Unprotected Masturbation: Know The Risks!!!

September 3, 2014 21

 

Unprotected masturbation is the leading cause of STDs, and here is why:

Take the number of men and women that engage in unprotected masturbation and multiply that by the number of: door knobs, toilet flushing handles, crosswalk signal buttons, drinking fountains, handshakes, etc. What you end up with is an STD pandemic!

The only way to truly protect yourself is through self-abstinence. That means not touching your sin zone, with the same hands that makes contact with the secular masturbating world. Going […]

You Can Fool Yourself But You Cannot Fool God: Masturbation is Self-Rape

August 31, 2014 11

Many of the masturhaters who troll this holy netsite have convinced themselves that masturbation is “hip” and “cool”.  Tell me, is burning in Hell for eternity “hip” and “cool”?  The faithfact is that masturbation is a form of self-rape.  Not so “cool” now, is it?  STOP Masturbation NOW and become saved!  Praise!

 

God bless some of you!

 

-Lonnie Childs

THE WOMAN WHO THINKS REDUCING THE MALE MASTURBATER POPULATION BY 90 PERCENT WILL SOLVE EVERYTHING

August 26, 2014 12

By TheRev Leroy Jenkins

The Femitheist is a 22-year-old criminology student with a three-year-old. One angry day in 2012 she took to the Internet to outline the brutal concept of International Mastubater Castration Day. After posting it on YouTube she stepped out for a coffee. Returning home a few hours later, she found that all gnashing masturbater hell had broken loose.

Her argument was that only through the reduction of the masturbater population to between 1 and 10 percent of their […]

Masturbation Triggered Japasian Landslides

August 25, 2014 26

HIROSHIMA, Japasia – The devastating landslides that rocked Japasia and caused numerous deaths and billions of yen worth of property damage were determined to have been triggered by massive and furious masturbation, according to scientists working for the Foundation For a Better Tomorrow.

Although the communist government does not officially recognize private property in Japasia, a quick examination of the disaster area is enough to make estimates.

The unstable ground of Japasia’s Pacific RIm Island, along with the erosion caused by streams […]

The Temptations of the Camel Toe

August 20, 2014 12

Indeed, the camel toe is Satan’s powerful weapon in his war to destroy your soul.

A camel toe is a slang used to describe the shape and appearance of certain female boxes. When a woman jams her lower torso into today’s tight modern shorts, pant suits and thin fabric panties, the pressure and pattern of skin and fat displacement of her juice box and surrounding terrain takes the shape of an actual hoof print from the humped animals of Sand Mexico.

The […]

Masturbation-Feuled Flaming Gas Crater Intensifies

August 6, 2014 29

Turkmenistan- (SMNNN)

In the backward and primitive sand covered land of Turkmenistan, the Portal To Hell, a large super-natural fire filled hole in the ground, powered by the Earth’s release of natural gas, and God’s rage, has increased by 27% in intensity since last year. Faithscientists place the blame squarely on masturbation.

The Portal To Hell formed in 1971, at the height of the Communist Gayosexual Hippie Masturbation Revolution, wherein global Masturbation Residue Film Particles (MRFP) were at a historical high. The […]

Top 5 Celebrities Who Have Died From Masturbation.

August 1, 2014 21

WATERTOWN CT- (SMNNN)

Masturbation, or self-rape, as the sinful practice of self-sexual gratification is known, has long been a leading cause of death. Over the decades, Hollywood has had more than it’s fair share of auto-erotic-suicides. Here’s a list of the top five.

 

5)- Ernest Borgnine

Mr Borgnine, star of sci-fi epic Battlestar Trek, western legend Pocahontas, and reputed homosexualist leather man, died in 1972 while self-raping during a pony-play episode with a transsexual prostitute.

He was the winner of over 30 Oscars and […]

FaithScientists Discover Masturbation KILLS – FaithFact #532

July 31, 2014 15

Stop Masturbation Now Ministries led by our spiritual leader Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs has been at the forefront of masturbation FaithScience and has made numerous advancements and FaithDiscoveries regarding our knowledge of self-rape. For instance it was our own FaithScientists along with Brother Lonnie’s fervent prayers that discovered that masturbation can give you The Cancer, the good and bad The AIDS and turn otherwise healthy individuals into emosexuals. But thanks to Brother Lonnie’s tireless efforts in conjunction with the taxpayer […]

Lonnie’s Followers Use Weird Trick to Achieve FaithGasm

July 21, 2014 19

 

SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Here at Stop Masturbation Now, we eschew the practice of ejaculatory orgasm as a wasteful and sinful release. Our mission is to educate you of its negative physical and spiritual consequences. Ever since Onan spilled his seed upon the ground, men have been shooting putty with their sin stick and women have spent a lot of time spelunking in their sin caves. The results are just about everything that’s wrong with society – which we have covered […]

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