Post Tagged with: "Anti-Masturbation"

The Finger Sniff Test-Where Non-Normal Arguments Fail

The Finger Sniff Test-Where Non-Normal Arguments Fail

B.L.U.F.F. – My Dear Friends in Christ, you have been recently enlightened on this Holy Webpage with guidelines to prevent masturbation in your young daughter’s life. The B.L.U.F.F. Finger Sniff Test was presented with the blessings of the Faith Facts Eldership. It has also been proven to be a most […]

by October 6, 2014 19 comments Self-Rape Prevention
It’s never too early to save their soul

It’s never too early to save their soul

The FaithFact Engineers have finally solved the age old dilemma of how to teach your infant not to masturbate. With this effective, yet stylishly functional centerpiece, you can proudly display your self-rape free Christian values and keep an eye on your little ones while keeping Satan from tempting them to […]

The Menstrual Hut

The Menstrual Hut

The Menstrual Hut Procedures and Guidelines *Note: The following is a living document subject to refinement, adjustment, and reinterpretation by Brother Lonnie in conjunction with the B.L.U.F.F. Council of Elders (Eldership). Revisions may occur without notice; however, they become Campus Law as soon as they are bound to print. Any […]

by September 23, 2014 20 comments Faith Fact Series
New Test For Parents To Detect Masturbation

New Test For Parents To Detect Masturbation

Faith Scientists, working in conjunction with Faith Healers and Faith Physicians, have succeeded in making an accurate, over the counter test for parents to detect masturbation activities in their children. The new test, called F.A.P. Certainty™, will be available by the end of 2014. The test, while being marketed towards responsible […]

by September 17, 2014 67 comments Lonnie Childs, Spot a Masturbator
Apple Wearables Event Sparks Anti-Masturbation App & Device Rumors

Apple Wearables Event Sparks Anti-Masturbation App & Device Rumors

News of today’s Apple iPhone event has brought the continued speculation that the Cupertino based electronics giant also plans to unveil a “wearable” device. Apple fanatics have dubbed the proposed wearable the “iWatch” but so far Apple itself has not confirmed such a device will be unveiled at their “9-9-2014” […]

by September 9, 2014 3 comments Family Values, Lifestyle, Trending
The Latest in Anti-Masturbation Technology for Children

The Latest in Anti-Masturbation Technology for Children

It has come to our attention that some of the lesser of our followers are a tad squeamish using the Anti-Masturbation Cross® on their children. While Brother Lonnie and God will deal with you eventually, in the meantime the Faithscientists at Brother Lonnie’s University of Faithfacts (B.L.U.F.F.)  have come up […]

by September 6, 2014 30 comments Family Values
Brother Lonald Foils the Devil Again

Brother Lonald Foils the Devil Again

Note: The following is a excerpt from the King Lonald Holy Bible, a more accurate account of God and Christ. …and so it was that Brother Lonald, adhering to the Lord’s Calling to deliver the message of self rape abstinence to the afflicted third world countries of tribal Africa, was […]

by September 5, 2014 17 comments Faith Fact Series
Cee Lo Green Apologizes For Tweets About Rape; Meant To Use Prefix “Self”

Cee Lo Green Apologizes For Tweets About Rape; Meant To Use Prefix “Self”

Thomas Decarlo Callaway (aka – Cee Lo Green), the once relevant singer/songwriter perhaps best known for his hit song “Let’s Stay Together” has been under fire after having a series of tweets on his official Twitter profile taken out of context. The tweets by Green were a strange set of messages […]

by September 4, 2014 15 comments Celebrity, Trending
a latex glove can help prevent the spread of STDs from every day objects that masturbators touch

Unprotected Masturbation: Know The Risks!!!

  Unprotected masturbation is the leading cause of STDs, and here is why: Take the number of men and women that engage in unprotected masturbation and multiply that by the number of: door knobs, toilet flushing handles, crosswalk signal buttons, drinking fountains, handshakes, etc. What you end up with is […]

by September 3, 2014 21 comments Science
Cassidy’s Thought for the Day

Cassidy’s Thought for the Day

Focus not on temptation flesh sins as the devil wills for you, For he cares only for the ruin of your soul. Saturated with the tears from Jesus and angels, Empty burning hell’s torment is your eternal toll. Focus instead on the graces gained from flaccidity, For your reward in […]

by September 1, 2014 4 comments Morals
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