The Menstrual Hut

September 23, 2014 20

The Menstrual Hut
Procedures and Guidelines

*Note: The following is a living document subject to refinement, adjustment, and reinterpretation by Brother Lonnie in conjunction with the B.L.U.F.F. Council of Elders (Eldership). Revisions may occur without notice; however, they become Campus Law as soon as they are bound to print. Any or all laws contained within the B.L.U.F.F. Handbook may be superseded by the King Lonald Holy Bible or by proclamation from Brother Lonnie or the Council of Elders (Eldership).

Brother Lonnie’s University of […]

New Test For Parents To Detect Masturbation

September 17, 2014 67

Faith Scientists, working in conjunction with Faith Healers and Faith Physicians, have succeeded in making an accurate, over the counter test for parents to detect masturbation activities in their children. The new test, called F.A.P. Certainty™, will be available by the end of 2014. The test, while being marketed towards responsible parents, will work with potential masturbators of any age. Before the release of the home test, concerned individuals can bring their suspected masturbator to any of the Lonnie Childs Approved® […]

Apple Wearables Event Sparks Anti-Masturbation App & Device Rumors

September 9, 2014 3

News of today’s Apple iPhone event has brought the continued speculation that the Cupertino based electronics giant also plans to unveil a “wearable” device. Apple fanatics have dubbed the proposed wearable the “iWatch” but so far Apple itself has not confirmed such a device will be unveiled at their “9-9-2014” event. The new iPhone mobile device, “iPhone 6”, is expected to be announced today in two different sizes.

The secrecy surrounding today’s event has led many in the anti-masturbation app developing […]

The Latest in Anti-Masturbation Technology for Children

September 6, 2014 29

It has come to our attention that some of the lesser of our followers are a tad squeamish using the Anti-Masturbation Cross® on their children. While Brother Lonnie and God will deal with you eventually, in the meantime the Faithscientists at Brother Lonnie’s University of Faithfacts (B.L.U.F.F.)  have come up with a more “humane” manner to curb a child’s masturbatory urges.  We call it The Rodger® in honor of Brother Lonnie’s deceased brother who recently lost his personal battle to […]

Brother Lonald Foils the Devil Again

September 5, 2014 17

Note: The following is a excerpt from the King Lonald Holy Bible, a more accurate account of God and Christ.

…and so it was that Brother Lonald, adhering to the Lord’s Calling to deliver the message of self rape abstinence to the afflicted third world countries of tribal Africa, was confronted by terrorist hijackers aboard a DC10 en route to Kenya.

The leader of the sinful band of sand tribals, Ali Haja Aboodabi, ordered his men to commandeer the aircraft shortly after […]

Cee Lo Green Apologizes For Tweets About Rape; Meant To Use Prefix “Self”

September 4, 2014 15

Thomas Decarlo Callaway (aka – Cee Lo Green), the once relevant singer/songwriter perhaps best known for his hit song “Let’s Stay Together” has been under fire after having a series of tweets on his official Twitter profile taken out of context. The tweets by Green were a strange set of messages referring to rape, that he posted and then quickly deleted. Not long after that the entire profile of Green on the social networking service was also deleted.

Green issued a statement that […]

Unprotected Masturbation: Know The Risks!!!

September 3, 2014 21

 

Unprotected masturbation is the leading cause of STDs, and here is why:

Take the number of men and women that engage in unprotected masturbation and multiply that by the number of: door knobs, toilet flushing handles, crosswalk signal buttons, drinking fountains, handshakes, etc. What you end up with is an STD pandemic!

The only way to truly protect yourself is through self-abstinence. That means not touching your sin zone, with the same hands that makes contact with the secular masturbating world. Going […]

Cassidy’s Thought for the Day

September 1, 2014 4

Focus not on temptation flesh sins as the devil wills for you,
For he cares only for the ruin of your soul.
Saturated with the tears from Jesus and angels,
Empty burning hell’s torment is your eternal toll.

Focus instead on the graces gained from flaccidity,
For your reward in paradise will be great.
Seated you shall be, to the right hand of Jesus and Lonald,
because you did not

THE WOMAN WHO THINKS REDUCING THE MALE MASTURBATER POPULATION BY 90 PERCENT WILL SOLVE EVERYTHING

August 26, 2014 12

By TheRev Leroy Jenkins

The Femitheist is a 22-year-old criminology student with a three-year-old. One angry day in 2012 she took to the Internet to outline the brutal concept of International Mastubater Castration Day. After posting it on YouTube she stepped out for a coffee. Returning home a few hours later, she found that all gnashing masturbater hell had broken loose.

Her argument was that only through the reduction of the masturbater population to between 1 and 10 percent of their […]

Say “NO” To Pornographics!

August 25, 2014 12

A recent survey shows 85 percent of rapes and molestations are reenactments of a porn video/DVD. This means every time someone downloads an internet pornographic, there is an 85 percent chance that it will eventually result in a rape or molestation of a child. 

It’s not normal to give kids beer to help them “relax” – but on masturbation, it is.

If you, or someone you know, is hurting children with masturbation please call (888) 276-6760 (operators are standing by).

 

This message of […]

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