Post Tagged with: "B.L.U.F.F"

Masturbation: Offensive Across All Seven Deadly Sins

Masturbation: Offensive Across All Seven Deadly Sins

Safford, AZ – For years, the Stop Masturbation Now! Ministries has warned of and demonstrated the evils of Masturbation. The absolute harm done when one inflicts self rape activity on his or her soul when finger dancing the skin flute or spelunking the sin cave is incontrovertible, but still, agents […]

MASTURBATION ALERT! Bert Strips Pose a Clear and Present Self-Rape Threat

MASTURBATION ALERT! Bert Strips Pose a Clear and Present Self-Rape Threat

B.L.U.F.F. (Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts) has raised the overall self rape level to Orange-Imminent Threat of Self-Rape detected. The Facebook Rise of the Butthurt has published a series of “Bertstrips.” These crude cartoons pose an imminent threat of self rape! The following is official information from the B.L.U.F.F. […]

by March 23, 2015 6 comments Self-Rape Prevention
A Reading From the Book of Exit Us

A Reading From the Book of Exit Us

25:1 And the LORD spake unto Lonald, saying, 25:2 Speak unto the superior gendered children of B.L.U.F.F., that they bring me offerings: of every self celibate that giveth it willingly with his pure heart ye shall take my offering. 25:3 And this is the offering which ye shall take of […]

by March 19, 2015 2 comments King Lonald Holy Bible
A Glimpse Inside Of An Actual Anti-Masturbation Re-education Ceremony

A Glimpse Inside Of An Actual Anti-Masturbation Re-education Ceremony

As a member of the fact-based, right-thinking American press machine and a friend of the Stop Masturbation Now movement, I was granted a special look inside during an actual anti-masturbation re-education event at the Safford, Arizona B.L.U.F.F. campound. I’d like to extend special thanks to Brother Barrett Crenshaw and his […]

by February 11, 2015 8 comments B.L.U.F.F.
Deaths Lead to Job Openings for Lucky Ladies at B.L.U.F.F.

Deaths Lead to Job Openings for Lucky Ladies at B.L.U.F.F.

As many of you know, we have recently lost Sister Keegan to an unfortunate accident involving a hay bailer and a feral hog. We all loved AnnMarie dearly, and her presence will be greatly missed in the daily activities on the Campound. AnnMarie was scheduled to be assigned to a […]

by January 3, 2015 2 comments B.L.U.F.F.
Ban the Term “Diddly-squat”

Ban the Term “Diddly-squat”

In this week’s “Ranting Towards Redemption With Brother Cassidy” column, I provide insight toward the use of a phrase that I find highly unacceptable due to its offending nature. My dear friends in Christ Through the Lonaldian Way, as many of you are aware, I minister to troubled youths and […]

by December 9, 2014 9 comments Morals
Local War Hero Battles City Hall

Local War Hero Battles City Hall

Please congratulate B.L.U.F.F.’s own, Cassidy Pen, for his successful efforts to sandpaper small hand tool handles in Stafford. The newspaper writeup follows:

by November 25, 2014 16 comments Politics
Lonnie is Homo With the Father

Lonnie is Homo With the Father

WARNING: TL;DR The Father is homo with the Son. The Son is homo with the Bird. The Bird is the Word. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The Word became flesh and dwelt among us. Behold, the Technical Virgin […]

Ebola Mutation Transmitted via Masturbation

Ebola Mutation Transmitted via Masturbation

The Foundation For a Better Tomorrow in association with B.L.U.F.F. has confirmed that a new super strain of Ebola is passed to hosts through masturbation. The virus clings to the outer skin palettes and is launched airborne at the moment of masturbatory climactic release, becoming airborne and susceptible to transmission […]

by October 12, 2014 8 comments Science
The Finger Sniff Test-Where Non-Normal Arguments Fail

The Finger Sniff Test-Where Non-Normal Arguments Fail

B.L.U.F.F. – My Dear Friends in Christ, you have been recently enlightened on this Holy Webpage with guidelines to prevent masturbation in your young daughter’s life. The B.L.U.F.F. Finger Sniff Test was presented with the blessings of the Faith Facts Eldership. It has also been proven to be a most […]

by October 6, 2014 19 comments Self-Rape Prevention
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