Rio 2016: Semen, Lesbians and Crocodiles, and All This Before Any Medals Have Been Won

(StopMasturbationNOW)— Not a single Olympic medal has been awarded yet and already these Olympics have been an utter travesty. You would think these are the special Olympics but there is nothing special in Rio.

Hundreds of athletes have reported semen stained bedding and in some cases semen caked on the floor up to an inch thick.

The women’s basketball players seem to be worried about scoring with each other more than scoring buckets.

And lastly golf, back for the first time in one hundred years, is being played on a course covered with snakes, rodents and even crocodiles.

Capybaras are the largest species of rodent in the world — they can weigh up to 150 pounds — and according to the National Post, this golf course is teeming with them.

“They chew down on the grass at night,” Mark Johnson, the PGA Tour’s director of international agronomy, told the Post. “There are about 30-40 of them inside the course perimeter, but they live here and we play golf here, we co-exist.”

Those capybaras will have plenty of company, however. Here’s the Post casually describing the menagerie of animals who will be hanging out around the greens:

“There are also three-toed sloths, monkeys, boa constrictors and caimans, a small crocodile that doesn’t usually grow beyond five feet in length. They frequent holes 2, 3, 5 and 9.”

For Olympic news and medal counts please see our Rio 2016 Home Page