StopMasturbationNOW)—The Washington State Cougars headed into this season with dreams of getting to a bowl game and winning. Last year the cougars went to the New Mexico bowl and blew a large lead to lose to the Colorado State Rams 48-45. This year expectations were high under high priced coach Mike Leach. Unfortunately the cougars lost two early games that they were both favored to win. The pac-12 had only lost three games to other conferences this year. WSU makes up two thirds of those losses.
Predicting the Season
When you look at WSU’s remaining schedule you look and see how many games they should be competitive in, unfortunately you do not see many.
If we give the cougars the benefit of the doubt you have them beating Portland State this weekend, Cal, Arizona and Washington, throw in one other luck win at random and you have a 5-7 record and no bowl game.
However if you take a more realistic look at the schedule you have them winning this weekend against Portland State and then maybe no others, so that leaves you with a 1-11 schedule.
Somewhere in between is probably what will happen, but they will be lucky to get to 3-9.
So why are the Cougars so bad? Didn’t they go to two BCS games? Yes, they went to the Rose Bowl twice during the BCS era. However in 2006 a young high school senior came looking, one that had been named Washington state’s Gatorade Player of the Year. However WSU patted that kid on the head and said no thanks, you are too small. That player was Kellen Moore. Kellen eventually went on to Boise state where he played 4 years. During that time he had a record of 50 wins and 3 losses. Was 3-1 in bowl games. And won a BCS game.
During that same time the WSU cougars went a terrible 9-40.
How to Break the Curse
Ending frustration like this is never easy, it requires some deep deep sacrifices. Here is a list of what must be done.
- Fire Coach Mike Leach
- Fire University President Elson Floyd
- Suspend All football Operations for 10 years
- Create a College of Masturbation Studies
- Require all students take a course in masturbation prevention education
- Make a Public Apology