Family Unknowingly Sleeps in Hotel with Remnants of Self-Rape in Drawer

November 23, 2016 3

TEXARKANA – Bad room service was the least of the worries a family of four were forced to deal with after a semen stained rag was found stuffed into a Gideon’s Bible in the drawer of their room.

The Texarkana Times reports the parents had noticed a foul smell in their room at the Hotel Benavidez in Texarkana.

The family, whose name will not be revealed, returned from a functioning lunch when the maternal parent discovered a faint almond odor when entering […]

Youth Caught Self Raping

June 23, 2016 64

When Dana Pridemore of Evanston, IL climbed the stairs of her family’s two-story suburban home to  retire for the evening, all she had on her mind was her Harper’s Magazine and a few segments of the Tonight Show before turning in.

She visited her daughter Sarah, who at the tender age of eleven, had never failed the SMN Finger Sniff. Tonight was no different. Sarah’s fingers were clean and fresh smelling. There were no signs of vaginal syrup or pungent odor to […]

Jesus And The First Anti-Masturbation Cross®

March 25, 2016 31

This Easter as you enjoy quality time with your same-race family, it is important that you remember the reason for the season.  Reflect upon the sacrifice that Jesus made for us all by allowing Himself to die a painful, humiliating death nailed to the first Anti-Masturbation Cross® in order to forgive mankind of our sins.

Jesus was the only perfect human being to ever walk the Earth.  As such, He never engaged in the sin of self-rape.  I challenge any of the […]

B.L.U.F.F. Safford Campus Announces Big Game Safari to Zimbabwe

July 31, 2015 4

Safford, Arizona – Brother Lonnie’s University of FaithFacts (B.L.U.F.F.) has announced a special safari and big game hunting excursion to the African Nation of Zimbabwe. Special Services Recreational Director and long-time B.L.U.F.F. elder Thomas Downey announced the trip during a closed question-and-answer session between the B.L.U.F.F. Eldership and SMN Pledges in high standing at the Safford, AZ Campus.

A contingent of B.L.U.F.F. Superior Gendered Normals will depart on a chartered flight from Phoenix International Airport on Monday, September 7 and arrive […]

U.S. Justice Department Statistics are in. Topping the list of sexual assault in Federal Prisons…Masturbation!!!!

June 18, 2015 2

 

Every year, the Justice Department airs its dirty laundry about what criminals do while in their custody.  The top three forms of sexual assault in Federal Prisons Are:

Masturbation (self-rape)
Forcible Rape (mainstream-rape)
Food Rape (usually produce or ham)

Eating bad food, having to associate with minorities, and living with other perverts is usually enough of a scare-tactic to encourage most people to uphold the law. Unfortunately, the for-profit prison system casually sweeps the masturbation statistics under the “rug.”

If you or anyone you know […]

SMN Self Rape Alert: Mad Max Fury Road

May 20, 2015 11

SMN Safford, AZ-As kids flock to the latest Hollywood Blockbuster, Mad Max-Fury Road, a disturbing parental alert has been issued by the Faith Advisory Parental Media Information and Liturgical Foundation (FAPMILF), the anti-masturbation in media arm of Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.).

Various hidden pro masturbation messages have been uncovered in the film which has earned a FAPMILF color code rating of red, or nearly %100 danger of masturbation sin to minors and the weak-minded. This SMN Self Rape […]

DIVINE REVELATION: VACCINES CAUSE MASTURBATORY ILLNESSES

March 26, 2015 6

Most of you are familiar with the controversy surrounding the vaccines. If not, then you probably live under a rock in the desert. The vaccines are neither necessary nor safe, and men of God have warned against them ever since their inception.

The Diabeetus

As dangerous as they are, illnesses are God’s creations. We do our best to live in wholesome and healthy environments as the Bible commands. If we get sick, there are medical treatments and if we die, we die a […]

Is the “Halo” gaming franchise promoting Self-Rape?

January 20, 2015 24

A screenshot from the “Halo” gaming franchise. This one comes from “Mass Effect 2”.

Here is what the Liberal lies claim about this “game” on Wikipedia(a known Communist site):
“In the distant past, a powerful race called the Forerunners fought an alien parasite known as the Flood. The Flood, which spread through infestation of sentient life, overran much of the Milky Way Galaxy. One of the races affected was humanity, who came into conflict with the Forerunners. Exhausted by their war […]

Masturbation Prevention

November 28, 2014 22

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?” 1 Corinthians 6:19 NAS

Today’s culture loves to promote the lie that we own our body and God is cool with us misusing it. However, in the Bible, God says our body is His temple and He’s not cool with us misusing it. Unfortunately, most people disobey God and […]

Top Five Animals To Go Extinct From Masturbation

November 8, 2014 27

NATURAL HISTORY-(SMNNN)

Throughout the approximately 8,500 years the world has existed, many animals have gone extinct, but only a few notable animals have gone extinct from masturbation.

Here’s a list of the top five:

1) The Tasmanian Tiger.

The thylacine was the first large cat to go extinct from masturbation

2) The Great Normal Rhinoceros

Though his name suggests he is a great beast, the Great Normal Rhinoceros became extinct because of hornplay and masturbation.

3) The Do-Do Bird

Like seriously, do we even have to explain how […]

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