Ways To Abstain From The Sin of Masturbation

It is a known fact that masturbation is a top-ten cause of serious disease, as well as an act of incest and a act of homosexuality. As dictated by the Lord’s prophet on earth Lonald “Lonnie” Childs, we must not only abstain completely from masturbation, we much preach abstinence to all and illuminate them to the dangers of it and save their souls from this terrible affliction. As we go about our missions, we must abstain ourselves and to this end I, with other Psychological academics have put together an empirically based set of techniques currently under review by the American Psychiatric Association (APA) for inclusion in their DSM version 6 manual.

  1. Think of children when you begin to masturbate- As you begin to masturbate, think of your children. If you don’t have any children, think of children that live nearby you or children of your friends. Think of the message you are sending by masturbating to them and how you are being a role model. Do you want them to grow up in a morally bereft world where billions masturbate each day?
  2. Think of your mother as you begin to masturbate- Your mother holds a special place of morality and judgment in your life. What would she say or think? Picture the look of her face as you are stroking your sin-shaft or sin-cave.6a00e5520572bb8834017c3717f01f970b-320wi
  3. Where a pelvic device geared to help you abstain such as a “crotch maiden”- These can be purchased in the BLUFF bookstore and should be worn at all times until you cease to be aroused.L0058588 Part of male anti-masturbation apparatus, probably late 19th
  4. Each time you have a fantasy, enact harm, such as striking yourself- this is “negative reinforcement” that will train you to not become aroused by masturbating. A small, leather whip works perfectly and can be easily transported.31FvXt5oblL._SX300_
  5. Attend Masturbators Anonymous (MA) Meetings and work your 12-step “plan”- As with any harmful addiction, it is critical that you don’t try to abstain alone. Get into your local MA group, find a “sponsor” and “work” the 12-steps, beginning by taking a fearless moral inventory of the levels of depravity you currently display.

 

By following the above you are on the road to recovery. Please stay tuned for further discussion into abstinence from Masturbation.

 

Leonard Chimball, Jr., PhD is a licensed Psychologist and works as faculty on the BLUFF Arizona staff. Dr. Chimball divides his time directing the transportation and importing of new students to BLUFF, teaching classes in behavioral science, and as a practicing psychotherapist.

About Leonard Chimball, Jr. 5 Articles
Leonard Chimball, Jr., PhD is a licensed Psychologist and works as faculty on the BLUFF Arizona staff. Dr. Chimball divides his time directing the transportation and importing of new students to BLUFF, teaching classes in behavioral FaithFacts, and as a practicing psychotherapist.

20 Comments on Ways To Abstain From The Sin of Masturbation

  1. this site is a joke, right?
    no psychologist would ever call masturbation a cause of incest or an act of homosexuality. no sane HUMAN would say that. by the way, a quick google search found no academic info about this Chimball guy.
    Please get your facts straight, and don’t post false information on the internet. there are people out there dumb enough to believe it.

    • You’re one of those Commie LIEberals that insists everything you read in the papers or watch on the News channels is factual, I bet.

      We only deal with #FaithFacts here. They can never be disputed! Praying AT you.

  2. Lol this some funny shit. Acts of homo yeah me being a normal human makes me a homo? Fuck all religion.

  3. This site is, in fact, a joke. Just look at all the grammatical errors and misspelling. I stumbled upon this site when I saw an ad for an “anti-masturbation cross for a self-raping child”. I just had to check it out. After reading, I realized this site is like The ‘Onion’ or the “National Enquirer”. It really is just a parody site that is poking fun at religious extremists. It HAS to be. no one would actually believe any of this to be true.

  4. This article is a PERFECT example of the grammar errors and misspellings intentionally made by a ‘writer’ that is intentionally trying to appear ignorant. Also, the characters in his story (Fanny Diddle – really?) have such odd names and she cut off her own arms to abstain from masturbating?? That is a funny story and makes for some dramatic fiction. Unfortunately, there are some people who are too slow to understand that this is parody. That is the REAL sin here.

    http://stopmasturbationnow.org/premier/declare-your-independence-from-the-sin-of-masturbation/

  5. Also, just one last comment here, notice that all the ‘Pray Against’ buttons have a randomly and instantly generated number of 32 -35. This happens instantly after every comment – even the comments that are positive for this site. They are computer generated to appear as if this person has many followers and are not real opinions. Please be careful when checking out this site.

  6. a switch used on the bare bottom helps stop children from doing such naughtyness., and apple cyder vinegar applied after will drive the message home.

  7. Thinking in children while masturbating? Are you suggesting us to become pedophiles?

  8. are you sick or something? this kind of moral philosophy and sinful is carrying us to a generalized loss of faith. Many will agree with me, i would prefer go to hell by my sins but after living and enjoyed a full life rather than go to a paradise with a punisher god made by a ridiculous group of fools fanatics.

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: