Hear that sound? That’s the sound of Satan accepting a new victim into his realm. Michael Hutchinson, lead singer of British death metal band INXS, died recently due to masturbation-related complications. From an outsider’s perspective Michael seemed to have a fulfilling yet wild life. He had money, fame and respect. He had sold out concerts and hit records. Unfortunately, however, Michael had a devil inside him. A devil that seduced him with the irresistible song of self-rape. Over the years, […]
THE ISLAND OF UNITED KINGDOMS- (SMNN)
The world’s least funny man, noted filthy atheist Ricky Gervais admitted today, that he is also the world’s most prolific masturbator. Gervais admits to masturbating in excess of 300 times daily.
Ricky Gervais, horrible non-humourous atheist, has long been known to be pure evil, and devoid of morals, but his confession of such heresy has pushed even this lowly troglodyte to the very edge of what society considers tolerable.
Seen here with a glass of his own […]
WATERTOWN CT (SMNNN)
“ …every song the Grateful Dead wrote was about masturbation, Satan or fornication!
Some lyrics: ” Born in the jungle, raised in the lions,den. Numba one occupation, stealin’ wimmens from dey mans.”- One of their songs
TRANSLATION: I am a sub-human beastophile. My job is to rape non-Normal females as I cuckold their men, whom I consider lessers.
” And if you go, no one may follow. That path is for, your steps alone…”-Some other song by them
TRANSLATION: Masturbate constantly. Masturbate […]
Joe Ferno, of Naples Florida, has filed suit in State Superior Court, claiming that his right to marry himself is being infringed upon by Florida’s antiquated laws that state marriage is between two people.
The plaintiff, an admitted ten-times a day masturbator, says he is doing what all same-self marriage advocates should be doing.
“It aint like I’m coming out of the closet or nothin” said Mr. Ferno. “Hell, I aint even prying myself away from the Spice Channel. I just wants […]
I love taking the Stop Masturbation Now message to the Liberal Bastions of the HomoGay Big Masturbation Institutions of Higher Learning and the Self-Raping Liberal youths enrolled there.
TheRev bathing the masturbaters in his Golden Shower of Truth
Today was an especially good day as I beat down the HomoGay Self-Rapist Matt Walker with the good word and bathed him in the Golden Shower of Truth about the sin of Masturbation and what is truly means to be a Normal.
By TheRev Leroy Jenkins
EDWARDSVILLE, Ill. (BLUFF PRESS) – A southwestern Illinois man found mentally fit to stand trial on charges that he molested a puppy is waiting for court officials to decide if he’s a sexually dangerous person.
The National Report reports former Stop Masturbation Now Inner Deacon & Same Race Normal 43-year-old Tom Downey has pleaded not guilty to three counts of sexual conduct with a female Rottweiler puppy.
The former SMN Deacon has been undergoing evaluations […]
By: TheRev Leroy Jenkins
SAFFORD, AZ. (BLUFF Press, LLC.) The pastor and two members of a Safford, AZ church pleaded not guilty Monday to state charges of beating and threatening the life of a 13-year-old boy caught masturbating into the holy water, who was forced to dig his own grave, authorities said.
Brother Cassidy Pen, 56, Paul Horner, 24, and Nikita Shalavin Jr., 30, allegedly tortured the boy in the church-run group home where he lived, according to a witness report in […]
WEST PALM BEACH, FLA — (SMNNN) The lamestream media has recently made much todo about an incident in January 1961 where two hydrogen bombs fell out of a B-52. As expected, the state controlled media is only giving you part of the story.
The “official version” states that the B-52 aircraft just randomly “broke up” somewhere over North Carolina which caused two four-megaton bombs to fall towards Earth. Notice no mention as to why the craft just “broke up” in the […]
Big Masturbation Anti-Blue Angels Propaganda
WASHINGTON, D.C. (SMMNN) – A study by the U.S. Navy, funded by a Big Masturbation shell corporation think tank, has attempted to sully the good name of stunt flying team the ‘Blue Angels’. Amongst the litany of accusations are charges of supporting a Homogay™ lifestyle and sexual harrassment.
According to the biased study, members of the Blue Angels openly engaged in supporting a Homogay™ lifestyle and flew with homoerotic porngraphic images taped up in their cockpits during […]
APACHE JUNCTION, Ariz. (SMNNN) – Authorities say two 12 year old central Arizona girls stabbed their 12 year old friend nearly to death to please an organization they learned about online.
Both girls were charged with first degree attempted homicide Monday in Maricopa County Circuit Court. The criminal complaint says that one of the girls told a detective they had to kill someone who was a confirmed non-masturbator. According to their story if they successfully ended the life of a non-masturbator […]