Big Masturbation Announces ‘This Ain’t Stop Masturbation Now’ Film

August 24, 2014 16

Big Masturbation announced, by way of one of their pornography shell companies, that they plan to film a ‘porn parody’ of Lonnie Childs and His popular Stop Masturbation Now movement. At press time it was not known who has been cast to play the role of Our Savior, Lonnie Childs. With the press release, Fantasy Candy Films also released what is believed to be only a partial cast list, including alleged “stars” of sin Asa Akira, Jayden James, Priya Rai […]

TSA Backscatter Scanners Successful In Reducing Masturbation

August 23, 2014 7

A two-year study by the Foundation For A Better Tomorrow found that the TSA Backscatter Anti-Terrorist Scanners not only kept America safe but also reduced the urge to masturbate in those travelers zapped by the machines.

Faith Researcher and spokesman Paul Nelson explains, “We followed travelers that went through the Backscatter X-Ray scanners and those that went through the standard metal detectors at several U.S. airports. After tracking their masturbatory habits over a two-year period, we found that travelers exposed to the Backscatter […]

Bionic “Glov” Masturbator in Development

August 12, 2014 12

SMN Labs-The newest threat from Big Masturbation is soon to become retail. A group of non-normal perverts in Tampa, FL have started “Glovin Life” to promote the sin delights females can acheive with a device named simply, ‘The Glov.”

Ladies with carpel tunnel pain can now experience dip-diddlings and pounding penetrations at the flick of the wrist. The device allows for a number of assorted phallic attachments to dampen the panties of the females under your family authority. One attachment is […]

Worrying Rise Of ‘Masturbator On Masturbator’ Violent Crime

August 12, 2014 3

A new study from the Foundation For A Better Tomorrow reveals a startling increase of what experts are referring to as “masturbator on masturbator violent crime” or “MOMVC”. A MOMVC is a violent act committed by and/or against a known or alleged masturbator. In many cases, such as the one discussed in this article, someone is savagely beaten or sometimes killed in an act of masturbator’s rage. While the average normal non-masturbator has nothing to worry about yet, faith researchers are hoping […]

Christian Anti-Masturbation Group Sues Other Christian Anti-Masturbation Group For $350 Million Claiming Trademark Infringement

August 6, 2014 14

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin seen here at Westview Elementary School in Apple Valley, Minnesota while on his 31-city nationwide anti-masturbation school tour. (AP Photo/Dennis System, File) / AP

Creve Coeur, MO — A federally funded Christian anti-masturbation organization claims that another federally funded Christian anti-masturbation organization has violated their intellectual property and is now suing for millions.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and their parent organization Stop Masturbation Now have accused Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Shark of using the same name of their famous […]

Irresponsible ‘Share’ Campaign Breeding Ground For Disease

August 4, 2014 7

Sweet drink manufacturer, Coca-Cola, recently got the idea of promoting their product by getting people to “share” it with someone else. Sharing a drink, any drink, with someone infected with an illness is a really bad idea as you can get sick from this action. The sheer number of Worldwide Web users flocking to reputable answer sites like “Yahoo Questions” and “MedHelp” asking a variant of the “can I get sick from sharing a drink” question is staggering.

Unfortunately, the answer to […]

Top 5 Celebrities Who Have Died From Masturbation.

August 1, 2014 21

WATERTOWN CT- (SMNNN)

Masturbation, or self-rape, as the sinful practice of self-sexual gratification is known, has long been a leading cause of death. Over the decades, Hollywood has had more than it’s fair share of auto-erotic-suicides. Here’s a list of the top five.

 

5)- Ernest Borgnine

Mr Borgnine, star of sci-fi epic Battlestar Trek, western legend Pocahontas, and reputed homosexualist leather man, died in 1972 while self-raping during a pony-play episode with a transsexual prostitute.

He was the winner of over 30 Oscars and […]

FaithScientists Discover Masturbation KILLS – FaithFact #532

July 31, 2014 15

Stop Masturbation Now Ministries led by our spiritual leader Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs has been at the forefront of masturbation FaithScience and has made numerous advancements and FaithDiscoveries regarding our knowledge of self-rape. For instance it was our own FaithScientists along with Brother Lonnie’s fervent prayers that discovered that masturbation can give you The Cancer, the good and bad The AIDS and turn otherwise healthy individuals into emosexuals. But thanks to Brother Lonnie’s tireless efforts in conjunction with the taxpayer […]

The Five Sins of Buying a Sex Toy

July 30, 2014 23

My dear friends in Christ. My daily street ministry preaching Brother Lonnie’s SMN message takes me frequently to the local Adult Book/Head Shop in my town’s downtown area. The best ears for Lonnie’s Holy Word are those most infected with sin.

Here’s the truth. Masturbation IS a sin, punishable by an eternity in hell. Secondly, the secular world, under the leadership of Satan, has stomped the peddle to the floor on sexual temptations designed to stain little Johnny’s drawers and dampen […]

TheRev Leroy Jenkins live at UCLA Campus

July 25, 2014 13

I love taking the Stop Masturbation Now message to the Liberal Bastions of the HomoGay Big Masturbation Institutions of Higher Learning and the Self-Raping Liberal youths enrolled there.

TheRev bathing the masturbaters in his Golden Shower of Truth

Today was an especially good day as I beat down the HomoGay Self-Rapist Matt Walker with the good word and bathed him in the Golden Shower of Truth about the sin of Masturbation and what is truly means to be a Normal.

God […]

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