Lonnie Childs Prevents New Miley Cyrus Film From Being Screened

February 13, 2015 6

Brother Lonnie has done it again! A pro-masturbation film festival in the den of sin, New York City, had scheduled to screen a video featuring the Big Masturbation sex android herself, Miley Cyrus. Thanks to your prayers and Brother Lonnie’s tireless efforts, it has now been confirmed that the Big Masturbation funded and supported ‘bondage themed’ video will no longer be featured during the upcoming masturbation festival. Multiple sources are also claiming that all copies of the film have been seized and […]

Internets Meems Warning!

January 31, 2015 13

WARNING: Do not be tricked by certain internets meems. Some may appear to be spiritual and comforting, my dear friends in Christ through Brother Lonnie, but they are merely a ploy by Big Masturbation to promote self rape. Take this one, for instance. Note the nasty underbelly to this filth. It calls on a young and capably moistened LGN of child rearing age and hip structure to tell her significant SGN that she is riding off on her pear shape […]

Is the “Halo” gaming franchise promoting Self-Rape?

January 20, 2015 24

A screenshot from the “Halo” gaming franchise. This one comes from “Mass Effect 2”.

Here is what the Liberal lies claim about this “game” on Wikipedia(a known Communist site):
“In the distant past, a powerful race called the Forerunners fought an alien parasite known as the Flood. The Flood, which spread through infestation of sentient life, overran much of the Milky Way Galaxy. One of the races affected was humanity, who came into conflict with the Forerunners. Exhausted by their war […]

Miley Cyrus Is A Big Masturbation Sex Android

January 19, 2015 7

It should come as no surprise that the Miley Cyrus brand has taken a turn down Satan’s path over the past four years of her troubled music career. In fact, author David Henderson even theorizes in his upcoming book that Miley Cyrus was replaced by a double in 2010. Mr. Henderson’s theory makes a lot of sense when you add in the possibility that the Cyrus double was put into play by Big Masturbation. It seems logical that Big Masturbation […]

Disturbing Video: Panda Caught Self-raping

October 21, 2014 10

The Wicked Wildlife Federation, in association with agents from Big Masturbation have released a disturbing video.

The grainy, shaking, out-of-focus footage shows a psychotic panda with glazed eyes, oblivious to the world, shaking his sin stick with vigor and reckless abandon until streams of seedy ejaculate are squirted into the air with no regard to purchase.

No doubt, this is the work of the devil and Big Masturbation. It’s not surprising that this revolting media cums from the nation of Communist Chinasia. They will […]

The Finger Sniff Test-Where Non-Normal Arguments Fail

October 6, 2014 19

B.L.U.F.F. – My Dear Friends in Christ, you have been recently enlightened on this Holy Webpage with guidelines to prevent masturbation in your young daughter’s life. The B.L.U.F.F. Finger Sniff Test was presented with the blessings of the Faith Facts Eldership. It has also been proven to be a most effective method in curtailing the occurence of masturbation sin within our daughters.

Recently, this publication has come under scrutiny for this column. Non-normal masturbationists have organized protests and DOS attacks against […]

Merriam-Webster Adds Anti-Masturbation Word to Their Dictionary : FAPSTINENCE

August 28, 2014 8

After months of lobbying, we here at STOP Masturbation NOW are proud to announce a major victory over the powerful forces of Big Masturbation and enemies of God-given morals everywhere!  Praise!  The good folks at Merriam-Webster have added the word “Fapstinence” to their dictionary, acknowledging all of the hard work our self-celibacy movement has achieved while striking a devastating blow to those who would lock their bedroom doors on Christ so that they can rape themselves.


God bless some of you!

-Lonnie […]


August 26, 2014 12

By TheRev Leroy Jenkins

The Femitheist is a 22-year-old criminology student with a three-year-old. One angry day in 2012 she took to the Internet to outline the brutal concept of International Mastubater Castration Day. After posting it on YouTube she stepped out for a coffee. Returning home a few hours later, she found that all gnashing masturbater hell had broken loose.

Her argument was that only through the reduction of the masturbater population to between 1 and 10 percent of their […]

Masturbation Triggered Japasian Landslides

August 25, 2014 26

HIROSHIMA, Japasia – The devastating landslides that rocked Japasia and caused numerous deaths and billions of yen worth of property damage were determined to have been triggered by massive and furious masturbation, according to scientists working for the Foundation For a Better Tomorrow.

Although the communist government does not officially recognize private property in Japasia, a quick examination of the disaster area is enough to make estimates.

The unstable ground of Japasia’s Pacific RIm Island, along with the erosion caused by streams […]

Anti-Masturbation Victory; Kari Byron To Leave ‘Mythbusters’ ScLIEnce Show

August 24, 2014 16

Discovery channel scLIEnce program, “Mythbusters”, took a controversial step by firing three cast members, including masturbator favorite Kari Byron. The official version of the story given by the network and the cast members was that the show will be “going in a new direction” next season.

Thankfully, this kind of soft core porn mixed with scLIEnce will no longer sully the Discovery Channel.

Fans of the scLIEnce program took to social networking to express their sadness for Byron, along with fellow “build […]

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