Jesus And The First Anti-Masturbation Cross®

March 25, 2016 32

This Easter as you enjoy quality time with your same-race family, it is important that you remember the reason for the season.  Reflect upon the sacrifice that Jesus made for us all by allowing Himself to die a painful, humiliating death nailed to the first Anti-Masturbation Cross® in order to forgive mankind of our sins.

Jesus was the only perfect human being to ever walk the Earth.  As such, He never engaged in the sin of self-rape.  I challenge any of the […]

The SMN Ethnic Outreach Program Reaches Mexicans With La Anti-Masturbación Cross®

October 19, 2015 9

Los padres, has lo que nunca imaginó que su hijo masturbándose? ¿Le preocupa lo que hacen cuando vuelves la espalda? ¿Tienes miedo de que van a caer en las garras de Satanás?No te preocupes más! Presentación de la Anti-Masturbación Cross®! Diseñado por PARADA Masturbación EMPRESA ingenieros, este dispositivo de restricción maravillosa le permite seguir con su día sin la persistente sospecha de que su descendencia están tratando a sus cuerpos como una especie de pervertido parque de diversiones.Ahora con descuento […]

Introducing the STOP Masturbation NOW Anti-Masturbation Strait Jacket®

March 5, 2015 119

When was the last time you imagined your child masturbating?

“What’s Jenny doing right now?”

Not a pleasant thought, is it?

From the creators of the wildly successful Anti-Masturbation Cross® comes latest in faith-based self-rape prevention technology, the Anti-Masturbation Strait-Jacket®!  Peace of mind is yours when you strap your little one into this miracle of modern faith science.  As Christians, the dangers of playing with your sin zones are clear:  masturbation is an immoral, homosexual, incestual act that destroys families, infrastructure, and society.  It […]

Save Masturbators From Hell This Halloween!

October 31, 2014 24

Today is Halloween and while most moral Christians will be hunkered down in their homes with their children, Bibles and guns clutched close, the secular world will send their children up to stranger’s doors begging for handouts like the Obama-Socialist zombies they are. This year, we fight back! As Christians, we are called upon by God to spread His Holy Word to the unsaved so we must look at this otherwise wicked day as an opportunity from On High! Like […]

It’s never too early to save their soul

September 24, 2014 11

The FaithFact Engineers have finally solved the age old dilemma of how to teach your infant not to masturbate. With this effective, yet stylishly functional centerpiece, you can proudly display your self-rape free Christian values and keep an eye on your little ones while keeping Satan from tempting them to Shake their little SinSticks or go Spelunking in their tiny SinCaves.

Each handsome centerpiece is lovingly handcrafted by our Normal Same Race Branch Lonvidian craftsmen, hand finished by our lesser gendered […]

SMN Introduces Uncle Lonnie’s “No-Wankie Blankie”

July 25, 2014 78

Parents, Do you ever lie awake at night worrying your children are masturbating?

I know I sure did, that was until I started tucking my 23 Same Race Normal Children to bed safely wrapped up in the Uncle Lonnie’s “No-Wankie Blankie”.

Now I can rest assured that my boys will not be tempted to shake their SinSticks or the girls will not be Jibbering their Girly Bits.

No more

hourly finger sniff checks for the girls
no more crusty tube socks in the boys […]

3 Amazing Pieces Of Anti-Masturbation Technology

July 14, 2014 25

Just this past month of May in this, our year of America 2014, Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts had it’s first annual Technology Month. It was a grand affair that culminated in showcasing some cutting edge technology in the fight against masturbation. Today, I’m focusing on three incredible innovations in anti-masturbation technology that the average Lonvidian is aware of, but the deviants that linger in the comments on this netsite may not have seen yet.

[We’ve added a section on […]

Mark Zuckerberg Insanely Jealous of Lonnie Childs

July 12, 2014 10

Friday the 27th of June, in the year of our Lonnie, will forever go down in infamy at B.L.U.F.F.  The jealous wrath of Mark FFuckerb Zuckerberg came down on our beloved savior, Lonnie Childs.  Lonnie’s post about the Masturbation Cross or as I prefer to call it, the Celestial Papoose, reached over one million facebookers without “boosting’ (that’s code for paying money) in 24hr4s.  When Jelly made facebook stock go public, we all know what happened with that.  I […]

Evil Masturbation Terrorists Caught at Border

July 12, 2014 9

Yo Quiero, TX — Security agents from Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.) have been sent to patrol the border and deal with a dangerous faction of illegal immigrants.

The announcement comes at a time when US Border Patrol Agents report an increase in masturbation terrorists crossing into the United States from Mexico. These particular cells are under orders to infiltrate American Society and promote a masturbatory lifestyle, polluting the minds and backsides of normal skin-toned children.

The specific group, Latino […]

Masturbation Rates by Species

July 5, 2014 31

The FaithFacts™ don’t lie. 

 

God Bless,

TheRev

TheRev Leory Jenkins is a Sr. Staff Writer for BLUFF Press, LLC.

785-274-0325 or

1 2
%d bloggers like this: