Post Tagged with: "Lonnie Childs"

B.L.U.F.F. Male Masturbation Detection

B.L.U.F.F. Male Masturbation Detection

SMN -My dear friends in Christ through the Lonaldian Way. As you are well aware, the fight against the sin of self rape is an ongoing process, one that is never finished. The holy bible, being the most important reference on the topic of morality, contains certain instructions and responsibilities […]

by November 21, 2016 14 comments B.L.U.F.F.
Turkish soldiers are seen on the Asian side of Istanbul, Friday, July 15, 2016. A group within Turkey's military has engaged in what appeared to be an attempted coup, the prime minister said, with military jets flying over the capital and reports of vehicles blocking two major bridges in Istanbul. Prime Minister Binali Yildirim told NTV television: "it is correct that there was an attempt," when asked if there was a coup. (AP Photo/Emrah Gurel)

Anti Masturbation Group Leads Coup to Fix Turkey

(StopmasturbationNOW)— Turkeys days as the “Masturbation Capital of the Black Sea” are almost over. A anti masturbation advocate and follower of Lonnie Childs has led a military coup in Turkey.   SMN founder and leader Lonnie Childs released the following statement. “Our friends in the Turkish military have taken over […]

by July 15, 2016 3 comments World
The Pridemore Family, during happier times.

Youth Caught Self Raping

When Dana Pridemore of Evanston, IL climbed the stairs of her family’s two-story suburban home to  retire for the evening, all she had on her mind was her Harper’s Magazine and a few segments of the Tonight Show before turning in. She visited her daughter Sarah, who at the tender […]

by June 23, 2016 65 comments B.L.U.F.F., Family Values
Ted Cruz Trying to Sway the Anti-Masturbation Vote Away From Trump

Ted Cruz Trying to Sway the Anti-Masturbation Vote Away From Trump

Ever since SMN Ministries founder and overall spiritual leader Lonnie Childs declared his endorsement for GOP frontrunner Donald Trump, Texas senator Ted Cruz has been lobbying the Anti-Masturbation community for their support, directly. Senator Cruz has repeatedly brought-up his 2004 efforts as Solicitor General of Texas to ban the sale […]

by April 15, 2016 2 comments Politics
BLUFF Calls for a Boycott of the New Star Wars Movie

BLUFF Calls for a Boycott of the New Star Wars Movie

Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (BLUFF), along with the N.A.A.W.P., has announced a boycott and will schedule protests of the new Star Wars movie on the grounds that it discriminates against Self Celibate Normals. In a press release issued by the B.L.U.F.F. Legal Action Foundation (BLUFF-LAF), Brother Lonnie Childs’ words […]

by January 5, 2016 15 comments Celebrity
Brother Lonnie Announces He Forgives Native American Teepee Indians

Brother Lonnie Announces He Forgives Native American Teepee Indians

Brother Lonald “Lonnie” Childs has long been a pioneer in race relations through his compassionate programs to institute White privilege for all through prayer and free skin bleaching procedures.  As such Brother Lonnie has seen a disturbing rise of intolerance that he has decided to combat.  With recent efforts by […]

Pope Francis Supports Lonnie Childs in His Mission to Cleanse the Earth

Pope Francis Supports Lonnie Childs in His Mission to Cleanse the Earth

After many sit down meetings and hours on private phone conversations, it appears that none other than Pope Francis finally has accepted Lonnie Childs’s plan to eradicate the Earth of masturbation. Speaking to his millions… and millions of fans on Twitter, Pope Francis went on quite a rant about how […]

by September 14, 2015 0 comments Lonnie Childs
Brother Lonnie Accused of Patronizing Ashley Madison

Brother Lonnie Accused of Patronizing Ashley Madison

As the fallout of the Ashley Madison masturbation scandal reaches its climax it’s to be expected the LIEberal elements of the netsites would try to tarnish Brother Lonnie’s saintly visage with tawdry claims that his e-mail account was among the millions exposed by hackers.  The notorious lesbian netsite hacker known […]

Lonnie Childs Pulls Masturbation Confession from Sandwich Baron

Lonnie Childs Pulls Masturbation Confession from Sandwich Baron

By now you’ve probably already seen the news that former sandwich icon, Jared Fogle, of the famed Subway fast food chain is about to plead guilty to allegations that he possessed illegal child pornography. Prior to this revelation, Fogle had been mum about his level of guilt in the Jared […]

by August 18, 2015 3 comments Celebrity, Lonnie Childs
The only known authorized photo of 'The Shaming'

Lonnie Childs To Sue HBO Over ‘Game Of Thrones’ Scene

Brother Lonnie Childs is seeking damages after the heathens at HBO have reportedly bastardized a “reenactment” of a private Lonvidian custom in their hit series Game of Thrones. The episode in question, the “season finale” of Season 5, entitled ‘Mother’s Mercy’, features a scene with the character Cersei that would […]

by August 1, 2015 13 comments Lonnie Childs
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