Masturbation Injury Sidelines Baseball Star Molina

Once again the selfishness of a single masturbator will now ruin everything

Yadier Molina

SAINT LOUIS, MO — (SMNNN) Saint Louis Cardinals baseball star, Yadier Molina, will miss 8 to 12 weeks of action due to a severe injury to his hand. It has been determined that Molina has torn ligaments in his thumb and will likely need to have reconstructive surgery on his hand to repair the damage. Due to the surgery it is feared that Molina will miss the remainder of the 2014 season, dooming the upstart baseball team to a year of mediocrity.

Molina was injured following Wednesday night’s game with the Pittsburgh Pirates. The Cardinals won the game and Molina celebrated into the late hours of the evening. It is speculated he masturbated during this “celebration” so furiously that he severed multiple ligaments in his hand. When Molina turned up at batting practice today he was unable to even hold a bat in his hand. Considering the similar hand position of holding a baseball bat and holding a sin stick it was obvious to bystanders what was the actual cause of Molina’s injury.

Sin Stick
Yadier Molina will be lucky to hold a baseball bat again due to his careless injury.

One of the Mercy Sports Medicine physicians tasked to look after the team confirmed this was more serious than a sprain and immediately sent Molina to the hospital this afternoon. After a series of tests it was determined that Molina’s injury was dire enough to require the reconstructive surgery in order to save his hand.

If the surgery is a success, it’s possible that Molina will be able to play baseball again at some point in the future. However, as is with all masturbation related injuries, if he does not cease doing the Devil’s deed he is set to ruin not only his sports career, but his life. Hopefully, having the team’s chance for any success this year destroyed, the children of Saint Louis will learn a valuable lesson about the dangers of masturbation.

True to form, without their star player in the line-up, the Cardinals are, at press time, losing 8 – 1 to the Pirates. Once again, the selfishness of a single masturbator will now ruin the year for not only his teammates but also the normal citizens of St. Louis, Missouri.

About Cathy Redmond 104 Articles
Cathy Redmond is a graduate of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, earning degrees in English and Political Science. She likes long walks in the desert, strong Conservative leadership and America.

14 Comments on Masturbation Injury Sidelines Baseball Star Molina

  1. So sad to see masturbation infiltrate Americas Pastime. I think of all those great baseball players of old like Whitey Ford, Rick White, Ty Cobb, Matt White, and the White Sox. They would never self rape.

  2. Just moments ago I learned that a Yankees baseball player is now facing season ending elbow surgery as a result of unsafe masturbation practices. This is becoming an epidemic.


  3. Yes because baseball players who train their hands to withstand a ball rushing at it or a bat causing a shockwave through their arm by HITTING the ball tore their hand through masturbation. Which by the way does not have any harmful affects on the human body except for a sore cramp if you do it that much. Hell, you have more of a chance getting hurt during regular consensual sex than masturbation so why don’t we ban consensual sex for the reason of getting hurt or better yet just don’t use this as an example when you can’t even provide a source nor has there ever been the report of someone hurting themselves through masturbation except for on websites like these to where they are trying to abolish something as little as masturbation. This is the reason why people dislike the Christian religion everyone. You take it too far.

  4. first that’s not a baseball player that’s a movie star named Alfred Molina; and second the *actual* baseball player injured himself sliding into 3rd base in front of thousands of people. if you want to spread your propaganda by all means do it but lies when you are supposed to be a faith based organization is just wrong. What would jesus do??

  5. Fuck. I wank everyday! Keeps me sane. And as for injuries due to a hand shank – u fucking dick head idiots! What a pile of shite lies and more lies. Fuckin Praise!

  6. just also realised you complete cock up also, and seen Tiffs post to boot! – the image used is an English actor! U people are nuts!!! You will fuck up more kids lives than help

  7. This is the dumbest site I have ever seen. Just making stuff up to fit your beliefs is not very Christian.

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