(Stop Masturbation NOW)— Westwood CA. Like a scene from the movie Waterworld. UCLA is no more. At 4pm today a main water main on Sunset Boulevard that flows through campus burst forth and completely flooded the UCLA campus. The massive geyser has been shooting skyward for upward of 90 minutes and Los Angeles Department of Water and Power employees have not yet been able to shut off the water.
The most likely cause of the water break is semen saturation and vibrational fatigue, both caused by masturbation. Masturbation is the number one cause of infrastructure collapse and needs to be banned immediately.