WASHINGTON, D.C. (SMMNN) – A study by the U.S. Navy, funded by a Big Masturbation shell corporation think tank, has attempted to sully the good name of stunt flying team the ‘Blue Angels’. Amongst the litany of accusations are charges of supporting a Homogay™ lifestyle and sexual harrassment.
According to the biased study, members of the Blue Angels openly engaged in supporting a Homogay™ lifestyle and flew with homoerotic porngraphic images taped up in their cockpits during multiple airshow performances for “motivation”.
The independent study claims their commander, Captain Gregory McWherter, allegedly not only knew about the Homogay™ transgressions but also contributed to the various examples of frowned upon behavior.
At one point during McWherter’s command, a slogan supporting a Homogay™ Lifestyle was reported to have been painted in Blue Angels gold and blue colors on the top of one of their hangars. The report also references that the slogan was painted “large enough to be seen from B[redacted] M[redacted] spy satellite imagery” however no actual photographic proof was included.
Despite no solid evidence from an actual research group, such as the Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, McWherter was unjustly reprimanded and relieved of his duties.
“The Blue Angels are the friendly face to the unstoppable war machine that is the United States Armed Forces. False allegations such as these levied on these men should not be tolerated and should not stand. It not only damages these great, moral American men but hurts this great nation as a whole.” said a source close to the U.S. Navy that asked to remain anonymous.
The anonymous source also added, “This is clearly a power play by Big Masturbation to destabilize the U.S. power structure even more than the Obama Administration already has. I can’t say much more without putting my own life at risk, but these false accusations against great American Heroes, like the Blue Angels team, is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg.”
Predictably, calls to the U.S. Navy’s publicity department have not been returned as of press time.
Cathy Redmond, reporting for StopMasturbationNow.org.