According to Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs, honorary Normal skinned golfing sensation Tiger Woods is once again black thanks to the recent scandal regarding his rampant masturbation and sleeping with over a dozen chubby white women with self esteem issues. Tiger was made an honorary Normal due to his mastery of golf, his gleaming white teeth, friendship to white, moral, virtuous NFL superstar Ben Roethlisberger and his image as a family man who paid his bills on time. “It is with a heavy heart that I declare Tiger Woods to again be black due to his recent indiscretions, as well as reports of spinner rims on his crashed Escalade. This factored in with his recent divorce of the beautiful white American female Elin Nordigren made this an easy decision for me” which Brother Lonnie read from a prepared statement. “Now that Tiger is black again it is my fervent hope he remains gainfully employed and continues to pay his bills and child support on time. Thankfully we still have God’s favorite golfer and white heterosexual American male Phil Mickelson to support. Praise!”
Staunch anti-masturbation Christian soldier and former lifelong Echo & the Bunnymen fan until I learned the dangers of secular music. Brother Lonnie saved me from a life of homoerotic servitude in which I was paid with food items from McDonald’s value menu. I co-founded Christians Overcoming Carnal Knowledge (or COCK) to help former homogays test their firm commitment to a heterosexual lifestyle. I enjoy Gladiator movies, Top Gun and Christian fellowship with Latino men.