Orange County, CA – A family is left grieving and planning arrangements today as the new “Wheelin and Feelin” craze sweeping the nation claims another young life.
At approximately 11:15 AM, in sunny Laguna Beach, CA, one child has been pronounced dead and another is injured in what is being referred to as the worst Wheelin’ and Feelin'” accident to date. Officials have requested that the identity of the child be left anonymous until arrangements have been made and all friends and family have been notified.
“Wheelin’ and Feelin,'” or “WAF,” as the kids like to refer to it, is the act of touching one’s genitals while riding a Big Wheel, Tricycle, Green Machine, or other 3 wheeled cycle. Popular with street
gangs and Motorcycle Outlaws during the 70’s, this shocking practice has caught on with the youth of America – with dangerous consequences.
“Honestly, I don’t know how to stop it. It seems like more and more kids are doing it every day. This week, we have incarcerated at least three minors,” states Joe Murphy, Orange County deputy. “It used to be just the coloreds, but now it’s seeping over into our neighborhood. We have to put a stop to this. This ain’t just something those people over there do – this is right in our own yards. These are the children of the future.”
Last year, WAF claimed the lives of 4 of America’s middle-class youth, and today’s death brings this year’s number to 2. Authorities are working hard to prevent future occurrences, but it doesn’t look good, say many police officers on the street.
“People need to realize that this isn’t just some passing phase. This has been around a while, and with last year’s deaths in Ohio and Kentucky, we can assure you that it is spreading across the country,” stated Sarah Pennington, standing commander of Beach Patrol at San Clemente.
Mack Bubba has been gaining nationwide attention for his Wheelin’ and Feelin’ Awesomatic®, a specially designed tricycle that he rides through the streets. The tricycle has automatic steering and GPS controlled navigation, enabling the rider to freely masturbate while riding through dangerous traffic among automobiles and commercial vehicles. “Mack Bubba,” as he is known on the streets of Laguna, declined an interview.
“I wish I would have saw the signs before it was too late. I wish I could see my baby one more time. I wish I had never told him that masturbation is a perfectly natural thing. Maybe then I would still be holding his precious little filthy hands in mine,” said the mother of the deceased ( name not disclosed upon request.)