Mexi-FemiNazi’s Attack Chancellor Lonnie Childs During Press Conference!

February 4, 2017 1

Mexi-FemiNazi turns blue in the face from lack of oxygen as BLUFF agents threw her out into the street. /AP Photo

By Nigel J. Covington III

Reporting For SMN News

(SMN News) Today the U.S. Department of Education, (DOE) announced the Board of Education has approved a new Sex Education curriculum for all high school aged students who attend public high schools throughout the country.

Cynthia Castle-Coe, a spokesperson for the DOE, said, “Last week the board approved the BLUFF Sex Education Curriculum, submitted […]

Youth Caught Self Raping

June 23, 2016 64

When Dana Pridemore of Evanston, IL climbed the stairs of her family’s two-story suburban home to  retire for the evening, all she had on her mind was her Harper’s Magazine and a few segments of the Tonight Show before turning in.

She visited her daughter Sarah, who at the tender age of eleven, had never failed the SMN Finger Sniff. Tonight was no different. Sarah’s fingers were clean and fresh smelling. There were no signs of vaginal syrup or pungent odor to […]

Pioneers of Self-Celibacy: Diogo Dias Cortérro

July 20, 2015 1

Diogo Dias Cortérro

(1460-1525)

A Spirited man of a rock-solid Christian foundation, Diogo Dias Cortérro was much more than an explorer during the Age of European Expansion. Cortérro was born in Vigo, Spain to a devout couple within the moral confines of wedlock (1460). His early years were spent in work and study, always with his hands far away from his pubic serpent and always with one slightly wind-dampened eye looking West toward the vast sea dreaming of one day sailing […]

Have You Been Touched By The Hand of God?

July 15, 2015 16

 

We here at Stop Masturbation Now Ministries often hear the dribble from masturbators that “Too much build-up of sperm in your system is un-healthy.” While that is partially true, it is not entirely true.

Have you ever wondered why nobody dies from too much build-up? After all, people die if they have too many marijuannas in their system. Why don’t they die if they have too much sperm in their system? The answer is simple. If you have too much seminal […]

A Third World Christmas

December 18, 2014 4

By: Cassidy Pen, USMC (ret.)

My dear friends in Christ through the Lonaldian Way, as you hopefully are putting the finishing touches on your preparations to celebrate the Birthday of Baby Jesus with your appointed spouses and loved ones, I’d like to share a true Christmas story from the past during my time in the US Marine Corps.

It was the fourth week in December, 1986 when my unit was called upon to execute a clandestine ‘sweep and clear’ operation. The federal boys […]

100% Of All Car Accidents Are Caused By Masturbators

November 13, 2014 17

The world’s last great think tank, The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, recently finished an 18 month study on the root cause of automobile accidents. The results they found, while predictable, were still shocking to the average American who still has not accepted Lonnie Childs as their personal anti-self-rape savior.

Dr. Carlton Abbott, who was lead faith researcher on the automobile accident study, spoke with Stop Masturbation Now in a brief telephone conversation I was able to have with him on […]

New Sex Toys Allow Wifi Masturbation

August 5, 2014 23

A New Hampshire-based company run by sinful females has introduced new sex toys using wifi technology. The toys, designed to allow two or more users to mutually masturbate themselves, blur the line between masturbation and the righteous expression of love.

Robot sex innovations have advanced self rape technology in evil ways. The disgustingly named company, OhMiBod, has released an oral sodomy bl*w j*bber and female pleasure pad that mimics the administration of cunnilingus.

Sinners can remotely control the device in intricate ways. […]

The Five Sins of Buying a Sex Toy

July 30, 2014 23

My dear friends in Christ. My daily street ministry preaching Brother Lonnie’s SMN message takes me frequently to the local Adult Book/Head Shop in my town’s downtown area. The best ears for Lonnie’s Holy Word are those most infected with sin.

Here’s the truth. Masturbation IS a sin, punishable by an eternity in hell. Secondly, the secular world, under the leadership of Satan, has stomped the peddle to the floor on sexual temptations designed to stain little Johnny’s drawers and dampen […]

God and California Thwarts Homo Gay Agenda in San Francisco

July 8, 2014 10

Everyone knows that San Francisco is the center of world hedonism as sex in the streets and homogay parades result in traffic jams where rubbernecked citizens are seemingly shocked daily at the carnival of sin that goes on around them. Like Lott in Sodom, the righteous are left to fend off homogay threats to their children’s backsides and their own purity. The gay population has clutched the power base of the community just as a vulture would clutch the heart […]