoever uses this on their kids should be put in jail for child abuse

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  240. Is this a real site or a Joke either way im laughing my ass off

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  241. Erich Sean and anyone saying anything sexual in front of cops is a nasty kinky freak to think that up in the first place. If there a masturbator vs a person who thought having sex in font of someone or group of people. I'm pretty sure your God will burn you and the masturbator will go to heaven. :-)

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  242. Can I get this in adult-size. I could use it in my naughty games with my boyfriend and/or girlfriend.

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  243. (Nick) I'm a Wiccan get over it. // August 26, 2014 at 8:20 pm // Reply

    This is such a troll website.

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  244. Sindoesn'texistit'smadeup // August 28, 2014 at 1:26 am // Reply

    Children must be able to discover themselves. That gives them the responsibility you wish them to. Sin is just a doctrine which is hazardous to the children's development, and leads to complete ignorance. When you masturbate it is for getting pleasure and can't be called rape by then. Only Christ-addicted people would buy this child-abusing thing. Don't be surprised when your child will hate you for this in the future.

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  245. you weird Jesus freaks need to find some chill. Humans are curious and we touch ourselves that is not a sin you weird motherfuckers. Jesus said feed the hungry, heal the sick, clothe the naked and give shelter to the homeless thats how you get to heaven masturbation is not a sin. The Pope forgave how many convicted child molesting cardinals/priests and they fucked children. there was not a website boycotting the catholic church or those cardinals it was simply swept under the rug. Selective caring is what I call it. either stand up for all moral issues or shut the fuck up please.

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  246. I pray to our heavenly father for your souls. Although I believe that you are bereft of them. This is an affront to actual rape victims, and an emotionally damaging thing to do to a child (for a natural and healthy action). Frankly you should probably spend an eternity in purgatory for simply using the term "self rape". I hope none of you have to bear witness to the real life differences.

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  247. self-rape victim // August 30, 2014 at 2:35 am // Reply

    would such a device exist for adults? I get raped by myself and inject marijauanas and sometimes even smoke cocaine. I want to stop this and maybe such a device can help. I would have to strap myself into it and get out at some point, withouth the help of other people as my gf left me for thought-raping her.

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  248. This is one of the funniest satire sites I've ever seen. I can't believe anyone would take it seriously. Well... there are a lot of stupid brainwashed religious nutjobs out there, so I'm sure some of them would be dumb enough to believe it. I piss on their Bible though.

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  249. Wow this looks great for BDSM bondage play! I want one, they do come in adult sizes right? I'd love to try this out in bed.

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  250. How sick is this ...?? !! This is the most immature way to deal with masturbation I have ever heard of!!!! And I bet that everyone who was involved in creating this "engineering marvel" has never, never, never masturbated at all ... *laughing out loud*

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  251. I started a war and I like it... Go Masturbating Fans! #chiveon

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  252. Wouldn´t it be much cheaper to get a rope for 10 bucks and tie the kids hands behind his back? I mean, the result is basically the same, isn´t it?

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  253. Dark Mercenary // September 17, 2014 at 2:48 pm // Reply

    My girlfriend brought one of these for me and introduced me to BDSM. After a few modifications to the middle and chest section, she rides me like seabiscuit every morning before work. She even masturbates for me! Sometimes she leaves me strapped in and a grind my pelvis back and for until my love cannon explodes all over Conservative cathys veluptuous bossoms.... I am so rediculously hard right now ill take 10.

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  254. Suckers.
    Fuck you

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  255. Fortunately, the act of masturbating prevents us from becoming a stupid American Christian (double redundant)...

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  256. All of you throwing so much hate at Erich Sean for doing the Lord's work should be ashamed! Don't you realize WHY Satan wants you to masturbate? It's because every time you masturbate, your seed is used to spawn the demons he commands to spread evil all over the world! When a girl masturbates, she offers her womb as a safe hiding spot to the demons who are evading Our Savior's Holy Light!

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  257. Ok people, y'all need to calm the eff down. This site is clearly not serious. Although if the "anti-masturbation cross" was a real thing I would buy one and give it to my friend for a bachelor party prank. I love that it's for Ages 5+! Haha! Damn those masturbating first graders!

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  258. And that, kids, is how you make psychotic childrens! Great job!

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  259. I can't take American Christians seriously anymore smh.

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  260. It's lot and his daughters not lot and his sons!

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  261. WTF is this a site like this fucking exists? uk what im good with this lets tie up our kids all the time so they dont masturbate and "self rape" themselves that aint child abuse u suck fucks click my user 2 it will enlighten you to means beyond your imagination

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  262. Ha. This is a joke right? Cause if the child doesn't want to do this, it's abuse. And what 5 year old would masturbate? Honestly and for 16? If you think this needs to be done and do it to your kids you are one sick moron, and if they're older and don't want to do it, that's just abuse

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  263. ,,,,,,\|,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,|
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  264. This cannot be real :)))) it's way too stupid.

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  265. Im pretty sure this device its ilegal. Would be fine anybody in USA (i`m not) send this link to some autorities and media.
    I this web is a prank, it´s ok. If not, it.s time to stop sociopaths like those ones.

    Kind regards

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  266. This is child neglect and abuse and btw I'm a homosexual male and never discovered masterbation til I was 18 and I was homosexual before that baby cause I was born this way and I belive in God and Christ and this has nothing to do with either of them it's a mockery of them in fact you people writing this site are the ones who need to masterbate maybe then you can pull whatever that is causing you to spew hate out.

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  267. Learn the definition of rape before using it in combination with other words; Stupid people.

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  268. so, does this come in adult sizes? Because I think this would make for some fun S&M times.

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  269. There is no way to actually buy this. How did this end up on this page? I hope you know this is a hoax created to make fun of your movement.
    You click on the links and go in circles. Glad to know the intelligence of people responsible for this movement is consistent.

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  270. People... you must be sick in mind if you look on this "device" and think it's something normal. Well I use to it anyway. People who doing things like that in the name of God and religion usually have a lot of shit in mind... cross and torture you child... for God sake!

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