(Stop Masturbation Now)— Germany today routed the Mexican state of Brazil 7-1 in soccer. Germans, using a combination of preserving precious bodily fluids and using only Caucasians proved too much for the very dark skinned Brazilians. At one point in the match Germans scored 4 goals on 10 minutes. A feat unheard of in a sport where the average score is a 0-0 tie.
Tears flowed like water in the Estadio Mineirao in Belo Horizonte as before even half-an-hour had gone, Brazil were 5-0 down, and the final scoreline was 7-1, equaling their worst-ever defeat, 6-0 to Uruguay back in 1920 before the World Cup had even begun.