“Scientific Study” Requires Men to Masturbate to Pornography

August 13, 2015 43

A “friend” shared a completely disgusting article the other day that claimed a “scientific study” recently found that men ejaculate larger amounts of sperm when they’re with, what they called, “novel” women. I was initially suspicious of this posting, so I read further and realized that this was not a study conducted by faith scientists to help pure, normal men procreate with multiple women.

No, of course not.

This “scientific study” came to its conclusions by way of requiring the men involved […]

New Anti-Masturbation Doll Warns When Masturbators Are Near

January 16, 2015 16

Anti-masturbation advocates received favorable news recently upon the announcement of a new doll that is designed to detect the presence of masturbators. The doll, called “Woody The Warning Worm”, was created by faith engineers to illuminate within 50 feet of a detected masturbator.

Melvin Briggs, one of the many faith scientists who created “Woody” discussed with us how the doll works and the many benefits it brings to responsible parents.

Stop Masturbation Now: Hello, Dr. Briggs. Praise Lonnie! How exactly does the […]

A New Species Of Human By 2050? Here’s The Faith Science…

September 12, 2014 9

“We will see a new species of human, or sub-human rather, by 2050 if things progress at current rates.” That’s a pretty shocking claim from Faith Scientist Dr. Ian Norton, but Dr. Norton backs up this claim with decades of evidence he and other faith researchers have compiled to prove masturbation is changing humanity at its core.  Norton’s research claims that the life span of the normal, non-masturbating male will increase significantly over the next 35 years, while the life […]

Faith and Drug Adminstration (FDA) Approves New Masturbation Cessation Aid Masturbutrin®!

September 9, 2014 7

In the race to end masturbation, medical interventions are nothing new. Since the late 1930s, electroconvulsive therapy has been a mainstay of practitioners who love righteousness and hate sin (Shalavin, 2013). But homogays and masturbators still run rampant, threatening our children and our grandparents. In the 19th-century, the English-speaking world (normals) began routinely circumcising male infants in a well-intentioned, but failed attempt to curb masturbation. They should have known better. After all, the Jews have been practicing circumcision for millennia, […]

Another Graph Proves SMN Ministries Right Again

July 17, 2014 13


Yet another graph developed by the joint team of Faithgraphics technicians at B.L.U.F.F. GRAPHCENTER and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow has been released. This time, the handy pie-chart style graph,  (so named because of the graph’s resemblance the pastry known as “pie”), clearly outlines the casualties of Sin-Death.

Sin-Death, which is death caused by sinning, is clearly primarily composed of masturbators and their masturbation, according to the brightly colored graph.

This current graph’s costs exceeded any amount formerly spent […]

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