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Breaking News: UCLA Water Main Breaks Due to Over-Masturbation. Campus destroyed.

 

hot-ucla-cheerleader(Stop Masturbation NOW)— Westwood CA. Like a scene from the movie Waterworld. UCLA is no more. At 4pm today a main water main on Sunset Boulevard that flows through campus burst forth and completely flooded the UCLA campus. The massive geyser has been shooting skyward for upward of 90 minutes and Los Angeles Department of Water and Power employees have not yet been able to shut off the water.

The most likely cause of the water break is semen saturation and vibrational fatigue, both caused by masturbation. Masturbation is the number one cause of infrastructure collapse and needs to be banned immediately.

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TruffleQuinnAgnes PrunageJoop van der SmutNikita Shalavin Recent comment authors
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Nikita Shalavin
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That’s horrible! Did any of the white students survive?

Joop van der Smut
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Joop van der Smut

It has been scientifically proven that most earthquakes in SoCal are caused by the non-stop masturbation in this area. Thanks, porn industry! Thanks, Walt Disney!

Agnes Prunage
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Agnes Prunage

Where is the salt peter, for heaven sakes? Don’t they put it those sinning kids’ food anymore?

Quinn
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Quinn

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL THIS WEBSITE IS TOO FUNNY

Quinn
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Quinn

By the way, I love how the picture above this article is from the Yellow River during flooding in China. Good one.

Truffle
Member

For the love of Lonnie and sweet Jesus H Christ, STOP MASTURBATION NOW!

Amen.