Masturbation Mystery Unraveled

March 26, 2020 2

Ever wonder what the name of the sportswear company, ADIDAS, stood for? Wonder no more! STOP Masturbation NOW codebreakers have deciphered the seemingly nonsensical word and it appears that the slippery tentacles of Big Masturbation […]

STOP Masturbation NOW Under Attack By Paid Shills!

December 9, 2014 14

Matthew 6:24 – “…You cannot serve both God and money.”   As the STOP Masturbation NOW self-celibacy movement becomes more successful and influential, it appears that the pushback from our detractors has increased as well. […]

Masturbator Caught! Blames Solar Flares!

September 11, 2014 3

NEWBERRY PALMS, CA – Earlier today, 15 year old Cindy Saccapelli committed the sin of masturbation at her Catholic place of learning. When first responding school officials questioned her, she claimed the stains on her […]

9/11 Was an Inside Handjob

September 11, 2014 17

  Today, we mark the 13th anniversary of the September 11, 2001 attacks which brought this nation to its knees (homogays were already there, of course). Like the Kennedy Assassination, we all remember where we […]

Brother Lonald Foils the Devil Again

September 5, 2014 17

Note: The following is a excerpt from the King Lonald Holy Bible, a more accurate account of God and Christ. …and so it was that Brother Lonald, adhering to the Lord’s Calling to deliver the […]

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