Post Tagged with: "Jesus"

KLHB: A Reading From the Good Book of Issaiac.

KLHB: A Reading From the Good Book of Issaiac.

It is Lonnie, who sittith with Jesus at the right hand of Almighty God, that holds the key of Heaven’s Gate. Admonish ye, all doers of evil, those that shalt spew and saturate the ground with their vile seed. For theirs is the error through earthly pleasure through wines and […]

by September 21, 2015 1 comment King Lonald Holy Bible
A Third World Christmas

A Third World Christmas

By: Cassidy Pen, USMC (ret.) My dear friends in Christ through the Lonaldian Way, as you hopefully are putting the finishing touches on your preparations to celebrate the Birthday of Baby Jesus with your appointed spouses and loved ones, I’d like to share a true Christmas story from the past during […]

by December 18, 2014 4 comments History
Words of Hope and Inspiration-With Brother Cassidy

Words of Hope and Inspiration-With Brother Cassidy

If a man desires to place his tallywhacker inside the anal rump of his lessor gendered normal same race appointed spouse (LGN SRAS), he is committing the homogay. It does NOT matter if the brown star entry is behind a flesh cave or behind a dangling tallywhacker; the anus chute […]

by December 2, 2014 16 comments Morals
(image source: By Thue (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)

100% Of All Car Accidents Are Caused By Masturbators

The world’s last great think tank, The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow, recently finished an 18 month study on the root cause of automobile accidents. The results they found, while predictable, were still shocking to the average American who still has not accepted Lonnie Childs as their personal anti-self-rape savior. […]

by November 13, 2014 18 comments Death, Faith Graph, Lonnie Childs, Morals
Lonnie is Homo With the Father

Lonnie is Homo With the Father

WARNING: TL;DR The Father is homo with the Son. The Son is homo with the Bird. The Bird is the Word. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The Word became flesh and dwelt among us. Behold, the Technical Virgin […]

Cassidy’s Thought for the Day

Cassidy’s Thought for the Day

Focus not on temptation flesh sins as the devil wills for you, For he cares only for the ruin of your soul. Saturated with the tears from Jesus and angels, Empty burning hell’s torment is your eternal toll. Focus instead on the graces gained from flaccidity, For your reward in […]

by September 1, 2014 4 comments Morals
The Five Sins of Buying a Sex Toy

The Five Sins of Buying a Sex Toy

My dear friends in Christ. My daily street ministry preaching Brother Lonnie’s SMN message takes me frequently to the local Adult Book/Head Shop in my town’s downtown area. The best ears for Lonnie’s Holy Word are those most infected with sin. Here’s the truth. Masturbation IS a sin, punishable by […]

by July 30, 2014 23 comments Self-Rape Prevention
Jesus To Attend “Lonnie Days Celebration” in September

Jesus To Attend “Lonnie Days Celebration” in September

SAFFORD-ARIZONA (SMNNN) Jesus H. Christ Almighty, son of God, and personal best friend forever of Lonald Childs, has just been confirmed as the guest of honor of the 17th annual “Lonnie Days” holy celebration. Says Metatron, Seraphim Voice of The Lords, in a brilliant immolation of the B.L.U.F.F campound main […]

by July 7, 2014 12 comments Celebrity, Morals
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