It’s never too early to save their soul

September 24, 2014 11

The FaithFact Engineers have finally solved the age old dilemma of how to teach your infant not to masturbate. With this effective, yet stylishly functional centerpiece, you can proudly display your self-rape free Christian values and keep an eye on your little ones while keeping Satan from tempting them to Shake their little SinSticks or go Spelunking in their tiny SinCaves.

Each handsome centerpiece is lovingly handcrafted by our Normal Same Race Branch Lonvidian craftsmen, hand finished by our lesser gendered […]

THE WOMAN WHO THINKS REDUCING THE MALE MASTURBATER POPULATION BY 90 PERCENT WILL SOLVE EVERYTHING

August 26, 2014 12

By TheRev Leroy Jenkins

The Femitheist is a 22-year-old criminology student with a three-year-old. One angry day in 2012 she took to the Internet to outline the brutal concept of International Mastubater Castration Day. After posting it on YouTube she stepped out for a coffee. Returning home a few hours later, she found that all gnashing masturbater hell had broken loose.

Her argument was that only through the reduction of the masturbater population to between 1 and 10 percent of their […]

BREAKING NEWS: BLUFF Discovers Cure for Ebola Virus

August 2, 2014 9

By TheRev Leroy Jenkins

SAFFORD, AZ (BLUFF Press, LLC) BLUFF Sexologist and lead HomoGay™ Conversion Therapist Nikita Shalavin has stumbled upon a cure for the Bad Ebola Zaire Virus using FiathFact™ proven methods that also cure HomoGayness™, The Bad AIDS, and Mental Retards.  Ebola virus disease (EVD) or Ebola hemorrhagic fever (EHF) is the human disease caused by the Ebola virus and causes those afflicted with it to die from organ failure and bleeding to death from all bodily orifices.  The Ebola virus was discovered in […]

Lonnie’s Followers Use Weird Trick to Achieve FaithGasm

July 21, 2014 19

 

SAFFORD, ARIZ. — Here at Stop Masturbation Now, we eschew the practice of ejaculatory orgasm as a wasteful and sinful release. Our mission is to educate you of its negative physical and spiritual consequences. Ever since Onan spilled his seed upon the ground, men have been shooting putty with their sin stick and women have spent a lot of time spelunking in their sin caves. The results are just about everything that’s wrong with society – which we have covered […]

Anticipation and Excitement as the Day of Hitching Approaches

July 12, 2014 5

Safford, AZ – July 16th – it promises to be a day filled with magic and love at the BLUFF Campound, as dozens of

Young females glance around excitedly as our young Men make their decisions at last year’s Choosing.

young men will be marrying their Initial Spouses in the Day of Hitching annual celebration. A tradition for Lonvidians, the Day of Hitching is approached with both excitement and dread for participants. Young men, barely

bearded at all, will look upon the eligible […]

Is Menstruation a Sin?

July 8, 2014 56

Dear TheRev Leroy Jenkins,  I learned long ago in my formative years while matriculating at St. Pia Zadora Catholic Prep School that every sperm is sacred, thus masturbation is a mortal sin. However, it begs the question; Is menstruation also a sin since the ovum is wasted?  Sincerely,    Arthur Leon Vitasek

By: TheRev Leroy Jenkins

Dear Art, For some reason your name rings a bell, where you ever a Scout Master in Arizona? Anyhow, according to the King Lonald Version Holy […]

The Menstrual Hut; The Holy Solution to Female Masturbation, Menstruation, Insolence, and Feminist Lies.

July 3, 2014 63

By: TheRev Leroy Jenkins

Many a screeching lesser sex feminist accuse our Church of abusing women by sending her to the Menstrual Hut during her unclean menstruation. As a Superior Sex Normal Race Holy Man, I know only what the lord teaches us about dealing with the lesser sex, it is my God given duty to guide her in her subservience, maintain her demure demeanor, and nurture her weak soul so that she may bathe in the Golden Shower of Eternal Salvation.

The Menstrual […]

Masturbation Mythbusters: Medical Masturbation – The Dismal ScLIEnce

May 30, 2014 5

Myth:

It is OK to let doctors masturbate me because scLIEnce says that I must allow them to smear my paps!

Status: B U S T E D!

Nice try ladies! This line of reasoning completely falls apart when one considers the findings of The Foundation for a Better Tomorrow, which clearly establishes that any mitigation of health outcomes attributed to medical masturbation fall well bellow the threshold for statistical significance. Moreover, it has been clearly demonstrated that petitioning for divine intervention yields […]

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