Morals / Self-Rape Prevention

Introducing the Anti-Masturbation Cross: Safely Train Your Children To Keep Their Hands Off Their Dangerous Sin-Zones

Parents, have you ever imagined your child masturbating? Do you worry what they do when your back is turned? Do you fear that they will fall into the grip of Satan?

Worry no more! Introducing the Anti-Masturbation Cross®! Designed by STOP Masturbation NOW engineers, this wondrous restraining device allows you to go about your day without the nagging suspicion that your offspring are treating their bodies like some kind of perverted amusement park.

Now discounted at $199.99, this miracle of modern Christian science is available at www.stopmasturbationnow.org
One size fits all, appropriate for children ages 5-16.

Praise!

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Horny Mctouchmyslef
Guest
Horny Mctouchmyslef

THIS IS THE DUMBEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN, AND I WATCHED THE FIRST EPISODE OF JERSEY SHORE.

Black Lip Nigga
Guest
Black Lip Nigga

Amen nigga

marjan393
Guest

This is freakin’ hillarious. In my country we call it child abuse

Ivan Strogenov
Guest
Ivan Strogenov

In my country, joke doesn’t get YOU

graciebauman
Guest

You must be from Mexico then where the worst type of people on this planet come from. Only a Mexican would laugh about child abuse. May Saint Lonnie bless you with his Golden Shower of Enlightenment and turn you into a more normal person. Praise!

lalo
Guest
lalo

I’m from Mexico and we don’t laugh about child abuse, you’re really misinformed. I’m sad for your judgmental attitude. We don’t even think of using this “blessed” thing.

Marta
Guest
Marta

I’m Mexican and I don’t laugh about it. So many people, mainly caucasians, come up with all these dumb things about what Mexicans do & what not & it’s so stupid. I’ve gotten bullied many times before & called all these names for being Mexican. So you’re irrelevant. Have a great day 🙂

brad
Guest
brad

Marta, I’m from California, and I’m white, and I for one love Mexicans… love their culture, their dedication to family, and their hard work. And I love a nice latina accent… damn sexy…

goldenshowerpower
Guest
goldenshowerpower

Um, first that’s racist and “god” is suppose to “love all his children” that includes the WHOLE WORLD and second you don’t ever feel enlightened after a golden shower…probably more sticky :/

Arianna Grande
Guest
Arianna Grande

A golden shower….? Does he pee on you…?

Nathaniel
Guest

Gracie, I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not. If you are, you’re one of the stupidest people I’ve ever met, and on par with your buddies, on this website. They’re not laughing about child abuse, you fucking racist(by the way, how is THAT not some great sin?), they’re pointing out that this fucking immobilization torture device IS child abuse.

Paul Rosales
Guest
Paul Rosales

I think you guys are so set against masturbation because lame asses such as yourselves would probably never get the chance to reproduce. You know in the back of your head, though not willing to admit even to yourselves, that’s all you’d be doing and you and your dimwitted kind would eventually fade away from existence from lack of effort on trying to get laid. Oh and now your racist God fearing people as well, huh? I am willing to bet not a single person involved with website are half the person I am. I am of Mexican descent and… Read more »

Milton Grits
Member

I guess you schooled us then. Laughing out loud on the Internet!

Craig Canale
Guest
Craig Canale

I agree I am a borderline genius (that’s what my I.Q says) who is a Christian who lives an a beautiful home and im 13. he reason you guys on Stop Masturbation fear masturbation is because you overlook the possibility that masturbation is what humans have the desire to do and there is sin in it but if I were a predator I would by this for the sake of torture and I hope this website is a joke if it isn’t than lord save us

Jesus
Guest
Jesus

Somebody is racist!

Fap4Life
Guest
Fap4Life

You’re 13, and you browse this fucking website? That is a fucking sin.

Elohim
Guest
Elohim

I’m jacking off while looking at your pics.

Michelle
Guest

no surprise you are a racist given the fact that you are fucking retarded

Iloveto"selfrape"
Guest
Iloveto"selfrape"

I for one love to Self love to some latina pornography.

masturbationisfun
Guest
masturbationisfun

lol you’re an idiot

A Smart Guy
Guest
A Smart Guy

In my country(US) I called the cops on my neighbor when she used this and I heard the kid screaming, now you have 3 guesses to see who’s facing child abuse charges

phraug
Guest
phraug

haha, you said golden shower //snicker//

Oz
Guest

Golden shower, huh ? Saint Lonnie seems a bit deviant.

ob1
Guest
ob1

Wow! That as some racist Shit. You need help.

YourMother
Guest

*sniggers* Golden shower, eh?

PENIS COCK
Guest

*golden shower xD

gracie ur a bitch pls go stick a dildo up your christian ass
go to pornhub.com or youporn.com today!

Jackie Treehorn
Guest
Jackie Treehorn

you’re obviously a chronic masturbator

Common sense
Guest
Common sense

I don’t understand the Pray For and Pray Against buttons they both sound like they are disproving no matter what. When people say I’ll pray for you something horrible is happening and praying against you sounds like you want something horrible to happen to them so you can pray for them instead. Plus masturbation improves mental and immune functions. So people who are against it keep doing what your doing you’ll die before the rest of us and give us sane people some peace and quiet.

Truffle
Member

Praying AT you!

Skyy Fox
Guest

youre praying at someone instead of god? arent you just the best christian ever

Dan
Guest
Dan

This is child abuse

this site is a fucking joke
Guest
this site is a fucking joke

shit like this is why we have school shootings and shit, all you motherfuckers are fucked im the head, lmfao

The fuck is this site.
Guest
The fuck is this site.

Haha laughed my fucking ass off. As an Aussie, it’s nearly impossible for me to comprehend that this isn’t a satirical site. Sadly, I know some evangelicals who are actually this crazily retarded. FUCK HUMANITY. END IT.

joe fireman
Guest
joe fireman

amen

Not Erich Sean
Guest
Not Erich Sean

‘ERICH SEAN’ lol

Limp Dicked Jesus
Guest
Limp Dicked Jesus

Everyone calm down! I’m pretty sure this site is a joke…It is right? I almost lost my mind when I read this shit. The fact that I’m not 100% sure it’s a joke is almost more infuriating. Fuck it I’m burning down a church and beating off in the ashes. Watch me beat my meat God, Strike me in my lightning rod, and if you don’t like what I do, I’ll shoot my sticky load at you!

Randy Wood
Guest
Randy Wood

You do sound like a chronic self-rapist. Most masturbators are highly violent people, and your threats to burn down a church are not surprising in the least. I hope that someday you will see the light, and realize self-rape doesn’t just hurt you, it’s hurts your family, too. I’ll be praying at you.

bridgetbrown
Guest
bridgetbrown

Never will understand ur dumb ass sayings wtf how tf is it self rape do u even know the definition of rape -__- rape is unwilling wtf is unwilling n shit about masterbaiteing when it’s normal u guys are basically saying anything tht is not, hat. U like is unnatural and wrong and we will go to hell for our “sins” if there really I’s a God he would probably send u dumb asses to he’ll Cuz I’m pretty sure he’d be embarrassed of u hell even the devil would be wtf all of this shit better be a joke… Read more »

Lucas
Guest
Lucas

Randy Wood must be the best name for an anti-masturbation activist anyone could come up with.

The fuck is this site.
Guest
The fuck is this site.

Can’t decide if they’re trolling or not. This is the greatest game of troll or not a troll ever.

Notbrandon
Guest
Notbrandon

Does this come in adult sizes? And is there a way to lock in yourself?

Jackson
Guest
Jackson

Seriously? If this is what one needs, or desires for better behavior, why not?

Kerr
Guest
Kerr

FUCK HER RIGHT IN THE PUSSY

AFTER I TOUCH MY SINZONE

Kill yourself
Guest

Fuck Erich, you’re a gay cunt, listen to yourself! Find a bridge and jump off please, you worthless piece of shit, seriously you’re depriving oxygen from people that could benefit from it unlike yourself and your zealous little buddies. As a religious person myself I find this whole website a fucking joke, what sane person would use this on their child? I wouldn’t wish this on “normal” people but none of you are, so I hope (fingers crossed) that maybe you can all actually be raped, so you can see what rape really is. I would spit on you, you’re… Read more »

Jesus
Guest
Jesus

No man. Even if this site is a complete joke; you don’t wish rape on anybody. If you knew a victim you would know it’s not funny. Self rape, sure thats hilarious… it doesn’t exist. You’re religious huh? What would your god say to you if he heard that? Way to kill the vibe with your profane hate. Jackass.

Masturbation
Guest
Masturbation

I know why they wanna forbid masturbation!
YOU SHALL NOT WASTE TIME TO HAVE SEX WITH OTHERS AND BECOME PARENTS AT VERY YOUNG AGE!
Let them become more and more…

Devout Worshipper of Jesus Christ. Amen
Guest
Devout Worshipper of Jesus Christ. Amen

As a happily married man of 15 years, my wife and I felt an overwhelming desire to express their gratitude of the creation of this God-sent product. However, since I only allow myself and my male children access the internet ( since women are too vulnerable left alone without male supervision ) , my wife will not be commenting on this video and instead my views will also express her views. As I was saying, since the production of this decency device my wife and I no longer fear the the lustful grip of Satan perverting the innocent thoughts of… Read more »

me
Guest
me

You keep proclaiming your children no longer have sinful thoughts due to this device…no device can take away those thoughts, only physical actions.
Your thinking is delusional & perverse.

Devout Worshipper of Jesus Christ. Amen
Guest
Devout Worshipper of Jesus Christ. Amen

After praying long and hard on your comment, I have found your advice enlightening. I will no longer just strap my beautiful children to this holy device, I will also commence the expulsion of Satan from the innocent bodies of my offspring through the “physical actions” that you have suggested. I hope that you are proud of me O Dear Commenter as I now employ routine beatings and burnings to aid in my childrens absolvation in God’s eyes. I especially enjoy employing the burning method as I find it really scares my children from falling from God’s favour and into… Read more »

The fuck is this site.
Guest
The fuck is this site.

Why is everyone so butthurt over Christopher’s comments? He’s clearly a well educated, literate troll. Fucking beautiful work, sir.

Jaclyn
Guest
Jaclyn

Whoa! I don’t even know where to start. First, I understand you trying to teach your children to obstain. However, this isn’t teaching. It is forcing. And leaving them in that for hours on end without providing their essential needs, is neglect and abuse. Second, if your children have entered puberty, they masturbate. Period. When you are not looking, they find a way. It’s a natural thing to explore your own body and to feel sexual pleasure. It should be about teaching them why they should obstain and teaching them how to. Because they won’t always be in your house.… Read more »

Jackson
Guest
Jackson

Well Jaclyn, those must be two cents of pure gold and at a diameter of one foot! One of the few sincere comments here. You are right about the relationship with Christ and God, but this harness might be what somebody needs. The important thing is that the parents understand their children’s needs instead of jumping into the wrong solution. This harness might be the right solution for some, and trying it on yourself is a good way to understand what it does. I also prayed for you.

bridgetbrown
Guest
bridgetbrown

O.K ur extremely sick and should have ur kids taken away from u God damn how the fuck are u even allowed to have custody of your kids and wife when u obviously abuse ur wife saying that all women are to weak minded for the. internet and also abuse ur kids God they must hateeeeee you same with your wife unless she is completely brainwashed to thing ur more powerful then her smh sad sad human being

Devout Worshipper of Jesus Christ. Amen
Guest
Devout Worshipper of Jesus Christ. Amen

Dear Commenter, You assault my eyes with such Satan Speak ! I furthermore do not appreciate the insults given to me when, each day, I toil and trouble to ensure my beautiful children follow the Path to God’s Palace. You seek to belittle my actions through your Stinging Slander but need I remind you I am merely God’s Vessel for which his Sacred Sentience is being channeled through. And in relation to my ” brainwashed” wife, I am happy to say she is grateful for my recommendation that she give up her job in favour of devoting every single waking… Read more »

Respectfullcommunist
Guest
Respectfullcommunist

1. If you thought that what somebody told you that the only way to expell pervurse ideas from a child was through beatings and BURNINGS you are no better than the people who put jesus on a cross and whipped him. 2. If you could tell me your full name i would like to report domestic abuse and child abuse. 3. The averege male thinks about sex every seven seconds you cant stop your son and just because he looks at his penis doesnt mean he is gay.

Fap4Life
Guest
Fap4Life

Did you read the bible? Because if Satan didn’t exist, humans would be one-minded, brainwashed creatures. Satan is the reason humans can think critically. I don’t worship any god, or Satan for that matter.

Jackson
Guest
Jackson

Bridgetbrown I must agree with you. Although women are weak in some respects, as a man I am more ashamed of the weaker minds of men, who have assaulted me more, insulted, stolen from, lied, and led me, yes, to sin more. Weak mindedness is what leads us to sin, and women are mostly on the stray path because my fellow MEN, upon whom WOMEN DEPEND, lead them astray and into sin! Thank you.

A Smart Guy
Guest
A Smart Guy

Hey my neighbor did that too, I heard her kid yelling something about not wanting to be locked up, being beat up by his father and being starved by the mother. Now guess who’s facing child abuse charges?

That One Guy
Guest
That One Guy

The joke went over so many people’s heads, it’s staggering…

That Guy
Guest
That Guy

You’re probably the smartest guy here lol 😉

Alfons
Guest

comment image

Jackson
Guest
Jackson

Alfons, can you give another link? Government doesn’t like that site.

Pavel Kozák
Guest

I will buy it for my 50th anniversary of my masturbatory CV.

stopmemalkuth
Guest
stopmemalkuth

*Side efects: A small portion of the teenagers that used this product developed a Bondage Fetish when they grow up

Randy Bstard
Guest
Randy Bstard

I don’t often masturbate. But when I do I beat that motherfucker like it owes me money 🙂

Elaine
Guest
Elaine

THIS IS NOT WHAT THIS BOARD IS USED FOR! THIS IS USED IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM TO WHEN DOING PROCEDURES ON YOUNG CHILDREN WHO MUST REMAIN STILL….COME ON PEOPLE…GET REAL

Dian Xue
Guest
Dian Xue

This… is perhaps the greatest comment in the history of the internet.

Attila
Guest
Attila

I was just masturbating while reading this. And it was soooo good!!

Rick
Guest
Rick

I can’t believe at how evil the Christians are to non christians and themselves. STUPID RELIGION FOR STUPID PEOPLE!!!

Jackson
Guest
Jackson

Christians are not a religion. Neither is Christ. Nor Christianity. He is the one true first Son of God but we are all children of God too. It is a relation between you, Christ and God. Nobody can tell you what to do or be. Only God.

This dirty hoe wants your dick and white delight
Guest
This dirty hoe wants your dick and white delight

True shit smfh

marjan393
Guest

we should report this website to the FBI

mightypoo
Guest

you people are sick

cunt gobbler
Guest
cunt gobbler

Why is the world filled with fucking idiots? How do you not realize that this is all satire, including what Erich Sean is saying? Are you all really THAT thick?

MaxXx
Guest
MaxXx

Why is there a “Pray Against” button?

Jackson
Guest
Jackson

Exactly Maxxxx! Aren’t we supposed to pray for all of God’s children? Even those who hurt us, blame us, lie to us, steal our belongings and belittle us?
Amen!

Jigglytata89
Guest
Jigglytata89

Why is it called self rape lol that’s funny and Jesus is a lie go fuck yourself

margarita
Guest
margarita

masturbation is natural and a wonderful form of relaxation. this gadget is a form of child abuse!
God will punish you!
this is a Satanic device!
you will all rot in hell!

Ted
Guest
Ted

1. Rape is non-consensual sex. If the kid choose to do it to himself then it’s not rape. This trivializes true rape.
2. Putting a kid in this thing is child abuse.

Nikita Shalavin
Member

Consensual sex requires two or more people to consent. Rape only requires one person (the rapist) to consent. By masturbating, you are the only one consenting, hence, you are raping yourself.

Jimmy Cho
Guest

Masturbating is not sex. It’s masturbating.

Christina Mcierncock Rubright
Member

If there is a sexual organ involved, its sex. And If its only one person involved, and that person is yourself, its incest. And unless your genitals have vocal cords and can give consent, its RAPE!

Jimmy Cho
Guest

Well by that rock solid logic, sex of any kind would be rape too because my Penis didn’t vocally approve this. No. That is easily the dumbest thing I’ve read all day. My (and everyone else s intelligence has been decreased by reading what you have posted. Congratulations.

Barry Wiseman
Guest

I urinate using my penis, a sexual organ. Are you implying I can get laid just by pissing? Wow…I’ve been doing it wrong this whole time.

Old sophist
Guest
Old sophist

“If there is a sexual organ involved, its sex.” Can’t disagree.

“If its only one person involved, and that person is yourself, its incest.”
Not at all. Please review the definition of incest.

“And unless your genitals have vocal cords and can give consent, its RAPE!”

In fact, it’s the other way round: my genitals demand and I consent or don’t consent.

jonghyun
Guest

So when you procreate with someone you got married to its still rape since your genitals don’t have a voice. And here I thought the Westboro Baptist Church was bad.

michelle d
Guest
michelle d

did i…am i….is this real life???

fiddlestix
Guest

Ok so by that logic washing your sexual organs is raping them and you wouldn’t want to do that right?

remind me not to stand too close to you !!!

Gabe Athouse
Guest
Gabe Athouse

LOL @ Jimmy.
The Joke
——————-
Your head
Do you guys get angry when the Onion hits too close to home also?

Peter
Guest
Peter

ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL

JC
Guest
JC

Whilst washing my genitals I realise I may have just water boarded them by your logic and they didn’t even make a sound.

darnel slapcock
Guest
darnel slapcock

Mrs rubright. My name is darnel slapcock. We should pray together all night.

LOLwut
Guest
LOLwut

OMG, you are so right! I never thought about it in that way. And what about the innocent hands? Aren’t they victims of this evil ploy as well? Come to think of it, is that what they mean by idle hands?

alex
Guest
alex

im self raping myself all over your face right now.

Dann
Guest
Dann

So by your logic all sex is rape, your can’t and never will be able to consent to anything so by your logic every human, every time they fuck, it’s rape.

Nathaniel
Guest

Christina, first off, you’re an idiot, and second off, you look more like a rapist, than anybody I’ve ever seen.

Respectfullcommunist
Guest
Respectfullcommunist

Your name of a sexual organ in your surname according to your logic my penis and anybody elses didnt consent so you are raping

mightypoo
Guest

You are retarded.

Peter
Guest
Peter

Er, I’d say: masturbation IS sex, but I don’t see how sex with yourself could be wrong!

Bo_strangles
Guest
Bo_strangles

Do they make these in adult sizes? I love bondage.

Jackson
Guest
Jackson

Bo, wonderful thought!
If you are a girl (adult) and want a partner, I’m here.

Lala
Guest
Lala

That was so stupid. You people are the ones that make religion seem a massive contagion of ignorance…. GOSH
Did you check what psychologist say? This is simply basic. Goddammit! Always fomenting intolerance and hatred among human beings

fiddlestix
Guest

No rape requires one or more person(s) to NOT consent

Jackson
Guest
Jackson

Really hard to understand this sentence, but at the end, agree.
Please use better English.

David Hartley
Guest
David Hartley

With twisted logic like this, it is useless trying to point out your abuse of the English language

Bitchy
Guest
Bitchy

Nikita you seem to be a very intelligent person. How you look, what you write… I might rape myself later thinking of you….

Free Thinker.
Guest
Free Thinker.

Good thing I don’t choose to press charges on this dashingly good looking rapist of mine, I’m not sure if this site is pure satire or you’re all a bunch of bible-thumping numskulls. I’m praying to my lord and savior Lucifer to wipe your deadhead mind from this earth so that one day everyone may “self-rape”,be married to the same sex, or follow whatever path in life they may choose without a false deity following cult to tell them otherwise.

mightypoo
Guest

yes, it is child abuse. if i ever seen a kid in one of these im calling the cops.

P
Guest
P

Hahhaa this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen, fucking stupid ass Christians. LOL sex is fantastic.

Christina Mcierncock Rubright
Member

This is not about sex. It is about child rape molestation. Which is illegal in all 48 states!

Timothy Bruns
Guest

48 states? Might I ask the name of your Geography teacher so I can pray her soul never has to know of your ignorance.

Serj the Selftoucher
Guest
Serj the Selftoucher

It’s legal in the other two….duh!

synthphyle
Guest

Wow. Did we LOSE two states when I wasn’t looking? Was it like when scientists decided that Pluto was no longer a planet? Pluto probably shrunk because of Galactic Warming due to all the friction generated by all the masturbating going on!

Nick Tamere
Guest

Pluto shrunk because of the wickedness on earth and so many evil childres masturbating and abusing themselves.

Lala
Guest
Lala

Would you agree that ‘child molestation’ is stopping and frustrating the normal course of the sexual discovery of a child? Or would you call stopping the normal course in name of goddamn prejuices, which will later cause REAL sexual deviations?’

laughing at stupid people
Guest
laughing at stupid people

Wow. You are a true troll, teach me in your arts

Katie Redelinghuys
Guest
Katie Redelinghuys

You are so ignorant; you need to go back to school because clearly you have no idea of what sex is.Crawl back under the rock you came from, you’d do us all a huge favour.

Johnny C
Guest
Johnny C

Yes, this makes sense. Let’s immobilize our children to “prevent” rape. Ever seen silence of the lambs? This is how the red dragon is born. You people are sick, twisted fucks.

franzgaul
Guest

Dear Christina, I’m jacking off to your pic right now as we speak.
Kind regards

Oscar Otero  (@oaotero)
Guest

Christina rub me, right?

Person26
Guest
Person26

Wow… im an European and even i know that the United States of America has 50 states… you are freaking pathetic.

Danny Featherstone
Guest

Im finding very hard to keep my hands of my sin stick while looking at your profile pic Christina…. I need help

Korean Jesus
Guest
Korean Jesus

Jacking off to your pic right now!

Jackson
Guest
Jackson

What two states are those? I want to know NOW!

Sarah
Guest
Sarah

All this thing needs is a gag across the mouth and those good Christians can use this device to molest children. Are they marketing it to priests for the alter boys?

jhonny
Guest
jhonny

wow, you are a special kind of stupid, aren’t you?….

Jesus H. Christ
Guest

I’m masturbating to this website right now. True story. I’m gonna blow my load all over a pic of the Virgin Mary too. Give her the ole Divine Money shot.

God
Guest
God

That’s how I made you Jesus! I could not taint marys little virgin pussy with my massive, throbbing god cock; so I did the right thing and just fucked her titties while I watched Mohammed fuck her ass; and than blew the cum into her dirty middle-world hair canyon to save everyone. Come to think of it, after you left she turned into a total whore. I would materialize into a new animal every weekend; and she would fuck me like the rapture just ended. Even took a barbed lion shaft for forty five minutes once. That woman was… one… Read more »

clearly smarter than you fools.
Guest
clearly smarter than you fools.

The fact that this exists is appalling. The fact that people actually support the use of this is so mind boggling, I think I am now dumber for having visited a website that people like this frequent. I’m horrified. Any parent who puts a child in a restraint like this deserves to have their children removed by CPS.

the President
Guest
the President

Im the president and I approve this message!

Cathy Redmond
Member

This going to be this year’s “Tickle Me Elmo” at Christmas time. You may think this is “appalling” or “dumb” but you won’t think it’s very dumb when your children are literally begging for one this November and Brother Lonnie is sold out until 2015. Way to ruin Christmas for your kids.

Praise.

fiddlestix
Guest

Tell me what kind of gifts do your children normally get that they would be begging for this instead?

the President
Guest
the President

Im the president, and this bitch needs jesus

Jackson
Guest
Jackson

Cathy, love you, pray for you.

SIXOFHEARTS22
Guest
SIXOFHEARTS22

I am currently masturbating and worshipping my dark lord; satan while also listening to black death metal. Also, this weed is strong, man.

Julian Taylor
Member

You sure showed us by coming here to confess your current ungodly pursuits – that’s a very original sentiment btw, your masturbating while reading our holy netsite. I sure wouldn’t have thought to type that! 🙂

Carlos Danger
Member

I’m getting one for my non same race wife. Who knows what tomfoolery she’s up to while I’m at work. I don’t trust anyone with darker skin than me.

Katie Redelinghuys
Guest
Katie Redelinghuys

Hahaha you’re being sarcastic, right??

jonghyun
Guest

Bahahabababab

darren
Guest
darren

You racist. How can you not trust them just becaues the complexion is different. Really your not a good person. And if you cant trust your one wif we than why are you mareied and why does it matter there color

Mikkel Jürs
Guest
Mikkel Jürs

Clearly, you didn’t get it Darren. LOL

David Hartley
Guest
David Hartley

I’ve got nothing against black people. Every white family should be permitted to own two

clearly smarter than you fools.
Guest
clearly smarter than you fools.

I can’t tell if Cathy is joking and making fun of this, or if she’s drinking the kool-aid and likes it, but I’m going to go with joking, because that’s the only way I can seriously take any comparison of this contraption to Elmo, LOL! So, cheers, Cathy. well played. 🙂

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Guest

Damn Christians are fucking stupid.

Ifsatanhadamistress
Guest
Ifsatanhadamistress

But the guy that thinks this website is real is really intelligent

WankingWithKids
Guest
WankingWithKids

For real… The only thing that continues to surprise me about this website is the number of absolute full retards getting their panties all in a bunch because they don’t realize it’s a joke.

Nikita Shalavin
Guest

Prostate cancer and other masturbation related STDs are hardly a joking matter.

philip
Guest
philip

Cancer is an STD? Really? And how exactly can a disease be transmitted through masturbation? Transmittion can only happen when two or more people are involved.. You are not even trying to think are you

Nikita Shalavin
Guest

Chronic masturbators often resort to drug use in order to cope with guilt and shame associated with trauma of repeated self-rape cycles. It won’t take long before you catch the AIDS from sharing dirty condoms with your roommates under the bridge.

Julian Taylor
Member

Masturbation is the gateway drug to homosexuality, and brother Nikita has had heartbreaking first hand experience in attempting to nurse homogay masturbaters back to spiritual health. When the soul is unhealthy it is not long before the body becomes equally unhealthy, and this is most frequently evident with the big C and the AIDS penance.

Bless.

HolyMotherOfStupidness
Guest
HolyMotherOfStupidness

Ejaculating frequently actually helps preventing prostate cancer, There’s a REAL research on the matter, look for it.

Nikita Shalavin
Guest

Wrong, pervert. Once the masturbation has made you a gay, you will be spending most of your free time having rough unprotected anal with complete strangers. It’s only a matter of time before you catch prostate cancer in a dirty bathroom stall.

Matt
Guest
Matt

Pretty sure masturbation is the only true way to be sure not to get an STD. Thank you your ignorance knows no bounds

Nikita Shalavin
Guest

Chronic masturbators often resort to drug use in order to cope with guilt and shame associated with trauma of repeated self-rape cycles. It won’t take long before you catch the AIDS from sharing dirty condoms with your roommates under the bridge.

David
Guest
David

Says the man with a nude picture of him on his profile

Nikita Shalavin
Guest

David, I can’t help it if I look great because I eat smart and never masturbate. Maybe you can stop player hating, let go of your penis, and get a gym membership.

AikoNight
Guest
AikoNight

STD= Sexually Transmitted Disease.. 0.o How do you get an STD from masturbating? Oh right YOU CAN’T!! lol

Nikita Shalavin
Guest

Chronic masturbators often resort to drug use in order to cope with guilt and shame associated with trauma of repeated self-rape cycles. It won’t take long before you catch the AIDS from sharing dirty condoms with your roommates under the bridge.

McVitas
Guest
McVitas

No, people just stop masturbating or do it much less when they mature. Simply because it stops being that good as it was before! There is no reason to be ashamed, because everybody does it or have been.

AikoNight
Guest
AikoNight

No no no, you got it all wrong. Would you like me to draw a picture, so you understand? Anyone have any markers, this little boy Nikita needs to learn the basic 101 of sex, and masturbation.

Nikita Shalavin
Guest

Will this picture involve a penis? You strike me as someone who likes to draw penis. And look at penis. Penis.

The chronic masturbator
Guest
The chronic masturbator

Are you fucking retarded? Cancer isn’t an std you fucktard,you can’t get cancer from having sex you moronic assplunger.And how can masturbation turn you gay you moronic dipshit? I’m straight and i have a girlfriend, and i’ve masturbated before,where is your cold hard evidence ranger dick.

the President
Guest
the President

The only thing nikita be shalavin is dick down his throat. He hates when u masterbate because that takes from the cum loads he gets to guzzle.
Im the president and he sucked my slong ryin to get me to stop masterbating. Just sayin, my hand works so much better. Trim the goatee. We dont like bush

Peter
Guest
Peter

I wish it were a joke, but I don’t have the feeling it is! Did you read the comments of this Nikita-fucker and this Erich-moron?

Peter
Guest
Peter

How do I get 40 “pray against” within the 5 sex… sorry: secs I posted it?

McVitas
Guest
McVitas

this counter is somehow fucked up. You get exactly 32 pray against immediately. Is there a contact directly to webmaster so he can fix it?

Mr. Bates
Guest
Mr. Bates

I know! And his name: Eric Sean? Sounds like “Erection”! What a self-raper. Hail Satan.

Katie Redelinghuys
Guest
Katie Redelinghuys

Not all of us 🙁 I think this is the biggest load of bull I have ever seen, too, and I’m Christian. But this… It’s just ridiculous. It’s no wonder we are constantly viewed as idiots. I’m still trying to decide if this website is a joke or if they are being serious. If it’s the latter, I feel very, very sorry for them. Honestly. To live with such hate and prejudice… I have no words haha

Grell Sutcliff
Guest
Grell Sutcliff

Ok, that thing is basically restraining a child and therefore it is child abuse. Masturbation is NOT rape. Rape is if your are forced to do it against your will! Why would someone even make this. Yes, I respect your religion but this is going way far. Masturbation is actually considered healthy and natural, especially for teenagers. Here’s some links proving my point. Educate your self!

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/masturbation-facts
http://www.menshealth.com/health/health-and-sexual-benefits-masturbation
http://teenadvice.about.com/library/bl10thingsmasturbation.htm

Ifsatanhadamistress
Guest
Ifsatanhadamistress

Calm down you idiot the whole website is a joke.

Timothy Bruns
Guest

Considering some of the billboard signs actually payed for by Christian interest groups…

Still not sure how many of the commenters are trolling… and how many are serious…

Nikita Shalavin
Guest

Let us know once you get to the bottom of this mystery. Let’s not take any chances.

i just sprayed my load on your face
Guest

if you are serious then miss you need real help!!! Try holding you breath for a few minutes and letting some of your brain matter die you may become smarter that way… You are clearly not on the right path at this moment. Masturbation leads to std and drug use wow… What leads to drug use and masturbation is idiots like you that dont have a real clue of how things work in life! Use this on one of your kids and your sure to bring a serial rapist or murder with huge drug abuse problems. Masturbation is normal as… Read more »

Nikita Shalavin
Guest

Dear Masturbator,

You’re not making ANY sense, which is typical of a chronic self-rapist. Please try to calm down and explain what is it that you are really trying to say.

the President
Guest
the President

Dear niki. And yes I remember u loved when I called u niki when u tried to show me masterbation wasnt right, u know exactly what hes talking about.
Im the president and I approve my message

McVitas
Guest
McVitas

This comment is usefull for all those who take it seriously although the website is a joke 😉

Peter
Guest
Peter

It’s not a joke, I’m afraid, though I’d wish it were! Read their stupid comments, you’ll see!

areyoufaqin'serious?
Guest
areyoufaqin'serious?

Nikita, are you serious? If you are, I am sorry for your ignorance. Raping requires two people. If all of the people involved agree to have sex it is not rape. Masturbarion involves 1 person.

Peter
Guest
Peter

Masturbation Masturbation is not evil, dirty or harmful – it will not make you go blind, drive you insane, turn you in to a pervert, stunt your growth, give you an STD, make you sterile or get you pregnant. Both guys and girls masturbate, it is a normal and healthy part of sexual development. Masturbation is a very personal thing and should not be done in public places or around people who are not willing partners (think safer sex activity). You are normal if you masturbate, normal if you wonder about it but don’t do it, and normal if you… Read more »

Jesus
Guest

Dear sweet me this has to be some kind of joke. You do realize that if you don’t let your kid whack it at night, he’s just going to find other, less safe places to spank his little monkey. Hell, I rub on out in the bathroom stall at work on occasion.

Squirrel
Guest
Squirrel

Wait. This is a joke, right? Come on, it’s gotta be…. That’s fuckin’ child abuse! Let a fucking kid be a kid, for fucks sake. All this Christianity bullshit is what is what drives children to kill kids and go insane!

Nikita Shalavin
Guest

Masturbating children is funny to you? What are you? Some kind of pedophile comedian?

McVitas
Guest
McVitas

funny or not. Disallowing children to explore their body only leads to sexual dysfunctions and traumas in maturity and THAT is not funny!

Nikita Shalavin
Guest

Masturbation is the biggest sexual dysfunction of all. If we can stop masturbation, we will stop prostate cancer, AIDS and Homogayness!

you offend me
Guest
you offend me

Oh dear, you’re a special kind of Stupid aren’t you. You think AIDS is a result of masturbation? Really? You’re the same kind of idiot who back in the 80’s thought it was something that only affected the homosexual community. Not that i’ve checked the facts (though obviously, niether have you), but if anything, masturbation, and therefore a regular release of semen can possibly avert prostate cancer – not cause it.

McVitas
Guest
McVitas

It is Nikita’s life story! There is no other way he could know this all that well.

Nikita Shalavin
Guest

It’s true. I used to live a lie. I was a leader of a Russian Prison Homogang and have once put a 12 gauge shotgun inside of myself on a dare. Brother Lonnie has saved my soul and shown me a new way to live.

The chronic masturbator
Guest
The chronic masturbator

I think evolution missed you christian fucktards lmao

Ihavea B. Igcock
Guest
Ihavea B. Igcock

How can 6 year olds cum?
I am sure you can cum from age of ~13-50+

Nikita Shalavin
Member

They sure can. Thailand is a disgusting place.

Respectfullcommunist
Guest
Respectfullcommunist

Well thats incredibly rascist

Mr. Beator
Guest
Mr. Beator

This website has to be a joke there is no way this is real.

Ifsatanhadamistress
Guest
Ifsatanhadamistress

This is hilarious

Beth
Guest
Beth

this is child abuse any way you look at it! i believe its called unlawful imprisonment! if you are one of those people who believe that masturbation is a sin and that’s what you want to teach your kids i feel bad for them but they are not my children so i cannot say anything unless you are hurting them or are putting them in this awful traumatizing contraption! there are much better ways to teach your children that they shouldn’t masturbate than locking them up like dogs! i have no suggestions on how to teach kids not to touch… Read more »

Nikita Shalavin
Guest

Letting your children masturbate is the real child abuse. You’re turning your child into a child molester! Great parenting pervert!

McVitas
Guest
McVitas

just see my comment above…

Jarrod
Guest
Jarrod

They are not going to turn into child molesters because they masturbate you fucking idiot.

Nikita Shalavin
Guest

By masturbating, they are having sex with children. This makes them child molesters. Who’s the idiot now, idiot?

Masturbatimus Prime
Guest
Masturbatimus Prime

Masturbating is no sex, it’s masturbation. This is not just your average stupid, this is advanced stupid.

Nikita Shalavin
Guest

You stimulate your sex organ. You climax. It’s sex.

God
Guest
God

You do realize that sex must involve at least 2 people, right?

Nikita Shalavin
Member

I know everything there is to know about sex. I’m a Cultural Attache for crying out loud.

the President
Guest
the President

Niki isnt lying, sure knows alot about blowing coxks. Maybe learned it from brother lonnie. I abandoned the program becsuse they wouldnt let me masterbate. Kept lockin me in a dungeon where they would suck my dick for hours… freaky shit! I think thier views are twisted. Btw, I still masterbate. Ur tortures didnt work!

-president

marjan393
Guest

kids don’t even know what they are doing untill put someting stupid like that in their minds

t
Guest
t

Sure you don’t want to pound a few nails in to be safe, you people are some kind of freaks. Does it say in the bible thou shalt not pleasure thyself???

Juan
Guest
Juan

Lmao whatever kid was put thru that will end up shooting a high school or something. And if they don’t I give them some serious props lol

Carlos Danger
Member

It’s a well known faithfact that all high school shooters have masturbated. Not a single one abstained. #notevenonce

yolo butt swaggington
Guest
yolo butt swaggington

I masterbated to your moustache

Peter
Guest
Peter

Of course they did, at least at that point they were normal!

lolvoidlol
Guest
lolvoidlol

so every high school shooter ate bread, therefore ban bread it’s the seed of evil

Respectfullcommunist
Guest
Respectfullcommunist

Heres a thought that hasnt made it through your thick skull,80% of men have masturbated at age 18 well what do you know every countries president has masturbated at least once

jhonny
Guest
jhonny

lol.. way to misinterpret there Erich. that was actually directed towards Nikita, but from the looks of things, you must be a special kind of stupid too. I’d like to stick around, but I got some fapping to do. while I’m at it, I’m going to fuck the shit out of this blow up fuck-doll while thinking about your Mama…

Why?
Guest
Why?

Guys….I think this isn’t a joke.

I get you people think masterbating is bad and all but why restrain your entire kid? What just cause he’s on the computer he’s looking at porn? There’s a thing called a chastity belt. (Not that I reccomend it) but if you must it’s there for a reson

Kat
Guest
Kat

wow, i’m touching myself right now watching some hot sexy lesbian porn while gluttonously eating tootsie rolls, pray for me, motherfuckers!

Carlos Danger
Member

Dear Lord above why can’t even one masturbater be original or at least mildly amusing? Why Lord??

yolo butt swaggington
Guest
yolo butt swaggington

Because satans trident is so deep in my ass I can flick the vibrate button the my dick

Randy Wood
Guest
Randy Wood

Because self-rape kills brain cells. Plus, when you add in all the marijuana abuse I’m sure is taking place, it’s a wonder they can even understand basic human language. It’s sad, really.

Timothy Bruns
Guest

Might I mention to yas, that in most states this device would be considered unlawful restraint, which would result in the removal of your children from your home by Child Protection Services (or whatever your state happens to call their branch of government dealing with child safety)… permanently

While I can understand the reasons behind the religious view, and respect that you have a right to your own views, I also feel that substituting one form of abuse for another is not acceptable.

Carlos Danger
Member

They would have to find our compound first. ATF keeps missing it so we’re not too concerned about other government agencies. Praise!

ChasteForever
Guest
ChasteForever

I’m so happy that this product is now becoming mainstream. I made a similar device for my daughter when she was 9 years old and I caught her self-molesting at night, while looking at pictures of other girls! Now she’s 14, and I’ve found a much older husband for her. Her husband-to-be still insists she sleep in her cross, and now she’s pregnant! Either the shape inspired immaculate conception, or she’s pregnant from having sex with a man as God intended! She’s not too happy about my choice of her husband or the pregnancy, but, I couldn’t be more proud… Read more »

Julian Taylor
Member

I am very happy to hear that your daughter has received the Lord’s blessing! ^_^

S✨
Guest
S✨

Let her find her own husband and let her do whatever the fuck she wants with her life….. sure most people find it more normal for guys to masturabate but let her be.

Katie Redelinghuys
Guest
Katie Redelinghuys

I think this is all a joke dear. Everyone is trolling x

Peter
Guest
Peter

So, you are happy about your daughter being unhappy twice? YOU ARE A FUCKING BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD FATHER!!!!!!

MJ
Guest
MJ

you are happy right? having an unhappy child with your choices and one much older hushband than her?!!! you are pervent did you know that? hope you will die soon so that child will be free. AND HOW THE FUCK CAN WE FIND WHO IS THAT PERSON BEHIND THAT ACCOUNT TO CALL THE POLICE? DOES ANYONE KNOW ???

Jimmy Rustler
Guest

Ur a horrible person homogay is okay . Homogay is okay HOMOGAY IS OKAY CHASTEFOREVER

Jarrod
Guest
Jarrod

So you would rather have a unhappy daughter who doesn’t get to make her own decisions than a happy and free one? I’m glad you’ve got your priorities straight you fucking idiot

The chronic masturbator
Guest
The chronic masturbator

i just cant even

marjan393
Guest

so you let a pedophile marry your daughter is a blessing? Are you guys really that narrow minded?

Richard
Guest
Richard

Are people really that gullible? I’m guessing in America they are! Get a grip and see it for the joke it is. At least Christians can laugh at it. If it were ridiculing Allah, you’d get you head chopped off my some fanatical cunt!

Richard
Guest
Richard