A Reading From the Book of Exit Us

March 19, 2015 2

25:1 And the LORD spake unto Lonald, saying,
25:2 Speak unto the superior gendered children of B.L.U.F.F., that they bring me offerings: of every self celibate that giveth it willingly with his pure heart ye shall take my offering.
25:3 And this is the offering which ye shall take of them; beer, and steak, and voluptuous newbreast,
25:4 six packs of PBR, Coors, or Budweiser, none thou from Miller, thou foulest of foreign goat urine
25:5 skins of wool or linen decored in thy […]

Sneak Peek: The Prophecy: A Revelation of Lonnie Childs

March 2, 2015 3

(StopMasturbationNow)— Next week the most important piece of literature ever published will be released. “The Prophecy: A Revelation of Lonnie Childs” will be published here free to all subscribers of this netsite. We bring you a sneak preview of a little bit of it.

With the armies of darkness swarming around, Obama and his children hide underground. White Dragons pour out of the seas, Lonnie’s wisdom is there for all to see. Lonnie summons fire from the skies. You can tell […]

Miracle: Lonnie’s Celestial Intervention Prevents Parishioner From Self-Raping!

February 12, 2015 8

A miracle has occurred this week, as Stop Masturbation Now founder and American Hero, Lonnie Childs, has intervened to save the immortal soul of a parishioner known simply as ‘Thomas’. ‘Thomas’ was asleep in bed when a miracle sent by Lonnie Childs awakened him in order to alert ‘Thomas’ to the fact that his hands had found their way beneath the covers. The ruining of ‘Thomas’s’ bed was a small price to pay for being spared from the most selfish […]

Masturbation Danger Zone: Public Transportation

February 11, 2015 7

As Lonnie has proven many times over the years, some places are hot spots for masturbation and masturbation related sinful activities. Today we’re going to look at a “no go” zone in most major cities around the world – public transportation. Be it bus, train, elevated train, subway train or monorail, public transportation is one of the most dangerous things to use if you are fearful of being exposed to masturbators and the diseases they carry.

Just a cursory search on […]

New Female Masturbation Solution

January 30, 2015 20

Brother Lonnie’s Anti-Masturbation Research and Development team has recently completed work on one of their most ambitious projects to date; a contraption that serves as a solution to the female masturbation problem. The new product, dubbed the “Sin Cave Stopper®” by Brother Lonnie, himself, has reached the final testing stages and should be released to the general public shortly.

Lead Engineer on the “Sin Cave Stopper®” project, Raymond P. Ellis, explains the faith technology and how it works, “Project “Lesser Gendered […]

Is the “Halo” gaming franchise promoting Self-Rape?

January 20, 2015 24

A screenshot from the “Halo” gaming franchise. This one comes from “Mass Effect 2”.

Here is what the Liberal lies claim about this “game” on Wikipedia(a known Communist site):
“In the distant past, a powerful race called the Forerunners fought an alien parasite known as the Flood. The Flood, which spread through infestation of sentient life, overran much of the Milky Way Galaxy. One of the races affected was humanity, who came into conflict with the Forerunners. Exhausted by their war […]

New Anti-Masturbation Doll Warns When Masturbators Are Near

January 16, 2015 16

Anti-masturbation advocates received favorable news recently upon the announcement of a new doll that is designed to detect the presence of masturbators. The doll, called “Woody The Warning Worm”, was created by faith engineers to illuminate within 50 feet of a detected masturbator.

Melvin Briggs, one of the many faith scientists who created “Woody” discussed with us how the doll works and the many benefits it brings to responsible parents.

Stop Masturbation Now: Hello, Dr. Briggs. Praise Lonnie! How exactly does the […]

Brother Lonnie Approves New Program For Converted Homogays

December 23, 2014 10

As a former homogay I spend many a restless night thinking back on my past lascivious lifestyle while praying long and hard to fight the temptations to return to the homogay cabal. After fifteen minutes of rest I begin praying long and hard again. As I was gripped in the throes of feverish, sweaty prayer I realized there was a way to fight the urges and test my commitment to Christ and Brother Lonnie’s teachings.

Brother Lonnie in his infinite wisdom […]

I Was Self-Raped

December 21, 2014 49


The sad fact of the matter is, no one asks to be self-raped. You don’t wake up in the morning, and say “Hey, maybe I’ll violate myself today, that’d be great.” Self-rape happens. Here we have the chilling confession of a self-rape survivor, who wished to remain anonymous.

“I was self-raped. I was self-raped, and through Lonnie Child’s Redemption, I was saved, but that’s not what I want to talk about, I want to relate the graphic detail of just how […]

You Are Cordially Invited…

November 22, 2014 23

Paula Austin awaiting her Holy Wedding Day in the Purity Cage.

You are cordially invited, that’s right, the entire Internet is invited, to celebrate the Holy Matrimony of my Brother Myron Danus to his Lonnie-approved, Same Race Assigned Spouse, Paula Austin, on Friday December 12th at 6pm.

The best picture I could find of Myron. Sorry ladies, his Fedora only tips for Paula Austin now.

The wedding ceremony itself will be a private function for family and friends at the B.L.U.F.F. compound […]

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