Introducing the STOP Masturbation NOW Anti-Masturbation Strait Jacket®

Easily train your children to keep their hands off of their dangerous sin zones

When was the last time you imagined your child masturbating?

"What's Jenny doing right now?"
“What’s Jenny doing right now?”

Not a pleasant thought, is it?

From the creators of the wildly successful Anti-Masturbation Cross® comes latest in faith-based self-rape prevention technology, the Anti-Masturbation Strait-Jacket®!  Peace of mind is yours when you strap your little one into this miracle of modern faith science.  As Christians, the dangers of playing with your sin zones are clear:  masturbation is an immoral, homosexual, incestual act that destroys families, infrastructure, and society.  It ravages souls, enables secularism and sends people to Hell when they die.

Protect your little ones from the scourge of self-rape!  For six easy installments of $99.99 you too can rest easy knowing that you’ve done everything possible to prevent the next generation of Christians from destroying their future.  Praise!

Available at fine Christian retail stores worldwide!  For ages 5 and up.
Available at fine Christian retail stores worldwide! For ages 5 and up.

 

 

About Lonnie Childs 38 Articles

Hello, my name is Lonald “Lonnie” Childs and I am the founder and president of the STOP Masturbation NOW anti-masturbation movement.
Please visit my Facebook page here, https://www.facebook.com/originalsmn
and my unaccredited institution of higher learning here,
https://www.facebook.com/brotherlonnie

Contact: Website

118 Comments on Introducing the STOP Masturbation NOW Anti-Masturbation Strait Jacket®

    • This is obviously not real. It starts out with, “When was the last time you pictured your child masturbating?” …Really?

      And come on, guys, it’s a straight jacket for a child…. That costs $600…

      • I hope it is, but I’m not too sure. You know how these religious loons like to abuse their children. Guess I’ll just have to masturbate more often in their honor. Jesus would want it that way.

    • Praise the Dark Lord and accept his light that will guide you to the deep swirling hell! Alik Alik praise Alik rise from tombs of Islam and praise Alik ཧདཅགང Touch the forbidden area to receive guidence ཀལབཙར

    • Praise Sister Cathy! Dr. Childs has done it again and is saving lives despite what the masturbators in the comments section seem to think. It’s too bad that they are too drunk from self-pleasure that they cannot see the bigger picture here.

    • i am fucking astonished. am i being trolled by 10-ish people right now that claim to condone the right to put their own child in a strait jacket that costs 600$? In which it will prevent them from doing something the entire world has done for thousands of years? so, whoever is fucking with me, they’ve done a damn god job.

    • Yes, masturbators are definitely insane! What possesses them to waste their life away like they do? The devil walks among us, ladies and gentlemen. Vigilance is the price of our salvation.

  1. YOURE ALL FUCKED IN THE HEAD. Sicko freaks i flick the bean every night and it’s completely normal. Fucking crazy fucks

    • The lord blessed our bodies to feel pleasure. He made our arms long enough to touch ourselfs.. masturbation is in our nature.

    • 69, Stop with the CAPS. Your screen name indicates you’re one of those people who partake in oral sex (mouth to genitals sex). How dare you call Christian people “Sicko freaks.” And the fact that you “flick the bean every night” is profane self-abuse. How much better could you’ve let the world know you’re a shameless whore then by posting your filth to this Christian website. Its obvious why you’re so desperate to abuse yourself daily. Because no decent God fearing man will have anything to do with you. God gave you you’re “bean” so you could enjoy sex while you and your husband procreate a child. Not so that you can touch yourself in a sickening way that shames the creator. What are you like 600 pounds and a disgusting pig no man would ever want to lay with? You can correct that if you had any self respect and dignity. 69 find God and get help. You need it.

  2. It says above to pray here.. so I will. I pray nobody who believes in this has a child, and if you do they don’t end up in counseling.

  3. This is a great product! At first when i caught my child masturbating i used to have to spank the gay out of him, but with this new technology and stylish design my child loves it! She even asked to wear it to school last week! Thanks lonnie!

  4. Met watse iedees sal julle nog uit kom,hoe dink julle .dit is net nog n geld maak storie om julle self te verryk,van die mens se bestaan ,gaan almal hulle gang.hoekom kom julle met so n belaglike iedee voor die dag,julle sal regtig nie dit kan keer nie.sterkte met julle belaglike produk,ONTHOU NET EENDING MENSE VERSKIL VAN MEKAAR

    • The Germans are at it again, attacking our Holy Netsite. More like Mastur-race!

      As the campus linguist, Brother Lonnie has asked me to give you a message in German: Bitte schreib doch mal richtiges deutsch oder halt das Maul. Diesen Unsinn versteht ja keiner. Und hor doch auf mit dem Wichsen sonst hast eien Verabredung mit Satan!

        • Wow you Nazi advocate. You seem as though you have a demon attached to your soul. Creepy man. Not to mention, your ancestors are immigrants and so is everybody else. I cant wait for you people to feel God in his real state, and stop worshiping your churches. God is a completely different creature, he is felt by many everyday. I know he does not support this bullshit.

      • Educate yourself first.. This is not German it’s Africaans.. Looks like your not only crazy with your so called religous ideas but a reacist aswell.. I´m sure God doesn´t allow those in heaven..

        • Afrikaans (why don’t you educate yourself as to its proper spelling, sir?) is a bad dialect of Dutch, which itself is a poorly pronounced pidgin version of Plattdeutsch. De Giez helpt wol up, äwer he helpt nich dragen!

          • Oh mein Gott! Wer nicht mal Hollandisch von Deutsch unterscheiden kann und nicht einmal weiß, daß es sich dabei um zwei verschiedene Länder handelt (incl. Regierungsformen etc.), soll bitte den Mund halten und in die Psychiatrie zurückkehren, aus der er entflohen ist,. Nehmt bitte Eure Medikamente!

          • Elgoran, pass auf, ich war selber im Limburg bei meiner Tante and ich kann Ihnen sagen dass es so gut wie keinen Unterschied zwischen Deutsch und “Niederlandisch” gibt. Na ja, in Amsterdam schnacken die Hollanders ja anders, weil da viel gekifft wird.

      • Hi Milton,

        First of all I’d like to make clear that i’m not a Sir but a Lady.. Second English is not my first language so I’m sorry if I made a spelling mistake.. I’m myself am half German and half Dutch.. Lived ten years in Germany and ten Years in the beautifull province of Limburg that you visited aswell.. Sure there are some words the same in Dutch and German but most of the time they have a difrent meaning.. But to be honest that isnt really the point is it.. What bothered me was the fact that someone who promotes religious ways in such strong way can be so small minded aswell.

        Arent all people created by God? So who are you to talk bad about other nationality’s like Germans… And be so small minded that you think that everyone in Amsterdam is high all the time..I’m sure this is not what God intented for us humans.. The biggest message he gave us is to love one and another.. And with smalll minded and racial comments like yours you are not any diffrent then the extremist moslims that fight for IS..

        Dear Regards
        Miss Desiree

        Ps what language is this now?
        De Giez helpt wol up, äwer he helpt nich dragen!

        • God should probably also have mentioned something about not being gullible ignoramuses letting themselves get trolled on the internet. Maybe when Jesus gets back in town he can send some tweets out on the subject.

        • God should probably also have mentioned something about not being gullible ignoramuses who let themselves get trolled on the internet. Maybe when Jesus gets back in town he can send some tweets out on the subject.

  5. You don’t want your child to experience what GOD gave them and explore nature, BUT your ok with putting your child in a “strait jacket” that’s absolutly horrible and if you think that is what God would want for his children well then you all need to be in a insanasilum wearing one of those. This is a perfect way to make your children rebel when they get older and actually push them to be something way worse in life such as a hooker or a rapiest. NOTHING good can come from this and this should be considered child abuse. Y’all should be ashamed…. *smh* most Definitely PRAYING for you all!

  6. What the fuck are you dumb Americans doing over there? This is insanety….how the fuck would you dare to produce this in the first place…
    Sick motherfuckers!!! Btw god is a pedophile and jesus is a fag!! Religion sucks ass

  7. Any good Christian parent would be delighted for anything that prevents the dangerous sin of masturbation. There is evidence that it leads to the mariguana and spreads the AIDS.

    • Fuck i am American and i wonder what the hell are these psychco asshole religious freaks doing!? This is shameful, especially that you have now said, you Americans! Fuck lonnie child’s. Creep! Lets put the kiddos into straight jackets, trap them. This is what i see, a pedophiles dream jacket.

    • You are such an idiot. I cant believe SATAN has gotten to you. He has convinces you, all of you. This is messed up and abusive.

    • Um mariguana? Let me help. Marijuana. And you can’t spread *the* aids (bahaha) thru masturbation…cause you’re alone. Understand? Yeah I didn’t think so.

    • u stupid fuck masturbation cant get u aids unless u just fingered a pussy or something, and u spelled marijuana wrong, go back to pre k dick brain

  8. Praise Brother Lonnie in his war against Satan’s trouser fiddling. I’m delighted that such a humane of restriction is now available to all.
    We had great success with the Anti-Masturbation Cross and no longer have to lock our child in the dark cellar and let Lonnie’s Golden Shower of Love wash over them. Gone are the days when good Christian parents were forced to beat their children with the Holy Belt.
    Praise.

  9. Everyone knows that the Sin Zones were designed by Satan before the Fall. We have found that since using the anti-masturbation straight jacket that we no longer need to beat our children with the Holy Belt, lock them in the Holy Closet nor deprive them of food.

    • Bad Christian David. You are insulting, you are dirty, you are a disgrace for saying and believing such things. I am ashamed of all of this and you who beleive. DO NOT pray for me, save the insults. Satan has each one of you in his firey heart. That’s why you’d go to such abusive extremes.

      • Holy fuck this is AWESOME. One comment crazier than the next…keepem comin’…off to make some popcorn n have another shot of vodka. Way better than the Friday nite MMA fights. SOLID GOLD FREAKS. Loven it here….bahahaha

    • Looks like a bunch of hippie drivel to me. “Tune in, turn on drop out!” – we’ve heard that all before. And hey, Timothy Leary’s dead, duder.

      Lonnie Childs is the only futurist you need to listen to.

  10. This is nothing shy of child abuse! It’s normal for children to explore their sexuality in their teenage years. What are you going to do, restrain them like this every time you can’t watch them? Gonna watch them in the shower too? If masturbation tore apart families and ruined society as you claim, society would be toast by now. Get out of the dark ages, it’s natural and children and adults do it. If you try to stop them, they will find other outlets for that sexual energy. In other words, watch your teen pregnancy rate skyrocket; not to mention teen STD’s

  11. Everyone please please please don’t let these sickos represent Christianity. We all aren’t like this. This just is just a select group of weirdos who are probably making gallons of special kool aid in anticipation of a space ship to come get them. We should all pray for these people and especially their children.

    • TY a voice of reason. Im not a Christian but even I know Lonnie Childs and his scant few followers do not represent real Christians. Really goes without saying….

      • Yet you people can’t figure out when you’re being trolled by a parody site…..So much for logic and reason. /Facepalm

  12. Please report this as a torture device. Anyone who put a child in something like this isn’t fit being a parent. If you really must puss your insane beleave that masturbatieshow causes any harm(and as a full graduate biology I can say it isn’t, it is even unhealthy not to do so, luckily if you don’t your body comes automatically in your sleep) please just preach that b.s.

  13. cant really tell if trolling or retarded… im afraid those fucktard are serious… no one put would put in so much effort in creating a fake website

  14. Step one: Torture your kid with this kind of “devices”
    Step two: Beg for forgiveness while they eviscerate you alive.

  15. This is absolutely crazy. Cant you people spend your money on food for starving people. Masturbation is completely normal, as normal as taking a poop. I am so disappointed that children are being raised in this manor, that adults are being tricked into these delusions. The devil walks among you people whom have convinced you to do such things to your children. If you stop such natural erdges to procreate and explore these horny children will find different outlets to satisfy. How do you think weirdos arise into this world? They are shunned into secrecy. Creeps!!!!!!!!!!!!! #disappointment #thisiswrong #abusive

  16. you are sick people. This is child abuse. God is going to smack you in the face with his dick and then send you down to get fucked in the ass by satan for all eternity. you are insane.

  17. Pay head all. I am Jesus Christ and thou shalt not commit child abuse. Bow down to my command or forever suffer hellfire.

    • I would not pay Jesus Christ, or any man for that matter, for “head”. Disgusting. Leave it to something brilliant Dr. Childs has done to bring out the true vile impostors of this wretched society.

    • I did not send you into the world for this kind of work! Now, get back to your cave and put on your straightjacket, Jesus!

  18. Dr. Childs hits another one out of the park with this anti-masturbation jacket. Not only will the good Christian children of America be kept in line once again, but He has managed to ferret out dozens of disgusting “proud” masturbators in the comments section. Dr. Childs, you continue to be an inspiration to myself and many others. Praise!!

  19. I have never once thought about my children masturbating. Because what they do in their bedroom is their business. Masturbation is healthy for you. And to say its not because of a book of fairy tales is shameless and sock. Science has proven that a child masterbating through puberty is healthy for their growth. And it is also proven that masterbating through puberty builds the immune system and can even prevent prostate cancer. Science 1 crazy cult members 0

    • Yeah. My kids strangle kittens in their bedrooms, while snorting pain pills, and e-mailing nude selfies to random strangers. I totally agree. It’s none of my business.

      Heck, If people’s kids can’t totally run their own lives by the age of 6 months, they’re all going to Hell anyway.

      Frankly, parental supervision is so overrated. Children never to anything wrong, or stupid, when adults aren’t around. That just some liberal conspiracy meant to scare people into providing more taxes for gun control and police.

      In fact, your post has inspired me so strongly, I’m going to go out right this minute and buy my the kids some Vaseline, and then I’m going to teach them all new incredible new ways to masturbate. Heck, might just make it a weekly family event.

      • Really, I’ve been reading through these comments thinking that I was the only one! I’m glad you let your children strangle kittens. I’m 14 and I’ve been encouraging my gay, black, Jewish child (who is also my boyfriend) to strangle kittens since he was 3. Also, thanks for suggesting a weekly family masturbation event. I dropped out of grade school and was never good at cumming up with ideas myself. I think that using Vaseline for lube isn’t a really good idea though because it isn’t really economical. I prefer to use hair conditioner because not only is it a good lube but I can use it to wash the jizz off my pubes afterwards. P.s, if you have time and are offering, could you please teach me all the new ways to masturbate so I can pass the ‘word of god’ onto the next generation. Thanks very much 🙂

  20. Guys this isn’t a real thing. It is a gag gift. Its supposed to be funny. You can’t really believe this is real. If a parent really made there kids wear this they would be arrested for child abuse.

  21. I want a refund. Now my twins just spend all of their time rubbing up against the furniture. It’s costing us a fortune in lemon pledge to buff the stains out.

  22. you guys are a bunch of sick bozos,do yourselves a favor and shoot yourselves in the head before doing more damage to youre normal children

  23. Eprayer: Dear Baby jesus,
    I pray today in hopes that as you are a child you can send the heathen non believers an image of yourself in this (praise be to god) divine product on a piece of bread, cloud or even plate of spaghetti.
    Also, please find it in your ginormous heart of hearts to forgive these people for their backwards thinking and extend their reservations to the fiery pits of eternity (great punishment for the ones you love by the way) for at least a day as they knowith not what they speak of.

    Praise be to god on the highest
    Yours truly,
    The magical talking snake

  24. I’m not saying I support this, but if you’re going to put this much effort into making sure your child doesn’t masturbate wouldn’t it be easier to tape oven mittens to their hands?

    • The Anti-Masturbation products have been made for Christian families on the go. Not every family has the time to invest in homemade anti-masturbation solutions to prevent children and spouses, etc. from masturbating. While your solution would, perhaps, work – these products are being marketed to simplify life. Kind of like how you could duct tape your spouse’s mouth closed to keep them proper, or just instill the fear of God, Lonnie and Jesus Christ in them and avoid all of the extra work. Praise be!!

  25. How is this even legal. Are your lives so pathetic that u have to resort to tying up your children so that they grow up as miserable, ignorant, self loathing, theologically brainwashed hypocrites too?!? Self Rape? R u kidding me? Do u even understand the definition of rape? It would be UNWILLING sexual contact from ANOTHER individual. I thinK anyone who puts their kid in one of these “faith” technology devices needs taken out and shot in the head. Their kids would b better off living in a box on the street. Fucking crackheads take better care of their kids than this! Cj

  26. Is this a comment box? I have no idea. But I cannot stand this website! Self masturbation isn’t rape. Rape is defined as “Penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or
    anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” This is the FBI’s definition.
    Let me point out a few things, “Of another person.” Not yourself. You can’t rape yourself. because “consent of the victim.” If you’re masturbating, you have consent! It”s not rape, my dears! It relieves stress, and comes with many benefits. I suppose no one on this website has sex, which is just as messy or messier than masturbation.
    These anti-masturbation kits are outrageous, in idea and price! $400 for a straitjacket, more or less for a cross?! You want your babies looking crazy or like they’re about to be crucified? Crazy. They should be outlawed!
    Nothing about my vagina is bad. Nothing about your penis is bad. Experiment, learn how you want to be touched, and so on. Enjoy!

    P.S. MASTURBATION DOES NOT CAUSE HOMOSEXUALITY.

    • Sez you! Masturbation IS homogay activity because it is same-sex relations with someone of the same gender, whichever one of the 58 official genders you confused Tumblr kids might happen to be calling yourself today!

      I for one am sick of infantile and sick masturbators and their hate and racism against our church.

      #NOFAP OR #GTFO

      God Bless.

      Milton H. Grits

  27. You people are a bunch of sick bozos, masturbation is healthy for you it proven by science and their should be nothing preventing a child from exploring thier own sexuality. This and all the other things makes me sick and disgusted about the severely fucked up people in this world that support this shit.

    • You have been brainwashed by Big Masturbations LIEberal propaganda. Masturbation is not healthy! Just look at how it’s affected you. I hope you don’t have children. Pervert!

  28. Im a Youth Minister and a Family Counselor and I heartily endorse this product for any family who has to suffer the disgrace of having a masturbating child.

  29. This is one reason that ALL religions should be banned full stop. They are all fiction anyway.
    Masturbation is 100% natural, there is nothing immoral, nothing harmful, about it at all. ALL children do it, most adults do it, anyone shocked by this should be put in a straight jacket.
    The facts speak for themselves, children allowed to explore their own bodies, and given information hold off from having a sexual relationship, longer than those not allowed to explore their own bodies, and not given truthful information.
    No deity exists, there is no afterlife, this is it, no heaven or hell, enjoy life as much as you can and if that means masturbation for pleasure do so.
    The whole point is if you make something out of bounds, children will seek it.
    One of my son’s friends went to my son’s home, he was about 16 at the time and his friend about 15, my son showed his stash of larger in the shed. His friend went straight to my ex and said did you know that my son had a stash of larger, she said yes she had bought for him. Now over a decade later my son drinks orange juice, hot chocolate, and water. He doesn’t touch larger at all. Why because his mother and I had discussed it, and agreed that forbidding anything encourages it’s use. BTW my son has taken out a couple of ladies, and guess what he is even now a virgin, that is what being open and honest does, it creates a well rounded individuals. So stop your bigoted ways. Being open and honest works.

    • Anybody else see the irony of an atheist having so much faith in this site being real, that they completely missed the obvious truth that they’ve just been trolled by a fake website?

  30. Wahahahahaha masturbating is homosexual and incest! Hahaha making money out of this, you made My day with all that stupid reactions!

    Now serious. Explain to an atheïst there is a god who creates humans with certain needs and joys and than punishes them afterwards for listening to that, o wait…. Who punishes them for everyything they do and dont hide behind My bad english

  31. Either you guys are some funny motehrfuckers or you are for real and are fucked in the head. I can’t decide.

  32. hello this message is to tell anyone who thinks this fucking bullshit is acceptable. do you really think if jesus himself were right in front of you that he would want to see one of his children who unlike youselves isnt already fucked in the head (yet) to be tied up like an animal? fuck whoever came up with this and fuck the parents who would even consider it. i am 13 years old and i am a christian and guess what? i masturbate reguarly, but i dont burst in a ball of flames when i walk into church, i am no proffessional but i do think that if you tie your kids up and shut them away from their natural and in no way demonic sexual urges that doing so will just encourage them to do something stupid like having sex at a young age wether it be that they are doing it in defiance or that they need a sexual outlet, and on top off everything they will absolutly hate you later in life, not to mention what you freaks do makes every christian look bad. as Mike Taylor was saying earlier i would like to wish you all good luck on the spaceship and also to remind you to pack extra kool-aid and cyanide capsules. Good day

  33. You are 13 and too young to write those nasty words. Your mouth should be washed out with soap. Also, you are too young to even commit the sin of masturbating. Are your parents home? Please put them on the computer; one of our Elders needs to talk to them.

  34. To Milton Grits i would like to personally thank you for your thoughts, but i sincerely dont give a fuck about what you have to say. I did not come here to be lectured by BDSM pedophiles, i came here to spread the truth. You have no right telling me what i can and cant right in my comment motherfucker. and for the record i showed my parents my comment and they laughed, i did too. I bet you would like shoving that soap in my mouth, is that how you get off? OH WAIT you better strap me into that straight jacket so i cant escape right? You people just hide behind a christian website when in fact you are just a bunch of crazy people and weirdos and a mockery to an entire religion. anyone who visits this website should know you are cultists not christians. i swear to everyone we are not all like this. Also one last thing, you people are not fooling anyone with your “self rape prevention equipment” masturbation is not rape of any sort. you people just need an excuse to own something that is actually just a way to tie children up when youre raping them. #pedoalert

    as i stated before, Good Day

    • and before anyone tries to correct my grammar i did not mean to put “right” in the place of “write”

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