Lonnie Childs Prevents New Miley Cyrus Film From Being Screened

February 13, 2015 6

Brother Lonnie has done it again! A pro-masturbation film festival in the den of sin, New York City, had scheduled to screen a video featuring the Big Masturbation sex android herself, Miley Cyrus. Thanks to your prayers and Brother Lonnie’s tireless efforts, it has now been confirmed that the Big Masturbation funded and supported ‘bondage themed’ video will no longer be featured during the upcoming masturbation festival. Multiple sources are also claiming that all copies of the film have been seized and […]

New Female Masturbation Solution

January 30, 2015 20

Brother Lonnie’s Anti-Masturbation Research and Development team has recently completed work on one of their most ambitious projects to date; a contraption that serves as a solution to the female masturbation problem. The new product, dubbed the “Sin Cave Stopper®” by Brother Lonnie, himself, has reached the final testing stages and should be released to the general public shortly.

Lead Engineer on the “Sin Cave Stopper®” project, Raymond P. Ellis, explains the faith technology and how it works, “Project “Lesser Gendered […]

The True Story Of Arizona’s “Meteor Crater”

January 8, 2015 10

The so-called “Meteor Crater” in Northern Arizona is one of scLIEnce’s many falsehoods passed on down through the generations. Mainstream secular history claims the crater was found by “European settlers in the 19th Century”. As Lonvidians, we know this to be false as it was actually created by the hard-working men of the Northern Arizona campound around that same time. While the filthy Europeans may have laid claim to the discovery and later exploitation of the pit; the true story […]

Profile Of A Famous Masturbator: Amanda Bynes

October 11, 2014 10

Amanda Bynes taking Lonnie’s pledge in front the Council of Elders in Safford, Arizona on October 1st, 2014.

The allure of Hollywood draws in the unholy from all walks of life. Brother Lonnie has made it clear in the past that no one is safe from the dangers of masturbation; including and especially the rich and famous. In many of these cases, the actor / singer / songwriter / politician starts out with the best of intentions, like any good American […]

New Sex Toys Allow Wifi Masturbation

August 5, 2014 23

A New Hampshire-based company run by sinful females has introduced new sex toys using wifi technology. The toys, designed to allow two or more users to mutually masturbate themselves, blur the line between masturbation and the righteous expression of love.

Robot sex innovations have advanced self rape technology in evil ways. The disgustingly named company, OhMiBod, has released an oral sodomy bl*w j*bber and female pleasure pad that mimics the administration of cunnilingus.

Sinners can remotely control the device in intricate ways. […]

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